Easter 2017

Best we could get. . .

I love her quirky sense of style.

Monroe was old enough to find eggs with a little help.

Nina and her girl.

After the Easter Egg hunt.

Nino with his little ladies.

Nessa Bessa

Dear Nessa Bessa,

This letter is long overdue!  Your 7th birthday has passed but not without a flurry of excitement.  This is the year you were going to stop coming into our bed--well, a month since your special day has passed, and let me tell you, there hasn't been a day without waking to your warm little body snuggled against mine.  Do I mind?  Not yet. Maybe because you're the baby I truly am treasuring all these lasts with you.

This year has been a whirlwind.  Notice how often I did not write in this blog.  I was capturing memories for my mind and there they will stay forever.  One that stands out to me is going back to our 7th St. home to pick up mail--the move had been so hard on you, we know.  But that day, you called me on the phone with such excitement in your voice.  "Mama, I didn't cry!" you called out excitedly.You were so proud of yourself for facing a hard situation and not losing it.  I was so proud that you did it--you went.  I wouldn't have cared if you cried or not, but hearing that pride in your voice, made my heart swell!

As only God can do, he authored a new chapter in our book.  He moved us into a home we wanted while I was pregnant with you 7 years ago.  You know the story.  What you may not always remember is how hard it was for you to switch schools.  You cried, saying you missed me.  I came to realize you missed the idea of me.  Before you could always see your 7th St. house and it have you comfort thinking I was right there. Here, everything was new and I was not able to be seen.  But God brought you one of your dearest friends to join you.  Lincoln made life a little easier.  And you began to thrive!

This year you've been such a sweet older cousin to Monroe.  You love her like a little sister and I love watching you with her.  You and Cadence and Josh are close as ever and have so much fun any time you are together.  You are my little adventurer, but my homebody, my love bug.  You tell me, "I love you," at the most unusual times and it fills my heart with joy.

You made some sweet friends: Natalie, Cammie, Madison, and Camila. You joined a book club....I wish I could find a good one to join!  You tried dance again.  You were a Daisy.  But then you told me, "I think it's time to just be me."  I'm not sure what you mean exactly, but I'll wait expectantly and patiently as you figure it out.  You have a heart of gold.  You have been such a blessing to this family.  I can never thank God enough for bringing you to me.

I love fining you stretched out on the floor, or in front of the fireplace, or on your bed reading aloud.  Your little voice sounding out words and figuring things out for yourself slays me.  I am so incredibly in love with my family--all of you add so much to our little orchestra.  You mean the world to me baby bird.  Always know that.

I wish you a Happy Birthday.  I hope all your dreams come true.  I pray the Lord blesses you with good health and a long, happy life.  You are my sunshine on a cloudy Day.

"I'll love your forever, like you for always. . .as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be,"

Mom

Christmas Festivities

Christmas came and went this year, as it usually does.  As much as I felt it creep up on us, I feel like I savored so many quality moments.  Shopping was scaled back, less expectations of myself meant rejoicing when we accomplished a full day of baking and packaging for neighbors.  It's almost as if we accomplished more when I expected less.  We started gift giving a little early, when Janessa's Nina headed back to Spain for the holidays.

 It was nice to have her local, but we just want her to follow her dreams and be where it feels right for her.  So there were no tears this time when we said good-bye.  We know she will be back so we just keep her safety in our prayers.

And her relationships.  Prayer is all we have to offer when we're on opposite sides of the globe.  But all is well.  It shall remain so.
On another note, Dad took his daughters on an afternoon date to The Nutcracker even after working all through the night.  He is my hero...and such a good daddy!

Christmas Eve was just us this year.  Ernie's family traditions have changed, and now that both of his parents are in homes, it gets a little tricky.  We were able to pick up Pa, attend church together, eat a most delicious prime rib, followed up with R & B Christmas music and puzzle building.

The only evidence I have that we were all together, even if it was only for a little bit.

We read the Night Before Christmas as is our usual tradition and kids fell right to sleep before 10:30 pm.  It was so strangely quiet.  Ernie and I sat in the living room, illuminated by soft white twinkle lights and flickering candles soaking in the simplicity of the holiday.  It was so nice, we reflected on Little stopping by after pulling a 24 hour shift.  It was odd for him not to be here, but he is forging his own traditions with his fiance.  Praying they always keep family first. . .We also got a visit from my brother.  Seeing my niece and holding her in my arms, even for just a few minutes made the night complete.  Everything was oddly peaceful in the most beautiful way.

Christmas morning, kids slept in until about seven and then we were unwrapping their three gifts.  The older they get, the more I absolutely love this tradition of gift giving.  This year we picked "Advent Angels" and the kids had to hand make a thoughtful gift to the sibling/cub (cousin-uncle-brother) they chose.  Watching them watch each other's face as their gifts were unwrapped blessed my mama heart!

Eventually, the mess that remained was beautiful.

Grandparents stopped by for a bowl of menudo.  Uncle Scotty dropped by to drop off gifts too. And then we headed outside to wait for Santa and play with some of our gifts.  I never tire of this tradition.

 Eventually, my brother and his family showed up with exciting news.  And the festivities would continue at grandma and grandpa's house. . .

Traditions

Traditions have found us through the years of parenting littles.  During the holiday season, walking through a living nativity has been a long standing tradition that the kids won't consider missing out on.  This year with the addition of tickets, the wait time was nothing, which made it easy to enjoy.  I'm noticing more and more with a six year old now, that most events are easier now because the "baby" has grown up.  There's no need for strollers, diaper bags, snacks. . .we just go and adventure together.

 Last year we added a Journey Through Bethlehem into our "Things to do" at Christmas time.  It is a reanactment of the town of Bethlehem, the market place.  The kids loved it last year and we were able to bring Ernie with us this year to experience.  I love that Jesus is the focus.  I especially love that the kids still want to do these kids of activities.

 Last minute, grandma decided to make some tamales so I took the girls over to help.  It was further confirmation that Janessa is growing up.  To see her spreading masa and wanting to be helpful was a moment of gratitude for me.

This year, since Jonathan's gift is running, he was the only one who even wanted to do the Penguin Waddle.  He showed up, gave it his all and came in first for ten year olds, and fourth overall with 10-12 year olds.  He ran fast and then needed his inhaler. . .which I forgot!

And Christmas is officially ten days away. . .no idea how that happened so quickly!

Happy Birthday Baby Bird

How is it that, we are already deep into December and I have not written my darling daughter her birthday letter?  My apologies, Nessa Bessa...here goes:

Dear Baby Bird,

Happy birthday love bug!  I don't know why you're already six!  I asked God to slow down time just a bit so I could enjoy these little years to the fullest!  And while we have enjoyed your fifth year immensely, six already has the makings of a wonderful year!

You have accomplished much this year.  We completed our first and only year of homeschooling, and what absolute perfection it was!  One whole year with my sidekick right next to me all day long will never be forgotten.  Never.  The memories we made, adventures we encountered, crafts we made, and deliciousness we cooked up in the kitchen will top my memory bank of fun!  You are who you are, sweetness, and cuddles, loving and generous.  Your manners are a testament to the good-natured, thoughtful little girl you are.  It brings me joy when you're away from me and parents still tell me what excellent manners you display. It's because you truly have a grateful heart.

I wish I could narrow down all our fun into a list of favorites, but there has been so much that I just can't!  Every minute with you is such a gift. You make me smile, stoop down to your level, hug fiercely and smile bigger.  You complete us.  You are such a gift to all of us.  But the gift of time that I have had with you is treasured.  I was made for this role of juggling "mom" to five.  You were made to be a part of this beautiful family portrait.

I love waking up most mornings to you beside me.  I tell dad not to worry, you will soon stop and I'll enjoy the three am sneaking in visits while I still can.  They don't bother me a bit.  Lambie continues to be your favorite.  He has been stuffed and restuffed under grandpa's care and his head is bare but you keep loving him and he is another part of you.  I remember your first day of kindergarten.  I came upstairs to find him sitting at the top of the stairs and I cried.  I wasn't quite sure who was missing him more--me or him.

You have blossomed in kindergarten!  We love reading together, and I especially like how you sing songs while you write.  Doing homework with you is usually a delight--unless you're grumpy, and in that case, we postpone until you're feeling it because it is not worth a fight.  School days are longer now and my time with you shorter, so I want to invest in that time wisely.  You are worth every ounce of my attention.  You say the cutest, most endearing things.  I just love you so much, baby bird.

May the angels of heaven watch over you, especially papa.  You know, I will always remember how he kissed you good bye one last time.  I think partly because you were always so attentive when visiting.  You would start and end a trip to grandma and grandpa's with a kiss to papa without any prompting.  Your heart for him was special.  May this year be filled with new friends, and opportunities to have fun and serve.  May your wishes all come true and may you come to grow closer to the Lord, keeping that grateful heart for all He has provided for you.

All my love always,

Mom

Christmas Cousins

We gathered for our annual Girls' Cousins Christmas Celebration this weekend.  It was nice to meet some extended family who came from out of the area, while some other cousins were missed.  I get it though.  It's hard to be everywhere all the time.  Besides church, this was all we had on the calendar--a girl day and it was such a blessing for my littlest especially.  She had so much fun singing and dancing with her cousins. That's just how my cousin and I used to spend Christmas Eve, so funny to watch our girls now!

Lene Bean is in the in-between years.  She's too old for the littles play, but not old enough for the adults. She found a good book and read a little bit and enjoyed playing for me in the gift exchange part.

Taking our annual picture was fun. Some of us threw on some festive hats and were messing around taking selfies.  Some others were not being a part of that nonsense.  It was funny! And we wore ugly sweaters again--well, some of us did anyways.  I wore mom's from last year because she had too much fun making a new one.

Sis in loves

At the end of the day, it was nice to squeeze in some girl time because we don't get together nearly enough any more.  I'm so thankful for our monthly family dinners for the simple fact that I get to check in with my brothers and sister and spend some time with my nephews.  If we don't intentionally plan for it, it doesn't happen.  And sometimes priorities are just different for different people.  I'm working on accepting people I love for that very reason and letting go of the bitterness pill I sometimes allow myself to swallow when they choose not to show up.  I get things happen, kids get sick, life happens. . .but it's hard when none of the above are reasons--All I can control are my actions and showing our children the importance of showing up and being able to count on the people we are growing together in this household.  That's all I can do.

For now, this weekend was an enjoyable celebration of girl cousins, catching up on visits that were long over due.  Christmas blessings at their finest.

On the Eve of Your Fifth Birthday, Nessa Bessa. . .

Nature walk the day before your birthday.

Dear Janessa,

I write this on the eve of your fifth birthday and I may have been extra emotional tonight as I noticed everything about your last night of being four.  I loved interviewing you, watching the wheels turn as you thought about your answers and showed me your ballet moves eagerly.  The way you brushed your teeth and put your pajamas on unassisted.  The peace and calming oil you asked to be rubbed on your feet; the way you nestled in the crook of my arm as I read The Dance to you. . .and how you noticed the crack in my voice during two different parts and you reached your hand up to caress my face.  You are so perceptive! We prayed together and you asked me to stay.  And I did so willingly tonight, absolutely no thought to the distractions that sometimes win my attention.  And I took it all in: the scent of your conditioned hair, the feel of your smooth skin, the way you still delicately pull at lambies fur, the beating of your heart.  I noticed it all tonight because you will never be four again, and you're my last.  Which is probably why I woke up today wondering if it would be the last time I found that you had sneaked into our bed. And I made myself remember that one day, I will miss this.  I will miss ALL this because the days are long, but the years SO SO short.

On the eve of number 5

Baby girl,  I want you to know how much I love being your mommy.  I thank God every single day for you. I thank Him for the opportunity to be home with you, to homeschool you.  Sometimes a thought will sneak in and I will wonder if I shouldn't have sent you to TK, but then those thoughts are quickly replaced by the realization that THIS is what motherhood is about. I don't need to apologize or answer to anyone for the choices we make in raising you. Always remember that.  No matter how many degrees you have, I will never be disappointed in the decision you make as a mama as long as it's the right one for you.  Follow your heart and have faith in God that His plans will be revealed to you--and I am so excited to see what they are, my love!  I just know He is going to use you for greatness in this world!!

You are such a talker, and a feeler, and a mover!  You love to use your imagination and play.  You love to go to cooking class and ask questions and make yummy recipes.  You are blessed with good friends.  You like all things Little Pet Shops, Barbie, Strawberry Shortcake, Critters, dolls and house.  You asked daddy to take off your training wheels two weeks ago and you are getting the hang of riding your bike.  You are a gift.  Our gift and I am so thankful you are a part of this family.

Nessa Bessa, your feisty, sassy attitude is well balanced with your loving, gentle spirit.  You make me smile in spite of myself sometimes.  You stretch me.  I have you to thank for the mama I have become...the one who has let go of worldly standards and uses the only one that matters: love.  I've learned to put it on first thing in the morning, and to keep myself in check throughout our long days.  For as long as I live, these years home with you will be some of the best of my life.  We are our own team and we show up for the others: Little, Anjalene, Jonathan, and now Anthony. . .you are my sidekick, my right hand gal to do what needs to be done day in and day out; shopping, cooking, laundry, dusting.  You are beside me and I will miss you when we send you off to real school.  But speaking of school, I love seeing your excitement when you master something difficult: like writing your lowercase e correctly, or the number 5.  You squeal in delight, you hug me and my smile is so big because of your pure joy.  Teaching you has been a real joy.  You are a joy in my life.

"It's hard to be four," we would cry out on occasion. . .but now it's on to five.  Fabulous five. Fun Five. Fantastic Five.  Frank Five.  I look forward to the joy year five will bring.  You are my sunshine.  My Nessa Bessa. My love bug.  My baby bird.  I will always love the life you helped lead me to. . .the life of a stay at home mama.  Happy birthday, Janessa Raylene, may all your dreams come true!

All my love always and forever,
Mom

Selfie on the night before you turned five.

Fireworks on the Fourth

Our Fourth of July festivities were bigger than ever this year!  With a grand total of forty-eight people, our little house hosted a party not soon to be forgotten!  I had so much fun, I splashed around in the pool to cool off and forgot to take pictures.  But the memories won't soon be forgotten because a fun time was had by all.

I love how our day always starts with the parade.  It is something that I look forward to every year.  It doesn't matter that it's hot, I just look forward to the community that gathers together to celebrate the holiday.

Nessa even ran into a preschool friend on the parade route.

This year we went right across the street to watch the fireworks.  There were not nearly the crowd of people and the view was just as good! Someone even had brought a great sound system with patriotic music playing.  It was perfect!  Now we know for the future!

Dear Birthday Boy,

My Dearest Bubba Boy,

Nine years old today!  You have been counting down the days to reach your last single digit year. . .and I just wonder how it has gone this fast!  It seems like only yesterday and yet it was almost a decade ago. . .almost.  We still have this last year to celebrate the joy of boyhood and all your super powers!  We have some more time to go where magic fascinates and stumps you all in the same breath.  Actually, I hope you always have a love for all things magic. . .you putting on a show at your sister's fourth birthday party this year is a memory I will always treasure!  Nine years old and you have my heart.  Those eyes of yours absolutely melt me!

I love how this year your classroom is right across the street and every time I open the shutters in my room, I see the twinkle lights and I whisper a prayer for you and your teacher.  I love watching from the front window as you cross the street most days on your own now.  You confidently look both ways a couple times, not quite trusting the long line of cars waiting for their own kids.  You take your lunch every single day. You have outgrown your love affair of peanut butter and jelly and just last month began asking for turkey. You only want a half a sandwich because you want to get on to recess and play!  You don't want to come home for lunch most weeks, and I secretly hope that changes in your last two years of elementary school, but truth be told--it probably wont.  You love recess like most boys do to run and play and be a kid breathing deep California air no matter what kind of weather we have.

You played flag football again. You are so fast.  I encouraged you to sign up for spring ball or track because I felt like you needed to do something.  You chose track because it was only held at lunch recess with only one meet to attend.  Then you surprised yourself by placing first in the relay and second in the 800 and you qualified for the regional meet.  You wore that medal proud that day.  I think you doubt yourself sometimes, and when you saw how well you did, it pumped up your confidence a little bit.  But son, who you are on the inside will always matter more to us than what you accomplish on the outside.

Your loving, kind heart is so obvious to so many people.  You wear your heart on your sleeve and you want to help your friends.  Just this year, you told me you wanted to be homsechooled because you didn't like the way you weren't able to get out of your seat to help people when they needed it. Ha!  You have a way about you that is sensitive to what others feel. . .I love that about you, son.

You like school most days.  You get frustrated by the amount of material you have to read sometimes, and the way I make you rewrite certain things because it is not neat.  I choose my battles wisely with that. You fluctuate with your love of reading.  Sometimes you're really into it and sometimes you just don't seem to find material you connect with.  I've enjoyed reading aloud to you guys.  First the  Bunicula series and now  The Mysterious Benedict Society. You sleep in your bed during the week nights--not by choice but out of necessity for everyone getting a good night's sleep. You don't like being the only room downstairs, can't say I blame you--but you don't want to move either.  We have our roots here and our small house is growing a very tight family.  I love that.

Jonathan, always remember "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." This verse found you in kindergarten when you were in your first play.  I just read and looked at those pictures with pride.  You are a good boy.  You have a kind heart.  You are a world changer and I pray you always follow the path God has for your life.  It will not matter what you accomplish on the outside, all that will ever matter is the lives you change by the love you give.  Let your heart lead you. Shine His light always and have the best ninth birthday year ever.

All my love always,

Mom