Letter to my Littles: Forty Today

My Dearest Littles,

Today is a milestone birthday for me. Forty. Wow, I remember when that seemed so old!  Today, on the celebration of my birth it feels like an open doorway into a special time and place.  There is no fear.  There is no woe.  There is simply a feeling of peace and contentment to have made it this far in life with the gifts of each of you.

Forty feels like a freedom to be who God made me to be.  Forty feels like wind in my hair, sunlight on my skin, and true joy radiating from the inside out.  It has only taken forty years to get me to this place, and oh what a fabulous place it is, sweet littles.  All the angst of my twenties long gone, and the hard parenting and career choices of my thirties a thing of the past, forty feels fantastic thus far.  I know there will be hard seasons of parenting teens and tweens up around the bend, but for now, this year, forty feels like I've arrived on the doorstep of a true gift.

I may have played it a little too safe in my thirties, so that we missed the boat to move into a larger house with more space.  But none of you want to move.  Your roots are here, what we have is enough and that fills my mama heart with joy!  I may have messed up with some relationships in the general sense of the word, "messed up," but I handled them. I confronted and asked for forgiveness.  I moved on.  If they can't, then it's no longer my problem.  I have learned to let it go. Loves, forty is a place where I know who I am, who we are in Him, and what He asks of me.  There is nothing more beautiful than living the life He intends for you. Nothing.

So today, on the celebration of the day of my birth, I write 40 wishes that I have for you:

1.  I wish you rainbows after the rain. . .think of Noah's promise, and then think of me.
2.  I wish you seasons of struggle to discover your strengths.
3.  I wish you perseverance to run the race set before you.
4.  I wish you enough love to last a lifetime.
5.  I wish you the ability to recognize when you've made a mistake in a relationship, and seek to make it right.
6.  I wish you a wonderous and adventurous spirit to explore God's beautiful world.
7.  I wish that you would always chase butterflies.
8.  I wish that you would always look for the good even when bad seems to be all the news covers.
9.  I wish you solid relationships with your siblings that will last your entire lives.
10.  I wish you never lose your sense of wonder.
11.  I wish you make art with your own too hands as often as you can.
12.  I wish that you would never compromise your morals or values to fit in to a world we were called to be set apart from.
13.  I wish you boldness to go out in this world and shine his light.
14.  I wish you spare change to buy surprise cups of coffee.
15.  I wish you peaceful hearts that will follow you all the days of your life.
16.  I wish you hours of deep conversation around a fire pit that keeps you connected with those you love.
17.  I wish you the kind of life that is lived in front of you, not on a telephone screen.  Look up. Live.
18.  I wish you an insatiable desire to read.  Books open the door of your imagination, they help you learn.  Fall in love with books and you have a friend for life.
19.  I wish you hand picked flowers, any time, all the time.  Brighten someone's day.  May your day be brightened too.
20.  I wish you a sense of competence in a world that wants to compete.  Do your best and God will take care of the rest.
21.  I wish you home made chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.  Grab them hot as often as you can.
22.  I wish you walks on the beach waiting for sunset.  Notice the masterpieces.  He paints them for you!
23.  I wish you friends who accept you for who you are and love you for it.
24.  I wish you silent successes that scream you can do anything you put your mind to.
25.  I wish you the kind of marriage daddy and I have been fortunate enough to live.
26. I wish that you would never forget the elderly.  Always say hello.  Your life is not more important than theirs.  Never.
27.  I wish you clarity when making life choices.  Do what you love and it will never feel like work.
28.  I wish you freedom from the world's expectations for you.
29. I wish you courage to stand when those around you sit.
30.  I wish that your children will know the Lord like you do.  They are how you leave your legacy on this world.
31.  I wish you bike rides to the lake that always remind you of us, long after we are gone.
32.  I wish you camping trips with stories of the days from your childhood where you recall your camping stories.
33.  I wish you would use the gifts you've been given to help change this world!
34.  I wish for peace of mind and in your heart for all the days of your life.
35.  I wish that you always know how much we love you.  Nothing you can do will ever change that love.
36.  I wish you learn from daddy and my mistakes and you strive not to repeat them.
37.  I wish you recognize daily the gifts you receive.  Count your joys love.
38.  I wish for your hearts of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
39.  I wish no roots of bitterness will ever be planted in your life.  Once planted there is no telling how long it will negatively effect your spirit. See the good.
40.  I wish that your lives will be long, your blessings many, and the love will run deep.

You, my littles are my legacy.  You are the greatest gift I will ever leave behind.  And on the day of my 40th birthday, I thank God for this time here on earth to pour into your lives so that I could better learn about my own.

All my love always loves,

Mama

Birthday Wishes to My Biggest Little

My Dearest Lene Bean,

It's that time again!  Birthday wishes are sent your way to celebrate your most special of days!  Baby girl, my first born. . .you are twelve today and my mind absolutely bubbles over with memories that have hopefully made you feel as special as you truly are to us!

I was so scared to send you off to Middle School, but boy, was that completely unnecessary!  You applied yourself so well and worked so hard all year long!  I was so impressed by your ability to receive all A's and that one B in math--for the longest, you focused on math, went to tutoring daily, grew to really like your teacher, and then BAM:  ended the year with straight A's!  Your perseverance paid off Bean!  We are so proud of you!  It wasn't just your grades that impressed us; it was your ability to see people for who they really are, making an extra effort to say hello to your special friends at their lunch table.  You see them and love them.  I love that about you! I also watched as you went against the grain to Christians in Action even when none of your close friends wanted to go. You went anyway.  Love that!  You also conquered a fear and tried out for the Elite singing group:  AND YOU MADE IT!  Let that always serve to remind you that fear should have no place in holding you back.  Face your fears bean. Keep doing so now so your high school and college experiences can be the best yet.  They are right around the corner. . .unbelievable!

You and I are so different in so many ways.  You love the spot light.. You call things out as you see them, unafraid of conflict.  You dream big and sometimes my tendency is to reign you in BUT I shouldn't. You have a potential in you that I never had.  You believe in yourself and your confidence is unshakable. You definitely did not get that from me. . .but I sure am thankful you have it, because girl, you're going to move mountains (as Dr. Seuss would say)!

This world is a troubling place and I know you've sat in with dad and I and weighed in on some pretty heavy topics this year.  The truth is, there is no real way to protect you.  Songs, television, commercials, friends, the internet. . .they dump it all out there and you have to wade through it and figure it out, sometimes too soon, in my opinion.  But please always know we are here.  Ask us the questions.  Let us guide you into making educated and enlightening choices. We are always here for you and we love you forever an always.  My prayer day in and day out is that God protects and guides you, always bringing you back to me.  But i know you are only on loan--we all are and I am so honored that God chose me to be your mama.

For those times you think I am tough on you--I probably am.  It's tough being the oldest.  I remember.  I learn through the  decisions--both good and bad.  I'm sorry in advance for the times I will continue to get it wrong.  I'm doing my best to parent you during a trying time.  The world is changing and all I can promise is my constant and unfailing love.  Always.

You are  on the precipice of teenagehood. How??? Let's let this year of twelve be fantastic!  Let's love each other and get along and continue to create awesome memories together.  We will never have this time again.  I only have five more summers with you, Bean. Five.  Let's make it count.

Love you always and forever, Lene Bean.
Bless your eyes so you always see Him.
Your ears so you always hear Him.
Your heart so you write His words upon it.
Bless your hands so you always do His work.
And your feet so you always walk in His path.

Is it wrong to secretly hope you'll call me in college and ask me for our nightly blessing?  If it is, don't tell me. I want it to be right.

Love Forever,
Mom

Wednesday Wishes. . .

Wednesdays are for making wishes. . .

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire 
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For, 
May your arms Never Tire.” 
― D. Simone