Seven

The most beautiful rose given to me by my teenage son.

It has been seven years since I created this space to document the happenings of our life.  It's been over seven months since I have religiously blogged.  So much happens day to day that I've simply forgotten to come back to the place that was to serve as my children's scrapbook. Our published years are so fun to flip through, recounting the many memories we've made. The kids giggle over pictures of themselves and seem fascinated by the itty bitties they once were. There are three teenagers in the house now. Three. Let that sink in for a second. Then of course, the baby. . .who is by no means a baby any more. Our eight-year-old colors our world pretty with pom poms, unicorns, and slime. I really hate the last one. It absolutely blows me away that this is the life I am priviliged to live day in and day out. There are bad days, sad days, fun days, and days I can't even stay awake later than the teenagers, but they are beautiful days nonetheless. Beautiful simply because they are mine.

It boggles my mind that my presence is simply enough to validate my life. I came late to the stay at home mom role. When Lene mentions me working during her elementary years it pains me just a little bit. At that point I had cut my time in half, but I was still missed at some class parties and volunteering in the classroom. The thing is, I totally get it. I remember feeling that same way when it seemed everyone else's mom helped in the classroom BUT mine. I always wanted what I coudn't have and although my grandparents were great substitutes, it never was the same. Some things will never change, I guess.

For four years I've had the privilige of being home with my kids. The older they've gotten, the harder it seems to get. There are three school drop offs, all at different times. The three pick ups get complicated by the sports each of the three plays depending on the season. After school games and homework followed by a family meal across a dinner table makes for a busy, full life. But still, sometimes, my mind goes to that place of not being enough, not contributing enough, not doing enough with the education I received. Sometimes I look at my two Master's Degrees and wonder if they were a waste. Will I ever use them? Will I even be current when the time comes?  I simply have no idea.

I've been on both sides of the spectrum, and to be frank, each offered valuable gifts that I treasure. As a working mother, I impacted countless lives, I socialized with colleagues, I was in constant motion to continue to learn and grow. On the other hand, as a Mom who is home, I impact the lives in which I was called to be a mother, I socialize with other moms at pick up and at church, and I run a very part time business from home where I educate a handful of kids and work with their parents to help them flourish.   Both sides are debateable as to which is more important. Dare I say, both sides are debateable as to which is most valuable. It's time to let the debate die, people.

If I am equally fulfilled being home with my kids as I am working full time as an educator, then so be it. It's my life to live my truth, and it's okay if we see things differently. We were not made to agree on everything; we were made to be kind. Next time you're having a hot debate regarding working moms and stay at home moms, ask yourself if what you are going to say really needs to be said. If it has been said before, save it. Everyone wants their voices heard, but we all have our own stories to tell. Tell yours proudly and with love. Stay home if you want. Work if you want. Or don't. Your story. You write it.