Letter to my Littles: Forty Today

My Dearest Littles,

Today is a milestone birthday for me. Forty. Wow, I remember when that seemed so old!  Today, on the celebration of my birth it feels like an open doorway into a special time and place.  There is no fear.  There is no woe.  There is simply a feeling of peace and contentment to have made it this far in life with the gifts of each of you.

Forty feels like a freedom to be who God made me to be.  Forty feels like wind in my hair, sunlight on my skin, and true joy radiating from the inside out.  It has only taken forty years to get me to this place, and oh what a fabulous place it is, sweet littles.  All the angst of my twenties long gone, and the hard parenting and career choices of my thirties a thing of the past, forty feels fantastic thus far.  I know there will be hard seasons of parenting teens and tweens up around the bend, but for now, this year, forty feels like I've arrived on the doorstep of a true gift.

I may have played it a little too safe in my thirties, so that we missed the boat to move into a larger house with more space.  But none of you want to move.  Your roots are here, what we have is enough and that fills my mama heart with joy!  I may have messed up with some relationships in the general sense of the word, "messed up," but I handled them. I confronted and asked for forgiveness.  I moved on.  If they can't, then it's no longer my problem.  I have learned to let it go. Loves, forty is a place where I know who I am, who we are in Him, and what He asks of me.  There is nothing more beautiful than living the life He intends for you. Nothing.

So today, on the celebration of the day of my birth, I write 40 wishes that I have for you:

1.  I wish you rainbows after the rain. . .think of Noah's promise, and then think of me.
2.  I wish you seasons of struggle to discover your strengths.
3.  I wish you perseverance to run the race set before you.
4.  I wish you enough love to last a lifetime.
5.  I wish you the ability to recognize when you've made a mistake in a relationship, and seek to make it right.
6.  I wish you a wonderous and adventurous spirit to explore God's beautiful world.
7.  I wish that you would always chase butterflies.
8.  I wish that you would always look for the good even when bad seems to be all the news covers.
9.  I wish you solid relationships with your siblings that will last your entire lives.
10.  I wish you never lose your sense of wonder.
11.  I wish you make art with your own too hands as often as you can.
12.  I wish that you would never compromise your morals or values to fit in to a world we were called to be set apart from.
13.  I wish you boldness to go out in this world and shine his light.
14.  I wish you spare change to buy surprise cups of coffee.
15.  I wish you peaceful hearts that will follow you all the days of your life.
16.  I wish you hours of deep conversation around a fire pit that keeps you connected with those you love.
17.  I wish you the kind of life that is lived in front of you, not on a telephone screen.  Look up. Live.
18.  I wish you an insatiable desire to read.  Books open the door of your imagination, they help you learn.  Fall in love with books and you have a friend for life.
19.  I wish you hand picked flowers, any time, all the time.  Brighten someone's day.  May your day be brightened too.
20.  I wish you a sense of competence in a world that wants to compete.  Do your best and God will take care of the rest.
21.  I wish you home made chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.  Grab them hot as often as you can.
22.  I wish you walks on the beach waiting for sunset.  Notice the masterpieces.  He paints them for you!
23.  I wish you friends who accept you for who you are and love you for it.
24.  I wish you silent successes that scream you can do anything you put your mind to.
25.  I wish you the kind of marriage daddy and I have been fortunate enough to live.
26. I wish that you would never forget the elderly.  Always say hello.  Your life is not more important than theirs.  Never.
27.  I wish you clarity when making life choices.  Do what you love and it will never feel like work.
28.  I wish you freedom from the world's expectations for you.
29. I wish you courage to stand when those around you sit.
30.  I wish that your children will know the Lord like you do.  They are how you leave your legacy on this world.
31.  I wish you bike rides to the lake that always remind you of us, long after we are gone.
32.  I wish you camping trips with stories of the days from your childhood where you recall your camping stories.
33.  I wish you would use the gifts you've been given to help change this world!
34.  I wish for peace of mind and in your heart for all the days of your life.
35.  I wish that you always know how much we love you.  Nothing you can do will ever change that love.
36.  I wish you learn from daddy and my mistakes and you strive not to repeat them.
37.  I wish you recognize daily the gifts you receive.  Count your joys love.
38.  I wish for your hearts of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
39.  I wish no roots of bitterness will ever be planted in your life.  Once planted there is no telling how long it will negatively effect your spirit. See the good.
40.  I wish that your lives will be long, your blessings many, and the love will run deep.

You, my littles are my legacy.  You are the greatest gift I will ever leave behind.  And on the day of my 40th birthday, I thank God for this time here on earth to pour into your lives so that I could better learn about my own.

All my love always loves,

Mama

Letter to my Littles: Purpose

My Dearest Littles,

In my early years, life was all about goals and my future.  I was smart, determined to do well, and true to form today, a total rule follower.  God eventually put me and dad in the same path and almost instantly I knew it would be me and him forever.  The phrase, "you will know when you know. . ." took on a whole new meaning when we met.  He wasn't my ideal mate: he had been married before, had a son, and college wasn't on his radar. But somehow those differences brought us even closer together.  Because of his past, he would be in this relationship for the long haul.  I never doubted that.  Still don't.  To be able to trust someone so completely is a gift I treasure. To not have baggage or a crazy history of on again, off again, or cheating was rare considering the relationship I came from.  But here we are, more together today, fifteen years later if that's even possible. We just complement each other.  Always have.  Always will.. . .because we've made a choice to cherish our wedding vows.  We believe in the covenant we made before God, our family, and friends. There is no other option ever than to work it out.  On this we full heartedly agree.

And then I became a mother and my whole world changed.  It exploded in even brighter colors, if that was even be possible!  All those dreams of moving up the ladder in my career, with my two Master's degrees all but evaporated into thin air, the moment I saw Lene Bean's face.  And today I recognize that I may have squandered some minutes, which turned into hours, which turned into days, which may have even turned into months. . .but I found my true purpose in this lifetime: raising you.  Everything that I had accomplished up to this point was note worthy, but my real fulfillment would be in raising you.

We had to determine that you would know our God.  We made a conscious decision to take you to church even though those days were tough and we would leave weary, but yet we kept going.  We still do. Because we realized:
4Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
         So are the children of one’s youth.

5How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
         They will not be ashamed
         When they speak with their enemies in the gate.--Psalm 127:4

Unbeknownst to us, our arrows would be many:  Little, Lene, Jonathan, Janessa, and eventually Anthony.  Our job? Simply to raise you right, the best way we know how. We were tasked to send our arrows out into this world to bring forth light, to love like He first loved us.  

We don't want you to look at the fragmented pieces of your family tree but instead focus on the roots we have planted here in this home and in your hearts:

"Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."--Colossians 2:7

Our purpose is simply for you to know the Lord and to raise you to want to do His work.  This is such a huge responsibility in the broken world we live in.  Even bigger sometimes by the brokenness you've encountered in your own family relationships.  But here we are. . .all of us together.  All of us with the same beliefs, the same love for our Lord who laid down His life so that we might live, and live abundantly!  And at the end of my life. . .I (will) have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.--3John 1:4

Love you always & forever,

Mom

Always looking for the love letter: Nessa found a heart on her palm during finger painting