Death's Door

I remember one particularly trying year, hearing something about things coming in threes.  It was a season where funerals were one after another.  That was a long time ago, but recently three women I know of have succumbed to some kind of cancer or complications from the devastating disease.  Two of these younger than me.  Talk about pausing you in your tracks; taking stock of your life; and just plain questioning why bad things happen to good people!  It hurts my heart that each woman has left behind two kids.  Young kids.  Some of whom aren't even old enough to talk.  That breaks my heart because every child should know their mama's love. It should be tangible.  It should be readily available.  It should be on earth until they are old enough to know how to grieve, shouldn't it?

Exhale.  Recently my little health scare was enough to shake me up to really take stock of this life that I am blessed to be living.  I'm a bit of a pessimist, I must admit because in my head I thought to myself, why not me?  I've been privileged enough to live the life of my dreams, married to my best friend, with kids who are just amazing. . .so maybe my time here will be brief.  God has given me the best, spared my mom, and I will be the one we say good bye to early.  Not exactly joyful thoughts one should spend time dwelling on, so luckily I've moved on to more positive ones and counting my joys.  Thirty-three a day to be exact, which means by the end of this month, I will have a thousand.  A thousand gifts to reflect on His goodness in my life.  A thousand gifts to symbolize so much ordinary activity that is extraordinary only because of the way I choose to live it.

And that right there is what living is all about.  We all are living to die. And in dying because we believe, we know the story doesn't end in our death.  We believe in life after death with our Father who loves us most BUT it's how we live in the meantime that matters most.  It's the choices for how to live we make today that influence our tomorrows.  And while life here on earth with our families is what matters most, we sure don't always show it in our actions or through our words.  Let me say it again, how we live today is a choice that influences our tomorrows.  We don't want to live in regret, having wasted too long carrying burdens that weighted us down. We don't want to live with  anxiety breathing down our necks, or fear clouding our views.  We want to live today, while we still  have the chance.

Run if you can, don't just walk.  Feel the wind through your hair, the sun kissing your skin.  Breathe in deep gulps of gratitude, fresh, crisp November air because your lungs work, and it's lung cancer awareness month-and Jennifer can't anymore.  Notice the rise and fall of your chest.  The natural rhythm of what He created.  Stretch arms and eyes wide to the sky, paying attention to the leaves of trees changing colors in that moment.  When your little one talks, get down to their level, look deeply into their eyes so you can really get to see their heart.  Hug longer.  Linger over the ordinary moments and make them extraordinary--whatever that means to you because life is fragile.  And this is the only one you're given here on this earth, so live it.  Run the race of each day strong and finish well because only God knows when your race is over.  So, better to be ready, to love well  and well lived.  The choice is yours.