Christmas Cousins

We gathered for our annual Girls' Cousins Christmas Celebration this weekend.  It was nice to meet some extended family who came from out of the area, while some other cousins were missed.  I get it though.  It's hard to be everywhere all the time.  Besides church, this was all we had on the calendar--a girl day and it was such a blessing for my littlest especially.  She had so much fun singing and dancing with her cousins. That's just how my cousin and I used to spend Christmas Eve, so funny to watch our girls now!

Lene Bean is in the in-between years.  She's too old for the littles play, but not old enough for the adults. She found a good book and read a little bit and enjoyed playing for me in the gift exchange part.

Taking our annual picture was fun. Some of us threw on some festive hats and were messing around taking selfies.  Some others were not being a part of that nonsense.  It was funny! And we wore ugly sweaters again--well, some of us did anyways.  I wore mom's from last year because she had too much fun making a new one.

Sis in loves

At the end of the day, it was nice to squeeze in some girl time because we don't get together nearly enough any more.  I'm so thankful for our monthly family dinners for the simple fact that I get to check in with my brothers and sister and spend some time with my nephews.  If we don't intentionally plan for it, it doesn't happen.  And sometimes priorities are just different for different people.  I'm working on accepting people I love for that very reason and letting go of the bitterness pill I sometimes allow myself to swallow when they choose not to show up.  I get things happen, kids get sick, life happens. . .but it's hard when none of the above are reasons--All I can control are my actions and showing our children the importance of showing up and being able to count on the people we are growing together in this household.  That's all I can do.

For now, this weekend was an enjoyable celebration of girl cousins, catching up on visits that were long over due.  Christmas blessings at their finest.

Weekend Wrap Up

What's better than ending the first week of school with a sleepover?  Lene and Layla, friends since kindergarten, got to hang out and spend their first Friday with a three hour park play date, swim time,  followed by pizza and droopy eyelids at 9:30 pm.  That kid is welcomed to sleep over any time!  Ha!

After they cooled off in the pool, this was my view from my upstairs window.  They were listening to music and talking.  It kind of hit me pretty hard that my little lady is growing up!  She will be choosing her people over her family sometimes and that's even more of a reason to keep her close and keep inviting her friends into our little world. 

This weekend we tried to unwind after our first week of school.  It was the perfect excuse to stay close to home and hang out with the cousins. 

I can't believe that I took no pictures of Nessa and Cadence.  Saturday morning when I asked Nessa if she wanted to see her cousins, she asked,"Is Cadence going to be there?"  This prompted me to text my cousin Jen and then led to an impromptu barbecue.  The girls hadn't seen each other since the fourth of July!  And we live in the same city.  Eek!!! The ease of the barbecue coming together felt a little bit like summer. . .the kids had a ball! Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!  Even Papa stayed out on the patio with us for a long while.

Grandma's tetherball court saw a lot of action and kept the big and little kids totally entertained! I love when the weekend is a great mix of relaxing and productive.  I love encouraging family time and that feeling I get when I see my kids and their cousins close and able to count on each other.

Busy is as Busy Does

The days keep coming.  Time stands still for no one.  As we near the finish line, a sense of sheer exhilaration and exhaustion wrap me up and push me through.  There aren't enough hours in the day to do what I want to do for everyone, to be who I want to be, and to be in the word so I'm properly fueled.  Sometimes at the end of the day I'm electric with all that went right in my world; yet, there are nights where sleep doesn't come because my mind won't stop with people to pray for or situations that are exhausting with no immediate solution in sight.  And such is this life:  striving to be the best version of me I can be, urging my kids to be world changers and desire to know their heavenly father, and walking the balance beam of friendships new and old and all the woman issues in between.

And blogging takes a backseat to living the life I've always dreamed but know only God and I can co-author together.  I'm letting him lead and enjoying the view from the passenger seat!

 And at the end of the day, I hang on to this:

Weekly Wanderings

Last weekend we housed guests.  We spent a lot of time together just being in the moment.  Weekend chores fell to the wayside as we enjoyed company and all the fun that came with them. Kids spent hour after hour playing in the water just being kids.  Cousins. Aunts. Pa. Barbecue. Smores. Fire. Stories.  Our family history being strengthened and built.

Monday was my last unofficial teaching day.  Due to my kid's school schedules and the fact that I can't take twenty-two days with me, I took my last two Mondays off.  I'll say my goodbyes on the last day when all my things are packed and ready for storage. I can not wait for Summer with my kids! I met up with mom and dad for a celebratory drink.  Then I went by my brothers where three former students were gathered who cheered me on for the work I did as a teacher and for the future that is wide open for exploration now.

I've been pretty excited to explore pre-k curriculum for Nessa for our homeschool adventures next year!  We officially sign our paper this week and I am excited to work with my ES to learn everything I can because this may be an avenue I hope to explore in my future.  On top of that, what an opportunity to be Nessa's teacher and build her up and instill a love for learning through books and creativity and exploration! I'm pretty excited until she has a moment that includes excessive whining and then I reconsider for a second-breathe deep and admit I'm in this for the long haul. I AM her mom. . .

The Gifts of Ordinary Days

Days are passing with excessive speed and I'm trying to take it all in.  Five more work days, five more opportunities to bring Lene home to have lunch with me, five more weeks before another school year is in the books.  Yet, even with all that is happening, I am filled with an incredible peace.  I am delighting in my mothering moments and have finally leaned so completely into God that I'm not sure where I start or where He ends. As it should be, I suppose.

Trips to the desert have become memories in the making lately.  Tis the season for pony rides and birthday parties for a favorite four year old.  And letting go a little for Lene to make fun ten-year-old memories with her friends. . .

Wine walks and wise words adorn the forefront of my mind as opportunities loom about me and friends rally around to encourage me in this change of life I am about to encounter.

Outside reading sessions, healthy smoothies, imaginative, creative play embrace us.  Hearts break wide and a farewell dinner of sorts takes place under the stars as we send our Miss Sharon off to Idaho to live closer to her people. 

Ordinary days filled with extraordinary ways.
Embracing it all.
Don't blink.
It will be gone too soon.

Spring Break Part Two

Hard to believe that Spring Break is over and done with already!  I can honestly say this was probably the best Spring Break yet!  For being a staycation, it was jam packed with a great combination of play and rest! In addition to our girl's mani/pedi day and arboretum, the big littles visited grandma and grandpa one day to watch a movie, so Nessa and I baked cookies in our time alone.

She's almost a pro.  She likes to do everything on her own.  Everything.

That same night I sneaked away for a bible making session with my book club.  Awhile back I had made a Child Training bible that everyone loved but they knew they wouldn't make their own unless we carved out some time for it, which is exactly what we did.  It was a fun, but focused night together.

Thursday morning I surprised the kids with a trip to the canyon to horse back ride.  As of yet, this is something only Anjalene enjoys, but I thought it was the perfect time for Bubba to try it out too.  He loved it!

It was a gorgeous day to be out and it was so much fun to listen to them go on and on and on the car ride home!  That day continued with a spontaneous park day with some of our book club peeps.  I think at one point there were twenty-one kids.  And in the four hours we were there, no one tattled on anyone else the entire time. Victory!

Friday was the perfect kind of adventure that could only be orchestrated with my dearest BFF in the world. She showed up with Starbucks iced teas in hand and we were off on our last day trip of the week.  We headed to San Juan Capistrano Mission.  Such a rich history.  So much more fun with our families together!

We explored, listened to audio about all the different spots and then walked downtown for lunch.  The weather was a little on the cool side but perfectly pleasant to be out and about.  Towards the end of our time there, Nessa got a little attitude and all she wanted was a carrot, which she may have repeated about fifty times! So frustrating, that girl is sometimes!  She must be four or something!

The kids were dying to go to the beach but us moms weren't dying to take them.  We were cold.  Imagine them in their swimsuits splashing around in that freezing water?  We were too close not to set foot on the beautiful sand so we proceeded to San Onofre beach--pulled right up to the water practically and the kids frolicked in the waves. . .in their clothes.  Except for miss Nessa Bessa who proceeded to climb in the car and change once her jeans were wet.  She does not like wet clothes at all!

They had such a great time! I had such a great time watching! They changed into their bathing suits for the ride home--so what if we did it all backwards?  That was all part of the fun! They didn't even complain the entire Friday drive home--which meant a lot of traffic, but I would do it again in a heartbeat because the minute we got home, Lene hugged me and said, "I had the best time! Thanks Mom!" That right there is what it's all about, stepping out of your comfort zone and making memories.  I can not wait for our beach trips this summer.  I say I'm ready for weekly!

I think the best part of this trip was watching our ten year olds together.  Lene and Lo are a day apart and have been destined to be friends like their mamas.  In the fifth grade vernacular, BFF gets thrown around rather loosely.  One week it's with this person, the next it's with that one.  And sometimes it's hurtful that friendships can seemingly change in the blink of an eye.  So it's important that we  both stress to our girls the importance of longevity and investing in years of friendship before anyone earns that title.  They see us and know it's the real deal.  Real friends really do become family. The idea that they knew each other before they were even born is something only the two of them share and it is neat to watch it develop.  As many friends as they have at school, there's just something special about that friend that you consider family.

No one could really narrow down their favorite part about this Spring Break.  Neither could I.  That's what I call successful!

Third Annual Father's day Camping Trip

We celebrated Father's Day camping style this weekend.  My parents and brothers came out to hang out and relax in the sun.  It was a beautiful weekend for it.  Some of us walked, biked, fished, read, visited, and enjoyed the great outdoors.  We feasted thanks to mom on Friday night.  She never fails to disappoint.  Steak, salad, bread, grilled veggies, bacon wrapped dates, potatoes. A meal for kings.  I'm glad I was camping with the kings because it was sooo good!

As usual, the cousins enjoyed their time together.  It never ceases to amaze me the lack of fighting that occurs.  They were lakeside constantly.  It dawned on me at some point when they were fishing off the side,  that they really are growing up.  Their need for our help was minimal and we no longer provided their sole form of entertainment.  It's a strange turn of events really. 

With my aging papa, either mom or dad would be gone at night to sleep at home with him.  It's disappointing that their plans have to change because of the caregiving. He is the biggest job my mom has ever had and selfishly, it is one I wish she didn't.  She waged her own battle with cancer eight years ago and won. . .I hate the physical side of her caring for papa.  It is not easy work.  He is simply not nearly as able bodied as he used to be.  I often wonder why aging has to be so difficult.  It's like the mind is willing but the body is weak. It would have been great it he could have joined us camping.  Just a year ago he did.  Getting into the RV's is too hard on his knees now.  It's sad.

We were able to meet up with our old neighbor who now lives up at the lake.  His daughter who just graduated joined us.  Some friends came up for dinner and smores Saturday night. . .and a relaxed, fun time was had. 

It seems the older we get, the more we appreciate each other--my brothers.  For a while, there was this gap--blame it on immaturity, jealousy, insecurity--I'm not sure what it was. . .but the gap has closed and there just seemed to be a peaceful existence among us.  The way it should have always been perhaps.  Overall, a great way for a Father to spend his special day--watching the bonds he helped forged, the children he raised coexisting in peace and harmony, truly enjoying each others company.

And then lately, I've been reading this book Anything by Jennie Allen.  I took the summer off from GMG and am finding my groove back with God.  I am finding it had become a little to much like, let me check this off the to do list.  I needed my relationship back and I do believe there has been a shift.  I have also changed my prayer to Lord, I am willing to do anything you ask of me.  Just clearly let your path be known.  And the funniest thing is happening.  He is clearly opening some doors, I just have to decide whether or not to walk through.  Reminds me of Field of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come."  Crazy, crazy, beautiful the way God works if I'm not too caught up in the busy chaos of it and I quiet down and really listen.

Finally, last night I met up with a former student.  He's twenty-six now and he was in my first class of Freshmen.  I remember him fondly and I enjoyed catching up with him.  I love how his life has turned out. I love that he's doing something he is passionate about. I love that he's found love and happiness.  He deserves to have it even if the whole world doesn't entirely agree.  I love that our conversation challenged me and in a sense grew me to talk of our God who is ALL-loving.  I thoroughly enjoy seeing the young men and women my students turn out to become.  He is no exception.  I consider it pure joy, the realization that I had a part in his educational history.  I find it an honor that he chose to spend time with me, unknowingly picked my favorite restaurant and paid the bill.  What a gift last night was.  What a gift he is to this world.

Life is moving at warp speed.  Boot camp on Saturdays, swimming lessons, park play dates.  It feels like June just started and we're already half through it.  I wake up each morning, reconnect with God and seriously ask for patience and self control.  Staying at home day in and day out with the kids is rough.  Teaching others would be so much easier.  Yes, it is difficult to be a  working mother .  I know.  I was one.  But pouring into my kids day in and day out, loving them in spite of their sinful ways, loving the parts of them that I don't like about myself. . .drains me.  Exhausts me. Beats me up.  But it's still my job.  And for now it's a job the Lord is calling me to do.  And I keep praying I will do anything.  For now, they are my anything.  The days are long, but the years are short. . .

Lives Well Lived

It's hard to believe that the picture above to the left was taken nearly eleven years ago on our wedding day.  All four family members who were present at the above table are now gone.  My Aunt Dorothy, the oldest of the siblings, passed away Friday at the age of ninety-six.  Her wit, sharp mind, and love of life was evident in the busy life she lived.  She was extremely social and looked forward to many daily occurrences with her friends.  They played cards, had potlucks and celebrated life together.  We went to visit her a while back and she was so proud of her roses. . .another pleasure she found that added beauty and longevity to her life.

I looked forward to our yearly reunions on the first of the year as we had football pools, chicken, and lots of laughs.  This year was the first time I can remember her not being there--as she was recovering from a bout of pneumonia.  I write about her here in this space because I want my kids to know the value of hard work and who my great aunts and uncles were.  They grew up fast, having lost their father at an early age; they had many responsibilities and lived through the Great Depression.  They valued family first and foremost.  They all worked hard at their jobs and in their marriages.  I want my kids to see these people as our past who paved the way for our present and I want them to aspire great lives of love and sacrifice in their own homes, with their own families in their futures.


Who we are today is a result of the love and sacrifices of the family who was here first.  I feel like some of us  have forgotten that core nucleus that we claim as our own to:  sports, activities, careers, quest for more money, and more things. . . I want what they used to have.  I will fight for my nightly dinners together as a family, more real life connection with my parents, brothers and their families.  I will fight for our Friday Family Fun nights, and leisure walks on the weekend, rest on the Sabbath Day, and traditions that are meaningful and valuable to shaping our hearts, not succumbing to the pressures or expectations of the world. 

The ending of that generation does not need to symbolize the ending of ideals that were family focused.  I have the power for their memories and love to live on in the lives we lead with our own children.  As a tribute to my grandparents, great aunts and uncles who have gone before me, I will continue to love longer, deeper, with intention and focus so that we have the kind of family that is close in hearts.

October 28, 2012

 Pumpkin Patch 2012

For the record:  the girl had three Halloween shirts and I couldn't find a single one.  Dirty clothes, perhaps?  Oh well, she still had fun!  Her friend Sarah was there too--they are about three weeks apart and have been having so much fun together!  I have to ask her mom for permission to post pictures of our weekly adventures...

Cousin Joshua joined us and my favorite memory will be how I asked them to count the smashed pumpkins and they started off walking up a hill as I was snapping pictures. . . and trying to move the stroller--next thing I know, they are at the top of a hill and I am yelling to stop and wait for me.  They continued (shocker, I know) and then I couldn't see them at all any more.  I had to pick up the stroller and run, calling out to them.  They had come to the edge of the patch and were standing at the fence watching cars drive by.  Those two. . .I tell you. . .trouble in the making. 

For the record:  Yes, big kids we went while you were in school.  With all this talent show stuff ,  homework and conferences. . .it just worked to take Janessa.  We bought you each pumpkins that you can carve and I hope you aren't too heartbroken. . .but mama had to do what mama could do!

September 15, 2012

I may or may not be behind on my blogging.  The construction zone, also known as our house has been a busy work in progress.  Trying to keep an almost three-year-old confined to the upstairs is only easy during nap time.  So, blogging has taken a back seat as I still search for that weekly rhythm that Fall usually brings.  I think we are almost there.  Almost.

A couple weeks ago my mom and I ventured to take Janessa and her cousin to the Chino Youth Museum.  It is the perfect place for little ones who love the land of make believe.  They both spent a lot of time in the play house and at the Farmer's Market toting pretend food to the table and fridge.  My nephew loved going in and out of the kid-sized doors at the front of each new play area.  I think he liked that even more than what the actual play rooms provided!

It's hard to believe that days like this could be numbered as the decision looms whether to send her off to preschool in the Winter or wait until the Fall of next year.  These days together make me long for more of them.  I've never been home before like this. It is such a blessing to hold her hand and journey through these beautiful days of life together!