Christmas Continued

 Christmas at grandma and grandpa's was for the most part, just us.  Celebrating the holidays with only my brothers and their families means so much to me.  It's so nice to have the cousins together, running wild (in pajamas this year), tamales for dinner, and a mint and chip pie for dessert.  An Uncle and Aunt came by for a little bit, but for the most part, it was hours upon hours of us celebrating Christ's birth together.  As usual, Grandma went overboard with the presents.  I know she finds joy in giving, but so much stuff just messes with my senses.  I automatically get a little anxiety wondering where everything will go. . .or worse yet, knowing the next couple days will be spent purging unnecessary and outgrown goods.

We celebrated a newly engaged brother with a toast.  I am so happy to see him happy.  It has been quite a year, but as usual, God's plans are so much greater than our own. I might not realize the greater joy in this celebration, had there not been so much distance and quiet to work things out on their own.  

 We had some cool hats to wear for good measure.

We watched the kids open gifts, and then we savored the slower opening of our own.  My mason jars and trays were my favorite gifts by far!
We laughed around the table with a fun game called, Pie Face.

It was definitely a crowd favorite!  But most of the time was just watching kids interact, and conversations among siblings and spouses.  It was easy and quiet, really.  Papa's presence was missed, but felt, I think.  At least it was for me. . .and at the end of the day, all that remained was the newest cousin, our baby niece, Monroe Marie. . .and I could only thank God for the peace she had brought to this gathering on so many levels. Christmas 2015 was in the books, but in many ways it felt like an invitation to live a bigger, simpler life.  How, you ask?  I'm praying over how I might be able to show you.  Peace.

Wise Words Wednesday

Peace Out.

And it is Good

The Christmas season feels so much more intentional this year.  As I near forty, the pause in the rush and hustle of the holiday season feels liberating.  We've said no to things that we simply don't want to do.  We've pared down our traditions to include those that minister or serve others, more so than for the pure joy we bring to ourselves.  This has included Christmas caroling with our church.  Since finding our Moms group there, I love being a part of this tradition with my kids.  I love that they are not afraid of the old.  I love that best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loudly for all to hear!  I love my mom's energy she brings when she shows up.  We are so different in our outgoing personalities, but the heart is the same.

 Saturday, the kids participated in the annual Penguin Waddle at the Fairplex.  It's a fun race to do.  It's free. And Jonathan came in first place for his division.  Totally impressive and a memory he won't soon forget.

Their biggest cheerleader

6:54 mile

Spending the morning, encouraging the kids to use their God-given gift was fun. It was neat to see Jonathan so pumped up from the win.  I don't think he realizes his God-given talent, so we will just gently continue to encourage him and pray he eventually does.  I was very proud of Anjalene too.  My girl belongs on the stage, not the track; however, she has gotten her mile down to about ten minutes which is a huge improvement for her.  She finished this race well and really gave it her all. Anthony sat this one out but he cheered with me and Janessa.

Later we visited a local church for a walk through Bethlehem.  It was such a neat experience, so hands on, so focused on Christ's birth and the real meaning of Christmas.  We all loved the experience and  the kids said they hope we make it a tradition like the living nativity they look forward to.  That made my mama heart so happy.

Learning to weave

She used her schilling to buy Nina a basket

Keeping the focus on Christ has been difficult in years past as we tried to keep up with all that was going on around us.  Wanting the best experiences for our kids, to create meaningful and lasting memories was in the forefront of our intentions; however, I am coming to realize less is truly MORE.  Our kids do not want for anything that they really need.  And in the season leading up to Christmas, there was mindless bickering and squabbling and I was sincerely sick of it.

Then it hit me.  I am part of the problem.  Every time we rushed from this activity to the next, bought what they wanted from their list, made it more about them than the real meaning of Christmas. . .why was I expecting a different result?  It was a no brainer why our devotion around the advent wreath wasn't going the way I envisioned--we had lost our focus.  And I needed to lead us back to it.  So subtly, and ever so gently, with kindness and love, I'm trying to get us back to perhaps a place we've never really even been...the real meaning of Christmas.  We went to a penance service at church.  Just me and the bigs and we needed it.  We needed the car ride there, the priest's words, the time together in the pew.  We needed it to reconnect, to remember, to renew our hearts and minds to be who God intends us to be.  And it is good.

This season may only come once a year,  but it's for that very reason that we can't afford to miss it!  We need to fight for the joy.  We need to bring it back to what it is really all about. . .His birth.  We need to surround our days with plenty of empty white space to feel His presence and to spread His joy.  We do not need to go along with the crowd, when the crowd has it all wrong.  Jesus was born in a stable. Surrounded by his mother and father and a bunch of barnyard animals.  We do not need to be a part of the crowd to celebrate Christmas.  The noise, clutter, and frenzy might just blur your vision so you are missing out on the clear view of God's love for us that he sent us His only son.  Find your place.  Find your peace. Start today.

My Best Yes Left me With a Peace I've Never Known Before

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.--John 14;27

For some reason these words seem to follow me around all day and night, sneaking into my thoughts when I least expect them, so I thought it might be worth spending some time thinking about why. I don't feel like I'm at a point in life where fear lives, nor is my heart troubled by decision making or anything happening on the home front. . .however, this peace that I have about being home in this season is nothing short of amazing.  And maybe that's why God keeps whispering this verse over and over to me. It was only in surrendering to Him that I have come to know peace like this.  It's the kind that covers me softly day in and day out.  It might not be in the shape of a bigger house, or more money in the bank but it is the kind that matters most nonetheless. It was finding my best yes. 

It's the kind I notice both physically and mentally.  I am more relaxed and embracing the chaos of having four children underfoot. This mama work matters despite naysayers and all these well intentioned, opinionated people who say this or that flippantly.  And what in the world can I find to DO all day long? Plenty.  The thing is, I don't even have to justify it with an answer because this is the journey E and I are on. This works for us. . .for now.  End of story. And I am savoring the journey.  I am excited for the tasks I have my fingers in: character education at the kid's school, interview panel for their new assistant principal, writing class with my fourth grade girls, homeschooling my Nessa Bessa, taking hot lunch to my fourth grader. . .ALL these things are my best yes for now. And they are enough.

  

  

The Struggle is Real. . .Part Two

It's the strangest thing the way the Lord keeps giving me these little bites of "real" work in the "real" world.
Conversations across desks with inquisitive principals take place.
Email from a cousin about counseling jobs in a district that hasn't hired counselors in as long as I've had my credential, it seems.
Text messages from an acquaintance asking if I'm interested in a forty percent assignment.
A former teacher of the kids saying they may have to add a class, would I be interested?

And my answer has been the same to all these people that really don't know my life right now:  I can't.  Not this year.  It's not the right time. . .but then I wonder.  I mean really wonder: are these signs?  Is God speaking to me and I'm just not getting the message?  Are these opportunities I potentially might be missing out on? Or is this some kind of test to see if my faith will waver.  If I will take my eyes off the Lord and sink in the ocean water?  I have no idea.

I'm telling myself that God is speaking to me through these bits and pieces and showing me that there will be work for me in the outside world when the time is right.  Now is truly not that time.  I need to embrace the year with Nessa and quiet the outside world's expectations of what constitutes a valuable life's calling.  The one I'm choosing has no pay check but it is worthy nonetheless.  It's a gift.

  

November 17, 2012

Yesterday is not the kind of day I want to remember; however it is a day I need to.  I got the call no wife wants to receive, there had been an accident my husband was involved in at work. He was being transported by ambulance to the hospital.

As I rushed from my imoms meeting to pick up Janessa, hands shaking, moving swiftly, all I could do was pray.  As we ran to the car together, we prayed aloud that daddy would be okay.  Thankfully, the hospital was only minutes away and I just murmured, "yes" as Nessa kept repeating, "My daddy hurt?"  All the while praying.

Seeing him in that hospital bed ALIVE and hearing him speak was a rush of relief and I let tears fill my eyes with pure joy.  He told me what had happened and to be honest, it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo technical talk that I really didn't get, but the words I absolutely understood: 7200 volts.  7200 volts is the current that somehow he made contact with.  7200 volts.  He could have been dead.  By all accounts, he should have been dead. . .but he wasn't.  Here he was with me, and even though I couldn't see his hands yet to see the extent of the damage--I cared about nothing else and I started praising God. 

Just the day before I had posted this picture on instagram.

And the next day, I got the dreaded call.  Just like that, our lives could have changed in an instant.  I know my conscious brain knows this, but the reality of following the ambulance as he was transported to a burn center over fifty miles away. . .took my breath away. My stomach ached, my mouth was dry, my muscles ached from the strain of such constant concentration, yet praise filled words swam around my mind.

As I waited for them to call me back at the burn center, I replayed the morning.  I could hear the sound of rain against the rooftop.  "Is that rain," he had asked?  "Yes, " I replied snuggling deeper into the blankets. Of all days, I chose the warmth of the covers to going downstairs with him and making his coffee then riding my bike.  I didn't bless his forehead.  I didn't. . .I didn't. . .

But He did.  God was with Ernie.  God protected him and spared his life.  His injuries are relatively minor for the voltage he was working with.  I am so grateful. . .gulping breaths of gratitude.  Today there is only room for gratitude and love.  That is how filled up I am. It doesn't matter that Thanksgiving is a couple days away.  The day to give thanks is today--or any day that you're alive.

My view last night in the comfort of our own home.  Another gift of the day?  He was discharged.  After talk of keeping him to monitor his heart and such. . .they let him come home to this.  To us.  To a friend/brother/fellow lineman who brought us pizza for a late dinner.  I had no idea how much this profession truly is a brotherhood--word traveled fast and the calls and texts were rolling in.  As I drove home through hours of Friday night traffic, I listened to him speak to the people who understand his words, what happened, way more than I did.  I gave thanks for them too.  These men who do a dangerous job so I can have electricity flowing through this home of mine.

I haven't quite wrapped my head around what comes next.  There will be a burn center appointment on Monday.  I will dress and wrap his wounds later today and again Sunday. I haven't even had a good chance to cry and let the tears spill for what God saved for me and my family to love on for longer.

All I know at this time, this particular moment, is that God is so good!  This accident will forever shape how Ernie conducts business. I have often said God speaks to us in whispers and when we don't get it, we get a thump.  I'm thankful this thump wasn't worse. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change--James 1:17

Thankful to God for my husband's safety, but also for filling me up with such gratitude that there is no room for worry.  Ernie will go back to work again and the possibility will exist for accidents to happen.  But there is no room for me to worry.  God's got this--case in point: yesterday.
⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:34  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

October 26, 2012

"The days are long; the years are short."--Gretchin Rubin

I'm not sure what it is about this week that makes this quote reverberate through my mind.  Could it be after three long weeks away, my husband is home, which makes it easier to enjoy the beautiful moments of our everyday chaotic, crazy extraordinary?

Maybe it's the fact that after his four year apprenticeship, Ernie is finally, officially done!  He is a journeyman now and with that comes a choice.  He can look for jobs that are closer to home and my head isn't subconsciously worrying that he may be moved at any second back up North or to Arizona.  This week we enjoyed four glorious days together.  Mornings, lunches, parent participation classes, and him spending some one on one time with the kids.  Oh lest I forget. . .the backyard is presentable again.

Could it be that Jonathan has lost four teeth in two weeks and Lene visited an orthodontist to talk about a two phase treatment?  Then I look at my youngest who will be three-years-old almost one month from today with her little, bitty baby teeth, cute gap in the front and all--stretched out so long in her footed pajamas across the bed and I think, wow!  Holding her cousin as she ran across the pumpkin patch yesterday, I noticed how perfectly he fit in my arms and how right he felt and realized how done I really am with having my own children from this body of mine.They are all getting so big and I'm here.  God has blessed me with this time here at home with them.

The PTA obligations, the Tech committee food truck event, student council speeches, the parent conferences I held this week for my part time job, talent show practice and Halloween costumes, the faith formation class I'm teaching, the imoms group I attend, the new friends God has blessed me with plus the old ones who have been a part of my growing journey. . .it's all so totally, completely worth it!!!  I am feeling so richly blessed.  God's had His hand in this all along and I am filled with gratitude that my eyes--this week especially, have been open to all the richness, all the beauty that flows freely through this little house of ours.

I breathe in His glories deeply, and I exhale complete and utter gratitude.  I've been a little busy in front of the camera, to take time behind it--and it feels so right, so good, so true, and so absolutely glorious!

April 25, 2012

Recently we Lene had the privilege of hamster sitting while our neighbors went away.  This was the next best thing to getting one since I'm not to keen on the idea of ownership.  Hamsters are so small and Nessa is too.  If I put it up high, I was afraid she would climb to get it and it would fall to its death.  If I put it down low, I was in fear of her figuring out how to open the cage and setting the furry thing to freedom.

It wasn't too much trouble, I suppose.  Lene fed it and put it in the ball to get additional exercise and it wasn't with us long enough to get smelly. . .but I'm still not feeling the ownership part of it.  Truth be told, I am not an animal lover.  I I like animals just fine, but love as in. . .all the extras they need.-not so much.  And I feel badly about that, I do.  But not bad enough to cave  and bring another living thing into our house--one that ultimately I will be responsible for.  Is that wrong?

Sigh.

Even if it is, I'm not changing my mind.  No hamsters in this house.  No.  Mom is laying down the law.  I have to.  My peace of mind trumps happy kid at the pet store. One day they will grow up and have kids of their own and then they can have all the animals they want. And I promise to visit.

January 9, 2012

Today I went back to work after a beautiful two week vacation.

Two weeks of luxurious down time blessed with my kids company and no lesson planning or grading papers.

I just about loved every. single. minute!

Who wouldn't?

Right?

I returned to my classroom this morning.

The room that still strikes moments of reflection and pause from time to time.

I am happy to report that fear has been replaced with curiosity.

A keen awareness that change is on my horizon, I'm just not sure what that looks like exactly. Yet.

After acknowledging that we are in fact back to the grind, and realizing my second and third periods are just completely different communities of learners than I am used to. . .

today God placed the phrase, "Go with the flow," completely on my heart.

It isn't a coincidence that He used my word of the year.

I do believe, He was trying to get my attention.  

Mission accomplished!

So as I continue to listen to His calling for my life,

I will go with the flow in my classroom.

Don't get me wrong, this does not mean fly by the seat of my pants, or stop caring--

Quite the opposite is true!

I have many students with learning and emotional disorders who need structure and well thought out lessons to grasp the standards being taught. . .but I have to let go of some of the the things that have come to bother me a bit this year: twenty questions asking the same thing, a dull murmur of voices as I am in the middle of instruction, planning for opportunities to mix things up to stretch and break, assistants and personal aids in the classroom to assist...the list goes on.

Just as I will go where He leads me in the end.

I will go where they lead me for now.

I'll have my heart and ears open to receive what comes next.

I'll continue to enjoy the scenery along the way.

He wouldn't want it any other way, I'm sure.

Go on. Go to God. . .--JF

September 27, 2011

We live in such a broken world.

My heart is heavy with all the wickedness and evil our kids encounter.

Every day is a battle for their hearts to be in Him.

I've waged my own battle this week: a battle for peace of mind.

This week as I continue my own healing and return to my workplace,

I am so thankful for my friends who have prayed,

my family who has been there one hundred and ten percent,

and mostly, I am thankful for the safety of my husband's embrace--and eternally grateful to God who has blessed me with him.