The Magical Memory That Will Last

Last weekend we were blessed in a HUGE way.  I must back up though for the blessing of it all to be really understood.  Jonathan asked about going to Disneyland during a casual conversation one night after dinner. Of the four kids he really is the only one that hasn't been in the last three years.  He doesn't actually remember his last trip, he thinks it was when he was a baby.  He's practically right:  he had just turned four the last time we used our Disneyland passes before they expired.

I immediately started adding up in my head what this trip could cost if all of us were included.  It was a number upwards of 800 dollars.  I told him maybe we could take Janessa and him for his birthday if that was what he really wanted.  That price tag seemed a little more up our alley.  Here's the thing:  we could afford to take a family Disney trip.  But Ernie and I decided that wasn't a good use of that much money.  We could stay overnight for a weekend getaway for the amount it would cost us.  We just couldn't justify the huge expense for one day of fun.  We just couldn't do it.

Fast forward a few days later.  It was late and I was checking my email before I went to bed.  The house was sleeping and I saw an email from a dear friend.  This woman I've known about twenty years.  I was blessed to volunteer beside her in a classroom with her kindergartener and my little brother.  I wqent on to have the pleasure of teaching each of her three children at different points in their lives. . .elementary, junior high and high school.  Her presence has been a constant in my life.  They attended our wedding.  We email periodically to keep in touch and now her oldest is a teacher.  It feels we've come almost full circle.

This woman is the type of mom I always dreamed of being, even when I had to work full time.  She was involved, as most moms are.  But she had a quiet presence that just exuded love and acceptance of her children just as they are.  I've always looked at her as their soft place to land.  She shared resources with me through the years, manipulatives,  and educational toys and a binder of articles she had gathered through her parenting years.  She was my mentor mom before I even knew what one was.  She still is. . .

And recently her role is shifting as her children are young adults and spreading their wings.  I imagine it is much harder than she could ever explain in words because her kids are her heart walking around outside her body.  So, I read her update about her kids and how she had more free time these days in addition to a part time job with children that she loved, so she decided to follow in the footsteps of her three children and applied and accepted a job at Disneyland.  The last lines did me in: With that said,  I know you and your family have been through a lot this past year.  I would like to offer to you and your family six tickets to Disneyland for Saturday, January 30, 2016.  Please let me know if you are interested.

I sat there still and immediately tears poured from my eyes.  I found myself silently sobbing as her offer became real.  Merely a few days before, my son was asking to go here, and suddenly God had put it on this woman's heart to gift us in this incredibly generous way!  It was almost too much for me to wrap my head around.  I just kept thinking, God sees all.  He knows all the prayers on our heart.  I was overjoyed and filled with such gratitude immediately.

Ernie and I decided to keep it a secret from the kids.  It was going to be so fun to surprise them in this way!  And it absolutely was!!!  The morning of we told them how to dress, had our snacks packed and we knew it was going to be a long, full day of fun!  The weather was cold, but not raining--God saved that for the next day!  The kids were shocked that we ended up at Disneyland.  We told them the story of how this came to be and they were dumbfounded and filled with gratitude as well.  It was a beautiful moment.

Our 1st family trip to Disneyland!

With our friend who makes dreams come true!

I'm not going to try to recount all the events of this day.  It was layer upon layer of fun.  It was quality time away from the demands of home and work.  It was absolutely magical.  There was something so beautiful seeing the park through Nessa and Bubba's eyes.  The trip was not taken for granted because we had been there countless times before.  It was a gift that they cherished which was completely evident all day long.  

The ride lines weren't an issue because we were busy plotting our next steps. Of course Janessa and Bubba would be adventurous and conquer  the Matterhorn and Space Mountain with no fear.

I just love daddy/daughter shots.

This guy was given an honorary citizen pin by one of the workers.  Made his day!

Snack coupons were even included!

One of Janessa's best friends (mom is one of mine too) happened to be there on this special day.  So we documented it and rode the Pirates of the Caribbean, twice!

As if things weren't perfect enough, tickets, snacks, and Honorary Citizen pin, lots of rides. . .we decided to watch the Paint the Sky parade.  We were up by the train station and had a decent view, but then a man and his wife moved out of the way and offered my kids the railing!  It was so generous, I teared up.  The parade was beautiful and just added to the magic of our entire day!   

The day was incredibly magical from start to finish.  We stayed pretty much up until they closed.  Janessa walked the entire time making me realize our baby days are indeed. . .over and the kids are at ages that made me not as frantic about the crowds. All in all, it was such a great day!  The way this trip unfolded was a pure gift.  The time we spent together. . . a gift.  The magic the memory will forever hold. . .a gift.  

Dear Birthday Boy

Dearest Bubba,

It has been a strange week leading up to your entry into double digits.  You literally blew me away last week at your track meet. Five races, where you ran your way to first place status each time, gave me pause.  Where is my little boy?  How have those legs carried you so far away from the pack in the race and why are they leading the way to this next decade of your life?  Time is cruel.  It is a race I was never prepared for, and it keeps going, so here I am saying, "Happy 10th Birthday, Son."

Bubs, I recently saw, of all things, a tatoo that stated a truth I want you to learn young. . ."Change is the only constant." And this has definitely been a year full of changes for you, our family, our household.  Of all my children, you are the one who struggles with any kind of change the most; therefore, I know this year has not been easy.  I know you've struggled with disappointments from people you love.  I know what a soft heart you have and that it hurts easily.  I also know some of the bruising has probably come from me in moments where my harsh tone or words did not fit the offense.  And as I have already told you far too many times this year, I am truly sorry.

I forgot how it feels to be on the verge of growing up. I never had to share my room with anyone.  I never had to share my parents with anyone.  I never watched that dance and now daddy and I dance it daily and son, it is hard.  We make many mistakes, of this I know for sure.  But you are not a mistake.  You were born to be ours.  You were born with a heart of compassion and eyes for justice.  You have stepped out and shown who you are becoming.  I know your life verse is Philippians 4:13  "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," but son, the Lord has been placing a new verse on my heart and He is showing me that it is just for you as we enter a new decade of your life:  "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."--Micah 6:8

There is something about who you are that my mama heart just knows has to pray for the wonderful things you will do for His kingdom over time.  Raising a Kingdom Kid with eyes like you have, who seeks out the broken, voices concern for people afraid to speak, and who can win races and know that it was not of your ability but because of God's given gift to you--all those qualities make for a kid who is already in tune with God's call on his life and totally open to the possibilities of his future! And to think, we have the privilege and joy to call you son!

From leadership to track to Pokemon cards. . .this year has been full of new opportunities to grow you.  I still remember that first week of school when I told you I just couldn't sit and help you with every detail of your homework.  I mean, you were in 4th grade!  From that day forward, you came in and did what needed to be done, only asking me for help on occasion.  Amazing what you can accomplish when you're pushed outside your comfort zone a little.  Hot lunch on Thursdays, Character Counts blue, College shirt day, Leadership shirt day--I watch the week fly by by the shirt you wear.  But I am so proud that you put yourself out there this year and tried new things!

I loved our desert trip to the mine, and the flowers you still gather for me.  I love your laugh and smile.  Your eyes can see into my soul.  They undo me in the best possible way because I know you get it. . .ALL of it! You see the good before the bad and I love that about you.  You've been the man of the house checking doors and lights when dad has to work and I have thoroughly enjoyed our Frisbee afternoons at the park.  Actually, I'm ready for summer nights that we can play!  I don't even mind that you beat me in steps every day.  I am four times as old as you, and not nearly as good at dropping everything to just run and play!  I really do need to work on that!  

I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned for your life.  You are such a gift to me, son.  I love you forever and ever to the moon and back times a thousand million zillion. . .until the end of time!

I hope your day and your ten-year-old adventure is memorable.  I can't wait to hear all about it!

All my love always,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mom

13 Years

On our 13th anniversary, this verse found me. . .13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.--1 Corinthians 13:13
Notice the 13th chapter and 13th verse.  

13 years of doing life with my best friend.  What a blessed life we live.  Two are better than one and I am so thankful he is half of my pair.  

We celebrated at a local restaurant after a pretty rough day with an issue from one of the kids.  Our big kids came by to love on us and drop off some Trader Joe's favorites.  It's nice to have such thoughtful big kids.  

Date #4 of 15 in 2015

We came home to a basket full of perfect goodies for a much warmer picnic, spring day.  Lene Bean came up with an idea and grandma absolutely delivered. It's nice to have a mom who steps in and helps the kid's plans come to fruition, especially when it involves spoiling us a little.

13 years.  It feels like only yesterday we were walking down the aisle.  So many more ups than downs and leaning into our love and becoming a true team to play at the game of life.  Blessed upon blessed upon blessed. . .

Dad and Dolls

Lene has never been a big doll fan.  She's more a stuffed animal lover.  So you can imagine our surprise when she asked for an American Girl doll for her 11th birtday!  In an age where ipods and  iphones seem to be at the top of the tween wish list, I wasn't disappointed to comply.

We picked a day when E was off work early and headed out to the Grove.  The looks on the girls faces as they entered the multi-leveled store were priceless.  They didn't seem to know where to even begin.  We must have spent three hours in the place.  Even E was contributing to doll discussion and data as Lene contemplated greatly which doll to bring home with her.

Lene finally left with Rebecca, who migrated here from Russia and was an aspiring actress.  Nessa left with baby doll twins.  We celebrated her birthday early since it will fall on Thanksgiving day this year.
I remember when all I wanted was a Cabbage Patch kid many moons ago.  It was a difficult Christmas morning when I received a hand-made doll that wasn't really what I wanted.  But I remember having to be thankful and appreciative because inside I knew it was the right thing to do.  And she grew on me.  But the next year when I got my real Willa Leann?  I will always remember that feeling.  That doll. I hope the same for my girls.  They have their doll.  I don't see this becoming any sort of tradition--it seems unnecessary to have multiple dolls that are similar.  I want my girls, well Lene Bean, at least, to always remember the anticipation and excitement and the feelings this shopping day brought about.

 Funny story:  when we were checking out, one of the girls asked Nessa what the names of her baby were.  She responded, "Bella and Jacob."  The lady said, "Oh, how cute like in Twilight?"  Nessa looked at her and said, "That movie is not appropriate."  Everyone laughed but it's so true.  She likes the names, not because she associates them with a movie.  She's four-years-old for goodness sake!

Who needs the American Girl Cafe when you can eat at Chilis?  

I sure hope they always remember this, because I know mom and dad sure will!

Christmas Happenings

There has been all kinds of Christmas prep around here.

The fun kind.  The kind that doesn't feel like work.

The kind you can kick your feet up at the end of the day and exhale peace.

The girls and I celebrated Christmas with the cousins ugly sweater style.

This was after I had already had the joy and privilege of escorting my handsome husband to an ugly sweater party of his own.

He kept walking around saying, "Bringing the power to the party." He'd flip the switch and make the lights come on.  It was funny since he does work for an electric company.  Thanks grandma for the fabulously decorated sweaters.  I thought they were ugly enough--but you had a vision and brought it to life!

We almost didn't make the Living Nativity this year--but the kids couldn't remember never not going.  So we went.  And stood in line for over an hour.  But Little and Kendra joined us so it really felt like "the gangs all here." And I might have gotten teary-eyed.

The next day I worked then raced home to go caroling at a local retirement center with our church.  Our home church. The one I may have strayed away from for lack of community--only to find--I am just as responsible for making that community come to life.  

So I go to the monthly mom's group and I refused to be intimidated by the fact that my kids seem to be the only ones not going to Catholic school--and participated in the caroling opportunity anyways.  We all have a heart for service we just choose to educate in a different setting.  

They don't mind.  So why should I?

The kids passed out cards they had made at home.  I liked watching them.  I liked watching the older people's faces.  I might have gotten teary-eyed here too.

Tis the season!

The choir Christmas Concert was held within walking distance of our home at a church and was beautiful!  The kids sounded so amazing.  I can't believe they were able to accomplish that with only an hour of practice a week since October.  Bravo!

Jonathan's third grade classes visited that same church the next day to make candy canes.

This is a tradition they have been doing for years and I just think it was the coolest to watch.  I couldn't stay the whole time because back at our house the girls were arriving for our last book club meeting of the year.  

We had a potluck and did a gift exchange that was really amazing.  The girls brought a gift that represented a lesson God was working on their hearts or a lesson He had taught them this year--it was fun to hear the significance behind the gifts.  It was even better to hear their hearts.  We even had three of the husband's pop in and one spoke from his heart about what good we were doing meeting the way we are.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  God was so present--it truly was the best gift.

This little one has made such progress in her performance skills.  For the second year in a row she wore a dress her big sister wore when she was her age.  I didn't save much but what I did?  I love to reminisce.  This year Nessa Bessa remained standing through the performance.  I was a proud mama.  Who wouldn't be?

 That night we got together with friends and had pizza and gingerbread house decorating.  I would share the finished result except this was the first year that it didn't remain standing!  I think the parents leaving it in the hands of the kids wasn't the best of ideas but they had fun and, "Presence over presents" is my motto this year.  Whatever works: )

 The very next day we ended up in Urgent Care.  This poor girl just goes from 0 to 60 in seconds.  With pneumonia and bronchitis in her not so far past, I just wanted to make sure we could get her to some semblance of normal by Christmas Eve.  She is still miserable. "I don't like being sick.  Sick is boring," she exclaims in the most pathetic little voice she can muster.  Poor baby.

Which is why today will look like this. E is working, today but soon he will join me for a few days off to relax and bask in the glow of family, friends, and the real reason for the season.

  All presents are wrapped and ready.  All that remains is some baking to do for fun.  

No pressure.  

No problem. 

There has been all kinds of Christmas prep around here.

The fun kind.  The kind that doesn't feel like work.

The kind you can kick your feet up at the end of the day and exhale peace.

April 20, 2012

Last week, we were treated to four days away to celebrate our ten year anniversary.  It was much appreciated and so anticipated! A couple days before we left, there was a message in my inbox from the hotel reminding us of our stay.  We both had a good laugh because, seriously this couple DID NOT need a reminder about our get away!!!

We headed out to Palm Springs where we hoped we would be met with cooperative weather.  Let me tell you, it DID NOT disappoint!  The hotel was beautiful and I can not tell you how much I squirmed in my seat the whole drive there.  I was THAT excited!

Now, can you see why?  The place was phenomenal--the amenities fantastic and perfect for our little celebration trip!  It has been nine years since we have been alone for more than two nights together.  Back then finding willing grandparents to watch one baby was easy!  You can read all about my dad and mom's misadventures of  babysitting  HERE. . .I digress. . .
It was just us.  The two of us. For four whole, glorious days!  Poolside, dinners that weren't constantly interrupted by kids--except there was one night in which my husband caught a lady as she was going down.  She passed out. . .and he assisted the manager as they waited for paramedics.  Yeah, he's pretty awesome like that!! We also went on a long car ride that took us to Palm Desert, La Quinta, Coachella, and Cathedral City ( I think).  It was so nice to belt out songs from the ipod and laugh and talk and sight see together.  I think I enjoyed every minute. . .

The weather was amazing!  I think there was maybe one day where I wore a light sweater.  The sun was pretty hot and it had been so long since I laid in one spot relaxing and reading, that I forgot how important it is to flip!  I was paying for that a little the next day! But, I didn't complain because what is there to complain about when your kids are being well taken care of and you're with your honey in Palm Springs?

I felt like I didn't have a care in the world...no job, no kids, just the guy I was still so in love with all to myself.

I loved trying to snap pictures of the two of us as we headed out to our adventures.  He did a much better job than I did in terms of making sure we both could be seen--but the lighting was poor so the quality of the pictures isn't great, but will do for all intense memory preservation.

Then the last night there we got all savvy and used the automatic timer that I had no idea how to use on the fancy camera my husband gave me over a year ago now.  He is a jack of all trades, I tell you!!

I am happy to report that I didn't bother taking the camera on all our little excursions.  I think he was happy with that--I think I might embarrass him sometimes. . .I don't know why!  However, I did happen to grab it when I knew we were going to do a little drive by of a car dealership we had walked by the night before.  My man's DREAM sat parked in a showroom and I know he was itching to get up close and personal with it.  So, without further ado. . .

There she is. I do believe he said she looks a little different from the computer screen.  Her lines were a little smoother, her scent captivating. . .and I can't recall any more of that conversation as I was enjoying just watching my man so close to his "dream."  What a fun little way to vacation--counting your dreams as they drove by--thirteen we saw in total.  Crazy, huh?  Good times. . .

Our last day there was the only time the computers came out. (My pretty case was designed by ALISSA--just in case you needed a little something that just screams happy!)  Initially we were looking up movie times and then we ended up just hanging out surfing the net for awhile.  It was so quiet and comfy to relax in our little, private piece of heaven that I had to document it as well!

Ten years.  Happy ten years to us.  It's good to know we still know how to have fun that doesn't involve the kid's school or schedule for a change!  I will cherish the memories.  We will do this again. Sooner next time.  Why wait?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.--1Corinthians 13:4

January 10, 2012

Ever since June 28, 2010 this image has been ingrained on my heart and mind even more than the ginormous splendor that the Sequoias and Yosemite offered.

This is what my eyes bore witness to the minute my feet were firmly planted on ground after hours of travel in the RV.

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

WOW!

Memories of the children's book The Legend of the Three Trees flashed across my mind.

Each tree had such big plans for themselves but after many passing years they forgot their dreams as they never seemed to come to pass.  

However, God had even bigger plans....

and that's the thought I relish in today.

I have worked for years crafting what I thought was the "right" life for me, which turned into the right life for us.

Ten years in and I'm not so confident in "my plan" any more.

Maybe it's time to throw caution to the wind and dive head first into faith.

Why is it I have faith that there is a heaven and a promise of eternal life, but I can't quite grasp that He is enough all the time, for everything... Today. Tomorrow. In the future? Now.

I'm realizing this is not a coincidence that I've flashed-back on this photo and reflected on why it was so striking--what those three trees represented that day, last summer.

I don't think I was ready to see the big picture then, to ask myself the hard questions, to deviate from my "plan."

God has a way of getting my attention.

Another afternoon, I'm sitting here in awe of the wisdom he breathes into me from a simple snapshot in time.

^"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Go on. Go to God...JF

January 9, 2012

Today I went back to work after a beautiful two week vacation.

Two weeks of luxurious down time blessed with my kids company and no lesson planning or grading papers.

I just about loved every. single. minute!

Who wouldn't?

Right?

I returned to my classroom this morning.

The room that still strikes moments of reflection and pause from time to time.

I am happy to report that fear has been replaced with curiosity.

A keen awareness that change is on my horizon, I'm just not sure what that looks like exactly. Yet.

After acknowledging that we are in fact back to the grind, and realizing my second and third periods are just completely different communities of learners than I am used to. . .

today God placed the phrase, "Go with the flow," completely on my heart.

It isn't a coincidence that He used my word of the year.

I do believe, He was trying to get my attention.  

Mission accomplished!

So as I continue to listen to His calling for my life,

I will go with the flow in my classroom.

Don't get me wrong, this does not mean fly by the seat of my pants, or stop caring--

Quite the opposite is true!

I have many students with learning and emotional disorders who need structure and well thought out lessons to grasp the standards being taught. . .but I have to let go of some of the the things that have come to bother me a bit this year: twenty questions asking the same thing, a dull murmur of voices as I am in the middle of instruction, planning for opportunities to mix things up to stretch and break, assistants and personal aids in the classroom to assist...the list goes on.

Just as I will go where He leads me in the end.

I will go where they lead me for now.

I'll have my heart and ears open to receive what comes next.

I'll continue to enjoy the scenery along the way.

He wouldn't want it any other way, I'm sure.

Go on. Go to God. . .--JF

December 7, 2011

Let's see in the past year alone:

a woman lost one of her sweet twins, born too soon;

a mother of three small children has died;

a married man of over forty years was widowed;

a man rented out his home as he hopes to get back on his feet after health problems and a lack of work has crippled him;

a mom has miscarried;

an older couple deal with the return of their grown daughter's breast cancer;

and now:

a ten-year-old boy dies unexpectedly.

This all within a two block radius.

Two blocks.

 I don't know why I didn't see it sooner.

Your little neighborhood is a mission field.

My friend texted me this when I asked for prayers for the little boy's family.

 She is SO right!

Just two weeks ago I lay in bed asking my husband how he felt about a mission trip instead of an extravagant ten year anniversary trip.

He wasn't exactly on board with that idea for now. . .but this?

Our little neighborhood is a mission field.

The kids find each other easily to play; we must find our neighbors to pray.

This, I am sure he will want to help.  Now.

How can we not?

There are simple things we can do to reach out.

There are yards to rake, meals to make, bread to bake, and gift cards to purchase.

We can make the effort to send a card, make a phone call to check in, send a text message, look them in the eyes when we call out hello and offer ourselves, our time, and our hearts.

I am  feeling called to do some type of grief counseling with the teens in the neighborhood who loved this little boy who passed away like a little brother.

I've worked with teens before; I've run a grief group for kids before;

Not sure what it will look like--but confident it can be done.

My mission field needs me.

Your mission field needs you.

Go out of your house and really pay attention to those around you--

the ones who are suffering in health or spirit.

Use the gifts He gave you.

Find your mission field and let Him use you.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.--1Peter 4:10