Dates and Creative Creations

We sneaked away for a little date night after dinner the other night.  That means we've hit 3 dates of our 15! Technically, we've gone out every night for a walk together which has become something we absolutely look forward to and enjoy.  The forties just keep looking better and better! Bring it!!!  

While we were away, the kids kept each other entertained creating the coolest video montages.  I was blown away by their creations, so I just wanted to share.  Click on the links, I assure you that you will be as impressed by their creativity as  we were!!!

Kid's Creative Endeavor #1

Kid's Creative Endeavor #2

Valentine"s Perfection

Valentine's weekend wasn't all it was cracked up to be initially.  We had a family emergency we needed to get out to Las Vegas for, which meant a long car ride.  Fortunately, thanks to grandma and grandpa we were able to go solo which made for great talk time and no pit stops to pee.  We had our fancy meal on the road, surrounded by desert for as far as the eye could see.

Late that evening we headed home.  We wanted the comfort of our own bed and had really been looking forward to a fellowship event that our new marriage ministry was hosting.  I'm so glad we did because it was all kinds of perfect.  The weather was perfect, the kids were entertained and well behaved the entire time, the food and fellowship were perfect, and the blessing by our pastor was just perfect.  The resolutions we read aloud, face to face were just beautiful reminders of what we should be working towards on a daily basis in our loving each other whole heartedly.  It was one of the most perfect Valentine's ever. . .even a day late!  (My diamond cross, Ernie bought me was pretty perfect too!)

"It's not the length of years. . .it's the depth of love."--Fr. Rich

THE

RESOLUTION

(men)

I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.

I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.

I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.

I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibility.

I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.

I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion.

I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.

I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. 

I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God.

I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will.

I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.

___________________________________                        ____________________________________

SIGNATURE                                                DATE                              WITNESS                                                   DATE

THE

RESOLUTION

(women)

I DO SOLEMNLY RESOLVE to embrace my current season of life and will maximize my time in it. I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirit of contentment.

I WILL ACCEPT and celebrate my uniqueness, and will esteem and encourage the distinctions I admire in others.

I WILL LIVE as a woman answerable to God and faithfully committed to His Word.

I WILL SEEK to devote the best of myself, my time, and my talents to the primary roles the Lord has entrusted to me in this phase of my life.

I WILL BE a woman who is quick to listen and slow to speak. I will care about the concerns of others and esteem them more highly than myself.

I WILL FORGIVE those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. 

I WILL NOT TOLERATE evil influences even in the most justifiable form, in myself or my home, but will embrace and encourage a life of purity.

I WILL PURSUE justice, love mercy, and extend compassion toward others.

I WILL BE FAITHFULL to my husband and honor him in my conduct and conversation in order to bring glory to the name of the Lord. I will aspire to be a suitable partner for him to help him reach his God-given potential

I WILL DEMONSTRATE to my children how to love God with all their hearts, minds, and strength, and will train them to respect authority and live responsibly.

I WILL CULTIVATE a peaceful home where everyone can sense God’s presence not only through acts of love and service but also through the pleasant and grateful attitude with which I perform them.

___________________________________                        ____________________________________

SIGNATURE                                                DATE                              WITNESS                                                   DATE

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

JOSHUA 24:15

Desert Delight

Me: a really long time ago

A couple of weeks ago, I did something I don't care too much for.  I took one for the team and said, "Yes" to a day trip to the desert.  I am not a desert girl.  I may have grown up going there with my grandparents, but eventually when the dust settled, I realized the desert was not for me.

Our 1st trip out in the Polaris

One of the original desert trips

It must have been the experience of being with my grandparents that made desert life so appealing when I was a kid.  My grandma always had a stocked pantry in the trailer and there was always plenty to do with the cousins.  My grandpa would take me out in the dune buggy and not try to terrify me.  We would go at a safe, sane speed and he would point out rocks and trails and things of interest.  The wind and dirt in my face might have been considered fun then, because I was with the greatest grandpa on earth.  My grandpa was so kind, gentle, funny, and such a good husband.  He was easy to be around and when I think about it now, I could see Jesus through him.  He was always offering help, attending assemblies and such when parents couldn't, he would drop off and pick up so visits could happen. . .and he treated my grandma like a princess. He loved her and it showed.

Arlene and Shelby Gaul: your maternal Great Grandparents

My grandpa was the gentle one; the one we went on walks with looking for aluminum cans. the one who watched us play at the park. He was the one with the loudest laugh and the happiest heart.  All I remember is love.  That guy. . .in the yellow Volvo until it was no longer safe to drive was such an easy man to be around and love.  My first ride on the Amtrack train was with him, a trip to my first trout farm, and I remember a metal dingy boat on some water I think might have been Salton Sea.  His snoring was fierce and comforting, his presence loud and known even in slumber.  Grandpa Shelby was a good man.

I'm so happy Bean got to know him.  He got to love her. . .even if it was only for a little while.

Grandpa Shelby at Lene Bean's Baptism

 This man whom Ernie called, "Chief"  meant a lot to me.  I don't know that I even realized how much until he was already gone.  He was always in the background. . .I realize my grandma performed actions out of love, but in such a way that sometimes she was impatient or rough around the edges.  My grandpa; however, did what he did out of love: with gentleness and pure enthusiasm.  We were never a burden.  I always felt like I was a gift.  And therein lies the greatest gift I long to leave my kids.  The legacy of love colored brightly by our love of Christ who loved us first.

Great Grandpa Shelby Gaul and me on my wedding day.  He got out of the hospital THAT morning!

#1 of 15 in 2015

As the white space has increased out of sheer desperation for a life well lived, phrases and quotes scream out to me as I stumble upon them in my wandering.  This weeks's chapter about Mary's endurance made me reflect on: am I praying about it more than I am talking about it?  I love when the Holy Spirit speaks to me.  I love when I am still and quiet enough to hear him!  This statement alone, gave me pause and I have committed my person to prayer, rather than speaking of the situation he or she is involved in.

In my Love God Greatly, morning email study, led by a dear friend, this sentence screamed at me from my inbox.  I had been pursuing satisfaction from the world instead of finding sufficiency in my Savior.  How long was that my truth?  I'm so thankful to God for seeing the error of my ways, for turning my gaze upon Him instead and His filling me with unspeakable joy to live a well intentioned life.  I'm grateful he shifted my focus and redefined my idea of success.  Raising kingdom kids could be my greatest achievement ever.  This is enough!  And it's a reminder I need often because I tend to backslide in my thoughts, that I have to have a job to contribute monetarily to our family.

Ann Voskamp, of a Holy Experience caught me with. . ."And because the way you live your ordinary days is what adds up to your one extraordinary life, "  All of these mundane moments counts.  Every. Single. One.  These moments are intricately woven together to make the fabric of my life.  Just as I was knitted together in my mother's womb, and God knew the plans He had for me from the start, every moment matters in the totality of my life.  And my one desire is to live it well and to live it for HIm, raising children who will continue the mission.

In other news, I have committed myself to 15 date nights for 2015.  Due to babysitting, nights out alone are super hard to come by, but this year the kids are older and we have to do it for us.  We need to stay connected.  We need to stay focused on the child raising.  We need to be in constant prayer about the journey. . .together.  So last night, we kicked off our first date with a Mighty Ducks hockey game.  It was a shut out, with great seats we were gifted from a friend and we had a nice time together.  The drive to and from was filled with conversation and I'm so thankful for my husband who is willing to invest in this marriage as much as I am.

Date #1 of 15 in 2015

White Space

We're finding our rhythm of the new year.  The cold that bogged me down seems to be gone.  Classes are in full swing.  Basketball and volleyball games are weekly occurrences.  Homeschool is this inexplicable joy and sadness all at the same time as I realize we are halfway through the year.  I am choosing to enjoy every. Single. Second.  Because this is it.  I won't get this time back. Never.

Speaking of time, the second week of the month is always jam packed.  As I looked at our calendar, I knew something had to give.  Four nights out of five, one or both of us would be gone.  There is good stuff going on.  Stuff we enjoy and look forward to, but we cherish our home time more--we had to make the call to skip something this week.  So, we didn't attend our marriage ministry last night.  We had dinner together and then E and I snuck away for a walk.  Just the two of us, out in nature, enjoying the cool, crisp air.  It wasn't at the church with our group, but it was intentional, and it happened on our time line, and allowed us to be where we wanted to be.

Sometimes even the good stuff can be too much.  There is too much writing in the boxes of our calendared lives and it gets messy to cross things off or say no.  But if we don't intentionally create that white space, then the spaces in our soul will be stifled and barren.  I don't know about you, but I don't want that.

I've had to look at the margins of my life lately and I'm seeing a need for some change.  My book club that I've had for the last two years is two meetings away from finishing our book, and it's time to pass the torch. It has been good.  But it's time has come for me.  In order for me to pour into our church MOMS group, I need some room on my plate and unlike the past, I'm giving myself permission to let go.  It has been a really good thing for me.  But sometimes even the good things need to shift in order to create more white space.

White space.  Calm. Peace. Freedom.  Joy.  Ultimately, we decide what takes up our time.  Choose wisely.

12 Years Today

Once upon twelve years ago, I married the love of my life.

There's a small part of me that wishes there was none of the heartbreak that came before our two lives intertwined,  but without the pain from our pasts, we may not have been able to create the love story that exists today.  I'm blessed to have you, a man that loves all of me and treats me like a princess.  I'm blessed to be living a dream that wasn't born until you and I combined visions for what our life would be.  Raising kids side by side, hands on at home and in their rearing, I know how fortunate I am to do this life together.

Remember how we got engaged after only three months.  That was crazy to everyone else, I'm sure.  But we both just knew. . .and God was seriously a part from the start.  Once I walked away from a miserable five year relationship, I knew what I wanted and what I would no longer compromise.  After having been married and with a child to consider, so did you.  Together, we just worked.  Whole-heartedly.  Side by side.  For better or worse.  In good times and bad. In sickness and in health. . .and here we are celebrating another year.

Marriage is such a gift.  Our kids don't even realize the blessing they are given day in and day out with parents who genuinely like each other and enjoy spending time together.  They have two parents who value sitting down at the table for meals, who tuck them in and pray with them at night, who create family rituals we can all enjoy, who pray for their spouses already, and who demonstrate acts of loving service every single day. They have no idea that this marriage they are witnessing will help shape their own futures as spouses. But we do.

I know some will say marriage can be hard.  But I can honestly say that with you, it hasn't been. Our marriage has been a gift that has helped me get through the hard times life has thrown at me.  Two are always better than one.  Thank you for being a part of my pair.  With time, with prayer, with clear communication, and with patience and persistence our marriage has the ability to shape future generations.  Our love story is part of the legacy we will leave behind and by golly, with the grace of God, it is going to be grand!

We chose each other to love.
We chose to do life together.

E,  I am so happy that every day I make the choice to love you again and again and again.  Best choices of my life. Ever.

xoxox

He Brings Me Pure JOY

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! 

Sometimes I press pause.
I still my body, my thoughts, my breath and just be.
I breathe in deep--peace. I exhale gusts of gratitude.

These are the times that there is nothing too pressing at hand.  No obligations too many. Life is manageable; not consuming.  Love is abundant and blessings counted by the bunches.  I love when I allow myself to be in this state.  I wonder why I don't savor it longer, entertain it for months, not just days. Joy consumes me in all its loveliness.  And I smile from just the thought.

The weekend mornings of coffee in the yard with my husband, still dreaming and planning the little things we plan to accomplish in 2014 don't happen all the time.  But when they do?  Pure JOY!

The Saturday game, sitting side by side cheering for our oldest daughter saying silent prayers as she comes up to serve, with a quick squeeze to my leg so I know he prayed the same prayer I did?  Pure JOY!

Sitting together at church. Listening. Praying.  Praising.  Pure JOY!

Conversations on our bed into the night reminiscing about trips we've taken, fun times we've had,  funny moments we remember. Laughing, raising our voices to compete for the funniest memory of all.  Pure JOY!

Gathering around tables with friends.  Eating. Talking.  Getting to know each other better.  Together.  Pure JOY!

Blessing him as he heads off to work before the sun rises.  Coffee cup in hand, kiss waiting on his lips.  To be the one to see him off and know he does this day in and day out for me.  For us.  Pure JOY!

To be loved like this; To be loved by him...  I know it could have only been orchestrated by God.  With this gift given to me by my heavenly Father, I have to fight to carve out the time to enJOY it all.  Together this marriage we are crafting is from what the rest of the family flows.  If we keep our JOYful hearts in sync and make time to laugh, pray, sing, dream, dance, and just be. . .together; our lives will bless the lives of all those we touch.  But best of all?  Our kids see what a healthy, loving marriage looks like and hopefully they will travel similar paths to marry and stay in love with their best friend.  That's a long time down the road, but. . .we've already started praying for their spouses...because prayer changes things. And we want them to have what we have. Pure JOY!   Prayer warriors unite!

"Consider it all JOY. . ."--James 1:2

Eleven Eleven

This cool guy had to have a little surgery last Friday.  It was out-patient and involved lasers and shots.  He scheduled it for his day off--and since it happened to be the day before our eleventh anniversary, we thought why not make a night out of it?  After bribing the grandparents to spend the last couple days of their Spring break with our baby birds, we were off!

First stop:  West Hills, back to the burn center.
I sure don't miss this place.  I actually thought we were pretty much over this chapter of our lives, so I wasn't prepared for the insurance approval paperwork that arrived in my mailbox.  I didn't like re-opening that dark day. . .until I was reminded that I was surrounded by the light.  With that period of time, I was filled with such gratitude and this faith like I never really knew until I just knew.  You know?

After the procedure, we ventured Westbound to Oxnard.  I know, Oxnard?  I didn't really get it either until we were searching for shells and flat rocks to add to our basket collection and Ernie told me I could just right Ox. . .and I smiled because how perfect are hugs and kisses when we are celebrating an anniversary? Perfection.

The other perfect sight was the view from our suite.  The beach was right there!  All I could say to Ernie was beachfront twice in the same year?  I mean, twice in two months!!!   It doesn't get much better than that--but then it does?  This life together--is pretty fantastic!  Eleven married years.  It has absolutely flown by!  I'm so grateful that we were able to reconnect and I was reminded of the me that doesn't get irritated too easily over shoes strewn across the floor--or things not getting done on my time table.  Kids are game changers, and I realized that I absolutely have to make an effort to get past those frustrations with my kiddos and love him for the wonderful husband and provider he is.  I have been blessed!

Did I mention how one night turned into two?  Awe. . .so thankful for the time to love on each other longer. . .April 6th. eleven years ago was a Saturday and we were probably still at church around 11:11--Catholic masses are typically an hour or so. ..I just love that screen shot of my phone!  And the diamond ear rings he got me!  And the suite we stayed in!  And the food we ate!  And everything about our 11th anniversary.

Catholicism: Confession

This week, this young man received the sacrament of reconciliation at church. The Sacrament of Penance, commonly called Confession, is one of the seven sacraments recognized by the Catholic Church. Catholics believe that all of the sacraments were instituted by Jesus Christ himself. In the case of Confession, that institution occurred on Easter Sunday, when Christ first appeared to the apostles after his Resurrection. Breathing on them, he said: “Receive the Holy Spirit. For those whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven; for those whose sins you retain, they are retained” (John 20:22-23).

My son's experience was such a positive one compared to my own.  I distinctly remember being scared out of my mind to have to tell a priest my sins.  The Type A personality I have, even back then was petrified I would not remember all my since, hence not be forgiven.  My dad was forced to go before me because I was that terrified. The church was so different in those days.  As a Faith Formation teacher, I was encouraged to build excitement and anticipation for the gift of absolution the kids would be receiving.  We practiced examining our consciences together and we talked about sinning and asking God then and there for forgiveness.  I was able to tell them that I look at confession as a gift: a time to talk to a priest, who sometimes may say things that I need to hear.  Hearing his words of absolution soften the sting of my sin and really let me focus on ways as to not sin that way again. . .unless of course if it's something I am really struggling with, then that might be a different story.  And that is okay.

That picture above is so special to me because I had the honor of going to the rectory to get this priest every Friday to escort him into my eighth grade classroom as he answered questions: silly and serious.  He was our pastor and he poured into our lives. He heard my confession on my Engagement Encounter weekend, and I will never forget his words of advice in some areas I was struggling with a particular family member.  His words were balm for a heart in desperate need of repair.  He stood up at the altar on my wedding day and his words spoke to my heart again, as they had so many times before.

He was the man I called when my mom was sick with cancer and I desperately wanted to baptize my son, the same boy who sits before him now.  He performed the baptism at home and then dealt with the aftermath of getting me that ever so important baptismal certificate. . .makes me chuckle.  What a gift this man has played in my life as well as the life of my family.  When I questioned my Catholic faith, he owned up to his own criticisms and how that had gotten him in hot water from time to time.  He listened to me at confession again this week, and it was as if God was sitting before me speaking wisdom, peace, and grace into me.  Just the right words, just the right moment, in the form of the right man--the one who has helped to shape my religious beliefs but more importantly, my relationship with God.

The washing away of sin--such a beautiful lesson my son received this week.  I couldn't have been happier to watch him dress himself with care, get into the car with confidence, and drive to church somewhat quieter than usual.  When I asked if he was nervous, he looked at me as if I was crazy. ""No, mom.  Not at all.  I'm just thinking about my sins."  This boy, with such a generous, compassionate heart has been listening in class.  He was excited for the gift we have been given from such a loving, almighty God.  And I was a part of it.  Catholic sacraments shaping generations to come in a way filled with grace, mercy, and love.  My heart is full.

November 17, 2012

Yesterday is not the kind of day I want to remember; however it is a day I need to.  I got the call no wife wants to receive, there had been an accident my husband was involved in at work. He was being transported by ambulance to the hospital.

As I rushed from my imoms meeting to pick up Janessa, hands shaking, moving swiftly, all I could do was pray.  As we ran to the car together, we prayed aloud that daddy would be okay.  Thankfully, the hospital was only minutes away and I just murmured, "yes" as Nessa kept repeating, "My daddy hurt?"  All the while praying.

Seeing him in that hospital bed ALIVE and hearing him speak was a rush of relief and I let tears fill my eyes with pure joy.  He told me what had happened and to be honest, it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo technical talk that I really didn't get, but the words I absolutely understood: 7200 volts.  7200 volts is the current that somehow he made contact with.  7200 volts.  He could have been dead.  By all accounts, he should have been dead. . .but he wasn't.  Here he was with me, and even though I couldn't see his hands yet to see the extent of the damage--I cared about nothing else and I started praising God. 

Just the day before I had posted this picture on instagram.

And the next day, I got the dreaded call.  Just like that, our lives could have changed in an instant.  I know my conscious brain knows this, but the reality of following the ambulance as he was transported to a burn center over fifty miles away. . .took my breath away. My stomach ached, my mouth was dry, my muscles ached from the strain of such constant concentration, yet praise filled words swam around my mind.

As I waited for them to call me back at the burn center, I replayed the morning.  I could hear the sound of rain against the rooftop.  "Is that rain," he had asked?  "Yes, " I replied snuggling deeper into the blankets. Of all days, I chose the warmth of the covers to going downstairs with him and making his coffee then riding my bike.  I didn't bless his forehead.  I didn't. . .I didn't. . .

But He did.  God was with Ernie.  God protected him and spared his life.  His injuries are relatively minor for the voltage he was working with.  I am so grateful. . .gulping breaths of gratitude.  Today there is only room for gratitude and love.  That is how filled up I am. It doesn't matter that Thanksgiving is a couple days away.  The day to give thanks is today--or any day that you're alive.

My view last night in the comfort of our own home.  Another gift of the day?  He was discharged.  After talk of keeping him to monitor his heart and such. . .they let him come home to this.  To us.  To a friend/brother/fellow lineman who brought us pizza for a late dinner.  I had no idea how much this profession truly is a brotherhood--word traveled fast and the calls and texts were rolling in.  As I drove home through hours of Friday night traffic, I listened to him speak to the people who understand his words, what happened, way more than I did.  I gave thanks for them too.  These men who do a dangerous job so I can have electricity flowing through this home of mine.

I haven't quite wrapped my head around what comes next.  There will be a burn center appointment on Monday.  I will dress and wrap his wounds later today and again Sunday. I haven't even had a good chance to cry and let the tears spill for what God saved for me and my family to love on for longer.

All I know at this time, this particular moment, is that God is so good!  This accident will forever shape how Ernie conducts business. I have often said God speaks to us in whispers and when we don't get it, we get a thump.  I'm thankful this thump wasn't worse. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change--James 1:17

Thankful to God for my husband's safety, but also for filling me up with such gratitude that there is no room for worry.  Ernie will go back to work again and the possibility will exist for accidents to happen.  But there is no room for me to worry.  God's got this--case in point: yesterday.
⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:34  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

November 15, 2012

How is it that a week has passed since I've checked in on my little space in the world?  So much life being lived, the computer desktop chair has been empty.  There was a time that I would not be okay with that.  Not too long ago, I would have been disappointed with myself for not meeting my own expectation I set for myself as it pertained to blog writing.  Thankfully, that day has passed. It needed to.  I needed to let up on the (sometimes) too high of a standard I set for myself in order to eat, drink, and be merry.

I had a long chat with the husband last night.  It followed the type of day that NEVER seems to happen.  Ness and I went on a field trip with her class where she painted up a storm.  As we drove to the mall, she fell asleep so I took that as a sign to head home.  Instead of putting her to bed and rushing around trying to accomplish as much as I could while she napped (Remember she seemed to give up naps over a month ago), I wrapped myself in a nice blanket, pulled out a great book, This is my Daughter and read for two hours until it was time to pick up Bubba from school.!  It was a glorious, restful afternoon!  Of course, craziness ensued once Lene came home and we got to work on homework and her research report that is due Friday.  I headed off with Jonathan at one point for our Faith Formation class that I lead, and I called out behind me, "Leftovers are in the fridge."

For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel guilt about my lackluster dinner or the few accomplishments of my day.  My brain and body needed rest and I listened and obeyed.  God lined things up to ensure that I got exactly what I needed--what a blessing!  When I came home from class, I was surprised to find, dinner waiting for us, dishes done, coffee ready for the morning. . .it hit me.  For the past year, my husband has been running on fumes.  His hour and a half daily commute plus ten to fifteen hour days had been stealing his energy.  Here we are three weeks in and we have a new normal to adjust to.  I am not complaining, but I realized as we chatted that part of the reason I decreased my contract even more was due to the insanity of his schedule.  With this new kind of crazy, I need to readjust the expectations for myself and let him find his way into our nightly routines and practices.  It won't be hard to do.  He works hard outside of our home and inside as well--we just need to find our new rhythm.

E is home more often now, Little is working hard at two jobs and deciding whether or not to enroll in college, Nessa is in school two and a half hours/two days a week, football season is over but volleyball will soon be upon us, as is a new show in Lene's future.  The season has changed, a new one is upon us.  I count my blessings as I look to the the future--even if it's only at the week ahead!
These photos were taken last week by Shawna.  We love them--even Little is happy with how they turned out!  That's a compliment for you!

 What will I remember most when I look at these pictures? The entire day.  Thankful for this bunch of blessings in my life!

April 6, 2012

Ernie,

It is hard to believe that twelve years have passed since we met.  I was the counselor intern; you were campus safety.  My, oh my. . .the summer that changed both our lives immensely for the best!
I had always heard when "you know. . .you know."  I paid that little to no attention at all because I had also heard that same sentiment when referring to the end of a relationship. . .and I was hard headed about that, as you and I are both aware.

Having come out of a five year long tumultuous college relationship, that was the last thing on my mind as we sat down to a three hour meal at Claim Jumpers.  Telling you my story and hearing myself for the first time...full of truth because there was no judgement on your part-- was life changing and I knew that I was through.  I knew I deserved more and I knew I was definitely interested in you!  And so it began--a rather quick courtship (three months) to my dad's chagrin. . .but when you know, you know.  Right?  We both knew and went for it and have never looked back--only forward.

The engagement was a little longer than either of us planned, but happily that gave everyone time to digest the realness of our love and people approved. And if they didn't, we no longer cared.  And we built our little house together--as Little pointed out on the way to your dad and mom's one weekend, remember?  The brown horse and the white.  I giggle now as I type that.  We laugh each time we pass that landmark together. . .still.  He was so young and such a part of you! Although divorced, or having a child were never on my list:  God knew you two were just what I needed! Together we would grow that once in a life time kind of love.

Married ten years ago today, April 6, 2002. Ten years have come and gone. . .career changes, cancer, babies, mental illness,  co-parenting, house renovations, living apart due to a short work stint up North, dreams realized, dreams crushed, faith seeking, church seeking, jokes and tears, laughter and chaos. . .but we are still here:  Stronger than ever!  I have said it before and I will say it again--our marriage would not be what it is today had you and I not traveled the roads we traveled before God brought us together.  You make me want to be my best self daily.  You sacrifice and work hard so that my dreams can be realized, and none of that goes without great appreciation.  I love you.

I love you more today than I did yesterday. How is that even possible?  But it is! I will love you more tomorrow than I do today. Your wit, your laughter, your teasing and cuddles, how you treat our kids, your willingness to help others, your work ethic, your knowledge, how you choose to love me, even on my worst days. . .
God has blessed us and I will be forever grateful!
 My dad wrote me a song when I was a little girl. . .heck, he even sang it to me at our wedding. . .
this line echoes through my heart and soul,
"May dreams come true, for you. "
They already have thanks to you.
Every. Single. One. 
I love you.

Happy Anniversary!

March 19, 2012

We are halfway into our Lenten sacrifice of giving up the television.  It has been difficult on some days because the television drowns out the noise of life sometimes.  At the end of a day, weary, the t.v. beckons you to sit mindlessly and escape whatever the reality of your day was.  When the television is on, it's okay not to converse deeply with your spouse because it's this unspoken understanding that you are done. Feet up, chair reclined, comfortable from head to toe...done.

Without the noise, I have found my husband on the computer, or HP pad, searching, in my opinion mindlessly.  For what? A Porsche.  He has this dream of owning a Porsche.  Now keep in mind, it would not be to commute--he drives over an hour and a half one way to work each day. . .it would also not fit the number of children we have. . .nor do we have a parking place for it (remember our house is on the smaller side--think one and a half car garage) nor do I see the value in it if he just wants to park it.

So, last night I asked him why he wastes his time looking at something that isn't a possibility for now. His reply was simple, "Everyone needs a dream." 
He's right.
My cosmic postcard waiting for me this morning was the image above.
God's little whisper not to shatter his dream. . .
Chase rainbows, friends. 
Chase rainbows.

March 8, 2012

I finished up this book this week. Darlene Schacht is the author of the blog Time-Warp Wife and co-author of the book Reshaping it All, (also a great, motivational read). She was kind to give me a copy of her new ebook, The Good Wife's Guide, for review.

The cover seemed to call to me...a throwback to Leave it to Beaver. . .The Brady Bunch, maybe?  I was surprised to find so much helpful information that really put the meaning of being my husband's help mate into perspective. I also love that she takes the vantage point  it doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mama or a working mama--we can all learn how to  make our families our first priority and serve them joyfully.  Often times this means prioritizing and gasp--planning ahead  (not my strongest suit when the demands of life seem overwhelming)--but necessary nonetheless.

The chapter titled, "Curb Appeal" resonated for me.  I liked the reminders that not dumping on my husband the minute he walked in the door and making both the house and myself somewhat presentable for him are definitely worth the effort. I love the scent of a clean home even when there is definitely some cleaning to do--and four nights out of five he will remark how good the house smells--never focusing on what it looks like.  I must admit, that is a plus to owning a smaller home.  The kitchen and living room are pretty easy to keep clean--and I'm blessed by a man who notices. She writes, "Life can be chaotic at times, but I've recently discovered that the key to controlling the chaos is sacrifice."  She then delves into what sacrifice means to our families and what it might look like.

One of my favorite parts of the book is one that deals with cleaning house.  She has supplied different bible verses to enable or encourage us to joyfully serve with a heart of worship.  I loved the verses and although I do not have them all memorized (yet--maybe someday) I have them written out on notecards and can flip through them when I have that nagging sensation that what I'm doing is mundane or unimportant. I like the reminder that "Scripture isn't a candy bowl by which we pick and choose our favorite words hoping to satiate our palette." ¹⁸ The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 

Darlene talks about submission and I guess that is where some women could get turned off. But really she defines it with, "The ideal picture of submission is that of two people loving and serving each other," not an overbearing husband making menial demands of his wife. Submitting to our husbands and not acting selfishly on our own behalf is not a bad thing!

The last portion of the book is filled with practical applications and housekeeping schedules.  While none of it is "rocket science"  I enjoy reading other people's plans and advice as it relates to managing my home environment so it runs efficiently--and Darlene did just that!

January 29, 2012

Yesterday turned out to be the kind of Saturday I will always treasure.  It started out with a blessing for Ernie, who was off to take the final he thought was last week, but wasn't.  The kids and I made a run to two grocery stores to stock up for the week and attempt to keep to the new budget.

While unpacking the groceries and the kids cleaning their rooms, there was a knock at the door.  A sweet friend, I met through one of my other friends was dropping by to give me a hug.  She has such a sweet heart.  I've run into her random times and each time it is such a blessing.  She is secure in her faith.  She desires to raise children who will spread God's word and heart.  Everything about her is so genuine and her stopping by unannounced just to see how I was doing was a little gift from God.  She had no idea the changes I'm contemplating as we don't talk often, but a few minutes into the conversation, she is sharing her heart, advising me to trust mine and I can do it: "just take baby steps."

I was smiling as I shut the door, appreciative of who she is and the role she played for Jesus yesterday.  Back inside, I had received a text that another friend was going to be able to meet up with us at the park.  This sweet friend I met as I helped in my little brother's kindergarten class years ago--she was the substitute.  Three years later our paths would cross again as I came to teach at my little brother's school where she too was working permanently.  I can't remember exactly when our relationship deepened beyond the creative teacher ideas, and surface-y stuff.  But I am so thankful it has.  She is an original GMG girl.  She gave me her Bible in a Year--which is truly where I began my journey. And such a journey it has been!

We were able to meet up at the park and picnic with the kids.  She was blessed with the opportunity to job share while her kids were smaller and she just this year went back full time.  She shared her heart.  She encouraged me to follow mine.  We were just two friends celebrating the beauty of the day while watching the children we love so much playing in the distance.  We shared our stories--no matter how similar or different, and I felt God's gift again so generously that day.

Then, Ernie came home rejoicing in his 94% which signified the end of his classroom work!  Three and a half years has come to an end.  He is six months away from his final step test and journeying out. Yahoo!

We went to celebrate a friend of ours who was going out on disability due to her cancer.  Thirty years she has tirelessly worked to engage her students, support them, challenge them. . .and now it has ended because her body is tired.  It has been five years since Ernie and I have been back to the high school we worked at. It's actually the high school we met and fell in love at. . .so many good memories, so many great people and yet we've never returned.

Could it be that life has been that busy for us to not take the time to keep in touch with the people that meant so much to us, if only for a season?  How had I never taken our third child there to "meet" our friends who had been such a part of celebrating our other two?  I shake my head typing this because I'm not sure what it was.

Last night we were able to see and catch up with many former co-workers.  A large number of people attended to celebrate this woman and all she has achieved in the work world.  I was happy to hug on her and share in the celebration while she is still here--not simply coming together at her funeral.

Life is meant to be a daily celebration.
 Life is meant to encompass others.
 Life is meant to be lived fully.

I am so thankful for the life three women breathed into me yesterday.

October 27, 2011

It is no secret I have grappled with where to practice my faith.

Maybe I haven't publicly blogged about it,  but the struggle has existed.

Last year we diligently attended a new church + our Catholic home church every Sunday.

Not going to mass brought out a guilt in me that no one else in my family seemed to feel.

They took away something from the first service we attended and could have called it a day.

It was different for me.

I missed the ritual.

I felt guilty because I baptized my kids in the Catholic church.

I felt guilty because we were married in the Catholic church.

I felt guilty because I went to Catholic school practically my entire life. . .

So why was it I felt I was getting nothing out of the Catholic church?
Maybe if I gave more I would get more?
I don't know.

Guilt was keeping me stagnant in a relationship with God that I desperately wanted to flourish. 

Don't get me wrong, I still went.  

I still go--I have a tendency to miss a week or two at worst three. 

But I'm not sure where I'm at.
Where I am supposed to be.
If this is where my husband wants to be.
I just don't know.

I have this feeling that I was ignoring God's voice for the longest.

I wasn't listening to the direction he wants my life to take.

It wasn't what I wanted to hear.

His calling scared me.

It required faith--a faith I can speak of but am not entirely equipped to wear.

It also required letting my husband be the leader.

That's a lot easier to say than to do...at least for me it is.

This was all brought to life again after watching Courageous this weekend.

Then, as if my husband and my discussion wasn't enough to cement the deal. . .I was invited to coffee with a mom I've come to know over the last year.  

I don't know her well, but we've conversed a bit and she was one of those wonderful women who helped me with the BoxTop cutting.

At coffee, was another mom I've gotten to know over the past several years as our kids attended pre-school together.  

She wears calm and patience daily; she takes things in stride; her gentleness is a gift.

I've especially come to value her friendship from seeing her relationship with the Lord.

The three of us shared our struggles, our hearts, and our faith.

It was such a simple act--coffee--in an inviting home.
A couple hours where the Lord was present in the conversation.
I loved listening and talking about our husbands as spiritual leaders.

I loved the hope and encouragement that was offered.
And I left with a renewed sense of growing my relationship with God.

This little one enjoyed the donuts while I enjoyed the conversation and coffee!!

Forget about the religion title I always seem to attach.

Let go.

Let God.

And I will grow.
He will lead my husband where we need to be.