October 27, 2011

It is no secret I have grappled with where to practice my faith.

Maybe I haven't publicly blogged about it,  but the struggle has existed.

Last year we diligently attended a new church + our Catholic home church every Sunday.

Not going to mass brought out a guilt in me that no one else in my family seemed to feel.

They took away something from the first service we attended and could have called it a day.

It was different for me.

I missed the ritual.

I felt guilty because I baptized my kids in the Catholic church.

I felt guilty because we were married in the Catholic church.

I felt guilty because I went to Catholic school practically my entire life. . .

So why was it I felt I was getting nothing out of the Catholic church?
Maybe if I gave more I would get more?
I don't know.

Guilt was keeping me stagnant in a relationship with God that I desperately wanted to flourish. 

Don't get me wrong, I still went.  

I still go--I have a tendency to miss a week or two at worst three. 

But I'm not sure where I'm at.
Where I am supposed to be.
If this is where my husband wants to be.
I just don't know.

I have this feeling that I was ignoring God's voice for the longest.

I wasn't listening to the direction he wants my life to take.

It wasn't what I wanted to hear.

His calling scared me.

It required faith--a faith I can speak of but am not entirely equipped to wear.

It also required letting my husband be the leader.

That's a lot easier to say than to do...at least for me it is.

This was all brought to life again after watching Courageous this weekend.

Then, as if my husband and my discussion wasn't enough to cement the deal. . .I was invited to coffee with a mom I've come to know over the last year.  

I don't know her well, but we've conversed a bit and she was one of those wonderful women who helped me with the BoxTop cutting.

At coffee, was another mom I've gotten to know over the past several years as our kids attended pre-school together.  

She wears calm and patience daily; she takes things in stride; her gentleness is a gift.

I've especially come to value her friendship from seeing her relationship with the Lord.

The three of us shared our struggles, our hearts, and our faith.

It was such a simple act--coffee--in an inviting home.
A couple hours where the Lord was present in the conversation.
I loved listening and talking about our husbands as spiritual leaders.

I loved the hope and encouragement that was offered.
And I left with a renewed sense of growing my relationship with God.

This little one enjoyed the donuts while I enjoyed the conversation and coffee!!

Forget about the religion title I always seem to attach.

Let go.

Let God.

And I will grow.
He will lead my husband where we need to be.