Birthday Blessings, Bubbba!

April 18, 2019

Dear Bubba,

Happy 14th Birthday, son!! Today marks the beginning of your 14th year. . .a year that will begin with endings as you prepare to promote to high school!  Three years of middle school have come and gone--soon you will be a Freshman at Bonita HIgh School! I can not even begin to tell you how proud of you I am. As a student, as a Web Leader, as an athlete, as a brother, and as a son. You've always had a giant heart, sought out the lonely, the bullied, those deemed different from others. I've admired that about you. You do what is right. You go against the grain and you genuinely are such a good boy.

This year has been rough. Friends are growing and changing stretching and you feel like your turn will never come. You pray to grow. And you will, son. God's timing is generally different from the time frame we want, So I just encourage you to embrace who God made you to be for now. To know you will stretch and grow eventually and not to stay focused on the height you are right now. Do the things you rhink you can't. Enjoy working our side by side with Dad. Embrace the lessons and training high school soccer camp will offer you. Be open to new opportunities and be positive that your high school years will be some of the best of your life!

You have exceeded our expectations with your studies. Honor roll, doing everything on your own, not needing to be pushed or tracked by us. This skill will help you in high school. You are ready, son! On the soccer field and track your God given skill has taken you far, now just listen to the coaches. Let them grow you as an athlete. Trust the process and be a good listener. We always can improve upon things, that is not a critisicm--it is a truth that applies to all of us. As a brother, stay connected to Ernie and Anthonu who will no longer be under our roof, but they are your male role models who will be there for you. As a little brother to Lene and a big brother to Nessa, stay involved. Talk to them, make time to do things with them. I want your relationship with your siblings to be even stronger than mine and dad's are with our siblings. Relationships take work. Invest the time and do the work now, This is holy, holy work, son.

Finally, this year you've really showed your compassion with G-pa and handloing their divorce with a wisdom and understanding I wish I had. I love that you want to see them happy and you inquire and talk to grandpa often to make him know that you are okay with whatever journey his life takes. Keep asking the questions, keep listening to the answers, and keep loving people, especially family members who may have disappointed you up to this point.

We love you. We always will. You are exactly who God made you to be--perfect in his likeness. You are going to do great things--you already have! You make me proud to be your Mom, son, Happiest of birthdays to you. I love you to the end of the world, across the universe times a billion.

XOXOXO

Mom

Nessa Bessa

Dear Nessa Bessa,

This letter is long overdue!  Your 7th birthday has passed but not without a flurry of excitement.  This is the year you were going to stop coming into our bed--well, a month since your special day has passed, and let me tell you, there hasn't been a day without waking to your warm little body snuggled against mine.  Do I mind?  Not yet. Maybe because you're the baby I truly am treasuring all these lasts with you.

This year has been a whirlwind.  Notice how often I did not write in this blog.  I was capturing memories for my mind and there they will stay forever.  One that stands out to me is going back to our 7th St. home to pick up mail--the move had been so hard on you, we know.  But that day, you called me on the phone with such excitement in your voice.  "Mama, I didn't cry!" you called out excitedly.You were so proud of yourself for facing a hard situation and not losing it.  I was so proud that you did it--you went.  I wouldn't have cared if you cried or not, but hearing that pride in your voice, made my heart swell!

As only God can do, he authored a new chapter in our book.  He moved us into a home we wanted while I was pregnant with you 7 years ago.  You know the story.  What you may not always remember is how hard it was for you to switch schools.  You cried, saying you missed me.  I came to realize you missed the idea of me.  Before you could always see your 7th St. house and it have you comfort thinking I was right there. Here, everything was new and I was not able to be seen.  But God brought you one of your dearest friends to join you.  Lincoln made life a little easier.  And you began to thrive!

This year you've been such a sweet older cousin to Monroe.  You love her like a little sister and I love watching you with her.  You and Cadence and Josh are close as ever and have so much fun any time you are together.  You are my little adventurer, but my homebody, my love bug.  You tell me, "I love you," at the most unusual times and it fills my heart with joy.

You made some sweet friends: Natalie, Cammie, Madison, and Camila. You joined a book club....I wish I could find a good one to join!  You tried dance again.  You were a Daisy.  But then you told me, "I think it's time to just be me."  I'm not sure what you mean exactly, but I'll wait expectantly and patiently as you figure it out.  You have a heart of gold.  You have been such a blessing to this family.  I can never thank God enough for bringing you to me.

I love fining you stretched out on the floor, or in front of the fireplace, or on your bed reading aloud.  Your little voice sounding out words and figuring things out for yourself slays me.  I am so incredibly in love with my family--all of you add so much to our little orchestra.  You mean the world to me baby bird.  Always know that.

I wish you a Happy Birthday.  I hope all your dreams come true.  I pray the Lord blesses you with good health and a long, happy life.  You are my sunshine on a cloudy Day.

"I'll love your forever, like you for always. . .as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be,"

Mom

Lene Bean

Bean,

Today becomes a new chapter for you to write.  Happy 13th birthday my love.  Welcome to the teen age years!! There is so much to say, yet no words matter more than this:  I love you.  I love you completely and I feel so incredibly blessed to be your mama.

Lately as I pray over you and your life, this verse found me and I have to share:  Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life."  I believe this will be my battle cry for you over the next few years because the teen age years can be rough, if you let them or lose sight on the bigger picture which is simply God loves you just as you are.  You are enough.  If you care for your heart, tend to it, watch over it, fill it with God's word, your prayers, your blessings... It will be your center that keeps you close to God.

I know you're excited to turn 13 because you think it's a time you will hear more yes's than no's.  To some things perhaps, but our goal as your parents is to guard your heart and not to introduce it to too much too soon.  We only have your best interest at heart.  We will miss the mark and fail from time to time, but please trust this to be true.

13.  13!  How is it my first born is a teenager today?!  Our summers together are getting less and less, and just as everyone who has children has predicted, I'm wondering where did the time go!  Gone are the braces, long are the curls.  Suddenly if I'm going to a store, you want to go too, because. . .clothes.  You made the drama class and are so excited about a possible New York trip in April, regardless it's only July.  You have a Pinterest board to decorate your new room.  You are picking things that are your style not mine, and I like it.  This letting go and letting you lead has been gradually happening over the last year.  We trust you to make good decisions, we value your input and I look forward to your stories at the end of the day.

This summer has been different.  It has been emotionally draining as you go through your things, memories of your youth and this house you have lived in and loved feels like it is slipping away as we prepare this week to say good-bye.  Please know my heart breaks a little more each day too.  I lived her right out of college. Your dad and I married and soon after began having our babies--all of whom came home here.  It's hard to say good bye--that's why daddy always says, "See you later."  We will not be far away.  Whenever we drive by we will have happy memories of the life we shared together under this roof.  However, we will create new memories.  We will make it our own and believe it or not, 7th Street will become a mere memory.  I'm so thankful for the story God is writing with this house, honey.  How can we not be obedient and follow Him?  Between leaving AUnified, taking guardianship of Anthony, and this house, I have never heard God's voice more clearly.  During your teens, be still and listen for God's voice.  Trust Him to lead you and know that your mama is waging battle on your behalf over all the days of your life.  Just as I will never stop loving you, I will never stop praying for you either.

I just love who you are growing into.  Your shoe size is bigger than mine.  Some of my shirts can be passed down to you and you're ready for real jeans!!!  That sentence a few months ago had me laughing for days!
Jeggings will soon be a thing of the past, my girl has learned to button pants!!!  That makes me laugh out loud even now as I type this!!  Keep shining God's light wherever you go.   It is a dark, dark world and all we can do to fix it is our part. Our four walls, remember?   Love each other and pray often.  That's a pretty easy order for my girl.  I know.

Keep opening your heart with me.  I love the end of the day when you fill me in on all the details of your day. I love your story telling ability.  I love you sharing your heart even more.  I have a feeling wrapped in the warmth of your new room and swinging chair, it will be a sacred space you and I retreat to continue to grow close.  Only one request. . .ten o'clock, okay?  Your late night reading sessions are too much for me.  My eyes grow heavy way earlier than yours do, these days.

I leave you with 13 life lessons:

1.  Always remember, partial obedience is disobedience.  Let's work together to create the best teen years possible, but remember we have the final say and what we do is done out of love.

2.  You are loved first by your heavenly father, secondly by us.  It's an unconditional love that will last no matter what.  We will always be your safe place to land.

3.  Progress, never perfection.  That's way too much pressure to put on yourself.

4.  Remember, "Comparison is the thief of joy."  Be who He created you to be, not someone else's version.

5.  Love life.

6.  Be filled with joy.

7. Shine His light all the days of your life.

8.  You get in life what you have the courage to ask for. Our God is a God of miracles.

9.  Every day might not be good, but there is something good in every day.  Gratitude journal daily helps.

10.  Do what you think you can't do.  You will find. . .you can!!!

11.  Be patient.  God's not finished with you yet.  Every day of our life He's working on our hearts.

12.  You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.  Think things through.  

13.  Above all else, guard your heart. . .for everything flows from it.

You mean the world to me.  Thank you for your helpful heart, for your crazy stories, for the music in your speech, for the fire in your soul, for the light in your eyes.  The joy of being your mama is all mine.

Love you baby girl.  Always and forever until the end of time,

Mom