Libra Love

The clock keeps ticking. . .one day bleeds into the other. So many moments are filled with celebrations; while others silently break your heart. No real rhyme or reason for the painful days, just an acute awareness that nothing stays the same.  This year keeps rushing forward May, September, October. . .next thing you know the holidays will be upon us and we will be welcoming in 2019. And I actually think, I'll breathe a sigh of relief when the clock strikes midnight and we move on. . .into the new year filled with new opportunities and looking forward to the many lasts that will occur in the spring.

Someone will experience his last semester as a high school student; his last track season; his senior project; trainsitioning with an Independent Living Coordinator, college plans, and graduation. Another will experience his last quarter as an eighth grader. Eager to kiss those junior high walls good-bye; eager to grow taller; eager for a chance to be more and more independent. Sometimes it is him who is not ready. Sometimes it must be me. Time keeps trudging forward. The oldest girl, has high school down now, she knows what to expect, she gets ahead and works hard in her classes without the tears and pressure her Freshman year seemed to force upon her. She sees a driver's license in her future, and I don't know how I feel about that yet. Relieved to have some help with the shuttling around that has consumed us these last four years, or sad that I won't be needed as much. I don't know yet. But our baby love, she sees unicorns and rainbows and breathes out happiness and in joy. Her personality so big and full and loving everything about school and friends.

My new job gives me glimpses into her world. How special it is to have the same recess and her and her friends run up to me with hugs.  Other times, it might just be glimpses through the window as it seems my mom-dar is deep. She is near, I look up and am greeted with a passing glimpse on her way to lunch or PE. Sigh. There has been so much goodness already this school year. So much goodness that has helped ease the hard parts. I went from one job to three, and am juggling more appointments into the calendar spaces but really with that comes some peace. I am a working mama who has control over her schedule, who is only saying yes to the things she loves and who is growing her craft in the process.  It has been good. Very, very good.

March 29, 2012

It seems, yet again,  there is change on the horizon.  The time has changed, the season has changed, my attitude about controlling all those things that I can not has changed.  Everything looks different since I decided to put it in God's hands.  The flowers seem a little brighter, the birds chirp a little louder, and my heart beats rhythmically calm and peace.  It's a beautiful feeling really.

We have been home more often than not with so much time since we left our little dance competition world.  Fun is had in the back yard, the front yard, with neighborhood kids, all alone, in the tree, in a fort off the bed, doors slamming, feet running, snacks plentiful, joy contagious. . .

My side of a conversation with friends feels a little. . .one sided with no plans whatsoever, or places we have to be to report.  There are no classes or sports or extra-curricular anything that we have to answer to besides CCD and choir...and according to my kids this is enough. We have been from this place to that place, over-scheduled, over-tired, and we aren't going to do it any more.

I'm going to let this new Spring remind me that the most important memories we make will be together as a family.  I will remind myself that it's not important to do what everyone else is doing, to go where everyone else is going, to become so frazzled in the process of keeping up that there is no joy in the ordinary moments. Speaking of ordinary moments. . .I started reading a book by Katrina Kenison that was inspiring. . .but I felt like I was missing out so I began from her first book Mitten Strings from God and it has been so refreshingly rich and warm and is serving as that reminder that less is truly more.
sim·plic·i·ty

1.

the state, quality, or an instance of being simple.

2.

freedom from complexity, intricacy, or division into parts: an organism of great simplicity.

3.

absence of luxury, pretentiousness, ornament, etc.; plainness: a life of simplicity.

4.

freedom from deceit or guile; sincerity; artlessness; naturalness: a simplicity of manner.

 

We have simplified life this year. We have weeded out those things that are not meaningful to focus on what is.  Anjalene loves theater--she can sign up for the next production end of May.  Bubba loves flag football--but the fall is enough for him.  He chose not to play this spring.  There is a track meet in the future.  We can train together, they don't need an afterschool program to train them.  With my decision to stay home more often, one might think of all the ways I could fill my days--with classes and cleaning and groups and so forth.  But the real reason I want to stay home?  Getting them dressed in the morning, lolly-gagging on our way to school.  Having time for Nessa to pick a dandelion for me like she has seen her brother do countless times. 

The simple acts are what I look most forward to.  Showing my love through service and affirmations because I'm not too irritated or annoyed with the busy-ness of our day to day life is what I feel most ecstatic about.  Spring has sprung. . .and like a flower blooming into its perfection, so do I continue with the transformation of my heart.

October 5, 2011

In Training

September 23, 2011

She is pursuing tennis.

Love.