Letters to my Littles: Sibling Love

My Dearest Love Bugs,

If there is one thing I could guarantee, it would be that you would always be friends with your siblings. Although siblings grow up in the same household, it is astonishing how different each one may grow up to be. I hope that you always recognize there are more similarities than differences.  I hope that you like each other enough to choose to be friends for the rest of your life.

I have often said to you, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." But my prayer is that the choice to be a friend to your family is your intention. I can encourage it.  I can help you to develop it through shared experiences. And I can model it with my own brothers.  You learn by watching me. I know this, but it doesn't make the act of intentionally being a friend to your sibling any easier at times.

As an adult, a sibling does not have the same role he did as a child.  Time continues to pass, and differences continue to exist, but it is through the handling of these differences where your character can shine.  It's being true to who God asks you to be.  It's loving the person, because sometimes that's all you can do.  It's letting go of the expectation and the dream and embracing the fact that the relationship is still here, regardless of it being different from what you wished.  It's ceasing the moments that you're together, and accepting the realization that sometimes the gap is too big, the chasm too deep, the personalities and lifestyles too different to be anything other than what it is.  And that's okay, loves.  As long as you love, as long as you put your family first, God will take care of the details.  Trust this.

Is my prayer for you to have an even better relationship than I have with my brothers?  Yes.  I believe every parent wants more for their kids than they had.  Can I make that happen?  No.  As adults you will make choices to build, or choices to tear down.  Of course, I would prefer the first option, but it will be your lives to live.  For now, my role as mom, is simply to instill the value of family, to love you all, to encourage you to build your own relationship: meaningful ones.  I'm doing my best, and just always asking you to do the same.

Love you always and forever,


Mom

Let Go

Sometimes the people we are closest to. . .grow. Change. Morph into someone else right before our very eyes and we are left wondering if who they are becoming is who they are meant to be, or a symptom of a greater problem.  And all we can do is pray.

I've spent my whole adult life setting a certain standard for my children.  I have made stands, sometimes not looked upon favorably, to isolate them from people or familial situations we deem unhealthy or inappropriate. And the backlash is okay because my husband and I stand united. There was a time after my uncle's death that I regretted not spending more time with him around my kids; however, when he was drinking it wasn't healthy.  End of story. No need for regret.

And so we move forward. One foot in front of the other.  We pray.  Sometimes that's all we can do for the people we love most who have walked off the only path they've ever known.  We pray they will find God again and trust in His plan for their life.  And we let go.  There's just no use holding on to loss like this.  Let go. Let God.

Catholicism: Confession

This week, this young man received the sacrament of reconciliation at church. The Sacrament of Penance, commonly called Confession, is one of the seven sacraments recognized by the Catholic Church. Catholics believe that all of the sacraments were instituted by Jesus Christ himself. In the case of Confession, that institution occurred on Easter Sunday, when Christ first appeared to the apostles after his Resurrection. Breathing on them, he said: “Receive the Holy Spirit. For those whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven; for those whose sins you retain, they are retained” (John 20:22-23).

My son's experience was such a positive one compared to my own.  I distinctly remember being scared out of my mind to have to tell a priest my sins.  The Type A personality I have, even back then was petrified I would not remember all my since, hence not be forgiven.  My dad was forced to go before me because I was that terrified. The church was so different in those days.  As a Faith Formation teacher, I was encouraged to build excitement and anticipation for the gift of absolution the kids would be receiving.  We practiced examining our consciences together and we talked about sinning and asking God then and there for forgiveness.  I was able to tell them that I look at confession as a gift: a time to talk to a priest, who sometimes may say things that I need to hear.  Hearing his words of absolution soften the sting of my sin and really let me focus on ways as to not sin that way again. . .unless of course if it's something I am really struggling with, then that might be a different story.  And that is okay.

That picture above is so special to me because I had the honor of going to the rectory to get this priest every Friday to escort him into my eighth grade classroom as he answered questions: silly and serious.  He was our pastor and he poured into our lives. He heard my confession on my Engagement Encounter weekend, and I will never forget his words of advice in some areas I was struggling with a particular family member.  His words were balm for a heart in desperate need of repair.  He stood up at the altar on my wedding day and his words spoke to my heart again, as they had so many times before.

He was the man I called when my mom was sick with cancer and I desperately wanted to baptize my son, the same boy who sits before him now.  He performed the baptism at home and then dealt with the aftermath of getting me that ever so important baptismal certificate. . .makes me chuckle.  What a gift this man has played in my life as well as the life of my family.  When I questioned my Catholic faith, he owned up to his own criticisms and how that had gotten him in hot water from time to time.  He listened to me at confession again this week, and it was as if God was sitting before me speaking wisdom, peace, and grace into me.  Just the right words, just the right moment, in the form of the right man--the one who has helped to shape my religious beliefs but more importantly, my relationship with God.

The washing away of sin--such a beautiful lesson my son received this week.  I couldn't have been happier to watch him dress himself with care, get into the car with confidence, and drive to church somewhat quieter than usual.  When I asked if he was nervous, he looked at me as if I was crazy. ""No, mom.  Not at all.  I'm just thinking about my sins."  This boy, with such a generous, compassionate heart has been listening in class.  He was excited for the gift we have been given from such a loving, almighty God.  And I was a part of it.  Catholic sacraments shaping generations to come in a way filled with grace, mercy, and love.  My heart is full.