Bad Behavior

You know what's hard?  Knowing you're commanded to love even though you may not really like someone. Actually, maybe it's not the person you don't like--more like their lifestyle.  It's such a fine line between not being judgmental and not wanting young kids around behavior that tends to be inappropriate.  No one likes to  get cast like the crazy one, when all they are trying to do is protect their kids from growing up seeing too much too soon.  And really, we care about their perceptions of the people they know and love.  It is really about wanting them to remember, love, and respect the good attributes of family and friends while not having to explain the bad until they are old enough to understand.  Maybe by that point, the bad behavior or lifestyle choices will be outgrown.  One can hope. . .so I do.  And I pray a lot.  Every time I'm tempted to talk about it--I think have I prayed about it as much as I have talked about it?  I'm happy to report that I can answer that question with a resounding yes.  Prayer really does change things.

Let Go

Sometimes the people we are closest to. . .grow. Change. Morph into someone else right before our very eyes and we are left wondering if who they are becoming is who they are meant to be, or a symptom of a greater problem.  And all we can do is pray.

I've spent my whole adult life setting a certain standard for my children.  I have made stands, sometimes not looked upon favorably, to isolate them from people or familial situations we deem unhealthy or inappropriate. And the backlash is okay because my husband and I stand united. There was a time after my uncle's death that I regretted not spending more time with him around my kids; however, when he was drinking it wasn't healthy.  End of story. No need for regret.

And so we move forward. One foot in front of the other.  We pray.  Sometimes that's all we can do for the people we love most who have walked off the only path they've ever known.  We pray they will find God again and trust in His plan for their life.  And we let go.  There's just no use holding on to loss like this.  Let go. Let God.

While You Were Sleeping. . .

I was busy recording our history.  And what a life story we are blessed to be living!

Fifth grade has been so good to my Lene Bean!  She has no idea how my heart hurts to realize that she is no longer just across the street from me.  No more lunch together on Thursdays, no more watching her walk across the street in the morning and after school, no more glimpses of her on the way to her pal's classroom or throughout the day.  There is something so incredibly comforting to know she is right here.

My heart bursts with sadness and joy at the same time as I watch her growing into a young lady.  She has spread her wings and flown so much this year from spending nights away from the house to roller coasters!

Each week we've had two friends come over to do homework and play.  I love that they are noticers of the world around them but still want to play chef and write plays and dance.  She is on the cusp of growing into a young lady but she is in no hurry and enjoying the life around her.

Fifth grade party, a dedication in the yearbook, memories were made that symbolize a great elementary school experience!  But now the transition to middle school begins where I pray:  Lord, help her to be strong in her faith and seek people who seek you.  Let her continue to be a world changer by shining your light in the darkness.  Grow her friendships stronger and enlarge her circle of positive influencers.  Be present. Keep her safe, happy, and secure. Amen.

Life: Beautiful

Sometimes there are days that seem insignificant.  Sometimes there are days that seem extraordinary.  Many times the day blends a beautiful combination of both.

Sometimes the simplest of gestures can have a lasting impact.

Sometimes watching from the sidelines IS just as fascinating and exhilarating as jumping right in.

Sometimes pausing and saying yes to a cuddle on a lap is exactly the right answer, no matter how important you think what you are doing is.

Sometimes your kid surprises you.  He goes from goofy to sentimental in one quick swoop and all you can do is praise God for the heart he has and pray that it follows him all the days of his life.

Yesterday was the perfect blend of insignificant and extraordinary. Still praying my Anything prayer and being very observant and still to hear His reply.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."--Mathew 7:7

Third Annual Father's day Camping Trip

We celebrated Father's Day camping style this weekend.  My parents and brothers came out to hang out and relax in the sun.  It was a beautiful weekend for it.  Some of us walked, biked, fished, read, visited, and enjoyed the great outdoors.  We feasted thanks to mom on Friday night.  She never fails to disappoint.  Steak, salad, bread, grilled veggies, bacon wrapped dates, potatoes. A meal for kings.  I'm glad I was camping with the kings because it was sooo good!

As usual, the cousins enjoyed their time together.  It never ceases to amaze me the lack of fighting that occurs.  They were lakeside constantly.  It dawned on me at some point when they were fishing off the side,  that they really are growing up.  Their need for our help was minimal and we no longer provided their sole form of entertainment.  It's a strange turn of events really. 

With my aging papa, either mom or dad would be gone at night to sleep at home with him.  It's disappointing that their plans have to change because of the caregiving. He is the biggest job my mom has ever had and selfishly, it is one I wish she didn't.  She waged her own battle with cancer eight years ago and won. . .I hate the physical side of her caring for papa.  It is not easy work.  He is simply not nearly as able bodied as he used to be.  I often wonder why aging has to be so difficult.  It's like the mind is willing but the body is weak. It would have been great it he could have joined us camping.  Just a year ago he did.  Getting into the RV's is too hard on his knees now.  It's sad.

We were able to meet up with our old neighbor who now lives up at the lake.  His daughter who just graduated joined us.  Some friends came up for dinner and smores Saturday night. . .and a relaxed, fun time was had. 

It seems the older we get, the more we appreciate each other--my brothers.  For a while, there was this gap--blame it on immaturity, jealousy, insecurity--I'm not sure what it was. . .but the gap has closed and there just seemed to be a peaceful existence among us.  The way it should have always been perhaps.  Overall, a great way for a Father to spend his special day--watching the bonds he helped forged, the children he raised coexisting in peace and harmony, truly enjoying each others company.

And then lately, I've been reading this book Anything by Jennie Allen.  I took the summer off from GMG and am finding my groove back with God.  I am finding it had become a little to much like, let me check this off the to do list.  I needed my relationship back and I do believe there has been a shift.  I have also changed my prayer to Lord, I am willing to do anything you ask of me.  Just clearly let your path be known.  And the funniest thing is happening.  He is clearly opening some doors, I just have to decide whether or not to walk through.  Reminds me of Field of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come."  Crazy, crazy, beautiful the way God works if I'm not too caught up in the busy chaos of it and I quiet down and really listen.

Finally, last night I met up with a former student.  He's twenty-six now and he was in my first class of Freshmen.  I remember him fondly and I enjoyed catching up with him.  I love how his life has turned out. I love that he's doing something he is passionate about. I love that he's found love and happiness.  He deserves to have it even if the whole world doesn't entirely agree.  I love that our conversation challenged me and in a sense grew me to talk of our God who is ALL-loving.  I thoroughly enjoy seeing the young men and women my students turn out to become.  He is no exception.  I consider it pure joy, the realization that I had a part in his educational history.  I find it an honor that he chose to spend time with me, unknowingly picked my favorite restaurant and paid the bill.  What a gift last night was.  What a gift he is to this world.

Life is moving at warp speed.  Boot camp on Saturdays, swimming lessons, park play dates.  It feels like June just started and we're already half through it.  I wake up each morning, reconnect with God and seriously ask for patience and self control.  Staying at home day in and day out with the kids is rough.  Teaching others would be so much easier.  Yes, it is difficult to be a  working mother .  I know.  I was one.  But pouring into my kids day in and day out, loving them in spite of their sinful ways, loving the parts of them that I don't like about myself. . .drains me.  Exhausts me. Beats me up.  But it's still my job.  And for now it's a job the Lord is calling me to do.  And I keep praying I will do anything.  For now, they are my anything.  The days are long, but the years are short. . .