My journey has been mine, but not alone. It seems four years ago, I was led to a couple of women in the blogosphere who are very strong in their faith and who have acted as role models to me and have helped to deepen my relationship with my creator, the One who knew the plans he had for me before I was even in my mother's womb. It was during this transitional time that I had to examine the contents of my heart and answer some questions I didn't necessarily like the answers to.
Was I a loving wife, and did I respect the man who I call my best friend? Was I a nurturing mother, accepting my children for who they were born to be, instead of desiring in them perfection? Was I a good friend, who no longer played the gossip game and would rather walk away from a situation than cowardly participate by being a passive listener? Did I give enough of myself, my time, or my resources to those less fortunate than me? Was I practicing my faith and teaching my kids the ways of the Lord in our daily living, in addition to church on Sunday?
Truth be told, as much progress as I had made over the last ten years when my husband and I first met, before I was a mother, I knew there was more for me. There was a mind shift that had taken place, my heart was moved and thirsty for the Word. My eyes were open to ways that I could still evolve and be the person I know He intended me to be. So, I stopped. I waited. I read my bible. I prayed. I waited some more and then almost as if a veil had been lifted from my weary eyes--I saw it. Everywhere I turned I saw His beauty in my life. In her sleepy eyes, in her wild, crazy morning hair, in the toothpaste in the sink, the crumbs on the counter, the gaze of his eyes, the messy room, the curl of his hair, in her hip x-rays, and the view from my living room window ...for the first time I saw it all! I don't know how it is that I missed it all this time.
I had been told time and time again, to count my blessings. I had looked at death from a frontt row seat when Mom was sick with cancer; When we experienced a health scare with my son, I wished for it to have happened to me. I reminded myself of this truth when my husband lived up North for six months and was only home on the weekends; Or when he commuted over an hour daily to come home to us every night. I have read about accident after accident; heck, two and a half years ago we even experienced our own--and God gifted me my husband's life. He spared him so that too could continue to be a part of our beautiful story. . .and it has all clicked. The bigger picture is so grand and beautiful and all mine!
Since then, God has led me to resign from teaching after 17 years to be home...full time to live the dream he had hidden deep inside my heart. And His plans have been so much greater than I could have ever imagined. He helped me to pursue my passion of teaching by offering a writing class a couple hours a week to a hand full of students. I've also fully embrace our last daughter at home and homeschool her. To say I'm living my dream is an understatement; however, it has come with the realization that not everyone understands, or approves, and I've had to learn to be okay with that. And for the most part, I am--but it has been a struggle. The people pleaser in me wants people to get it and support my choice. But this is our life and one I believe in deeply with only one chance to live it well.
I was made for more. I intend to make each day extraordinary because I am here to live it. I don't expect that my desire for a clean house or to be caught up on laundry will just go away, but I am commited to living more in the moment and saying yes to the life that surrounds me. I need to appreciate more moments in my day because God has been so good to me. He opened my eyes and revealed himself to me before my kids were all grown and gone. I have so much to be thankful for. So many more memories to make. So much more living to do--in my every day life in my everyday world. Extraordinary!
"Holiness doesn't mean doing extraordinary things, but doing ordinary things with love and faith."--Pope Francis
