School's Out for TK

Dear Janessa,

This has been a dream year.  You have not always been the dream student, nor have I always been the dream teacher, but I like to think that these are days to remember.  I imagine one day when I am old and gray, sitting on my rocker on my porch, I will think back to this year as one of my happiest ever.  I got to do what I love: teach to someone I love: you.  There are so many moments etched in my memory forever.  I will always remember you yelling out "I did it, mama!"  simultaneously beaming and reaching out to hug me.  That precious memory alone brings tears to my eyes as I type that.  Do you know how many times I had the pleasure of hearing you and hugging you?  Countless.  Countless times it was I who witnessed the moment where after practice, you were able to master a skill.  Joy.  I am counting it all as joy, sweet girl.

Celebrating the little mile stones, being your teacher, going on adventures, and having my mamacita to do my daily chores with was such a blessing on this mama heart.  I had forgotten the joy that teaching brings after seventeen years filled with politics and checked out parents.  The good days were few and far between.  Ths year changed that.  I was reminded there are many ways to do what I love and feel fulfilled.  You taught me so much more than I taught you.  Days of Barbie and Littlest Pet shops, Dora and sweet picture books made me dig deep and rediscover the joy and wonder that children innately have.

Dance on Mondays.

Master Negotiator

Cooking Class

Geography Lessons via Nina

Expert Jam Maker

 This year was kind of like childbirth.  Thinking back, I remember more joy than pain.  I know hard days existed.  I know we both learned how to say sorry and move on so as not to spoil a whole day.  I know we could have done more had I better planned every day, but perhaps that is where the real beauty lay.  A year of days was set before us and for the most part we made the best of them and adventured together.  We learned.  We sang. We danced.  We pretended. We grew.  We are both different because we had this year together, and for that I am extremely grateful.

My little homeschooler, how I will miss you.  But first, SUMMER FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All my love,

Mom

Wednesday Wishes. . .

Wednesdays are for making wishes. . .

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire 
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For, 
May your arms Never Tire.” 
― D. Simone

Pondering Thoughts on This Sun-Less Sunday

Sound of rain, cozy under blanket, books to read or movies to watch. Sunday at her finest.  Laundry to fold, dinner to prepare, menu planning to ease us back into the week. . .Looking forward to the last week of volleyball; basketball we have said good-bye to and transitional kinder is winding down.  We are reading and writing and this week we will finish up Chinese New Year and getting ready to celebrate Dr, Seuss Day. There is so much we can do, yet so much not necessary or it will drive me out of my mind.  Calm and consistency has been key to our learning this year.  And I have enjoyed every single moment.  I find it has challenged me, grown me, and inspired me in ways I didn't know existed.  Together we have created this year of memories that are irreplaceable.

My view on education continues to shift, and the emphasis we place on academics and extracurricular activities decreases.  We are preparing them for great futures, but are we preparing them for heaven?  Do we spend the same kind of energy studying the bible as we do for exams? Do we use lessons to teach good character and virtues at every chance we get or do we get tired and tell them no simply because we said so? Life keeps unfolding and presenting us with the good and the bad, the expected and the unexpected, and I'm just trying to be still and KNOW he is God.

We have decisions to make and I'm trying not to stress. I'm just leaving them in God's hands and saying, Here you go.  Show me what you can do with this.  And actually, I'm pretty okay with that process.  I'm surrounded by women God is placing in my life for such a time as this:  My Mom Heart group, my book club, my bible study group, my homeschooling mom friends, my other mom friends. . .He has me covered and I know it so I just keep keeping on.  What a difference a year makes!

If I have learned anything in this season of mothering, it is that the privilege has been all mine.  I have learned to turn the other cheek when it comes to differing opinion. I have learned not to get caught up in the comparison trap among friends.  I have learned that the state's expectations do not necessarily match up with mine.  I have learned that sometimes it's a little lonely to be different but completely necessary if it means guarding my kids' minds and hearts.  On this sun-less Sunday, I'm surprisingly content, unrushed and restful. I'm feeling recharged and restored  as we enter into a new week.

Lay Down Your Weapons

Community among women isn't always easy.  To begin with, we all have our differences, our opinions, our personality quirks, and our past hurts that influence how we handle the women in our lives today.  As I near forty, I have heard many say, "I have enough friends; I don't have time for the drama of new ones."  I believe this statement to be true to an extent. Our lives are busy and full and rich with family and friends we've known for years and can count on. . .but by turning our back on the newer people who come into our lives, we may be shutting the door to an opportunity God is gifting us: the chance to hear someone else's story, to grow or learn from their experiences and to add a new person into our mix.

Wounds can be hard to overcome.  Women can wound each other with their words, their preconceived notions, their indifference, or their gossiping.  What we all so desperately need in the form of community can quickly feel like it is turned against us as we are assaulted with the what-ifs that a woman may bring to the table.  And that is if we even allow or invite that person to sit with us at the table in the first place!  

Those same insecurities from elementary and middle school exist in the hearts of  many women to some extent.  And every women pulls a band aid off at one time or another which in turn stirs somebody else's pot. Friendships aren't always easy, but they can enrich our lives on so many levels.  As I look at the girls in my life during this season, I am pleased to see their diversity; they are working moms, stay at home moms, single, married, loud, quiet, funny, serious, homeschool mamas, public school mamas, Catholic School mamas...SO many differences but we all have something in common.  We are a community of women who believe in a mighty God who has brought us together despite ourselves, in spite of our differences.

I find it exciting to see the ways He is working out the details, the way He is intertwining our lives, the way He is using our experiences to help or guide each other in a similar struggle. The way we have the power to build each other up or break each other down with a single text, remark, or look. Women have power and our worst weapon is sometimes ourselves: our past hurts, our past struggle, our past experiences, our past distrust.  Ladies, lay down your weapon and love each other. 
All you need to do is LOVE, like He has first loved you. 

 Little eyes are always watching.

Here Comes the President

It was just an ordinary day in our little old town. . .until I thought to drive by the local airport that President Obama was flying into to dedicate a section of the San Gabriel Mountains National Forest as the newest National Monument.  Nessa and I were just returning from imoms and we turned off towards the airport.  I parked as many other cars did the same thing.  I held Janessa's hand as we walked across an industial section of town to get to the main drag which was closed off by a school bus and multiple police cars.  Did I mention the armed army men?  Yep, just walking back and forth, turning cars away.

 Janessa and I stood on the corner, along with a lot of other people.  the excitement in the air was palpable.  All the while I talked to my girl about how this may be the closest she every gets to a president.  I told her about my sighting of Bill Clinton what must have been about 17 years ago.  She waited patiently for the most part, scanning the scenery, pointing things out until the helicopters started flying in, flying low and directly above us.  People clapped and cheered.  We both shielded our eyes as we looked up into the sky.  I snapped picture after picture after picture on my camera phone.  Had I been more prepared, or known we were stopping, I would have brought my Canon.

 Here the President of the United States was literally flying into our back yard and we were there to witness the flying part at least.  Once he landed in one of the identical three copters that flew in. . .we could see nothing but the motorcade which whisked him away to make his speech at Puddingstone.  He stood in the same grass the boys run cross country at on Mondays.  We saw the signs that the park was closed days before we even knew why the park was closed.

 And this pretty lady borrowed my sunglasses because we were waiting a little bit longer than I could have anticipated. . .but it was worth the wait.

Together, she and I have this memory:  the day we went to see the President.  Well, the day we went to see his helicopter: The Marine One.  Politics aside, it was quite amazing the lengths they went to to keep him safe.  The secret service men, all the local fire fighters and police agencies.  It took a village.  And the memory is ours for the keeping.

We called Ernie right away to tell him who we saw.  Janessa called out, "Daddy, we saw the judge!" Um....not exactly.
 But two weeks later: she knows now.  Ask her: )
This homeschooling gig is pretty fantastic (if I do say so myself).

Dreams Delayed and Revised

Last night, E and I tried to have a little date night in the backyard under the twinkle lights with some take out Thai food.  It had been a day of doing all things I do together, as he hadn't gone to work.  I teased him that he should have checked the calendar for a day I needed him more, but kidding aside it was nice to just be together.  The three of us: Janessa, he, and I.  Which is kind of how our date turned out too, but that's okay. The intention was there.

In between Janessa's antics and eating from our plates (even though she had already eaten) we talked about all kinds of things pertaining to our life.  We talked about a bathroom remodel, jacuzzi tub, and homeschooling my sidekick.  At some point in the conversation, entangled in little arms, wet kisses, and proclamations of love, I couldn't help but exclaim, "And to think I almost didn't have this opportunity. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Three kids into the marriage, a dream was born into my heart.  I had a deep desire to be with my kids.  I loved what I did with my high schoolers, but I wanted to be the first face my kids saw after school.  For one full year, I talked to anyone who would listen: principal, vice principal, Human Resources. . .EVERYONE! And my days were filled with some false promises until the day before the last day of school, when the reality was revealed: there were only full time positions at the high school.  That night I cried with the realization that as much as I was trying to tune into God's calling on my life. . .maybe this high school teaching thing was it.  I mean: obviously!  He wasn't opening any doors. . .and so I surrendered and tried to do so with a somewhat happy heart.

Low and behold, an opportunity presented itself to move to the junior high and work a three hour day teaching a subject I loved: English.  And I went.  I praised God for this gift and I made it home every single day to pick up my daughter from kindergarten.  I was the first face she saw.  My dream had come true! And for a time, two years to be exact, that dream was enough.  But then.  Until I had Janessa and my world shifted again and a new dream grew inside my heart. . .which led to a one day a week work schedule for the next two years.  But last night's uttering, "And to think I almost didn't have this opportunity. . ." awakened a fierce gratefulness inside me.  I am here. I am living my dream.  I am ministering to the hearts of my children and it is such an incredibly blessed opportunity I have been gifted.

Thankful, the Lord had my plans written all along.  Janessa  was an afterthought for us, but God knew.  He knew the shift she would bring to our lives.  He knew the lives she would change.  He knew she would be the one who would bring me closer to Him as I drew to Him for direction, wisdom, patience. . .pretty much for everything as I said good-bye to a profession that had always defined me prior, and honed in on my home and family for the long haul.  To think, I didn't have these daily opportunities for the first three kids, but I'm grateful that the dream wasn't born yet and  He answered the dream I had then: to work part time.  God is so good.  It took a few years but we are here. We have arrived and I'm living my dream!

Recalling Our Week

We went to the fair during a heat wave.  It was miserably hot and I was miserably sick.  No fun for me but the kids enjoyed themselves...and grandma kept them cool with her sprayer.

After our unit on apples, we just had to stop and pick a few.

Later that day, grandma saved the day and took the kids back to the fair so our Mr. Classroom Representative could ride on the school float.  He had quite the time participating in his first parade.  I'm thankful for friends who forward me pictures...

Being a sickie called for my first pumpkin spiced latte from Starbucks.  Ernie tends to take good care of me when I'm under the weather.  I am blessed.

I just love our snuggle time.  She talks and tells me so much.  She touches my face and tells me how much she loves me and I cherish that she still crawls into my lap and lets me baby her.

This little guy celebrated his second birthday.  Hard to handle that he's the baby of the whole family. . .the baby that runs and plays with the big kids like he is one of them because he is. . .kind of to some extent:(

Cross Country was cancelled due to the heat so we played around a bit instead.

A volleyball skills class started this week. Lene's friend Layla is in it with her.  I think it will help get her ready for the season.  I'm thrilled she has a sport that she wants to play.  One more year until she can take drama at her school...her first love.

Just a little reminder of God's promises.  As if I needed it. . .but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I was playing with  my new phone during Janessa's dentist appointment.  This is a cool little feature I discovered.

Just another beautiful view of our glorious sky.  I love when I'm not too busy to notice these gifts--the ones right in front of me or above me.

 I'd love to say we were off to a date night BUT it was JJ's birthday party. . .family time is the next best thing.

Our Sunday consisted of church and cleaning and laundry and lounging.  All good ways to spend with the people I love.

I got in a fight with dirt while planting.  Just keeping it real.

My Best Yes Left me With a Peace I've Never Known Before

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.--John 14;27

For some reason these words seem to follow me around all day and night, sneaking into my thoughts when I least expect them, so I thought it might be worth spending some time thinking about why. I don't feel like I'm at a point in life where fear lives, nor is my heart troubled by decision making or anything happening on the home front. . .however, this peace that I have about being home in this season is nothing short of amazing.  And maybe that's why God keeps whispering this verse over and over to me. It was only in surrendering to Him that I have come to know peace like this.  It's the kind that covers me softly day in and day out.  It might not be in the shape of a bigger house, or more money in the bank but it is the kind that matters most nonetheless. It was finding my best yes. 

It's the kind I notice both physically and mentally.  I am more relaxed and embracing the chaos of having four children underfoot. This mama work matters despite naysayers and all these well intentioned, opinionated people who say this or that flippantly.  And what in the world can I find to DO all day long? Plenty.  The thing is, I don't even have to justify it with an answer because this is the journey E and I are on. This works for us. . .for now.  End of story. And I am savoring the journey.  I am excited for the tasks I have my fingers in: character education at the kid's school, interview panel for their new assistant principal, writing class with my fourth grade girls, homeschooling my Nessa Bessa, taking hot lunch to my fourth grader. . .ALL these things are my best yes for now. And they are enough.

  

  

School Started

Anjalene: 6th Grade

Jonathan: 4th Grade

Anthony: 8th Grade

Ready. . .Set. . .School!

Janessa: TK

She slept in our first day of school. As a new homeschooling teacher, I completely over-planned.  I need to work at her pace and remember my whole reason for being home with her is to have fun and let the learning take place in a more natural setting.  I have a feeling she will learn the academics she needs for kindergarten and I will learn the patience I need for life.