Restore & Refresh

In addition to putting down my iphone and staying away from Instagram, I also signed myself up for an online workshop during the Lenten season.  "Restore Workshop is a six week online course geared towards adult women who have struggled or are struggling with or want to avoid burnout. It is for any woman who wants to nurture joy within her life and the lives of those around her."  For some odd reason, after a year of book club, and four years of leading a Good Morning Girls group, teaching part time, and mothering around the clock on top of being a God-loving wife. . .I found myself on the brink of burn out.  I was doing, but without the passion and drive that had once fueled me.  My tank was empty and I felt ready to crash and burn.  Unfortunately, those who would suffer most would be my family.

Thank God, I recognized the road I was headed down.  I knew I was distracted.  I knew I was tired of leading.  I knew I was comparing and I also knew that comparison was the thief of joy.  I completed my last session of Good Morning Girls and am on an official hiatus.  Letting go of that responsibility alone made me look forward to my morning quiet  time where I could now FOCUS on the workshop and its daily reflections that were beginning to restore my enthusiasm for my role as wife, mom, and daughter of the King. All the things I was doing in His name,  meant nothing if my heart wasn't in it and I wasn't seeking Him first in my own daily relationship.  Doing something out of habit without the heart, wasn't filling up my tank. Lesson learned. But I will probably need a reminder down the road. Just keeping it real!

Spring break came along at just the right moment and Sunday we spent some family time outside bike riding. I am realizing that I need to keep stepping out of my comfort zones when it comes to fully doing life with my kids.  Dad is the active one, the adventurer, the explorer. . .and some of their best memories I'm not a part of because I've stayed behind or opted to grocery shop or clean.  Really?!!!! These kids are growing up right before my eyes and I better ride bikes with them while they still want me to! So what if the hills around the lake make me nervous!  Get over it, J!

Monday, we had a friend over and the girls got away for some girl time.  Usually Lene Bean is treated to a mani/pedi at her birthday only--it's a ritual my aunt started with her when she was about five.  But Little's girlfriend had offered to take her. . .and she really wanted to go, so I jumped right in and said we would all meet her there.  Even Nessa had her nails painted and adorned with polka-dots. Sometimes it's a nice surprise to do the thing you don't usually splurge on!

Lunch concluded our girl time out together.  The rest of the afternoon was spent with the kids singing, dancing, collecting worms, playing house, playing tennis, and just a jovial time of kids being kids!

Today I knew I wanted to cease another free day, but what to do, what to do?  Val's sister-in-law recommended the arboretum.  I can't even remember the last time I was there, so off we went.

Ten kids and SO much to see. . .it felt refreshing and rejuvenating to be outside enjoying God's beautiful earth.  I loved watching the kids explore. I loved exploring beside them: turtles, waterfalls, peacocks, the scent of orange blossoms. . .add someone else's kid sinking in the mud into the mix and you have the complete trip!  It's not an adventure unless something unexpected takes place!

Sometimes some cousin time is just what the doctor ordered!  Add to that the realization that true friends really do become family: love and friendship are blessings we should not take for granted.  I love that this bench shot serves as that reminder.

I'm always taking the pictures, but today I wanted to reflect and remember this day trip that refreshed my soul.  I felt so happy to be with my kiddos today. 

After, we went out to eat and then headed home to tell daddy all about our adventures. While Lene worked on some research for a school project, Nessa requested some homework so we did a little shared writing activity.  I think we make a great team!

And as if the day could have been any better. . .my biggest littles began writing stories about a concept that they had discussed with their grandpa over a month ago: Mrs. Pimplebottom.  It was awesome to see them working side by side, totally engaged in the adventures they were creating.  Neither wanted to go to bed--they were THAT into their stories.

I have come to expect this creativity from Anjalene. . .but Bubba?  Tonight was new for him. He may have lifted a few ideas from listening to his sister's read aloud to me, but all in all, he was really into it and excited about his creation. I love their imaginations! 

Tonight's takeaway:  We all have stories to tell.  Just as we all have a life to live.  It can only  be our best life if we avoid comparisons with others and try to stay true to who God is calling us to be.  I love that when I stop listening to outside influences and the goings on of others, I feel most able to hear God's voice in my own life.  Let's just say, I've been hearing a lot lately. . .but I'll save that for another post. Two days into Spring Break and my soul is definitely being restored!

Answering the Call

It never ceases to amaze me the way God works such miracles into our lives.  A taste of tragic or trouble surrounded by an outpouring of love and support from mere acquaintances, has literally transformed the trajectory of how we are choosing to do life.  Ernie and I have committed to not only our marriage, but raising our children in the faith.  But we will be the first to admit, we have struggled in terms of our church community. We have felt a longing for something more, but could never put our fingers on it.  And in the wake of his accident, we have tried other churches and for whatever reason, we keep going back to our home.  This is not to say, that the search is over but the longing has been quieted because we've both felt a deeper calling, a stirring in our hearts that can only be explained as the holy spirit.

A weekly coffee date with a new friend, morphed into a book club, morphed into a Moms in Prayer/book club, morphed into a Good Morning Girls group in which we are all holding each other accountable to digging deep into God's word.  For some of the women this is a tentative baby step into a book that may have been considered intimidating.  For others it is an extension of sharing and growing the wisdom they've been tucking into their hearts over a deep, meaningful relationship with the Lord over a long period of time.  For me, it is simply an honor to be a part of.

This group of ten women (including myself) have absolutely stopped me in my tracks. I never in my wildest dreams could have wished for a group of like-minded faithful women from my kid's public school to share life with.  THIS is what I have been searching for.  THEY are God's gift to me in this season of life.  Amazing.  Awe-inspiring.  Humbling.  Beautiful.  Blessing, upon blessing, upon blessing!

And at the same time, Ernie is walking down a new path--finding fellowship with mere strangers whose commonality is Christ.  They covered chapter two in their book and he came home and read me some parts he underlined.  I could barely contain my excitement for his excitement.  God is so faithful.  I have known this to be true yet I am reminded again.  Seek and ye shall find--Matthew 7:7

Just yesterday he told me he was going to take the next call he received.  Unemployed for only a week, he decided he needed to get back in the saddle wherever the job may be.  His first call he declined was Blythe.  The second, Nevada.  I braced myself, with such a peacefulness about me.  I didn't worry or wonder where.  I felt a bit of sadness as I've grown accustomed to having us home together and a hint of remorse that working far away would mean the book club wouldn't be possible.  But that passed quickly as I realized he may continue to read and grow on his own.  Besides, I've been praying for two years now that he would rise up and lead us, even though it wasn't until the accident that I think I actually meant it. . .I don't know why I thought God wouldn't know. . .

Anyways, this morning, Ernie got the call. And I cry as I type this because God is so faithful.  God sees it all.  He knows everything about this heart of mine and now in the course of two months, not only did he spare my husband's life but he gifted him a job a mere twenty-five minutes away. . .with every other Friday off!!!!!!  I am so filled with wonder and praise this week.  I am growing by leaps and bound as I share Christ-centered relationships with new people both in my school Good Morning Girls group and my oldies but goodies who have been with me over the past two years.  Not to mention the special person who I lunched with today who paid me such a high compliment as needing to talk to someone who had a deep faith as she proceeded to share what was on her heart.  Such a WOW week!  Overflowing with a full heart of gratitude, that is who I am this week.  Blessed.

Week in Review

Our new normal feels like a bit of an extended vacation.  Even though the kids went back to school, and I went back to teach my one day this week. . .we are, for the most part together a lot.  With Ernie home, the two of us work together to tackle breakfasts, lunch making, homework help, dinner and clean up.  I have nothing to complain about.  We had a play date with one of Nessa's besties, went to Jumpin' Jacks with imoms, participated in Toddler Time at the library, and thoroughly enjoyed walking to Parent Participation pre-school this week.  AND we even braved the cold yesterday and resumed our weekly Friday park dates.

A spontaneous meetup with a friend resulted in Ernie and my brother attending a book club at a local church.  The three of us stayed up late leafing through it and I sat quietly listening to them excited and hopeful for what the book and the fellowship might offer .  Thursday morning several woman gathered at my house and a new Good Morning Girls Group was formed, which I felt called to lead.  I am so excited because also on the agenda is a Moms in Prayer group with these moms who attend the same school as my kids!  We are also working out the details for a book club, but we just don't know what to read:  Mission to Motherhood, Desperate, or A Thousand Gifts.  We will pray about it and what it needs to look like. . .but we are women who are inspired and inspiring other women.  How awesome and beautiful is that? I feel so grateful.

This morning I ventured out with my mom to a couple estate and yard sales and found a couple treasures AND tonight we will celebrate a friend's fortieth birthday at a fancy schmansy country club.  Awe.  Life.  It is so deliciously good--and about to taste even better starting tomorrow: )
My list is made as I head off to the grocery store to get a jump start on my resolution to cook more and plan ahead better.  Knowing Weelicious and Not Your Mothers Make Ahead and Freeze cookbook have helped!  I feel like I'm off to a great start and am looking forward to church and time in the kitchen tomorrow.  Week one of our "new normal" complete.

February 7, 2012

Totally appropriate to have Sally sign a page the baby got to, that's motherhood for you:)

I have so much to say and no idea where to begin.
First off, it truly takes a village to raise a family!  Huge thanks to my mom, dad, brothers, neighbor, and sisters-in-law who offered to help with the kids this weekend so I could attend my second Mom Heart Conference.  With a husband just having four wisdom teeth pulled and a sick son, I felt guilty at first for being away, but the Lord worked out all the details and I was able to be filled with inspiration and hope.

I expected to be encouraged and inspired here.  I was not disappointed!!
What I wasn't expecting was the constant tugging at my heart that somehow I had come full circle and God has great things in store for me!

 Not that I ever doubt that. . .it's just that I was able to meet Angela from Good Morning Girls and strangely enough, that's where all of this started for me--this deeper desire to have my own relationship with the Lord--to parent in a way that is more intentional, more Christ-centered. It all started with three friends who answered my plea for women of faith to walk with me on a God inspired journey and to dig into His word through daily bible reading.

My parents laid a fabulous religious foundation by sending me to Catholic school; however, this Catholic didn't do much digging in my own bible unless I was away at a church retreat or something of that nature.  For years we had religion books we learned from...not in depth bible studies--and perhaps that is part of why I fell away from the Catholic church for awhile. I wanted something that the Catholic Church could not give me...or so I thought. With the start of my group though I've come to realize what I was looking for was right in front of me all along.  My bible. . .His words to my heart, and an intimate relationship with my creator. I found, I've always had the power. 

Not long after my GMG group started, I read Mission of Motherhood and attended my first Mom Heart conference with Sally. Then I began to devour more of her books and subscribed to her blog I Take Joy.  In the meantime, things at home were much more intentional. . .my time with the kids, what we read, what we listened to, what we watched.  I became much more aware of the media around us and the messages they are sending my kids--too much, too soon and we began to make changes.  Just weeks ago I talked to Human Resources and have asked to reduce my contract to one day a week, or for a leave of absence.  I'm not sure what will happen, but I know a change is coming and I am excited at what this means for my children.  Lastly, I just started a book club with the book that started this journey for me and I am hopeful at what it might do in the hearts of other moms!

With all of this, then it makes complete sense (to me, at least) that this weekend felt like a huge gift just waiting to be unwrapped.  I love the woman's hearts I heard.  I love Sally and Clay's vision.  I am spending more time on these thoughts here:

• The legacy we leave in the hearts of our children does not come about accidently.
• I need to advocate for my kids more and be less adversarial. (I struggle here sometimes.)
• You can't live by faith if listening to man. (I struggle with this one too.)
• If you want to influence your child's heart, you have to know it.
• There is great freedom for kids to be who they were meant to be. (Adults too!)
•  Grace leads to Jesus. . .My heart can not give out what it has not taken in.
• Don't believe what others say about your kids and who they think they are.  TRUST GOD!

I am especially bothered by: Whose voice am I listening to? Why? Fear of man brings a snare. . .live up to what God wants you to do. I'm sure there will be more to come. . .I'm still dissecting it all--piecing my notes together, pondering and praying, "God I will go.  God I will be your girl. . ."

December 5, 2011

I wasn't going to write today.

I didn't feel I had anything much to say.

Life is good.  Great even. 

We are here; we are healthy; we are preparing for Christmas (in our hearts at least) as there are no outward signs around our house yet.

But then I woke up and opened my bible to review the Book of John and started off my email to my Good Morning Girls Group.

My short and simple check in looked a lot like a blog post so I thought I would share.

This morning I read John 5: 1-21 again.

Verse 15 stood out to me because I've been thinking a lot about it this weekend--"If we know He is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure he will give us what we ask for." Verse 21 ends with, "Dear Children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts."

Friday's events still have me reeling.  

On Thursday, my Advent devotion had me call someone I had been meaning to call.  

It was 9:18 before I was able to do so, but I called my neighbor and encouraged her in a message and let her know I was off work the next day.

Hours later she showed up needing to be near someone as she mourned the death of sweet little Manny. I shouldn't have been home--but I was.  

God.

 Unbeknownst to me, the school had grief counselors at the school as they told all the kids that a fellow classmate had died. 

I found it difficult--gut wrenching actually to watch (from my beautiful picture window form my house on the corner)parents pick up their kids throughout the day--often one or both in tears--clutching desperately at each other.  

Heartbreaking.
When Lene came home from school--the first thing she did was ask me in a somber voice if I knew what happened?  I nodded, with tear filled eyes (again) and hugged her. 

She allowed the closeness but soon after she pulled away and with confidence and determination she announced, "It's so sad, mommy but at least he gets to be in Heaven."
"Gets to be in Heaven. . ."
A verse flew front and center to my mind (bits and pieces--because you know how I am with verse--not too good, actually).. . . 

"He was indignant and said to them, "Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." 16 And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands upon them." (Mark 10:13-16)

What does that mean?  

Can I be comforted in a moment like this if I have a faith like hers?

Children say what they mean and mean what they say usually.  

My daughter wasn't mourning him any less than I was--she simply was trusting that what the bible says is true--what we have told her when other loved ones have passed away is true too. 

Her sense of wonder about what this most beautiful place will look like as long as she keeps Jesus front and center in her life and ultimately the place she hopes to be one day is solace for her saddened heart.

.Amazing.

How all this ties in with John I'm unsure except to say--be mindful of your family more--do not let anything else take God's place in your heart--not your job, outside commitments, the television, or computer--whatever it has the potential to be.  Don't.  

Also, God answers our prayers--it may not look the way we want it to, but he answers us.  

Always.

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." John 20:27

Is your faith always child-like?

Wondering if I'm alone in the fact that I don't think mine is. . .