Last year, we had something going on so I didn't make it. No big deal. Really. This weekend however, after being home with the kids for the past three weeks, while daddy worked out of town, I needed a reprieve. One of my dearest friends was going to join in the reminiscing for the first time, which meant an even bigger reason to participate.
The girls above, represent a small snapshot of my four years of college. When one asked, how I knew the group. . .another answered I was an honorary member of their sorority. It made me smile. I wasn't an athlete; I wasn't a sorority girl; I wasn't what I would consider well-known. But, I was well liked by those I did happen to meet.
I will wear that badge proudly. Now if only, they could all forget about the basketball player I dated for a really long time...
Speaking of basketball players, two of his very best friends were there. While talking to one of them about our kids he spoke some truth into me that I would have never considered on my own. As I told him about my oldest daughter and we compared notes on personality traits of our kids, I couldn't take credit for her larger than life personality, her tenacity her fearlessness, her strong will and spirited self. "That is so not me," I uttered, shaking my head in disbelief.
And that's when he spoke to me and made me consider a side of myself that I don't give enough credit to. Truth be told, a part I had never even considered. "What do you mean, she's nothing like you? That sounds JUST like you," he laughed. I looked at him in confusion so he went on to explain something to the effect. . .You hung out with us. Girl, we were no joke. You could handle us, our humor, our big personalities, our drama. You were in it. You didn't give up...not on him, not on us. You were there for us, even when we might not of deserved it. We weren't always easy to get along with, but you persisted. We didn't always make sense, but you could look past that. Your strong will meant you never gave up and even when you were hurt in the process you stuck around.
What I have perceived for many years as my own lack of strength to get out sooner, was seen to some of those guys in that apartment as a gift. I valued them. . .flaws and all. I made them feel like they were worth something. And partly I did stick around as long as I did because I really thought I could fix the gaping holes in their lives. Often times I know I saw more of their worth than they did. . .and at the end of the day, we had our own little G-9 family. I was a part of something that meant something even though it never went past that. Part of why I never wanted to revisit the past is because I felt like I let the guys down when I broke up with their buddy. All these years later, we are all who we are because of those experiences and happily, there is no love lost because me because things didn't work out.
There's a reason I was meant to hear those words said by that guy this weekend. I can look at my daughter a little differently now. I can see glimpses of me mixed up in that beautiful face of hers. I can see moments of victory and sweet success as I persevered and held my own during some long, sometimes hard, college years. I can acknowledge those years and those memories for what they were and instead of blaming myself for hanging on to nothing, I can bravely and boldly admire that I saw something in someone(s) who were worthwhile--only they didn't know it quite yet. I was just as much a part of them becoming as they were a part of me. . .becoming who I was intended to be.
Today, I thank God she got some of it from me and I'm excited to see what big, bold plans God has laid out for her. Beautiful blessing, these words said by an old friend...
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