Once upon a long time ago, I thought the older the kids got, the easier it would be. While there is some truth to the easier part in terms of they are capable of doing so much more on their own; life with four kids under this roof is bursting with activity! With a first grader, two junior high kids, and a high school student, there are schedules to keep that require quite the commitment to organization! Curently a tween and teen are running track at two different schools, while Lene's responsibilities with the Spring production are in full effect. Throw in youth group and faith formation for good measure and there you have three nights of the week slammed with responsiblities.
Managing school projects, homework, studying, writing class, working out, and household chores, and you have what I like to call, "organized chaos." This has been the story of my life this year. This is by no means meant to sound like a complaint. Because in the moment, it sometimes feels that way, but upon reflection of this year I am struck by an overwhelming sense of joy. I feel strong and healthy enough to manage it well most days. I feel focused on what's most important but am learning what I can push to the wayside. I constantly evaluate what I've added to our lives and how it serves us, whether it's a keeper or if we need to get rid of it.
This year of forty-one is surprising me. And I've come to find out I really like surprises, as long as they aren't in the form of a surprise party where I am the guest of honor. Ha! Who knew that in focusing on my own health and fitness, I would become better equipped to handle the stressors that come with raising four kids. A smile sits at the corner of my lips with a satisfaction that is deep. There have been some hard days in the past few months. A couple relationships have withered and pretty much died. There are emotions all across the board in dealing with the loss, learning to pray for reconciliation that you're never sure will really come. Having to teach your children that God is carrying you, especially when you don't feel Him. . .compounded by the female emotions and raging hormones has been challenging, but I'm still here. And I'm smiling the kind of smile that comes from a deep sense of contentment in my own skin. I am assured of God's promises, so it is easier to have the hard conversations we've been having. God has been creating and grooming me for such a time as this. . .I feel it. I know it to be true. He picked me to be these kids' mother. I am overwhelmed with gratitude!
