A Plan Seven Years in the Making

Time keeps right on flying by.  The last week of summer vacation is upon us.  I have no idea how it snuck up on us in this way!  While our summer did not look anything like we had planned, because we trusted God and were obedient and patient in a seven year wait. . .God brought us to what I like to think of as our "Forever Home."

The story is simple.  When I was pregnant with Janessa seven years ago, we began looking for a larger house.  My request was simple.  It had to have more than we currently have but not so much that it would feel enormous when my babies flew the nest.  Ernie and I composed a list.  A very thorough, specific list that would serve as our guide over the next seven years.  We immediately found and fell in love with  a brick house in an area north of us.  We put our house on the market in an attempt to purchase it contingent on us selling our home.  Unfortunately, they wanted no contingencies.  We were out of the running.

Hear me when I say, I feel like God was growing our contentment in ALL circumstances.  I truly believe, it's because we didn't get the house that I was able to work sixty percent, then only twenty percent, and now only one day a week from home.  Our little house on the corner of our world was enough.  Our small house, grew a tight family.  Our home hosted many gatherings that were overflowing with life and love.  The size did not matter.

However, over the seven years period of time, we would eventually fall out of escrow once; not stand a chance in another; and generally feel a little apprehensive as to why nothing worked out. It was three years ago when we took guardianship of our 12 year old brother in law that I began to sense maybe we really would outgrow this home.  His limbs were longer, friends bigger.  I began to wonder how we could host teenagers without being relegated to only the upstairs.  While I pondered, I didn't worry.  The house's location allowed me to hear my son on the PA for Thursdays announcements.  I was able to wave from the window as my kindergartener walked to the library on Friday.  High school was a mere seven minute walk away.  It was all good (for the most part).

And then, while on the first week of summer vacation--away at a beach house in Pismo, we got the text that set a chain of events in action that my mind is still reeling over.  Were we interested in the original home we had looked at seven years ago? Say what?  Um, yeah!!!  But how is this even possible and let's not get our hopes up because look at all that has happened before.  God obviously has wanted us to stay put.  Now could be the same thing. . .So, apparently when my aunt passed away a few months ago, we went to my cousin's after the funeral.  Low and behold it was right across the street from the house we had wanted. I said, "Oh, we could have been neighbors!!!  We loved that house but didn't get it."


Months later that same cousin would be talking to our mutual cousin, our realtor. She mentions the neighbors are moving out of the house Janene and Ernie loved.  Our realtor rushes over to talk to the owner to try and orchestrate something before it's put on the market.  She asks for us to be given a chance.  The owner agrees and shows us the house as soon as we are home from vacation.  Father's Day we see it, we offer what they are asking contingent on the appraisal and we are in escrow...on a Sunday.  On Father's Day, Ernie's first home purchase.  It was glorious really!  It was a whirlwind thirty-two days.  There was purging and packing that needed to be done.  There were good byes that needed to be said.  There were God's perfect plans unfolding.  7 years we waited for this house. 7 years.  There is so much significance to the number seven.  The number seven is the foundation of God's word. 

It doesn't matter how many times I tell this story, or write it.  My mind is blown Every.  Single.  Time.  God's ways are so perfect.  I believe this house was always His plan for us, hence why we were so drawn to it.  Over the years, I can't tell you the number of times we drove by thinking. . .this was the one that got away, yet being content to stay where God put us.  Our neighborhood became our mission field.  We loved it.  We still do.  So much in fact we are going to have to let it go.  Selling it is the best option simply because we love it so much, we would love to get a family in there who will love it in much the same way.

I thought moving would be incredibly emotional for me.  Surprisingly, it's not.  Home is where my people are.  They are all here with me, so I'm home. I'm happy.  I'm content. I'm grateful to God for orchestrating this house buying experience.  Truly He is the author of our story and we feel blessed to be a part.

Letter to my Littles: Purpose

My Dearest Littles,

In my early years, life was all about goals and my future.  I was smart, determined to do well, and true to form today, a total rule follower.  God eventually put me and dad in the same path and almost instantly I knew it would be me and him forever.  The phrase, "you will know when you know. . ." took on a whole new meaning when we met.  He wasn't my ideal mate: he had been married before, had a son, and college wasn't on his radar. But somehow those differences brought us even closer together.  Because of his past, he would be in this relationship for the long haul.  I never doubted that.  Still don't.  To be able to trust someone so completely is a gift I treasure. To not have baggage or a crazy history of on again, off again, or cheating was rare considering the relationship I came from.  But here we are, more together today, fifteen years later if that's even possible. We just complement each other.  Always have.  Always will.. . .because we've made a choice to cherish our wedding vows.  We believe in the covenant we made before God, our family, and friends. There is no other option ever than to work it out.  On this we full heartedly agree.

And then I became a mother and my whole world changed.  It exploded in even brighter colors, if that was even be possible!  All those dreams of moving up the ladder in my career, with my two Master's degrees all but evaporated into thin air, the moment I saw Lene Bean's face.  And today I recognize that I may have squandered some minutes, which turned into hours, which turned into days, which may have even turned into months. . .but I found my true purpose in this lifetime: raising you.  Everything that I had accomplished up to this point was note worthy, but my real fulfillment would be in raising you.

We had to determine that you would know our God.  We made a conscious decision to take you to church even though those days were tough and we would leave weary, but yet we kept going.  We still do. Because we realized:
4Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
         So are the children of one’s youth.

5How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
         They will not be ashamed
         When they speak with their enemies in the gate.--Psalm 127:4

Unbeknownst to us, our arrows would be many:  Little, Lene, Jonathan, Janessa, and eventually Anthony.  Our job? Simply to raise you right, the best way we know how. We were tasked to send our arrows out into this world to bring forth light, to love like He first loved us.  

We don't want you to look at the fragmented pieces of your family tree but instead focus on the roots we have planted here in this home and in your hearts:

"Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."--Colossians 2:7

Our purpose is simply for you to know the Lord and to raise you to want to do His work.  This is such a huge responsibility in the broken world we live in.  Even bigger sometimes by the brokenness you've encountered in your own family relationships.  But here we are. . .all of us together.  All of us with the same beliefs, the same love for our Lord who laid down His life so that we might live, and live abundantly!  And at the end of my life. . .I (will) have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.--3John 1:4

Love you always & forever,

Mom

Always looking for the love letter: Nessa found a heart on her palm during finger painting

Spring Break 2015

How we've gotten to Summer without me posting about our Spring Break is beyond me!  Stranger things have happened, but geeze, where did the time go?  This Spring Break found us needing a get away.  There was a lot going on and we were just tired.  We needed to be refreshed and we needed time to just be. Anthony stayed with his dad for a couple days so we booked a hotel on the bay and headed out to the Newport beach. It was the kind of vacation that is imprinted on my heart forever.

 One of our nights there, the big kids: Little and Kendra came down to show us his new truck.  They stayed for dinner right on the water.  The food was just okay but the company was terrific!

We came home Easter Sunday, but not before attending mass at a neighboring church.  The service was great and the kids liked the donut option before mass started.

 Our view from the balcony

 We decided on A Thousand Steps beaches because I remembered it from my college days.  Let me tell you, it did not disappoint.  Look at that!  God's beauty at its finest right there!

 I love everything about our pictures at sunset.  When I was in college, I would drive to the beach just to watch the sun set so watching it set with my kids dancing and playing in the fore front?  A small preview of heaven.

 Walking the pier and someone got tired.

 I think I might get these blown up on a canvas.  I love them THAT much!  This particular picture reminds me to pause and take it all in: the beauty and the chaos and to count it all as joy!

 Big. Medium. Little.

 Good Friday quiet time in the hotel room.  Tradition.

 The ferry.

After our quiet time, on Good Friday, we began walking to Joe's Crab Shack for Dinner since it was Friday and all.  As we were walking, I believe Lene directed us all to look in the sky.  There was an inverted rainbow clear as day.  The kids were super excited that God chose that moment, hours after his death to remind us about His promise.  My mama heart was so full it could have burst!

Promises

"Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." Luke 1:78-79 (NIV)

I saw this and immediately thought of papa.  His ninety-one and a half years on this earth has been lengthy.  I have no idea how long he has remaining, as there isn't a diagnosis that we have to go off of, but I know he's tired.  His body aches and the only thing that probably brings any type of joy to his confined life is the hope of heaven.  And what a promise he has in his heart.  

I don't see fear when I look into his eyes. There's a peace about him because he knows what awaits.  He knows there will be a grand reception and his soul will be set free from the body that is failing him in his old age.   He is ready.  He wants to be called home.  He wants God to usher him into the promised land.  He doesn't mind leaving behind the legacy he was a part of creating because his physical work here is done.

From bed, he prays diligently.  He prays with a steadfastness and conviction that only comes from knowing and believing in God.  He doesn't fear his death.  He welcomes it.  And that brings me comfort. . .knowing what a tender and loving God we have, that he would guide papa to the ultimate peace.  The peace we have all looked for our entire lives, but could not find until our final moment.  It will be a beautiful thing: his homecoming.  Until then, we will love him well.

Convictions in a Crazy World

“In the absence of Biblical convictions, people go the way of culture.”--Sally Clarkson

Navigating against the tide of middle school influences is an ebb and flow of conversations, criticisms, and critiques.  I sit here and think there are so many things working against us each day: television, film, technology, books, and even friends and family.  It has often been lonely this year to stand for what we believe is right. If it hadn't been for all of us in this household, standing together, I may have wavered. There have been times we second guessed allowing a tween to do something they have asked because we're not sure the difference between protective and over-protective.  

I have read more tween literature than I probably did when I was this age. . .to check it out, act as a buffer, decide whether it's too much too soon, because didn't you know?  So and so has already read that!  And it IS in the school library, so it must be age appropriate...  Yeah, right!

This parenting gig is not for the faint of heart...

Being set apart, having high ideals for our children's behavior and character, not wanting to expose them to too much too soon is a battle being waged daily: the radio station they listen to, not being allowed to use social media, allowing some freedoms but with a very limited number of people in which we know their families.  It is HARD!  And trust me when I say, we get tired.  Instructing our kids day in and day out is draining and exhausting!  We yell and get frustrated, but we also have learned to ask for forgiveness and make things right before we go to bed.  It has been such a dance between holding on and letting go, all the while wondering if we have modeled and trained in a love-filled, grace-filled way.  I don't know.  I hope so, but hope is all I have to rely on some days.

I want my kids to further His kingdom.  I want them to desire to serve Him, to find their passion and use it for good.  I want them to have their own individual relationships with God because it's what they come to want, not because it's all we have ever wanted for them.  I think some people say they want their kids to love God and do good, but then they don't do the necessary work to instill excellent character traits in them.  Kids need to learn it at home first because so much of the world is working to undo their convictions.  There is a battle being waged on our children's hearts and we must fight for them.  We must protect them from too much too soon.  We must teach them what it means to be humble, trustworthy, honest, and faithful.  Our actions, our words, our ways are constantly ushering the way into who they will become. And even if we do all things right, there is no guarantee they will walk the road we would like them to, being the type of people we had trained them to be, living a life of service that we had hoped for them.  And in those instances, we pray God uses it all for His good and we hold on to hope.  

This raising of kingdom kids in a world that is so dark and full of trouble is hard.  But God's call on our lives as parents, is to be in it for the long haul--to do the work we were sent here to do.  It is our responsibility to turn away from contemporary culture's allure to live a life filled with honor, service, love, kindness, and respect.  My prayer for my children is that they will hold tight to their biblical convictions and take a stand to be who God created them to be in a culture that is screaming something different. 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."--John 16:33

Wise Words Wednesday

Be{YOU}tiful. . .

because that's who He intends you to be.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.--

Song of Solomon 4:7

Wise Words Wednesday

 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.--1 Thessalonians 5:18

Always remember, God's got this.

Let Him handle it.

Write Your Own Story

Last night's screening of Confessions of a Prodigal Son was a success I don't think our Lene Bean will soon forget (the cheers when she came on the screen warmed my heart).  What an incredible project to have been a part of and what an even greater message to behold. Truth be told, there were parts that E and I grasped hands tightly and tears might have come. The scene we were in came and went quickly but the overall feeling that came with being a part of this production, in supporting it, in promoting it, in viewing it with friends and family was a moment I hope our kids always remember.  Raising kingdom kids in today's saturated world is an everyday struggle, filled with blessed moments of incredible joy like this.

Surrounding ourselves with Godly people, good examples of people following their faith, leaning into the Lord and fully trusting Him: His timing, His ways. . .all of it is hard.  As I suppose it should be.  But the part I am coming to realize is that it may be difficult, but it is not impossible. . .Jonathan's life verse shouts from the recesses of my mind, "I can do all things with God who gives me strength."  And I suppose the story we are telling is part of our ministry.  We have to be wise in telling it and remember the world is watching us, many of whom are just waiting for us to fail: to react badly, to not forgive and bear grudges, to judge .  Often times we might misstep but the opportunity to do it better or correctly is right there for the taking.

Last night around the dinner table with the writer/lead actors in the movie, we talked about stepping out in faith and pursuing the passion God puts on our hearts and I was struck with something that can only be described as awe.  It is important for E and I to be vigilant and to instruct and teach our kids the ways of the Lord, but it is up to each of our children to develop their own personal relationship with God.  These two, whom we sat across from, are such faith filled followers of dreams. Together, these two believe in what they say, reject roles that don't shine His light, and write scripts and stories to positively impact and influence others.  I want to be like them when I grow up. . .and that's exactly how the kids felt when we left dinner too.  These influential voices are the ones I need speaking into my children's lives, and we need to keep seeking opportunities that facilitate these encounters.

If you have ever loved someone who has made choices you don't particularly agree with or who has seemed to turn their back on the Lord. . .take hope in this truth: But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine." (Isaiah 43:1)  This movie has a message for everyone.  It belongs in your home library. It's available all over the place and I really think you should buy a copy, not because we were in it, but because the choices we make are the stories we tell.  Choose to tell the story that glorifies God and shines His light.  Be hopeful.  Know God's love.  Feel God's love and know no matter what you have done, He wants you to come home.

Fiery Furnaces

Dear Love Bugs,

The reason this song is on repeat lately is simple. In my morning study I am reading the book of Peter.  From chapter one on Monday, I've been drawn in. " 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

At bible study today we read about King Nebuchadnezzar in the book of Daniel, chapter 3.  He made this huge statue of gold and demanded when people heard the sound of music that they stop and bow down to the statue.  There were three men: Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego—who paid no attention to him. They neither served his gods nor worshipped the image of gold the king had set up. So the king was outraged and demanded the men be brought to them, which they were.  Even after being confronted by the king, they did not waver.  They refused to compromise their beliefs and bow down and worship the king's god. So the king threw them into a fiery furnace for death after mocking them, "Will your God save you from death?"

The crazy thing is, God did save them--soon enough the king saw before his very eyes that the three men were walking around the fiery furnace accompanied by what looked to be an angel or the son of God.  There was no evidence of the fire burning them.  The king was so amazed! 28 Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. 29 Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way.”

30 Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the province of Babylon.

There will be times in our life when we are called to take a stand.  If we cave in and compromise on the small things, we will eventually cave in and compromise on the large ones.  It is better to be left out than to compromise our standards and be left out of the kingdom of God later on.  Let that sink in kiddos:  it is better to be left out than to compromise our standards and be left out of the kingdom of God later on.  

The devil is deceitful.  He knows our weaknesses and preys on them.  We are his target.  He will offer it all to you, but it is up to you to not bow down!  Fear not, God says choose the furnace.  You will learn things in the fiery furnace that you can not learn in any other place.  Remember that God works all things for good and our ways are not His ways.  Keep the faith: if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

The world is watching you.  Our life is on display.  William Dyer said, "Fiery trials make golden Christians."  Don't come out of the furnace with bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy. . .let Him deliver you.  There is hope in Him and Him alone.

Power in the Solo

I'm dancing this dance that I never expected to dance.
It's a solo.
I'm dancing to the music in my head, spinning and dipping and gliding across the floor of my imagination.
It's a beautiful thing really; this dance that just begged to be danced and who am I to say no?
 I don't care who's watching, I don't care what they are saying, I am totally at peace with who I am in this moment. . .swirling, spinning, dipping and gliding.
I have found myself lost in this moment.
There is power in this solo.

The music I hear with my soul.
Eyes up heavenward as I dance for His eyes only. . .
away from the shadows of doubt, or uncertainty, a sense of belonging to the only one who really matters.
I am a daughter of the King!
What is there NOT to dance about?
There is power in this solo.

For all those eyes who see but do not understand,
who speak just to hear themselves talk,
who tear down instead of build up. . .
I'm dancing and there is power in this solo.

For those who are too terrified to dance your own solo.
Do it anyways.
Just start moving and God will take care of the rest.
 Listen to the stirrings in your heart and the music in your soul will flow through.
There is power in this solo!

Front.
Center Stage.
There is power in this solo.
Dance your heart out. . .

Weekend Wandering. . .

I love when God knows just what you need.  After a pretty disastrous Thursday, Friday was followed up with some great girl time with two friends I don't have enough time with.  We headed to one of their churches for a Her Night Out with a special performance by CeeCee Winans.  She had us on our feet, praising God in our loudest voices.  Listening to her was pure JOY! The message was given by a woman who I hadn't heard of before, Julia Veach, She spoke of her faith, her struggles, and I was just reminded to surrender.  It has been in times that I've surrendered total situations to God, that I have seen His hands busy at work.  I'm not sure why I let that thought get away, but I'm thankful God found a way to get me to hear it again.

Saturday morning, Lene played her last volleyball game.  She did so well and had such a fun time this season. She was a lot less nervous about returning the ball and most of the time she can serve it over the net.  Her Pink Gummy Spikers had a great season full of many wins, but I like best that she enjoyed the game and wants to play again.  That means the most to me.

Saturday afternoon we got out of town and headed to Newport for a date night.  I didn't even realize that it was the last day of the month--so glad we squeezed it in!

Date #2 of 15 in 2015

We ate at Maestros.  The food was amazing!  The view was beautiful and the rain stayed at bay so I got to enjoy all of it!

Somehow during the course of our date night, after talking about what we both wanted to do for our birthdays this year since we are turning forty, we decided a trip would be in our future.  So we booked Maui.  That is a little crazy for me, especially considering the kids will be only two weeks into the start of a new school year then, but the tickets were priced right so we're going.  I'll get nervous about it later.  For now, it's fun to be planning this trip simultaneously as our Spring Break trip.  Big problems, I know.

Sunday we went to church with the whole family.  I just have to smile when I look at my girl's eclectic styles.  If only Ernie had let Nessa wear the fancy dress with her jeans that she had on originally.  That was really something!  Since my Sunday dinner idea didn't pan out with the big family, we decided to do what we do best: focus on what happens within our walls and have our own Sunday family dinners.  Let me tell you this, it is so refreshing not to be waiting on anyone else, not to deal with last minute cancellations, no drama.  Our family dinner focuses on the lives of those we directly influence and impact: our kids.  It is a beautiful thing to create your own traditions when extended family fails you.  It further cements the understanding that who lives under this roof matters most.  It causes us to stress the importance of loving your brother and sisters, creating nurturing relationships that last.  Serving each other out of love is something I strive to show them.

I love Joshua 24:15
15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."  

There really is no other way to live.  We won't compromise on this one.  And we can love one another and not love the way they are living.  Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

We are training our arrows to be Kingdom Kids, to be set apart, to be in the world, but not of the world. This role as parents is the most important calling on our life.  This weekend was a good one. . .filled with JOY and quality time with the ones I love most.

As Unflattering as it Gets. . .but the Struggle is Real

The Sun will come out tomorrow. . .you're always a day away!!

My Love Bugs,

To begin with, I don't tend to have a ton of days that just catch me off guard and bring me to my knees. Today, unfortunately,  was one of those days.  It came with little or no warning, made me cry my eyes out, talk it out, then sit on the kitchen floor and cry some more, calling out to God to heal old wounds and bring someone I love back to him.

I'm tired of being too religious, or too much of a prude, or too whatever it is for some people in my circle. There was a verse at bible study that really stood out to me this week:

When the last days come, people will appear who make fun of you, who follow their own godless desire. . ."  Jude 1:18

Of course God already knew today was coming and it was going to hit me hard, so maybe that verse was to prepare me to pull out my bible during the tear fest and lean into him and find that soft place to land. That right there is a comforting thought.  The verse doesn't make it any easier to swallow when we are set apart, looked at differently because we want to walk with the Lord and honor our bodies and minds with how we choose to live.  But it's what we are called to do as Christians so I say do so boldly!

It won't always be easy.  Today was a hard one, kids.  But it will always be worth it as we seek his kingdom as our final destination.  Sigh. . .I have been praying relentlessly for someone and it is hard when it feels like  my prayers are unanswered, like I'm being put off, pushed further and further away, but there is always hope, loves.  Keep believing and keep the faith.

All my my love always,

Mom

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

Galatians 6:9

And then I find this gem in my inbox.  God is so good to know just what I need in the form of encouragement from a mentor. . .http://www.thebettermom.com/

For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. Hebrews 6:10

"And so, somehow, many failures forgotten and discouraging moments lived through, the Life of God and the strength He gave in the face of strong winds of temptation and fear with faith lived out, became in my child, a strong work of heart that gave foundations of faith.

For it was the storms of life that prepared my children to be strong for their lives and gave them a pattern of learning how to ford the rough waters that their own lives would hold.""--Sally Clarkson

P.S. We might be in the middle of a storm, but together, with God in the lead, we will come out better for it on the other side.  Everything I do, I do for you. . .xoxoxox

Desert Delight

Me: a really long time ago

A couple of weeks ago, I did something I don't care too much for.  I took one for the team and said, "Yes" to a day trip to the desert.  I am not a desert girl.  I may have grown up going there with my grandparents, but eventually when the dust settled, I realized the desert was not for me.

Our 1st trip out in the Polaris

One of the original desert trips

It must have been the experience of being with my grandparents that made desert life so appealing when I was a kid.  My grandma always had a stocked pantry in the trailer and there was always plenty to do with the cousins.  My grandpa would take me out in the dune buggy and not try to terrify me.  We would go at a safe, sane speed and he would point out rocks and trails and things of interest.  The wind and dirt in my face might have been considered fun then, because I was with the greatest grandpa on earth.  My grandpa was so kind, gentle, funny, and such a good husband.  He was easy to be around and when I think about it now, I could see Jesus through him.  He was always offering help, attending assemblies and such when parents couldn't, he would drop off and pick up so visits could happen. . .and he treated my grandma like a princess. He loved her and it showed.

Arlene and Shelby Gaul: your maternal Great Grandparents

My grandpa was the gentle one; the one we went on walks with looking for aluminum cans. the one who watched us play at the park. He was the one with the loudest laugh and the happiest heart.  All I remember is love.  That guy. . .in the yellow Volvo until it was no longer safe to drive was such an easy man to be around and love.  My first ride on the Amtrack train was with him, a trip to my first trout farm, and I remember a metal dingy boat on some water I think might have been Salton Sea.  His snoring was fierce and comforting, his presence loud and known even in slumber.  Grandpa Shelby was a good man.

I'm so happy Bean got to know him.  He got to love her. . .even if it was only for a little while.

Grandpa Shelby at Lene Bean's Baptism

 This man whom Ernie called, "Chief"  meant a lot to me.  I don't know that I even realized how much until he was already gone.  He was always in the background. . .I realize my grandma performed actions out of love, but in such a way that sometimes she was impatient or rough around the edges.  My grandpa; however, did what he did out of love: with gentleness and pure enthusiasm.  We were never a burden.  I always felt like I was a gift.  And therein lies the greatest gift I long to leave my kids.  The legacy of love colored brightly by our love of Christ who loved us first.

Great Grandpa Shelby Gaul and me on my wedding day.  He got out of the hospital THAT morning!