November

“It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” 
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Three mile run wasn't so easy this morning, but that all changed when I changed perspective and just looked up!

Life in Your Years

"It's not the years of your life that count, but the life in your years."

We lost a great Aunt this weekend.  It wasn't a death I saw coming so soon.  Doctors initially said we had more time, but God had other plans.  Like it or not, it got me thinking about had we more time with her, would it really have been for her, or for us?  The answer is evident: us, of course.  

We are never prepared to say good bye to someone we love.  Could my Aunt Lupe have lived any better in extra days before the inevitable end?  I don't think so. There had already been so much life in her years.

"It's not the years of your life that count, but the life in your years."

I can still hear her voice.  Perhaps that is what I will miss most.  No, her laugh.  Her laugh is like her signature: unique.  She had this way of story telling that made you lean in to not miss a beat.  Her facial expressions and that voice were mesmerizing as a child, but their effects remained into adulthood.  She embodied a joyful spirit that I admired.  She dealt with tragedy: losing her brother, her niece, her daughter, and eventually her husband, yet none dulled her spirit. Or if they did, she never let on to me.  

And that meant the world to me:  someone who was so close to my Nana, only to have my mind boggled by her deep bouts of depression.  Our time together was often marred by her inability to get out of her bed, locked in her room for me to wonder what was wrong.  

My Aunt Lupe was at the kitchen table, loud, jovial, pan dulce, coffee, and cigarette in hand.  My Aunt was out and about, put together and doing life despite the hard hands she had been dealt.  My Aunt Lupe was present after I lost my Nana, a part of my wedding planning and china ordering.  

I'll never forget the way she threw my grandpa's blanket over her shoulder as she pranced down the aisle, laughing all the way.  

I'll never forget dancing with her and my Aunt Carmen on my wedding day.  The entire dance they poured into Ernie and I, telling us how proud my Nana was of me and how I deserved all the happiness in the world. And I believed them.  

I believed with everything in me how much I was loved by these two women.  

These two women were the closest thing to my Nana I would have on one of the biggest, most important days of my life.  

They stood in the gap and they were completely enough.

Aunt Lupe Sarinana, Aunt Carmen Morales, and Grandpa Shelby Gaul 4/6/2002

When I look at this picture, I can clearly see my Nana . My Aunts stood in the gap and made sure I knew she was there.

Saturday night I got to say thank you.
I got to tell her what her presence at our wedding meant to me.
I got to remind her that one of Anjalene's greatest memories was going to China Town with her great-great aunts and cousin Sandra. She did something  that I was a scaredy cat to do on my own!
I got to remind her in a whisper that my confirmation name was Sandra, after her daughter who left this world too soon. My aunt will always be a part of that story of my name.
I got the honor of praying over her a couple hours before she transitioned into our promised life of eternity.

What a privilege it was to be a part of her life, no matter how often I did or didn't see her.  She was my great aunt. She loved me and I loved her.  That is enough. Love will always be enough.

Hope

As the end of the year approaches, deaths of women around me has been the constant reminder that today is ALL I have.  And what I have is good.  What I have is really enough.  Never have I felt so content in all my life.  Never.  And what a blessing to have this sense of contentment and deep gratitude living inside me. The knowledge and understanding that this life is the only one we are guaranteed. Today is all we are gifted.

So what does it take to recognize the fragility of life if losing Ofie,  Sandra, Jen, or Meg wasn't enough?  These four are just in my personal circle of acquaintances and the truth is there are so many more who have been called home too soon.  And yet still some of us live as if we have all the time in the world. December 27th burns bright in my memory because it is the anniversary of my grandma's death.  Pancreatic cancer ate away at her and she went quickly.  Yet years later, cancer would return to haunt her only daughter at fifty-one and the battle that ensued was life changing and life giving.  Thank God for new treatments and doctors who know their craft to concoct a plan that would ultimately give me more time with my mom. She's nine years cancer free.  Praise be to God!

Earlier this year, a former student of mine succumbed to death weeks after a lung cancer diagnosis.  She was fit and smart, a radiant light snuffed out too soon.  There was such a deep grieving taking place in that church at her funeral.  But as I looked around, I was filled with a sense of hope. I was hopeful her untimely and unfortunate death would speak life giving words into the lives of lost teenagers. They would live their life well because Sandra's life was lost when it was on the brink of new beginnings with graduation looming in her future.

Just weeks ago another acquaintance in her late 30's died from lung cancer.  She was not a smoker.  But she is gone, leaving a husband and two small children to do life without her and it is tragic.  It is untimely.  And I'm mad about it because it just doesn't seem fair.  It isn't.  But it happened and it will keep happening.  We need to be more acutely aware of taking care of ourselves from the inside out--fueling our bodies with real food, nourishing our hearts and souls with the word. . .and being proactive when it comes to our health!  We can not afford not to be!

But no matter what we are going through. . .we must always choose hope.  And that is where Heather Von St. James' story comes in.  Like Sandra and Jen, she too was diagnosed with lung cancer. My woman warrior heart and my mama heart collided when I heard her story. And I knew I had to share it.

When she was 36, just after her first baby, Lily was born, she was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a form of cancer caused by asbestos. People that young aren’t supposed to get mesothelioma, but she did. When she was a girl, she wore her dad’s work coat all the time. It was covered in asbestos from his construction job. People who get mesothelioma aren’t supposed to live for very long. She was told she had 15 months.  Nine years later, holding on to hope, she is still here. Praise be to God! She is using her voice to tell her story, to spread hope and raise awareness about mesothelioma.  

Let's do our part.  Life is fleeting, hang on and live it well.  Live it with eyes wide open that YOU matter and your voice is listened to. Let us be a voice for those who have been silenced by this disease. Let us raise our voices and declare that with hope the odds don't matter!! 

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future'."--Jeremiah 29:11

Here's to a hopeful 2015 filled with blessings and good health!!!

To the Friend. . .

To the friend who meets me for coffee on a whim and doesn't notice the state of the house. . .thank you.
To the friend who texts just the right thing at just the right time. . .thank you,
To the friend who calls and keeps calling until our lives connect. . .thank you.
To the friend who tells her bad mommy moments as a means to make me feel not so bad about mine...thank you.
To the friend who comes to the door even when the shutters are drawn and knocks anyway. . .thank you.
To the friend who keeps showing up and pouring into my life with her gifts, whatever they may be...thank you.
To the friends who hold me up when I'm too physically or emotionally tired to stand on my own. . .thank you.
To the friend who encourages me to be creative, to write, to dance, to sing and not care who is reading or watching. . .thank you!
To the friend who knows just what I need, even before I do. . .thank you.
To the friend who chooses to be silent so I can speak my heart out and who hears me. All of me.  Every word  I say. . .thank you.
To the friend who juggles it all, just like I do, who misses an appointment, or meeting, or overdue library book from time to time and admits it. . . Thank you.
To the friend who knows when to offer advice and when to just hear me. . .thank you.
To the friend who I have yet to meet, but God is working on ways to intersect our lives. . .I can't wait.

Comparison Traps Get You Nowhere

I think we just might have some sort of normal here in this house these days.  It's finally feeling like Fall and our routine is down (for the most parts) and life is moving at warp speed in the best possible of ways.  I've been left with smiles many time this week as I've noticed an awakening in Janessa our almost four-year-old.  She has made our family complete and is finally old enough where I feel like she is getting the routine we've tried to have in place for years but before she couldn't sit still long enough. 

Just the other night, E called a family meeting at the dinner table.  I'd love to tell you these are a part of our weekly rituals, but they're not.  We have them from time to time because there is a need to discuss something--and the title "meeting" seems to make the kids pay attention.  On this particular Sunday, E had missed the second football game of the season.  And church.  He has worked continuously for the past three weeks because there is so much work to be done.  He attempted to explain to the kids that he is working so hard right now because we need to prepare for the fact that I may not work at all next year.  Financially he has a number that needs to happen in order for me to walk away.  I get it.  Completely.  The reality is, once I resign another job is not likely to come along until I'm ready to resume full time status which I know for sure will not be for at least three years.

Anyways, questions were flying.  Statements were being made.  Real life hungry discussion was taking place and it was good. So good. . .but Janessa had enough and she started pulling the book we're currently reading at the dinner table.  She was pounding her little fist saying, "Read this.  Read this."  She didn't care who read it.  She just wanted it read now.  And I couldn't help but be filled with such happiness because for the first time--I realized she knew our family routine.  She was a part of the words being read and looked forward to the grace lessons that were doled out through poems and short stories at the end of each meal.  For a really long time I fought a storm raging inside my own heart.  I craved my man to lead us, to be our spiritual leader and I had a ton of ideas as to what this would look like.

But then a friend sent me this and seriously everything changed.  I began to be thankful for a husband who worked hard for my stay at home mom dream to come true.  I noticed the random times he called a family meeting and how he facilitated it.  I laughed out loud as he read silly poems from our after dinner book.  I noticed that although he didn't spout off bible verses, he usually read bible stories at bed with the younger two.  I discovered he listened to 99.5, a local Christian radio station on his commutes.  I acknowledged the way he willingly let me do what I thought was best in terms of teaching our kids about their faith.  And I stopped comparing him to other dads.  And loved him for who he is to us.

That has made ALL the difference!

Answering the Call

It never ceases to amaze me the way God works such miracles into our lives.  A taste of tragic or trouble surrounded by an outpouring of love and support from mere acquaintances, has literally transformed the trajectory of how we are choosing to do life.  Ernie and I have committed to not only our marriage, but raising our children in the faith.  But we will be the first to admit, we have struggled in terms of our church community. We have felt a longing for something more, but could never put our fingers on it.  And in the wake of his accident, we have tried other churches and for whatever reason, we keep going back to our home.  This is not to say, that the search is over but the longing has been quieted because we've both felt a deeper calling, a stirring in our hearts that can only be explained as the holy spirit.

A weekly coffee date with a new friend, morphed into a book club, morphed into a Moms in Prayer/book club, morphed into a Good Morning Girls group in which we are all holding each other accountable to digging deep into God's word.  For some of the women this is a tentative baby step into a book that may have been considered intimidating.  For others it is an extension of sharing and growing the wisdom they've been tucking into their hearts over a deep, meaningful relationship with the Lord over a long period of time.  For me, it is simply an honor to be a part of.

This group of ten women (including myself) have absolutely stopped me in my tracks. I never in my wildest dreams could have wished for a group of like-minded faithful women from my kid's public school to share life with.  THIS is what I have been searching for.  THEY are God's gift to me in this season of life.  Amazing.  Awe-inspiring.  Humbling.  Beautiful.  Blessing, upon blessing, upon blessing!

And at the same time, Ernie is walking down a new path--finding fellowship with mere strangers whose commonality is Christ.  They covered chapter two in their book and he came home and read me some parts he underlined.  I could barely contain my excitement for his excitement.  God is so faithful.  I have known this to be true yet I am reminded again.  Seek and ye shall find--Matthew 7:7

Just yesterday he told me he was going to take the next call he received.  Unemployed for only a week, he decided he needed to get back in the saddle wherever the job may be.  His first call he declined was Blythe.  The second, Nevada.  I braced myself, with such a peacefulness about me.  I didn't worry or wonder where.  I felt a bit of sadness as I've grown accustomed to having us home together and a hint of remorse that working far away would mean the book club wouldn't be possible.  But that passed quickly as I realized he may continue to read and grow on his own.  Besides, I've been praying for two years now that he would rise up and lead us, even though it wasn't until the accident that I think I actually meant it. . .I don't know why I thought God wouldn't know. . .

Anyways, this morning, Ernie got the call. And I cry as I type this because God is so faithful.  God sees it all.  He knows everything about this heart of mine and now in the course of two months, not only did he spare my husband's life but he gifted him a job a mere twenty-five minutes away. . .with every other Friday off!!!!!!  I am so filled with wonder and praise this week.  I am growing by leaps and bound as I share Christ-centered relationships with new people both in my school Good Morning Girls group and my oldies but goodies who have been with me over the past two years.  Not to mention the special person who I lunched with today who paid me such a high compliment as needing to talk to someone who had a deep faith as she proceeded to share what was on her heart.  Such a WOW week!  Overflowing with a full heart of gratitude, that is who I am this week.  Blessed.

A New Normal

On a day that I thought would bring normal back. . .I am realizing a new normal is what I must mentally prepare myself for.  E showed up for work this morning only to be laid off.  They laid off thirty guys on Monday and his return was met with the same fate.  Ironically enough, this company is the same one he was laid off for almost three months a couple years ago.  The good news is now that he is a journeyman he can decline jobs that are too far away and just keep signing the books until something closer opens up.  The apprenticeship program no longer has to dictate where he goes and for how long.  As my friend shared their quote for the year, "Always see the good. . ." I may need to borrow this one for our household!

In choosing to see the good, and be fear{less} I'm not thinking too far ahead or worrying.  It is what it is, and for us right now that means more time with my man.  Just this summer, weren't we feeling like our time with him was fleeting?  Long hours and long drives had set us up for missing his physical presence and to actually be. . .dare I say, used to it?  I don't want any type of normal to be doing life without him.  Wasn't I reminded of how fragile life can be when his accident happened; what's some more time to spend with the man that I love? A blessing.

So today, I kick those old voices to the curb.  I choose joy.  I choose to count this moment as an opportunity, a gift. And I better go, because we have a walk to take.

November 29, 2012

It finally happened. . .with all the stress of the last week, my body succumbed to either a cold or a sinus infection.  The last two days have had me with droopy, achy eyes, a runny nose,  a dry cough, and an achy body. . .but this pales in comparison to what we could have been dealing with due to Ernie's accident.

He is home now, and we ventured to Los Angeles yet again to have his bandages removed.  The skin grafts took and now we just hydrate with vitamin E, and keep clipping off the skin as it lifts.  He still can't drive or lift heavy objects or apply too much pressure to his hands, but he is definitely on the mend! Praise be to God!

I was struck with a thought about community as we drove home from the hospital today.  As much as I am trying to become more a part of our church community, the truth of the matter is: our church is big--so big in fact that not many people probably know about Ernie's accident nor his injuries.  Probably none know how exhausting the daily commute was.  Nor do they know how my kids were bounced from grandparents to friends as I trekked out to see my husband on a daily basis.  To be fair, I didn't call anybody at our church.  I mean, really, I don't even know who you would call--I show up to teach my class on Wednesday nights and church on Sunday morning--there's not a whole lot of "community building" in between.  Do I fault my church?  Do I fault myself?  Shoulder shrug.  I simply don't know.

Then there is our school community.  The places where two of our children go to school, a community we have belonged to now for five years.  It has been a community in the making as well. Contributing to this community didn't come naturally to me--but luckily a year ago, the PTA president asked for my help with something and I accepted which led to other opportunities to help and serve.  Since then, both Ernie and I have joined the school's technology committee to help ensure our kids have access to what other schools in the district have.  It has been a blessing to get to know the parents of the children who attend school with our children.

Fast forward to the accident. . .when I finally had my wits about me to write and share the miracle we had experienced, one mom took that as an opportunity to organize and bless us with nightly meals.  These women and men who have stepped up to bless us have been lifesavers.  After the second night of meals the seven year old said, "Mom, why are they bringing us food?  YOUR hands aren't hurt."  Astute observation, too true.  But someone understood the daily commute, the stress, the disorder that felt like our life and did something about it.  We are all extremely grateful for that.

What it has done for me specifically, is open my eyes to the fact that my "community" is wherever Jesus is in action. Any time we have the opportunity to serve and shine Jesus' light, even if it seems insignificant.  Do it.  Purpose to lend a hand when you can.  A trip to the grocery store, walking a kid to school, a meal, babysitting, making a cake, stopping by, it doesn't matter what you do. JUST DO SOMETHING.

The only way to build community is by loving in action.  Love like Jesus did.  Serve like Jesus did.  Pray like Jesus did. . .and do it all in gratitude for the blessings he has bestowed in your own life.  Be His hands and feet.  Do something.  Anything.  Serve.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit.  serve the Lord."--Romans 12:10-11

November 25, 2012

I will give to the LORD the thanks due to His righteousness. ~Psalm 7:17 

I will give thanks to your name, O LORD, for it is good. ~Psalm 54:6 

I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify Your name forever. ~Psalm 86:12 

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever! ~Psalm 107:1

I give You thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart; ~Psalm 138:1

With Thanksgiving behind us, I can't help but relish in its meaning.  I feel stuck in a place of gratitude and I know there is a good reason for it!!  Through the course of this past week, I have not been able to grasp this miracle that is our God.  In the past two years, I have grown so much in my walk with Him and developed a relationship with Him that is deeply personal and our own, but now?  I feel like I just really know Him. Which just seems strange, as He has been there all along.  He carried me through my mom's bout with breast cancer, deaths, and births. . .but now?  It's like I feel his realness deep into my heart, my soul.

For the longest time, I've heard people give their testimonies and wondered what the heck mine was. I was born and raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, went on retreats, went to church sporadically, have always known my God is there for me.  So what is this testimony people stand up and talk about?  Why can't I place my finger on what mine is?

Testimony:  an open acknowledgment; b. a public profession of religious experience.

And today it hit me.  THIS is my testimony. Not the miracle of how my husband is still alive to love on longer. . .that is his.  Mine is that moment of peace as Janessa and I prayed on our way to the car.  The echoing in my head that, "  He is good, He is good, He is good. . ."  No matter what happens, He is good.  Although it sounds morbid to say aloud, morbid to write here in this familiar space, my brain went to that place what if he dies?  And in that moment I was filled with peace.   
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.--Philippians 4:7

THAT is my testimony.  And the more I share my experience aloud, the more I know this is it.  The more I am in awe of what  an awesome God He is.  The more I realize my walk with Him and the relationship we've developed was getting me ready for that moment.  That moment was my true awakening that He is all he says He is. And my heart continues to swell with gratitude. . .God has filled it so much, that there is no room for anything else. One day Ernie will return to work.  I am confident that God will continue to fill me up where there is no room for worry or anxiousness. He has this.  I know that now.  

Ernie's surgeries are over.  They had to do a skin graft with skin from his right thigh.  He said that was more painful than the burns to his hands.  He is still hospitalized until probably Tuesday--Janessa's third birthday: )  He is in good spirits.  He will talk to his employer tomorrow to recap what happened the day of the accident.  He was doing something he has done many times before, but he had taken off his gloves to pick up a tool which happened to be the conductor and the 7200 volts passed through him because electricity is always looking for the easiest place to ground.  Make sense?  Not really to me neither. . .One day, maybe he will share all the events leading up to that moment--His testimony, if you will.

Now we just work on getting his hands healed.  He can't work for at least a month, could be longer.  Time will tell. For now, I plan on looking at my one day a week work status as an extra blessing as we have time to spend together, doing things to prepare our hearts for Christmas, to revel in our miracle a little longer!

God is good.  All the time.

November 17, 2012

Yesterday is not the kind of day I want to remember; however it is a day I need to.  I got the call no wife wants to receive, there had been an accident my husband was involved in at work. He was being transported by ambulance to the hospital.

As I rushed from my imoms meeting to pick up Janessa, hands shaking, moving swiftly, all I could do was pray.  As we ran to the car together, we prayed aloud that daddy would be okay.  Thankfully, the hospital was only minutes away and I just murmured, "yes" as Nessa kept repeating, "My daddy hurt?"  All the while praying.

Seeing him in that hospital bed ALIVE and hearing him speak was a rush of relief and I let tears fill my eyes with pure joy.  He told me what had happened and to be honest, it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo technical talk that I really didn't get, but the words I absolutely understood: 7200 volts.  7200 volts is the current that somehow he made contact with.  7200 volts.  He could have been dead.  By all accounts, he should have been dead. . .but he wasn't.  Here he was with me, and even though I couldn't see his hands yet to see the extent of the damage--I cared about nothing else and I started praising God. 

Just the day before I had posted this picture on instagram.

And the next day, I got the dreaded call.  Just like that, our lives could have changed in an instant.  I know my conscious brain knows this, but the reality of following the ambulance as he was transported to a burn center over fifty miles away. . .took my breath away. My stomach ached, my mouth was dry, my muscles ached from the strain of such constant concentration, yet praise filled words swam around my mind.

As I waited for them to call me back at the burn center, I replayed the morning.  I could hear the sound of rain against the rooftop.  "Is that rain," he had asked?  "Yes, " I replied snuggling deeper into the blankets. Of all days, I chose the warmth of the covers to going downstairs with him and making his coffee then riding my bike.  I didn't bless his forehead.  I didn't. . .I didn't. . .

But He did.  God was with Ernie.  God protected him and spared his life.  His injuries are relatively minor for the voltage he was working with.  I am so grateful. . .gulping breaths of gratitude.  Today there is only room for gratitude and love.  That is how filled up I am. It doesn't matter that Thanksgiving is a couple days away.  The day to give thanks is today--or any day that you're alive.

My view last night in the comfort of our own home.  Another gift of the day?  He was discharged.  After talk of keeping him to monitor his heart and such. . .they let him come home to this.  To us.  To a friend/brother/fellow lineman who brought us pizza for a late dinner.  I had no idea how much this profession truly is a brotherhood--word traveled fast and the calls and texts were rolling in.  As I drove home through hours of Friday night traffic, I listened to him speak to the people who understand his words, what happened, way more than I did.  I gave thanks for them too.  These men who do a dangerous job so I can have electricity flowing through this home of mine.

I haven't quite wrapped my head around what comes next.  There will be a burn center appointment on Monday.  I will dress and wrap his wounds later today and again Sunday. I haven't even had a good chance to cry and let the tears spill for what God saved for me and my family to love on for longer.

All I know at this time, this particular moment, is that God is so good!  This accident will forever shape how Ernie conducts business. I have often said God speaks to us in whispers and when we don't get it, we get a thump.  I'm thankful this thump wasn't worse. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change--James 1:17

Thankful to God for my husband's safety, but also for filling me up with such gratitude that there is no room for worry.  Ernie will go back to work again and the possibility will exist for accidents to happen.  But there is no room for me to worry.  God's got this--case in point: yesterday.
⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:34  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

November 5, 2012

Our thankful tree is out and is being utilized daily.  I was filled with gratitude after our Sunday fun-filled with family time!  It's not too often that our oldest son is able to dedicate a whole day to just hanging out with his parents and little brother and sisters.  He's a busy guy--holding down two jobs, getting as much experience as he can to figure out what his career path will be.  When I called him a month ago about our family portraits he promised he would be there and he was--earlier than the 7:30 am I had requested!

It was fun finding places to take photographs at a local college campus.  It was even more fun to get Nessa to cooperate time and time again as she is much more mobile and curious now than she was two years ago.  We laughed and joked and a little bit of photo bombing may have taken place thanks to the middle guys.  I sure hope to see those pictures--the kids--all four of them were having a great time there!

We moved on to a nice, family breakfast and then on to church.  Having gained an hour and getting up so early it felt like we had accomplished so much all before noon!  We relaxed at the house for a bit to rest up.  Bubba had his flag football playoffs at three o'clock.  If they won, they would move up to the last game of the season and go for a first place win.  The first game, the boys were in it to win it and they did!  Grandparents made it out to their last game of the season, which was nice--considering this set is the only set my kids really have. . .we cheered, grandma definitely was the loudest and the game was won!  After a five minute reprieve they played the only team they had lost to the entire series and they were in the lead 6-0 until the last four minutes of that game.  Lights had to be turned on, and our boys had their first taste of "Sunday Night Lights."  They played hard, but in the end after an almost fifteen minute overtime the other team scored.  There were some tears as the boys played valiantly.  They played through tiredness and nerves and they gave it their best shot.  We will have a team party Friday night to celebrate their fantastic season and a visit to an APU game Saturday night to watch the big guys play.

Jonathan pulled six flags and overall played with so much more determination and energy than he has in past seasons.  I truly believe it's because of his coaches this year.  To begin with, they are brothers, and secondly, they have kids of their own and life experiences on their sides.  Jonathan's past coaches were just out of high school and I just felt like they lacked the skills for team building.  The Cougars this year created a mini-family unit on that field.  I am so happy that he was blessed with the coaches and team he was--I have a feeling the fire has been lit and he really thinks he is capable of being a successful player now.

It's amazing what we can accomplish when we have our support systems in place.  I guess that was Sunday's theme as we spoke with our oldest about his future.  I have never been more proud as he shared he just wants to be comfortable and able to take care of his family like we are able to do. We are in a position that I don't have to work.  That is a blessing in itself; however, we choose not to live above our means.  We choose not to rely on credit to do the things we want to do or buy the things we want.  We choose to give generously to organizations and our church because, "Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which he has given you."--Deuteronomy 16:17

This Thanksgiving season, let your heart overflow with gratitude.  Count your blessings out loud and often.  Invite your families to share in the utterance of these gifts, to acknowledge all that He has blessed you with.  Step back and see what ways you can give to others be it of your time, your service, or simply your smile.  Sunday filled me up when I hadn't even been feeling depleted. . .fill your hearts with true gratitude and the Lord will continue to reveal himself in all that you have, all that you are.
 

October 26, 2012

"The days are long; the years are short."--Gretchin Rubin

I'm not sure what it is about this week that makes this quote reverberate through my mind.  Could it be after three long weeks away, my husband is home, which makes it easier to enjoy the beautiful moments of our everyday chaotic, crazy extraordinary?

Maybe it's the fact that after his four year apprenticeship, Ernie is finally, officially done!  He is a journeyman now and with that comes a choice.  He can look for jobs that are closer to home and my head isn't subconsciously worrying that he may be moved at any second back up North or to Arizona.  This week we enjoyed four glorious days together.  Mornings, lunches, parent participation classes, and him spending some one on one time with the kids.  Oh lest I forget. . .the backyard is presentable again.

Could it be that Jonathan has lost four teeth in two weeks and Lene visited an orthodontist to talk about a two phase treatment?  Then I look at my youngest who will be three-years-old almost one month from today with her little, bitty baby teeth, cute gap in the front and all--stretched out so long in her footed pajamas across the bed and I think, wow!  Holding her cousin as she ran across the pumpkin patch yesterday, I noticed how perfectly he fit in my arms and how right he felt and realized how done I really am with having my own children from this body of mine.They are all getting so big and I'm here.  God has blessed me with this time here at home with them.

The PTA obligations, the Tech committee food truck event, student council speeches, the parent conferences I held this week for my part time job, talent show practice and Halloween costumes, the faith formation class I'm teaching, the imoms group I attend, the new friends God has blessed me with plus the old ones who have been a part of my growing journey. . .it's all so totally, completely worth it!!!  I am feeling so richly blessed.  God's had His hand in this all along and I am filled with gratitude that my eyes--this week especially, have been open to all the richness, all the beauty that flows freely through this little house of ours.

I breathe in His glories deeply, and I exhale complete and utter gratitude.  I've been a little busy in front of the camera, to take time behind it--and it feels so right, so good, so true, and so absolutely glorious!

August 24, 2012

I need this poster in our classroom.  Just another gift from my daily cosmic postcard.  I am tapped out this week: overtired, and not able to string together more than a couple sentences.  Thankful for the weekend--no where we have to be, nothing we have to do.  Just gracious for the opportunity to be. 

July 18, 2012

Sometimes this little one can take or leave what is on our agenda for the day.  She would be content never getting dressed, hair uncombed, digging through her baskets of toys and cooking plastic food creations just for me--straight from her kitchen.  The life of a toddler. . .isn't it grand?

But we don't stay home every day, because there are two older siblings pushing to go here, to do this, or to do that.  So each summer day is filled with a precarious need for balance.  To do but not overdo.  And isn't that true with life, no matter the season?  Haven't we made a conscious decision to simplify? To cut out too many extracurricular activities that take away our family time?  To breathe deeply gulps of gratitude for this moment?  Summer need not be any different.  Rest is good.
And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest a while." For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.--Mark 6:31


So as we enter the last four weeks of summer vacation, I remind myself to take my cue from my children. If the calendar space needs to be clear, so be it. If there are more days spent home together than out and about, lucky us!  How we are in the final stretch of summer is beyond me.  It crept up ever so slowly filled with delicious days of swim and play.  Ice cream and barbecues.  Such sweet memories already recorded in our memory--Now, rest.  We become a little bit choosier with our time, our energy, and our days.  Summer is fleeting.  This balancing act, is not.

July 13, 2012

Being that it is summer, I have had the pleasure of  hanging out with some of my dearest friends  these past couple weeks.  These friends and I began working together about fourteen years ago and there is something comforting about being with those friends who knew me before. . .before marriage and motherhood.  

And now our life has come full circle. . .we are wives and moms: striving to do our best in both roles, while teaching remains in the mix  (some of us larger percentages than others).  Some days we juggle the demands of our three worlds, dropping balls here and there, but we've learned how to get it together quickly and move on.  We've had our share of health concerns--either our own or with  our children, yet we still go forward.  We are in a season of mothering right now.  We are the ones who determine the pace of our family life.  We are the ones who have to quiet the voices of the world to listen to the one whose matters most.  His. He has joyfully brought us together to rain sanity, peace, and gratitude on sometimes frazzled, chaotic life.

And in the hours where conversation filled the air, time stood still.  I soaked it all up and I left the play dates breathing deep gulps of gratitude for the refreshment these visits offered.  Sometimes a little time is all you need to feel uplifted and full of gratitude for these gifts--our friends.  These treasures in what can be an otherwise rough world.  These souls who lift your spirits, lend an ear, and offer words of advice or clarity on situations that might seem unbearable or hard to handle.  Our friends, our front line of defense, our angels here on earth. . .I am so grateful for these precious gifts!  I pray my children will be blessed with the type of friends I have been.

June 25, 2012

It's early and I just couldn't sleep.  I feel like a little kid just waiting for the "big" event, which in our world is moving day.  I browsed one of my favorite blogs looking for inspiration in the home decorating world: Lemonade Makin Mama.  As I kept going back in time on her posts, I was reminded of my word for the year: GO.  Re-reading it six months later and I think, in that stillness when I really listen to His voice and allow myself to hear Him--He speaks.  He only speaks truth.  Always.

Half a year later and I walked away from my sixty percent contract, only to be led to a partnership where I will work twenty percent.  It is at my same site, but at a different grade level and subject. I am going.

Half a year later and we are going to move.  We are going to be closer to my parents and I think that proximity will be good in the raising of my children.  I have always said it takes a village and I believe this statement to be true.  I am grateful for the village: my family.  We will be closer to hear the stories of my 87-year-old papa who lives with my parents.  My kids can have servant hearts and learn ways to ensure his comfort and happiness only a couple doors down.  We are going.

Half a year later and the minute I worry about what to do with our current house.  God answers.  The same day.  The neighbor behind us is interested, she tells my husband.  Very interested, she tells me the next day.  She reiterates, "I want this to happen.  I will take great care of this place."  Moving to the corner will mean a larger lot, a larger space for her. . .where it has become almost bursting at the seams for us, it will be her definition of perfect. 

God is so good.  God's timing is impeccable.  God's plan and direction beyond anything I could ever have imagined!

Even when the voices are loud: insecurity, fear, indecisiveness, anger, children screaming. . .His voice is clear. Always.

June 14, 2012

The kids have been out of school a week, and I still have two days left. . .but I realized I never wrote about Lene's play, We Are Off to Find Some Character.  This play will be remembered because the message was so appropriate for children these days. . .be a good citizen, thoughtful, and nice. And also because Lene auditioned for the lead--and nailed it (as per her teacher).  Before tryouts, I suggested she go for the narrator since there were seven. . .she looked at me and said, "Geez, mom--have a little faith."  Ouch.  Lesson learned.  She  belongs up there shining His light: )  

She even had a solo!

Loveliness against a lovely backdrop.

This girl has been a close friend since kinder.  I can't believe they are fourth graders now~

The scarecrow she is standing next to. . .known each other since pre-school.  My, how time flies!

Thankful for strong women in her life that support her endeavors and cheer her on from the front row.

Mom and my little performer.

The show was fantastic--I loved how all the kids were so involved in it--the chorus and appropriate songs filled with meaning and truths.  Absolutely adorable.  Then there was my daughter, up on that stage--doing what she loves. . .and only because she has written this verse on her heart. . ."I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

So thankful she practiced her faith and put herself out there to audition. I know I am the mom and I do what I can to teach her worthwhile lessons that will positively effect her life and those lives she touches, but I learn from her too.  Yes.  I do.

June 8, 2012

The kids begin summer vacation today. . .but I wanted to share our end of the year gifts for their teachers.  I originally found this idea here and pinned it.  It was super easy and I know one of the teachers is a Starbucks connoisseur! I feel very blessed by the teachers our kids had this year.  I'm grateful for all their hard work and the love of learning they instilled in my kids. 

And now the countdown to my summer vacation and new job begins.  One week from today to be exact: )  I. Can. Not. Wait!!!

May 28, 2012

Memorial Day honors the US men and women who died while in the military, serving their country. It is a day to remember all the people who have served - and are serving - in the armed forces; our surviving veterans; and to honor those who have died in past wars.  Since my Papa, a veteran, had teased me about missing my enchilada casserole--I decided the kids and I would celebrate his years of service during this Memorial weekend.  While I made his enchiladas, the kids cut a brownie with star cookie cutters, decorated a gift bag and made a card for him.

We decided to wear our red, whites, and blues when we delivered his goodies.  We also prepared a few questions that the kids had for him.

Some of their questions included:  Why did you decide to serve?  Did you have to live in tents?  Did you ever fly in a plane or a blimp?  Were you injured? Did you miss your family? I think Papa got a kick out of answering them.  The kids were so focused and intent on his answers.  They listened enthusiastically which inevitably led to more questions.  Papa continued to answer them even when they were a bit over the top and he kept his sense of humor: ) 

We gathered around his chair and captured the moment. . .because the reality is we don't know how much time we have with him.  His poor knees have gotten worse.  He is getting older.  We all are, but what a gift my kids have in listening to his stories--what a gift it is to me to hear about him living over seas and meeting John Wayne!  He has such a rich history to share as do most of our elders, but it seems sometimes we don't make the time to listen.

We are all busy in our day to day lives.  But we wouldn't be here if not for the parents and grandparents who raised us.  Their life stories are waiting to be told; waiting to be asked; waiting to share.  I'm grateful for the opportunity this Memorial Day weekend to celebrate Papa and thank him for his service, to ask questions, and to listen to details from an important past.

 Gratitude and prayers for all who have served before and all those who are serving now and will serve in the future.  Thank you.