Third Annual Father's day Camping Trip

We celebrated Father's Day camping style this weekend.  My parents and brothers came out to hang out and relax in the sun.  It was a beautiful weekend for it.  Some of us walked, biked, fished, read, visited, and enjoyed the great outdoors.  We feasted thanks to mom on Friday night.  She never fails to disappoint.  Steak, salad, bread, grilled veggies, bacon wrapped dates, potatoes. A meal for kings.  I'm glad I was camping with the kings because it was sooo good!

As usual, the cousins enjoyed their time together.  It never ceases to amaze me the lack of fighting that occurs.  They were lakeside constantly.  It dawned on me at some point when they were fishing off the side,  that they really are growing up.  Their need for our help was minimal and we no longer provided their sole form of entertainment.  It's a strange turn of events really. 

With my aging papa, either mom or dad would be gone at night to sleep at home with him.  It's disappointing that their plans have to change because of the caregiving. He is the biggest job my mom has ever had and selfishly, it is one I wish she didn't.  She waged her own battle with cancer eight years ago and won. . .I hate the physical side of her caring for papa.  It is not easy work.  He is simply not nearly as able bodied as he used to be.  I often wonder why aging has to be so difficult.  It's like the mind is willing but the body is weak. It would have been great it he could have joined us camping.  Just a year ago he did.  Getting into the RV's is too hard on his knees now.  It's sad.

We were able to meet up with our old neighbor who now lives up at the lake.  His daughter who just graduated joined us.  Some friends came up for dinner and smores Saturday night. . .and a relaxed, fun time was had. 

It seems the older we get, the more we appreciate each other--my brothers.  For a while, there was this gap--blame it on immaturity, jealousy, insecurity--I'm not sure what it was. . .but the gap has closed and there just seemed to be a peaceful existence among us.  The way it should have always been perhaps.  Overall, a great way for a Father to spend his special day--watching the bonds he helped forged, the children he raised coexisting in peace and harmony, truly enjoying each others company.

And then lately, I've been reading this book Anything by Jennie Allen.  I took the summer off from GMG and am finding my groove back with God.  I am finding it had become a little to much like, let me check this off the to do list.  I needed my relationship back and I do believe there has been a shift.  I have also changed my prayer to Lord, I am willing to do anything you ask of me.  Just clearly let your path be known.  And the funniest thing is happening.  He is clearly opening some doors, I just have to decide whether or not to walk through.  Reminds me of Field of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come."  Crazy, crazy, beautiful the way God works if I'm not too caught up in the busy chaos of it and I quiet down and really listen.

Finally, last night I met up with a former student.  He's twenty-six now and he was in my first class of Freshmen.  I remember him fondly and I enjoyed catching up with him.  I love how his life has turned out. I love that he's doing something he is passionate about. I love that he's found love and happiness.  He deserves to have it even if the whole world doesn't entirely agree.  I love that our conversation challenged me and in a sense grew me to talk of our God who is ALL-loving.  I thoroughly enjoy seeing the young men and women my students turn out to become.  He is no exception.  I consider it pure joy, the realization that I had a part in his educational history.  I find it an honor that he chose to spend time with me, unknowingly picked my favorite restaurant and paid the bill.  What a gift last night was.  What a gift he is to this world.

Life is moving at warp speed.  Boot camp on Saturdays, swimming lessons, park play dates.  It feels like June just started and we're already half through it.  I wake up each morning, reconnect with God and seriously ask for patience and self control.  Staying at home day in and day out with the kids is rough.  Teaching others would be so much easier.  Yes, it is difficult to be a  working mother .  I know.  I was one.  But pouring into my kids day in and day out, loving them in spite of their sinful ways, loving the parts of them that I don't like about myself. . .drains me.  Exhausts me. Beats me up.  But it's still my job.  And for now it's a job the Lord is calling me to do.  And I keep praying I will do anything.  For now, they are my anything.  The days are long, but the years are short. . .

Lives Well Lived

It's hard to believe that the picture above to the left was taken nearly eleven years ago on our wedding day.  All four family members who were present at the above table are now gone.  My Aunt Dorothy, the oldest of the siblings, passed away Friday at the age of ninety-six.  Her wit, sharp mind, and love of life was evident in the busy life she lived.  She was extremely social and looked forward to many daily occurrences with her friends.  They played cards, had potlucks and celebrated life together.  We went to visit her a while back and she was so proud of her roses. . .another pleasure she found that added beauty and longevity to her life.

I looked forward to our yearly reunions on the first of the year as we had football pools, chicken, and lots of laughs.  This year was the first time I can remember her not being there--as she was recovering from a bout of pneumonia.  I write about her here in this space because I want my kids to know the value of hard work and who my great aunts and uncles were.  They grew up fast, having lost their father at an early age; they had many responsibilities and lived through the Great Depression.  They valued family first and foremost.  They all worked hard at their jobs and in their marriages.  I want my kids to see these people as our past who paved the way for our present and I want them to aspire great lives of love and sacrifice in their own homes, with their own families in their futures.


Who we are today is a result of the love and sacrifices of the family who was here first.  I feel like some of us  have forgotten that core nucleus that we claim as our own to:  sports, activities, careers, quest for more money, and more things. . . I want what they used to have.  I will fight for my nightly dinners together as a family, more real life connection with my parents, brothers and their families.  I will fight for our Friday Family Fun nights, and leisure walks on the weekend, rest on the Sabbath Day, and traditions that are meaningful and valuable to shaping our hearts, not succumbing to the pressures or expectations of the world. 

The ending of that generation does not need to symbolize the ending of ideals that were family focused.  I have the power for their memories and love to live on in the lives we lead with our own children.  As a tribute to my grandparents, great aunts and uncles who have gone before me, I will continue to love longer, deeper, with intention and focus so that we have the kind of family that is close in hearts.

May 24, 2012

Dear Daughter,

I know how much you heart is set on summer camp with the dance team you used to love, but dance camp isn't the issue--it's the bigger dance commitment that is.  I just don't want to share you with that competitive dance team again this year!  Having you back in our hearts and home this year has been such a tremendous JOY!

 I don't want them to have you at least five hours a week.  I don't want to not be able to schedule any fun family weekend outings between both you and your dad's crazy schedules.  Competitions were long days filled with lots of dancing, and make up, and frilly clothes...and sitting there and sitting there and sitting there.  All day long.  During dance season, I always felt I was battling for your heart.  I didn't have enough time with you to instill His truth, our guidance, and love.  I was tired. You were tired. Your siblings were tired because we were always on the go. . .up early, home late and what to do with your brother and sister during such full days focused on you--and your ten minutes of routines?  Ten minutes, love bug. All day long and hours of practice each week for ten minutes.

Now, if this was truly what your heart desired, we would consider it.  It would be extremely difficult to make it happen, but we would try again. . .or we can try again later when you're a little older.  But now?  You've been able to participate in two other shows since you didn't have the dance commitment--you were able to do what you love up there on a stage and perform.  You even had speaking parts this year, bug.  Being your mama, who doesn't want to see you get hurt, I recommended being a narrator so you would in fact be able to speak.  However, you had other plans.  Dorothy.  You won the role over eleven other lovely girls.  You wanted it, and you went after it and He blessed you with the part.  Finally, your voice was heard.

You blessed others with your beautiful voice when you sang at mass on Sunday.  If you were to join dance again, you would have to give this up too--as practice times conflict.  And, what about those plans we had for you to be my helper in Bubba's second year CCD class?  You were so excited to share your newest found faith in the consumption of bread and wine at mass this year. . .so excited to teach younger ones about the journey. 

But daughter dearest, if this is something your heart is set on,  I promise you it can be yours again in the future, just not yet.  Not this year.  What you might see as being mean, I simply see as not being ready yet.  You're not ready to get out there into the world with such little direction and  I'm not ready to send you.  We need more time here.  In this place, our home to guide you and grow you and to let you be little for as long as you can be!  You deserve the best from us--and although I know your dance teachers love you, it's different and we need you here.  Not the bustle and hustle of drop offs, and dinner away from our table, and late nights with no time for books and barely uttered prayers before you fall asleep exhausted.

I'm sorry love bug.  Dance team is not in the cards for this year.  A dance class, sure.  We can look into that--but the team?  Not happening again. . . yet.  I hope you can understand that this is not the end, but a beautiful beginning of what God can do when we intentionally lay the foundation at home first: spending quality time together, loving each other first, building His kingdom in our hearts, and shining His light to those we meet. 

I can't wait to see you on stage next week in the Wizard of Oz. . .and in November as part of the You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown cast. Keep shining His light and pursuing your passion!  Promise we will revisit the dance discussion another year.

Love Always,
Mom

April 8, 2012

Happy Easter. . .

Rejoice in the resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ--who died so that we might have life.  I pray that yours was a blessed one!

 Our festivities were simple again.  We missed the community egg hunt since we were camping.  So we did our own.  It was just my immediate family. . .my brothers, parents, papa, and uncle.  Everyone brought a dish to share and we had brunch.  We ventured to the school across the street for our egg hunt and the kids had a blast!  Simplicity has been key this year and it really has made a difference in how we do life.  The Easter baskets were not huge--at all, and the kids were not disappointed!

 We really kept our focus on the Lord and all our blessings are a result of Him!!!

not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:10

May blessings abound. . .

March 29, 2012

It seems, yet again,  there is change on the horizon.  The time has changed, the season has changed, my attitude about controlling all those things that I can not has changed.  Everything looks different since I decided to put it in God's hands.  The flowers seem a little brighter, the birds chirp a little louder, and my heart beats rhythmically calm and peace.  It's a beautiful feeling really.

We have been home more often than not with so much time since we left our little dance competition world.  Fun is had in the back yard, the front yard, with neighborhood kids, all alone, in the tree, in a fort off the bed, doors slamming, feet running, snacks plentiful, joy contagious. . .

My side of a conversation with friends feels a little. . .one sided with no plans whatsoever, or places we have to be to report.  There are no classes or sports or extra-curricular anything that we have to answer to besides CCD and choir...and according to my kids this is enough. We have been from this place to that place, over-scheduled, over-tired, and we aren't going to do it any more.

I'm going to let this new Spring remind me that the most important memories we make will be together as a family.  I will remind myself that it's not important to do what everyone else is doing, to go where everyone else is going, to become so frazzled in the process of keeping up that there is no joy in the ordinary moments. Speaking of ordinary moments. . .I started reading a book by Katrina Kenison that was inspiring. . .but I felt like I was missing out so I began from her first book Mitten Strings from God and it has been so refreshingly rich and warm and is serving as that reminder that less is truly more.
sim·plic·i·ty

1.

the state, quality, or an instance of being simple.

2.

freedom from complexity, intricacy, or division into parts: an organism of great simplicity.

3.

absence of luxury, pretentiousness, ornament, etc.; plainness: a life of simplicity.

4.

freedom from deceit or guile; sincerity; artlessness; naturalness: a simplicity of manner.

 

We have simplified life this year. We have weeded out those things that are not meaningful to focus on what is.  Anjalene loves theater--she can sign up for the next production end of May.  Bubba loves flag football--but the fall is enough for him.  He chose not to play this spring.  There is a track meet in the future.  We can train together, they don't need an afterschool program to train them.  With my decision to stay home more often, one might think of all the ways I could fill my days--with classes and cleaning and groups and so forth.  But the real reason I want to stay home?  Getting them dressed in the morning, lolly-gagging on our way to school.  Having time for Nessa to pick a dandelion for me like she has seen her brother do countless times. 

The simple acts are what I look most forward to.  Showing my love through service and affirmations because I'm not too irritated or annoyed with the busy-ness of our day to day life is what I feel most ecstatic about.  Spring has sprung. . .and like a flower blooming into its perfection, so do I continue with the transformation of my heart.

November 9, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

 9.  Today I am thankful for this sweet moment.

August 25, 2011

Big brother did such a great job at babysitting while I worked in my classroom. . .

She didn't want to let him go!

She LOVES her big Little!

August 7, 2011

My Brother Charlie was a great book about a boy who has autism and how much he is loved by his sister. 

I Loved hearing my oldest read this aloud to her siblings.