Blended

Sometimes I think if I don't write it, it's not really happening.  That would be the case when it involves the way our  life has become somewhat complicated.  After trudging through the summer months, we seem to have finally reached our stride when it comes to the Fall, school, and four schedules. Except for visitations, there is no rhyme or reason and it is frustrating to say the least.

I try to stay positive.  I try to behave myself when the arrival is unannounced or an hour and a half late. . .but the struggle is real.  It is hard to remember this man is mentally not well although his physical appearance tries to tell me otherwise.  To say the past half year--YES, it has been six months in this limbo--has been difficult is an understatement.  But yet, here we are.  We are all still standing, and probably better for it--all of us.  At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Yet, something has to change.  Some big decisions have to be made.  We can't continue the way we've been going without reigning in some of the freedoms and establishing clearer boundaries.  Without said boundaries, chaos ensues and there isn't time for that.  A has lived in the chaos long enough, and the rest of us don't thrive under those conditions, so hard conversations have to be had and definite, deliberate steps need to be taken to ensure the promise of a safe, comfortable life.  It's a life all kids deserve, but not all kids have the chance at.

I spoke to a CPS worker yesterday, unsure of what reaching out and asking hard questions might mean for the security of A.  But, Ernie and I recognize a need to move forward because things will not improve.   Health will continue to decline.  We already see it.  And if left to his own devices, we might all be left in a lurch.  So, I tentatively placed a call and was shocked to find out the reason we can't find A in a system is because there is no paper trail on him.  No case worker to check in on his life, his whereabouts, his happenings.  Because he has a guardian, the buck stops there.  And now that his guardian isn't in a position to care give, it's up to us to bring it to their attention and move forward.

The woman I spoke with said how fortunate he is to have us.  There are so many incidents where grandparents, who have been the care givers literally drop kids off because they are no longer capable of taking care of them.  These kids have very little chance at a forever family due to their age and they are forced to live in a group home.  I never really thought about what would happen to him if it weren't for us. We said yes to ease his dad's burden.  We said yes because we really thought it was short term.  We said yes because it was the right thing to do.  It still is.

But, it hasn't been without its problems.  And it hasn't been without its joys.  And therein lies the beauty of what it means to be His hands and feet.  We remark that we didn't realize how simple our life was before May.  But we also realize that as much as we have to offer A.  He offers us and the kids another vantage point.   And together we're writing an alternate version to this chapter of our lives.  It's what we do.  It's who we are.  It's our new normal.  And if you ask me on a good day, I will smile.  If it's a bad one, I will sigh. But I'll get up the next day and try to do it better than the day before.

Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.--Isiah 1:17

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’--Matthew 25:40

Happiness is in the Horses

Ever since I introduced Lene to our former janitor, Mr. John she had been dying to go to his house and meet his horses.  For over a year she would bring it up every time she saw him helping around the campus of her school.  And then the birthday dilemma happened.  ALL she wanted was to horseback ride and wouldn't you know the stables near us had no riding going on her birthday week!  What would I do?  Get creative, of course!

I picked up the phone to call Mr. John and his wife Gayle.  Did I mention that Gayle, was Little's teacher in first and second grade?  She was.  Amd yes, it has been a long time.  Reconnecting with Gayle was great we talked on the phone for an hour and she came up with a fun plan..  Since I had worked with her youngest daughter several years ago, why not surprise her with a reunion.  It was so thoughtful of her to do--a birthday ride for my birthday girl and a dinner to follow full of good conversation and fun times!

We didn't tell Lene where we were going, and she was SO surprised--it was such fun!  At first she was a little nervous to ride.  Truth be told, these horses looked big compared to some of the ones she had ridden before.  One was even a thoroughbred.  He was massive!  Eventually she conjured up her courage and she was off.  I am so happy her dream of riding on her birthday was fulfilled.  It couldn't have been more special or private or entertaining if I had tried to plan it as such!

Ernie is such a good daddy, he didn't mind that we were actually celebrating Lene's birthday on his special day.  Daddies like that are pretty fantastic in my eyes!  We ate, chatted, and sang Happy Birthday at the end of the festivities.  It was super fun.

Even this guy showed up after his long drive home from work.  I think he made his former teacher's night...seeing that it had been quite a little while and all.  I feel blessed to have reconnected with them and to have them back in my life.  All it took was a phone call and it is as if no time has passed at all. I'm even hoping to re-join the book club I had been a part of once upon a time ago before Ernie's work schedule completely interfered.  Happy day for my birthday loves.  That is what matters most!

December 10, 2012

Dear Little,

Happy nineteenth birthday!  What an amazing young man you have become! I teared up when I was talking to your mom about how much I appreciated your help when your dad was in the hospital.  You seemed so grown, so confident, so strong. . .all three traits I needed because there was a lot to do while he was away.  The biggest blessing was you sitting through surgery with me, and texting me before we would leave early in the mornings.  Whatever was needed, you made yourself available to help.

I know we haven't always been the best blended family we could be. . .but once we figured things out and really worked together--the results are astounding.  You are here--cherished son, brother, and friend. You've become such a hard worker and in my opinion,  a carbon copy of the best parts of both your dads.  You, young man are quite amazing!

Looking through your mom's scrapbook of the first two years of your life today--I was overcome by such pride for who you have turned out to be despite the mistakes all of us have made along the way.  You were born to teen parents who did their best together to parent you and to provide for you--while the marriage may not have lasted--their love for you was always enough.  It's a beautiful day to be able to gather together to celebrate you and the life you are living and finding your way through. 

I love the way you and your dad are friends.  I love listening to you guys talk about manly, work, guy stuff.  I love the way you tease me about putting Coco in the crate.  I love that we can tease you about a gift from Tilly's. I love that Leah likes to come over and we have our own little Christmas traditions. I love the way you wrestle and play with Jonathan but you will still hold Janessa and hug Anjalene.  Those kids look up to you.  When you aren't here, they ask for you.  When you are here, they can't get enough of you. . .and I hope you always  keep in mind they look up to you.  My wish for you is that one day you will be as close to them as I am to my little brother.  You lead and they follow willingly because we are a family.

I love that we've all become this one big happy brood over the course of a long time.  We all genuinely like each other and can all agree that the young man you have become fills us with happiness and pride!  You are a man now who grew up with two sets of parents.  Somehow, someway, you embraced this village that we make up and you've taken the best from all of us and become who God has intended you to be. 

Follow your dreams, wherever they may lead.  Love God.  Seek Him in your decisions and don't be afraid to take risks.  He is right there beside you every step of the way. We love you.  We wish you happiness, joy and love in this upcoming year.  I am so proud of who you are becoming. 

Happy Birthday!
May Blessings Abound!
I love You,

Mom #2

P.S.  I wasn't going to come to the party today because of my swollen face and tooth. . .but the bottom line?  Your family--all those people who gathered because they love you--have become my family too.  Self-consciousness couldn't keep me away from celebrating you; however, the pictures we took?  Those don't need to be posted anywhere but in our memories: )  xoxoxo