Sometimes I think if I don't write it, it's not really happening. That would be the case when it involves the way our life has become somewhat complicated. After trudging through the summer months, we seem to have finally reached our stride when it comes to the Fall, school, and four schedules. Except for visitations, there is no rhyme or reason and it is frustrating to say the least.
I try to stay positive. I try to behave myself when the arrival is unannounced or an hour and a half late. . .but the struggle is real. It is hard to remember this man is mentally not well although his physical appearance tries to tell me otherwise. To say the past half year--YES, it has been six months in this limbo--has been difficult is an understatement. But yet, here we are. We are all still standing, and probably better for it--all of us. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
Yet, something has to change. Some big decisions have to be made. We can't continue the way we've been going without reigning in some of the freedoms and establishing clearer boundaries. Without said boundaries, chaos ensues and there isn't time for that. A has lived in the chaos long enough, and the rest of us don't thrive under those conditions, so hard conversations have to be had and definite, deliberate steps need to be taken to ensure the promise of a safe, comfortable life. It's a life all kids deserve, but not all kids have the chance at.
I spoke to a CPS worker yesterday, unsure of what reaching out and asking hard questions might mean for the security of A. But, Ernie and I recognize a need to move forward because things will not improve. Health will continue to decline. We already see it. And if left to his own devices, we might all be left in a lurch. So, I tentatively placed a call and was shocked to find out the reason we can't find A in a system is because there is no paper trail on him. No case worker to check in on his life, his whereabouts, his happenings. Because he has a guardian, the buck stops there. And now that his guardian isn't in a position to care give, it's up to us to bring it to their attention and move forward.
The woman I spoke with said how fortunate he is to have us. There are so many incidents where grandparents, who have been the care givers literally drop kids off because they are no longer capable of taking care of them. These kids have very little chance at a forever family due to their age and they are forced to live in a group home. I never really thought about what would happen to him if it weren't for us. We said yes to ease his dad's burden. We said yes because we really thought it was short term. We said yes because it was the right thing to do. It still is.
But, it hasn't been without its problems. And it hasn't been without its joys. And therein lies the beauty of what it means to be His hands and feet. We remark that we didn't realize how simple our life was before May. But we also realize that as much as we have to offer A. He offers us and the kids another vantage point. And together we're writing an alternate version to this chapter of our lives. It's what we do. It's who we are. It's our new normal. And if you ask me on a good day, I will smile. If it's a bad one, I will sigh. But I'll get up the next day and try to do it better than the day before.
Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.--Isiah 1:17
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