Easter 2023

He is risen! Stay risen!

It's in the darkest hour when your thoughts catch up with you. I've been awake since three am. I didn't even try to go back to sleep. Instead, I've been reading these snippets of a life that seems forever ago. I hope one day these blog posts serve as a reminder to my kids of the good life we have been fortunate enough to live.  Maybe it is in this season of mourning that these memories are especially comforting. They remind me,  that was before. This is now.

We just celebrated our first Easter without my mom and brother. To be honest, we have not typically celebrated Easter together since my parent's divorce five years ago so it didn't feel  that  different. I remember the first Easter after they separated and knew being together would be too hard for us, so we began to visit and stay with E's family out of state. It was the one holiday, I told my Mom we had to have with his family. She understood. This year we actually were on a camp trip to wind down multiple conflicting spring breaks. It was good for my senses to be out in nature. I love the beach. My brother loved the beach too. My mom, not so much. . .but she was a good sport about it. The sunrises and sunsets were painted masterpieces across the sky that I needed to see: God's glory in full effect during Holy Week.

We went to church later than usual. We ate dinner with my Dad and Anthony, texted with our oldest and his wife. Lene and I visited Uncle Craig because I know my Mom would have. I missed seeing all the cousins together, but I was right where I needed to be. I'm in a season that needs to figure out what I need. I am missing the people who I shared the most life with. I am giving myself permission to be where I need to be. I am giving myself permission to be who I need to be. I am asking questions that need to be asked as I'm on the rounding up to fifty spectrum. We are making plans just in case, because. . .we've experienced tragedy and then tragedy again. We can never be too prepared.

It's four am. I go to the gym at 5:30. I work at 7:45. In this quiet moment, thoughts of my past bring me comfort and joy. Grief is lonely, even when you are blessed with the most incredible friends, you feel alone in your struggles. Grief and joy, such conflicting emotions as a son readies to turn 18 and graduate. Life keeps moving forward. Ready or not. What is it I want most? Where do I want to go? How do I want to live? These are the questions my three am brain yearns to answer. This post is all over the place. . .kind of like my sleepy three am brain, I guess.

Easter 2023

Uncle Craig: Easter 2023

Spring Break 2015

How we've gotten to Summer without me posting about our Spring Break is beyond me!  Stranger things have happened, but geeze, where did the time go?  This Spring Break found us needing a get away.  There was a lot going on and we were just tired.  We needed to be refreshed and we needed time to just be. Anthony stayed with his dad for a couple days so we booked a hotel on the bay and headed out to the Newport beach. It was the kind of vacation that is imprinted on my heart forever.

 One of our nights there, the big kids: Little and Kendra came down to show us his new truck.  They stayed for dinner right on the water.  The food was just okay but the company was terrific!

We came home Easter Sunday, but not before attending mass at a neighboring church.  The service was great and the kids liked the donut option before mass started.

 Our view from the balcony

 We decided on A Thousand Steps beaches because I remembered it from my college days.  Let me tell you, it did not disappoint.  Look at that!  God's beauty at its finest right there!

 I love everything about our pictures at sunset.  When I was in college, I would drive to the beach just to watch the sun set so watching it set with my kids dancing and playing in the fore front?  A small preview of heaven.

 Walking the pier and someone got tired.

 I think I might get these blown up on a canvas.  I love them THAT much!  This particular picture reminds me to pause and take it all in: the beauty and the chaos and to count it all as joy!

 Big. Medium. Little.

 Good Friday quiet time in the hotel room.  Tradition.

 The ferry.

After our quiet time, on Good Friday, we began walking to Joe's Crab Shack for Dinner since it was Friday and all.  As we were walking, I believe Lene directed us all to look in the sky.  There was an inverted rainbow clear as day.  The kids were super excited that God chose that moment, hours after his death to remind us about His promise.  My mama heart was so full it could have burst!

Spring Break Part Two

Hard to believe that Spring Break is over and done with already!  I can honestly say this was probably the best Spring Break yet!  For being a staycation, it was jam packed with a great combination of play and rest! In addition to our girl's mani/pedi day and arboretum, the big littles visited grandma and grandpa one day to watch a movie, so Nessa and I baked cookies in our time alone.

She's almost a pro.  She likes to do everything on her own.  Everything.

That same night I sneaked away for a bible making session with my book club.  Awhile back I had made a Child Training bible that everyone loved but they knew they wouldn't make their own unless we carved out some time for it, which is exactly what we did.  It was a fun, but focused night together.

Thursday morning I surprised the kids with a trip to the canyon to horse back ride.  As of yet, this is something only Anjalene enjoys, but I thought it was the perfect time for Bubba to try it out too.  He loved it!

It was a gorgeous day to be out and it was so much fun to listen to them go on and on and on the car ride home!  That day continued with a spontaneous park day with some of our book club peeps.  I think at one point there were twenty-one kids.  And in the four hours we were there, no one tattled on anyone else the entire time. Victory!

Friday was the perfect kind of adventure that could only be orchestrated with my dearest BFF in the world. She showed up with Starbucks iced teas in hand and we were off on our last day trip of the week.  We headed to San Juan Capistrano Mission.  Such a rich history.  So much more fun with our families together!

We explored, listened to audio about all the different spots and then walked downtown for lunch.  The weather was a little on the cool side but perfectly pleasant to be out and about.  Towards the end of our time there, Nessa got a little attitude and all she wanted was a carrot, which she may have repeated about fifty times! So frustrating, that girl is sometimes!  She must be four or something!

The kids were dying to go to the beach but us moms weren't dying to take them.  We were cold.  Imagine them in their swimsuits splashing around in that freezing water?  We were too close not to set foot on the beautiful sand so we proceeded to San Onofre beach--pulled right up to the water practically and the kids frolicked in the waves. . .in their clothes.  Except for miss Nessa Bessa who proceeded to climb in the car and change once her jeans were wet.  She does not like wet clothes at all!

They had such a great time! I had such a great time watching! They changed into their bathing suits for the ride home--so what if we did it all backwards?  That was all part of the fun! They didn't even complain the entire Friday drive home--which meant a lot of traffic, but I would do it again in a heartbeat because the minute we got home, Lene hugged me and said, "I had the best time! Thanks Mom!" That right there is what it's all about, stepping out of your comfort zone and making memories.  I can not wait for our beach trips this summer.  I say I'm ready for weekly!

I think the best part of this trip was watching our ten year olds together.  Lene and Lo are a day apart and have been destined to be friends like their mamas.  In the fifth grade vernacular, BFF gets thrown around rather loosely.  One week it's with this person, the next it's with that one.  And sometimes it's hurtful that friendships can seemingly change in the blink of an eye.  So it's important that we  both stress to our girls the importance of longevity and investing in years of friendship before anyone earns that title.  They see us and know it's the real deal.  Real friends really do become family. The idea that they knew each other before they were even born is something only the two of them share and it is neat to watch it develop.  As many friends as they have at school, there's just something special about that friend that you consider family.

No one could really narrow down their favorite part about this Spring Break.  Neither could I.  That's what I call successful!

Restore & Refresh

In addition to putting down my iphone and staying away from Instagram, I also signed myself up for an online workshop during the Lenten season.  "Restore Workshop is a six week online course geared towards adult women who have struggled or are struggling with or want to avoid burnout. It is for any woman who wants to nurture joy within her life and the lives of those around her."  For some odd reason, after a year of book club, and four years of leading a Good Morning Girls group, teaching part time, and mothering around the clock on top of being a God-loving wife. . .I found myself on the brink of burn out.  I was doing, but without the passion and drive that had once fueled me.  My tank was empty and I felt ready to crash and burn.  Unfortunately, those who would suffer most would be my family.

Thank God, I recognized the road I was headed down.  I knew I was distracted.  I knew I was tired of leading.  I knew I was comparing and I also knew that comparison was the thief of joy.  I completed my last session of Good Morning Girls and am on an official hiatus.  Letting go of that responsibility alone made me look forward to my morning quiet  time where I could now FOCUS on the workshop and its daily reflections that were beginning to restore my enthusiasm for my role as wife, mom, and daughter of the King. All the things I was doing in His name,  meant nothing if my heart wasn't in it and I wasn't seeking Him first in my own daily relationship.  Doing something out of habit without the heart, wasn't filling up my tank. Lesson learned. But I will probably need a reminder down the road. Just keeping it real!

Spring break came along at just the right moment and Sunday we spent some family time outside bike riding. I am realizing that I need to keep stepping out of my comfort zones when it comes to fully doing life with my kids.  Dad is the active one, the adventurer, the explorer. . .and some of their best memories I'm not a part of because I've stayed behind or opted to grocery shop or clean.  Really?!!!! These kids are growing up right before my eyes and I better ride bikes with them while they still want me to! So what if the hills around the lake make me nervous!  Get over it, J!

Monday, we had a friend over and the girls got away for some girl time.  Usually Lene Bean is treated to a mani/pedi at her birthday only--it's a ritual my aunt started with her when she was about five.  But Little's girlfriend had offered to take her. . .and she really wanted to go, so I jumped right in and said we would all meet her there.  Even Nessa had her nails painted and adorned with polka-dots. Sometimes it's a nice surprise to do the thing you don't usually splurge on!

Lunch concluded our girl time out together.  The rest of the afternoon was spent with the kids singing, dancing, collecting worms, playing house, playing tennis, and just a jovial time of kids being kids!

Today I knew I wanted to cease another free day, but what to do, what to do?  Val's sister-in-law recommended the arboretum.  I can't even remember the last time I was there, so off we went.

Ten kids and SO much to see. . .it felt refreshing and rejuvenating to be outside enjoying God's beautiful earth.  I loved watching the kids explore. I loved exploring beside them: turtles, waterfalls, peacocks, the scent of orange blossoms. . .add someone else's kid sinking in the mud into the mix and you have the complete trip!  It's not an adventure unless something unexpected takes place!

Sometimes some cousin time is just what the doctor ordered!  Add to that the realization that true friends really do become family: love and friendship are blessings we should not take for granted.  I love that this bench shot serves as that reminder.

I'm always taking the pictures, but today I wanted to reflect and remember this day trip that refreshed my soul.  I felt so happy to be with my kiddos today. 

After, we went out to eat and then headed home to tell daddy all about our adventures. While Lene worked on some research for a school project, Nessa requested some homework so we did a little shared writing activity.  I think we make a great team!

And as if the day could have been any better. . .my biggest littles began writing stories about a concept that they had discussed with their grandpa over a month ago: Mrs. Pimplebottom.  It was awesome to see them working side by side, totally engaged in the adventures they were creating.  Neither wanted to go to bed--they were THAT into their stories.

I have come to expect this creativity from Anjalene. . .but Bubba?  Tonight was new for him. He may have lifted a few ideas from listening to his sister's read aloud to me, but all in all, he was really into it and excited about his creation. I love their imaginations! 

Tonight's takeaway:  We all have stories to tell.  Just as we all have a life to live.  It can only  be our best life if we avoid comparisons with others and try to stay true to who God is calling us to be.  I love that when I stop listening to outside influences and the goings on of others, I feel most able to hear God's voice in my own life.  Let's just say, I've been hearing a lot lately. . .but I'll save that for another post. Two days into Spring Break and my soul is definitely being restored!