Dream Chasers

This week we were visited by someone who has grown to be like family, but who is off and running to chase her dream of becoming a big time model on the other side of the world.  I'm not sure what equates making it big for her. . .I'm not sure she knows.  But I do know that there is a dream alive in her heart and she is chasing it wildly and with great abandon.  Some people are better dream chasers than others. Some people are willing to give up something or someone to chase the dream.  And I've come to the conclusion that it's no one's call except for the chaser.  So instead of questioning with judgement, I leaned in to inquire with compassion.  I think that made all the difference.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.

Dreams are meant to be chased as long as they are alive and well-- living in your heart.  All of our dreams can look different from each others,  but they exist.  I have to respect the dreams of others.  I can't be mad or sad that the dream they have for themselves is different from the dream I have for them.  What does this fury feed?  Discontentment and anger that is displaced.  It's not about me. It's not even about how their dream effects me and my life.  It's all about a healthy mutual respect to let people dream big and chase that dream.

This week my kids were so incredibly happy.  We were too.  Our dream chaser was in town and it felt good to be together and do life.

Dreams Delayed and Revised

Last night, E and I tried to have a little date night in the backyard under the twinkle lights with some take out Thai food.  It had been a day of doing all things I do together, as he hadn't gone to work.  I teased him that he should have checked the calendar for a day I needed him more, but kidding aside it was nice to just be together.  The three of us: Janessa, he, and I.  Which is kind of how our date turned out too, but that's okay. The intention was there.

In between Janessa's antics and eating from our plates (even though she had already eaten) we talked about all kinds of things pertaining to our life.  We talked about a bathroom remodel, jacuzzi tub, and homeschooling my sidekick.  At some point in the conversation, entangled in little arms, wet kisses, and proclamations of love, I couldn't help but exclaim, "And to think I almost didn't have this opportunity. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Three kids into the marriage, a dream was born into my heart.  I had a deep desire to be with my kids.  I loved what I did with my high schoolers, but I wanted to be the first face my kids saw after school.  For one full year, I talked to anyone who would listen: principal, vice principal, Human Resources. . .EVERYONE! And my days were filled with some false promises until the day before the last day of school, when the reality was revealed: there were only full time positions at the high school.  That night I cried with the realization that as much as I was trying to tune into God's calling on my life. . .maybe this high school teaching thing was it.  I mean: obviously!  He wasn't opening any doors. . .and so I surrendered and tried to do so with a somewhat happy heart.

Low and behold, an opportunity presented itself to move to the junior high and work a three hour day teaching a subject I loved: English.  And I went.  I praised God for this gift and I made it home every single day to pick up my daughter from kindergarten.  I was the first face she saw.  My dream had come true! And for a time, two years to be exact, that dream was enough.  But then.  Until I had Janessa and my world shifted again and a new dream grew inside my heart. . .which led to a one day a week work schedule for the next two years.  But last night's uttering, "And to think I almost didn't have this opportunity. . ." awakened a fierce gratefulness inside me.  I am here. I am living my dream.  I am ministering to the hearts of my children and it is such an incredibly blessed opportunity I have been gifted.

Thankful, the Lord had my plans written all along.  Janessa  was an afterthought for us, but God knew.  He knew the shift she would bring to our lives.  He knew the lives she would change.  He knew she would be the one who would bring me closer to Him as I drew to Him for direction, wisdom, patience. . .pretty much for everything as I said good-bye to a profession that had always defined me prior, and honed in on my home and family for the long haul.  To think, I didn't have these daily opportunities for the first three kids, but I'm grateful that the dream wasn't born yet and  He answered the dream I had then: to work part time.  God is so good.  It took a few years but we are here. We have arrived and I'm living my dream!

On Days of Dreams

I had been tossing the idea around in my head to write daily for the month of October.  There were many reasons: it's my birthday month, I love October, and there's a series going on at a blog I visit from time to time.  The goal is to write daily.  Since this is the encouragement I've been giving my writing students, I thought maybe I would commit to doing the same. But me and commitment kind of broke up this year.  Back when I resigned, I made a decision in my head to step back from all my commitments and choose only a couple to focus on.  In the extra activities added to my plate, I was losing a firm grasp on the ones that mattered most: my family.  At the end of the day I was so depleted, I was rushing through bedtime rituals to the sanctuary that is my bedroom.

So I did the thing that had to be done.  Broke up with weekly book club at my house, PTA extra commitments, and all things that were weighing me down.  Even with less, add another kids to the mix and there is definitely more.  So, there comes the dilemma with a daily writing commitment.  I want to say I will do it, but I want the freedom to not do it if life gets in the way.  Me and my goals are kind of wacky like that. I have a difficult time not doing something I say I'm going to do.  End of story.

I'll never forget the first principal who I worked for as a teacher.  We had a little discussion one day before I went off to a job interview at the local academy.  I had only been teaching, maybe two years but my eye was on the counselor job already.  If I didn't rush my plan into action, I felt like I was letting myself down.  She told me something along the lines that, "there are a lot of different paths to get to your goal."  It was just the combination of words that gave myself permission to press pause and enjoy my teaching life just as it was. I've never regretted that decision.  I do believe that was God's plan for my life, to bump me around at all three levels and gain experience while always allowing me the luxury to spend more time at home with the ones who mattered most to me.

Dreams.  They change.  They are different for everybody.  They belong to you.


 "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

James Dean