That's All She Wrote

Papa celebrated 91 years young!

2014 is a thing of the past.  Onward and upward as we have already welcomed 2015 in to our humble midst. With the holidays behind us, and another year in the books, I have been thinking about the lessons learned this year as I tried to FOCUS on what was most important--the life right in front of my face.

What a great life it is!  And what an even greater gift I've been given in recognizing it and clinging on to it and opening it up to someone who didn't have the luxuries afforded us.  This home, which was once referred to as "the little old lady who lived in a shoe. . ." as a means to persuade me that we have in fact outgrown the place. . .opened itself to our 13-year-old "brother."  He doesn't complain about the size of this space. Because it has become his home.  And home truly is where your heart is.  Pay no mind to how big or how small, if you shift your perspective you are able to clearly see:  Small homes grow tight families. And what we have is clearly enough.

Take for example, another luxury afforded me:  staying home with my children.  To some, there is little benefit of being home all day when kids may be in school.  There is money to be earned, trips to take, and futures to plan for.  But the thing is:  I want to be home.  I desire to make my husband, kids and home a priority: an inspiring, inviting, cozy place.   And together, E and I have decided that this life we are leading is enough. Today is a gift we are not taking for granted.  We may sacrifice additional income, but the benefits of me being home far outnumber the down side. . .FOR US.  But every family is different. I know this.  And I respect this.

2014 was my year to walk on water--to not take my eyes upon the Lord and know what?  God has not disappointed.  He has provided countless opportunities for me to do what I love and use the gifts He has blessed me with.  I think to myself, WHY DID IT TAKE ME SO LONG TO PRACTICE WHAT I PREACHED?  His plans for me are always so much greater than my own.  Faith is complete confidence or trust in God...I knew what it meant but still wanted to play it safe and live by my own standard of secure. What an awakening it has been to KNOW Him in this way.  It truly is an amazing gift!  One I do not take for granted, nor is it one I will be silenced about.  People can refer to me as "too into the bible."  In fact, I will take that as a compliment.  I am far from perfect, but I know I serve a perfect God who doesn't make mistakes and who wants us to follow Him and his ways.

I have entered into this new year with full JOY.  

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."--John 15:11

I want to hold on to the joy.  I want to embrace what each glorious moment has to offer, even in the chaotic confusion of hectic daily life, homeschool lessons gone awry, and days I'm just plain, old worn out from the raising of four littles under foot.  I want to count it all as JOY.  I want to choose joy, even in the hard times, even during decisions that have to be made but especially in all the moments that are spent together as a family or in community. JOY is contagious.  I'd like to spread it around too.  I tell my kids often, who you are at home, is who you really are.  And I want to be filled with joy so it spills over into their lives, and douses all our interactions.  This joyful countenance to be able to live the life I never even allowed myself to dream of needs to be outwardly displayed daily; moment by moment. . .in smiles, and gestures, actions, and affirming words.  I want HIS JOY in me and I want it to be full.  And I have the power to make that happen if I live with eyes wide open and full of gratitude, but mostly if I CHOOSE joy.  This year I am choosing JOY.  Join me?

So Much Goodness

The weeks leading up to Christmas were slower and more deliberate than usual; however, they still passed way too quickly but were filled with too much goodness not to share.  I always get giddy with excitement at the end of the year as the fruits of my labor here on to blog will soon take shape into our pretty hard bound book full of captured moments and memories from our year.  Hard to believe it is time for that already!

Lene and I headed out for some girl time at Cocoa and Cupcakes, a Christmas celebration that takes place at our friend's church.  As excited as I was originally to go, it happened to be raining and getting there proved more challenging than I thought.  In addition, if I'm being real, Lene and I got into an argument as I was disappointed with her lack of effort into getting ready for our night out together.  It is such a catch 22--I know I am blessed that she is not overly interested in fashion and fitting in with her middle school peers, but sometimes I wish she would take more initiative and not fight me on dressing up from time to time, letting her beautiful curls down, and dare I say, ""be more girly?"  That comment may come back to haunt me int the future, I'm sure, but this particular night was hard.  And then we got there and were so blessed by the speaker, by the message--by the reminder of Christ coming to earth for us.  It turned out to be a great night and I'm glad I didn't let the devil steal my joy.

This little one loved hearing the ringing bells of the Salvation Army and enjoyed putting spare change in their bucket.  Once outside Sam's she was even able to ring the bell herself.

 My book club celebrated Christmas with a potluck brunch and a few of our favorite things. So much fun! And so many cute favorite things!

My Mom's group at church had a beautiful book club discussion followed by a gift exchange, feast, and a beautiful chorus of Happy Birthday to Jesus!  Such a blessing to be a part of!

One Tuesday morning, we followed the third graders across the street down to the church on the corner. They have an annual tradition of making candy canes, and they didn't mind us tagging along and calling it a field trip. It fit right in with our book about the Legend of the Candy Cane!  Nessa was able to see her friend and I was able to reconnect with a mom who moved out of state four years ago, but who is now back/.  I love how the Lord led her back and we were able to catch up.  I look forward to more conversation with her in the future.

Another day, we were able to go to a friend's house for a play date and lunch.  Our visit was long overdue and such soul food for me.  It was the kind of catch up session where there were no lulls or silences because it had been so long and so much goodness is happening between our families.  A joy to be a part of and to see Nessa running around playing and having such a good time.  It was a very special blessing this holiday season for me.

In between all this goodness, we still did school and I just felt completely in love with every detail of my life. All of it.

And one Saturday morning we headed to our church to help pass out Christmas baskets and toys for families going through a difficult time.  We went through the line three times.  I can not believe we had never helped out in this way before.  It was love in action and it gave each of the kids a job to do to bless someone else. Their energy and enthusiasm was contagious and I was so grateful that they really seemed to get it. . .how blessed we are and how it's our job to help others.  I do believe this is something we will definitely be a part of again.

And no year is complete without our annual visit to the Living Nativity.  There were some changes to it this year and we dressed warmly, hot cocoa in hands as we walked through and watched each scene unfold. No matter how many times we've heard it, it never seems to lose it's awe factor.  I love that the kid's feel like this is what the Frank family does. It is part of what makes Christmas...Christmas.

We hadn't been to the candy store to watch them make candy canes for a long time, but we thought Anthony might enjoy it so we went.  And it was packed, so we walked down a main street and checked out the nativity scene too.  Then we headed out to dinner.  It was fun!

The night concluded with us driving around town looking for houses that displayed the nativity scenes in their yards.  The kids had carefully colored a dozen different nativity scenes and had written, "Thank you for remembering Jesus is the reason for the season."  They took turns running their pictures up to the doors and leaving them under mats.  We had Christmas music playing and it was so enjoyable to watch them and to hear them plan aloud that next year they need to color even more!

When I look at all of these activities, it feels like we did a lot, but the reality is it was all very focused on Christ's birth and we tried to keep bringing it back to Jesus,  And it felt like they really get it and that just might be the biggest gift to me.

Community and Communing

I've been thinking a lot about community again.  I work like this: I crave it.  I seek it.  I find it. I live it. Pause.  Repeat.  Currently, my community is cultivating growth in deep recesses of my heart.

And that is the story of my life.  And it has been such a good story to date.  A full one.  Pages inked with many faces and descriptive memories of our times spent together. Time well spent in a world that is fast paced and busy, busy, busy.  Long gone are those days of broken friendships, brought about by my own hand.  God has forgiven and rebuilt and refined me to know how to be a better friend, an intentional one. And it is good.

Except when it's not because sometimes it isn't.  Not all friends are meant to be a part of your village. They aren't all your people.  They are people who, for whatever reason, walk the walk with you for a while and then it's time to move them out because they take.  They question.  They belittle. They plot. They gossip. They are toxic.  No matter what you do, it will never be good enough or be enough.  And it is time.  And there is nothing that you need to feel badly about, nothing to blame yourself over; they were simply in your life for a season and the season has changed.

For someone like myself, who gives of my heart, who trusts easily and who genuinely tries to be nice to everyone. . .letting go of someone, regardless of the fact she is not good for me is hard. It's hard, but necessary and if I've learned anything by being faithful in His word, I can do hard things.  So can you.
And God has a way of working everything out for GOOD. . .(Romans 8:28)

Full Circle

I can't believe we are sitting on the heels of another week gone by!  It has been a good week.  A rich one.  I am on the cusp of an exciting opportunity at church that only God could have orchestrated.  We have come full circle in terms of our church going.  We are right back where we started with some incredible ministry opportunities open to us.  It has been the perfect reminder that God has His hand on every single detail.  Always.

To begin with, a new marriage ministry is beginning that we are going to check out and hopefully be able to be a part of on a regular, monthly basis. E is still involved in the weekly men's group and is so encouraged and inspired each time they gather, which in turn encourages and inspires me.  Also, I am transitioning into  a co- leadership role with the monthly Mom's Ministry.  I would have never imagined God's calling on our lives to be answered in such a rich way.  I have prayed for years for my husband to be the spiritual leader I thought he should be. What God showed me instead was to appreciate the husband and father he is, and to get rid of my rigid expectations.  He has revealed a gift better than I could have imagined.  So now we walk this church community together, hand in hand.  A blessing so worth the wait.

Life is good down here in the trenches.  Carpool duties, homeschooling, writing instructor, cheerleader. . .the duties are many and the requirements immense but I'm so blessed by the beauty of these totally precious, every day moments.  My dad wrote a poem that I just love. . .I want it painted on a sign in a prominent place in our house to continue to remember, to be inspired, to be thankful for all the gifts that are right here in front of me!

I have felt such happiness this week to be right where God put me, to be living the life that I had only dreamed about up to this point.  I'm counting my every day blessings and encouraging you to always count yours too.

Lay Down Your Weapons

Community among women isn't always easy.  To begin with, we all have our differences, our opinions, our personality quirks, and our past hurts that influence how we handle the women in our lives today.  As I near forty, I have heard many say, "I have enough friends; I don't have time for the drama of new ones."  I believe this statement to be true to an extent. Our lives are busy and full and rich with family and friends we've known for years and can count on. . .but by turning our back on the newer people who come into our lives, we may be shutting the door to an opportunity God is gifting us: the chance to hear someone else's story, to grow or learn from their experiences and to add a new person into our mix.

Wounds can be hard to overcome.  Women can wound each other with their words, their preconceived notions, their indifference, or their gossiping.  What we all so desperately need in the form of community can quickly feel like it is turned against us as we are assaulted with the what-ifs that a woman may bring to the table.  And that is if we even allow or invite that person to sit with us at the table in the first place!  

Those same insecurities from elementary and middle school exist in the hearts of  many women to some extent.  And every women pulls a band aid off at one time or another which in turn stirs somebody else's pot. Friendships aren't always easy, but they can enrich our lives on so many levels.  As I look at the girls in my life during this season, I am pleased to see their diversity; they are working moms, stay at home moms, single, married, loud, quiet, funny, serious, homeschool mamas, public school mamas, Catholic School mamas...SO many differences but we all have something in common.  We are a community of women who believe in a mighty God who has brought us together despite ourselves, in spite of our differences.

I find it exciting to see the ways He is working out the details, the way He is intertwining our lives, the way He is using our experiences to help or guide each other in a similar struggle. The way we have the power to build each other up or break each other down with a single text, remark, or look. Women have power and our worst weapon is sometimes ourselves: our past hurts, our past struggle, our past experiences, our past distrust.  Ladies, lay down your weapon and love each other. 
All you need to do is LOVE, like He has first loved you. 

 Little eyes are always watching.

Bronchitis Bound

Somewhere between E being gone for five days and me having to work two days while he was away, this one came down with something.  Friday night was rough weather as a cacophony of coughs echoed throughout her room. All. Night. Long.  Of course it had to be at the start of a weekend.   Doctors office closed.  One parent to take care of it all.  Super typical.

And it turned out being super sacred.  No grandparents or godparents or aunts and uncles checking in on our week alone.  Just us.  The three littles and myself to take care of.  Saturday's fever filled hours awakened in me the realization that at the end of the day all that really matters is in this house that we've created to call home.  These kids being trained up to rely on each other and to be each other's best friends and champions is something sacred.  Knowing that at the end of the day family is all you have is sacred.  The belief that we were created with a story to tell, a life to shine and a love to pass on all starts in our home. This tight knit community we're creating means something to their future.

So bronchitis knocked us down for a bit.  So what? The kids came to their little sister's rescue--reading with her, watching shows with her, holding her hand, bringing her soup. There is something sacred in the sick: the silence, the stillness, the snuggles, the droopy eyes, the neediness, the clinginess, the comfort offered, the comfort received.

 It was a super long weekend and a super sacred one as this little sicky taught me something yet again. 

"Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul." ---3John: 1-2

Catholic Confessions about Community

This weekend marked the end of Jonathan's Faith Formation class and the first time he received communion.  This has been a two year process in which he and I shared this year of schooling together.  Being a teacher at church grew me.  Being more a part of my church community was both exhilerating and disappointing.  While I bonded with my class of eleven students and appreciated the dedication and hard work of my assistant, frankly, some parents disappointed me.  The same faces I saw weekly became blurred at church on Sunday.  I thought by pouring into my church community, relationships would develop and I'd have a better connectedness to my church.  Not so much. Teaching hasn't really changed anything.  But it has changed everything.  Sort of.

The Catholic Church is what it has always been.  Good or bad, depending on who you talk to I guess.  It's interesting to me when I hear the words of our pastor about the importance of coming to mass not because we feel like we have to, but to celebrate with our community and give thanks to our God. But week after week it seems many still come to church to mark it off their to do list.   It seems I've heard him talk on several occasions why NOT to do this.  Yet, the people hurry in, sit down, barely greet each other, shake hands at peace, wait in line for the Eucharist and hurry out to beat the crowd in the parking lot.  Every single week without fail. And this community I thought I'd find if I stepped forward to teach our youth?  I didn't.

But I did find my place and a newfound appreciation for Catholicism.  I found a priest who speaks words I need to hear every single time.  I found a new value in  having my kids celebrate mass with me (as hard or as distracting as it may be at times) because didn't Jesus say,  

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."--Matthew 19:14

I found that I could stop blaming the church for "what was missing."  The church has had it all along, but something inside me was disconnected and searching elsewhere for it.  After my year in the classroom, despite not blossoming friendships like I may have wished for in the onset,  I found my place in the church I belong to.  I found my voice.  I found a desire to lead more like Jesus did by being His hands and feet, by seeing people as people and loving on them because that is what He asks me to do.

And some of the parents factor at Faith Formation classes?  They are no different than some of the parents I work with at the public school. They are no different than some of the parents I know. They are emotionally or physically checked out to doing their most important calling in life.  Raising children and teaching them life lessons  is exhausting and can be burdensome; some are selfish, some feel like they are not cut out to do it, some are scared to mess their kids up.  But the fact of the matter is, if they truly rely on our God, they can do anything. And they will be blessed ten fold by this.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.--Philippians 4:13

Children are a blessing from the Lord--  

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.--Psalm 127:3  

and while jobs are important and bills have to be paid. . .it pains me to see parents relying on teachers to do what needs to start at home first and foremost.  And while an education is vitally important. . .a firm, solid faith-filled home base is even more so.  Part of teaching this to my own kids will be to pursue it at church because it's what we are called to do.Community doesn't just happen by itself--we have to be willing participants.  I am ready and willing now.

This year, I received an email monthly from a mom's book club that gathers there at church on Wednesday mornings, and I never went once.  Child care was my excuse, but the truth is I didn't feel comfortable. . .I didn't know anyone.  I still don't but I'm making this group a priority next year because I've found my place in the church and want to encourage other people to find theirs. Community might not start off as comfortable but you have to desire it, pursue it, and make it happen. 

Camping Club (Kind of)

Not only was our Moms in Prayer group and book club born during the in between period of Ernie's accident, but a camping trip idea was expressed and then executed this weekend.

It was a celebration of sorts--two school families and Grandma and Grandpa coming together to celebrate a sport we enjoy.  It was a busy weekend for some with baseball games or soccer tournaments, but still we went--seeking relaxation and total freedom to enjoy His country, the beauty that is available at a nearby lake.

There were a lot more kids than mine are used to: ten in total (not counting nightly visitors).  We prayed together, we talked together, the kids played and a pretty good time was had by all.

J and A played so well together, carving out their own eating area and trying to keep up with the big kids.  It warmed my heart to see her having so much fun.  Even a bee sting didn't slow her down, nor did it dampen her spirits.  A little bubble bath and Miss Shelly's boo boo bag fixed everything.

There was bike riding, chalk art, bubbles, walks, duck feeding, and game playing.  There was never a time where there was nothing to do unless you weren't looking hard enough.  The beauty of the RV camping is that you have many of the comforts of home.  The downfall of RV camping is that you have many of the comforts of home: I would love a trip where we are completely unplugged.  No tv or technology, not even at night. Didn't happen this trip as the tv entertained into the darkened evening, after smores and a full day of running around.

There were moments (few and far between) where I could relax for a bit and just take in the scenery.  I could see the enjoyment on my kid's faces.  I could cheer from the sidelines as they played their games and I was even able to get up early and take a little walk with Lene--we breathed in the cool morning air, talking and noticing the little things that God gifted us by being out there camping in the middle of nature.  Those are the moments I will remember.  And I will be gentler on myself with the work that is involved in camping.  If I focus too much on that, I am blinded by the good that comes out of being together in community with other local families, sharing our faith, telling our stories and connecting in real life.  The very thing I have felt was missing was right there in front of my eyes--tangible and tasty, like a feast for a hungry heart, I devoured it.

Camping, such an adventure.  Every. Time.  If you don't take the time to look, you will miss the beauty of the moment.  Lord, please help me to see You in all that I do, all you have gifted me with,  and all who I surround myself with. Amen.

Moms in Prayer Meet Desperate

Last week our Moms in Prayer group/book club had the privilege of a SKYPE date with one of the authors of our book, Desperate.  After having met her and listening to her at the Mom Heart conference, I knew the group was in for a treat.  We came prepared to the computer screen (thanks, St. Alan) with a question on our minds or on paper minutes after we had discussed chapter nine and ten.  Sarah Mae greeted us enthusiastically with a little one on her lap who wasn't feeling well.  The conversation flowed naturally.  Who she is in the pages of the book is who she really is.  We all could see that and it was comforting because we had all come to like her; she was so relate-able.

She answered our questions truthfully and honestly.  She didn't pretend to be an expert.  She didn't even pretend to be really good at it--this whole mothering and wife role.  She was candid in her answers, and seemed to be getting through it one moment at a time, messing up plenty (just like the rest of us).  She focused on grace.  She focused on finding our strengths. She focused on trial and error and at the end of the conversation I was grateful for the opportunity to bring life to the book--to our club.  First meeting her at the conference and now this. . .it was only God's doing.  Only God.

Our group of women have been meeting regularly and readily admit it is only by the grace of God that we get through some of the messy mothering moments.  It is humbling to share your weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and fear to a group of women who you didn't know well until the reading of this book began only a month or so ago.  The pages of this book are bringing some women closer to God, more intentional with their kids, gracious with husbands.  This book has served as a springboard for examination of self, which may or may not lead to changes for the good of our kids, our marriages, our homes, our families.

While I realize not every author will commit to a SKYPE interview, I am so thankful that Sarah Mae did for the sake of our group. I was reminded not to  hero worship  as we are all in the same battle for our kids' hearts and minds.  In a culture that screams loudly for attention elsewhere, I was reminded by Sarah Mae's candidness and her opinions, to be okay with who I am and to listen to who God is calling me to be. I was reminded that I. Can. Not. Do. It. All.  I must accept that and move on.

Along those lines, it's okay to let my husband off the hook if he's not leading the way I think it should be done.  He is present.  That is enough.  My prayers are all I can offer, and besides--if I want it done then I should just do it. Don't blame him for not being where I want him to be. I needed to hear that. Such great advice!

I needed the SKYPE date, not because Sarah Mae is famous but because she is real.  All I can do is put my best foot forward and some days even that isn't going to look to promising.  That's my life.  And that's okay.

Too Much Too Soon

This guy is my sensitive soul.  This moment was captured just tonight when I was loading the dishwasher while the kids ate a little dessert. . .thank you my sweet friend, the baker extraordinaire! I was talking to Lene about the book she is reading, Bridge to Terabithia.  Last night we read the part where Leslie dies and it was sad. . .I remember reading it when I was in the fifth grade, and I was devastated.  I wanted Lene to experience that part with me, so she wouldn't be alone. We were talking about poor Jess, the friend she left behind when out of nowhere. . .Jonathan tears up.  He is trying hard not to cry and runs from the room.  Both Lene and I go to him and he is hiding in the corner.  I know what we are talking about is sad. . .but he hasn't read the book so I don't get where this emotion is coming from.

We talk and I find out it has made him think about a movie he saw a part of while at a friend's house this summer.  It was never a movie I would have allowed, and the parent apologized profusely that he had witnessed any part at all--but no small consolation when months later, my son is in tears because he is thinking about the execution scene from The Green Mile.  Yes, that is what he has indexed and what has recalled in this moment where we speak of death.  Tragedy to be exact.

I hug him and let him cry.  I tear up too.  I tear up because I can not believe my seven year old has this horrid memory to recall.  This sweet, sweet boy of mine. . .it breaks my heart that I wasn't there to steer him out of the room. . .that it was watched while he was there at all.  I think back to the text I received acknowledging him viewing some of the film was an "accident."  And now I'm mad that I didn't pursue the conversation, which part exactly did he view?  I'm even more mad that he and I did not have the conversation about what he saw until now...all these months later.  Sigh.

We go back to the kitchen and I rub his back and hug him some more as we finally talk about what part he saw.  And I explain again, why it's so important for Daddy and I to preview some of the movies he wants to see.  We need to protect him from feeling this way.  We need to shield him from some stuff too soon.  We want him to be a kid: carefree.  This son of mine is so compassionate, so caring.. . and we want him to stay that way as long as is possible. 

Tuesday his teacher tells me how kind he was to offer to sit next to a new student to show her around and make her more comfortable.  Last night at our Faith Formation class we were in the middle of a video when a student walked in late.  There were no chairs, so she stood there.  I started walking to another table to get one down and I notice he had offered her his.  Sweetest thing ever.  I compliment him on the way home, and he tells me, "Thanks for noticing mom, but it was nothing."   The thing is: he means it.  So today there was some money found, and no one around us was claiming it.  One of the teachers told him, "I guess it's your lucky day!"  We go and run some quick errands. On the way home I receive a text from a friend who missed book club.  Poor thing has been sick with the flu.  Bubs reads her text aloud and says, "Let's do something good with the money I found and buy Miss S some drinks."  So we stop at the dairy and he picks out what he wants to buy her.

The kid is amazing.  He is so sweet and so sincere.  I tear up thinking about the heart this kid has for Jesus.  He takes shining His light and being His hands and feet to new levels--and he is only seven!  He has such an endearing love for people.  I am so blessed to call him my son. I am reminded tonight why we make the choices we do for our kids.  I am reminded of the value in shielding our kids hearts and minds from too much too soon.  That is our job and it is one we take seriously. It is perfectly acceptable not to accept someone else's standards for what is appropriate for my children.  I'm the mom.  That matters most.

Just a minute ago, he comes in:  "Mom, do you ever feel sad and alone?"
Me: "Yes, son.  But We're never really alone."
Him:  "I know God's with me, but I just wish someone would sleep in my room tonight."
Me:  "Go climb into our bed.  We will keep you company."

This won't start a new habit.  It's for a night. . .a night his wounds were exposed and the memories of something tragic are too sad to bare alone.  Moms were made for moments like these.

Remembering Grandma Arlene on her birthday tonight. . .or did we find out it was actually on the 27th? Unimportant.

Answering the Call

It never ceases to amaze me the way God works such miracles into our lives.  A taste of tragic or trouble surrounded by an outpouring of love and support from mere acquaintances, has literally transformed the trajectory of how we are choosing to do life.  Ernie and I have committed to not only our marriage, but raising our children in the faith.  But we will be the first to admit, we have struggled in terms of our church community. We have felt a longing for something more, but could never put our fingers on it.  And in the wake of his accident, we have tried other churches and for whatever reason, we keep going back to our home.  This is not to say, that the search is over but the longing has been quieted because we've both felt a deeper calling, a stirring in our hearts that can only be explained as the holy spirit.

A weekly coffee date with a new friend, morphed into a book club, morphed into a Moms in Prayer/book club, morphed into a Good Morning Girls group in which we are all holding each other accountable to digging deep into God's word.  For some of the women this is a tentative baby step into a book that may have been considered intimidating.  For others it is an extension of sharing and growing the wisdom they've been tucking into their hearts over a deep, meaningful relationship with the Lord over a long period of time.  For me, it is simply an honor to be a part of.

This group of ten women (including myself) have absolutely stopped me in my tracks. I never in my wildest dreams could have wished for a group of like-minded faithful women from my kid's public school to share life with.  THIS is what I have been searching for.  THEY are God's gift to me in this season of life.  Amazing.  Awe-inspiring.  Humbling.  Beautiful.  Blessing, upon blessing, upon blessing!

And at the same time, Ernie is walking down a new path--finding fellowship with mere strangers whose commonality is Christ.  They covered chapter two in their book and he came home and read me some parts he underlined.  I could barely contain my excitement for his excitement.  God is so faithful.  I have known this to be true yet I am reminded again.  Seek and ye shall find--Matthew 7:7

Just yesterday he told me he was going to take the next call he received.  Unemployed for only a week, he decided he needed to get back in the saddle wherever the job may be.  His first call he declined was Blythe.  The second, Nevada.  I braced myself, with such a peacefulness about me.  I didn't worry or wonder where.  I felt a bit of sadness as I've grown accustomed to having us home together and a hint of remorse that working far away would mean the book club wouldn't be possible.  But that passed quickly as I realized he may continue to read and grow on his own.  Besides, I've been praying for two years now that he would rise up and lead us, even though it wasn't until the accident that I think I actually meant it. . .I don't know why I thought God wouldn't know. . .

Anyways, this morning, Ernie got the call. And I cry as I type this because God is so faithful.  God sees it all.  He knows everything about this heart of mine and now in the course of two months, not only did he spare my husband's life but he gifted him a job a mere twenty-five minutes away. . .with every other Friday off!!!!!!  I am so filled with wonder and praise this week.  I am growing by leaps and bound as I share Christ-centered relationships with new people both in my school Good Morning Girls group and my oldies but goodies who have been with me over the past two years.  Not to mention the special person who I lunched with today who paid me such a high compliment as needing to talk to someone who had a deep faith as she proceeded to share what was on her heart.  Such a WOW week!  Overflowing with a full heart of gratitude, that is who I am this week.  Blessed.

November 29, 2012

It finally happened. . .with all the stress of the last week, my body succumbed to either a cold or a sinus infection.  The last two days have had me with droopy, achy eyes, a runny nose,  a dry cough, and an achy body. . .but this pales in comparison to what we could have been dealing with due to Ernie's accident.

He is home now, and we ventured to Los Angeles yet again to have his bandages removed.  The skin grafts took and now we just hydrate with vitamin E, and keep clipping off the skin as it lifts.  He still can't drive or lift heavy objects or apply too much pressure to his hands, but he is definitely on the mend! Praise be to God!

I was struck with a thought about community as we drove home from the hospital today.  As much as I am trying to become more a part of our church community, the truth of the matter is: our church is big--so big in fact that not many people probably know about Ernie's accident nor his injuries.  Probably none know how exhausting the daily commute was.  Nor do they know how my kids were bounced from grandparents to friends as I trekked out to see my husband on a daily basis.  To be fair, I didn't call anybody at our church.  I mean, really, I don't even know who you would call--I show up to teach my class on Wednesday nights and church on Sunday morning--there's not a whole lot of "community building" in between.  Do I fault my church?  Do I fault myself?  Shoulder shrug.  I simply don't know.

Then there is our school community.  The places where two of our children go to school, a community we have belonged to now for five years.  It has been a community in the making as well. Contributing to this community didn't come naturally to me--but luckily a year ago, the PTA president asked for my help with something and I accepted which led to other opportunities to help and serve.  Since then, both Ernie and I have joined the school's technology committee to help ensure our kids have access to what other schools in the district have.  It has been a blessing to get to know the parents of the children who attend school with our children.

Fast forward to the accident. . .when I finally had my wits about me to write and share the miracle we had experienced, one mom took that as an opportunity to organize and bless us with nightly meals.  These women and men who have stepped up to bless us have been lifesavers.  After the second night of meals the seven year old said, "Mom, why are they bringing us food?  YOUR hands aren't hurt."  Astute observation, too true.  But someone understood the daily commute, the stress, the disorder that felt like our life and did something about it.  We are all extremely grateful for that.

What it has done for me specifically, is open my eyes to the fact that my "community" is wherever Jesus is in action. Any time we have the opportunity to serve and shine Jesus' light, even if it seems insignificant.  Do it.  Purpose to lend a hand when you can.  A trip to the grocery store, walking a kid to school, a meal, babysitting, making a cake, stopping by, it doesn't matter what you do. JUST DO SOMETHING.

The only way to build community is by loving in action.  Love like Jesus did.  Serve like Jesus did.  Pray like Jesus did. . .and do it all in gratitude for the blessings he has bestowed in your own life.  Be His hands and feet.  Do something.  Anything.  Serve.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit.  serve the Lord."--Romans 12:10-11

November 22, 2011

I had a unique experience yesterday.

I headed off to do a couple of errands sans kids.

My first stop was church.

I was looking for candles for my advent table display and I wanted to sign my Nana's name in the Book of the Deceased.

As I approached the sidewalk, I crossed paths with a man carrying a missal and a rosary.

Even though I've made great strides since things happened at school, being alone with unfamiliar people is still scary to me. 

But I was at church. . .I had spent the weekend in great debate about the Catholic church community and their welcoming arms or lack thereof according to my husband.

I needed to be different.

I made it a point to smile.

He said, "Como estas?"

I responded, "Muy bien, y tu?

(This is my most basic conversation Spanish.)

In the text books, his response should have been, "Asi, asi."

However, in this real conversation with a real person--I understood "mal" and "triste."

He was bad and sad. . .and he kept talking, FAST.

"Despacio, por favor. . .mi Espanol es no bueno."

He smiled in spite of his sad eyes.

Our conversation continued and he struggled to find words in English when I couldn't understand.

All that I knew for sure was that he was a man in need.

He was spending his time in the chapel open twenty-four hours a day, praying his devotions, praying the rosary--all by memory. 

His prayers were so constant he had memorized every word.

Besides my listening ear, I could only give him the twenty dollars I had in my wallet.

He asked my name, had me write it down and then he did the one thing he could do in return for me.

He prayed.
 We walked towards the church together.

Here I ran into the priest who had married us.

He has had the most special place in my heart since my grade school years.

He made a comment about the beauty of the gospel in action.

Me.

Me?
Me, in spite of my initial fear.
I smiled and told Father about my time off of work and what had happened.

"You should have called me."

I cry as I write this because he is right.

I should have.  

In my deepest, most fearful place--I didn't turn to my church for help.  

Some days I didn't even turn to God.

I appreciate the time this priest took to listen to me, the wisdom he imparted, and the prayers I know he will say for me.

Our conversation was interrupted by this most grateful man, Geraldo again.

I struggled to understand this new request. 

He wanted me to translate for him in the office to get a change of shoes and pants.
Me.
Yes, me.

 I hugged Father good bye and headed into the church office with him to find someone who could help us. 

As I struggled to relay this man's needs to the secretary. . .he kept talking and pointing to the church and I wasn't sure what he was saying...at all.

Then in walks a God send--The U.P.S. man.

I asked him if he spoke Spanish and HE DID!!!!

He told us Geraldo didn't want to go through the bags of clothes in the back of the church without permission.

Somehow, language barrier and all we were able to get this man what he needed.
Love speaks the same language.

God in action.

Gospel at work.

All it takes sometimes is a listening ear, an open heart.

Might I ask you to pray for Geraldo who has hit some hard times.

22.  Today I am thankful for my church . 

P.S.  Although I forgot about my original mission to sign my Nana's name in the book--I went by at eight pm. and was able to do so then.  
Geraldo wasn't there.
Love speaks the same language. Always...

September 28, 2011

Months ago I purchased a ticket for Blog Sugar.

In those days, my blog was fairly brand new and posting a picture each day was more uplifting than challenging to me, so I thought--why not? I'm kind of a blogger, right?
Sure.

Now nearly ten months into the blog,

I've been feeling like I don't know what direction to go.

This post a picture a day seems overwhelming sometimes,

and even though only a few people follow it--and I'm sure they would understand if I slowed up. . .I'm a very goal oriented person and it's not the end of the year yet. 

So I blog on. . .

I almost didn't make it to the big event this weekend.

After last week's incident my fear and axiety had gotten the best of me.

But after a Dr. thought it was in my best interest to get myself there,

and two sweet blog friends Laura and Hannah

prayed together over the phone for me. . .

I knew HE wanted me there.
So I went.
And am so thankful I did.

I found myself surrounded by faith-filled women with open arms. . .and a wide assortment of desserts.
(Just keepin it real).
Encouragement, inspiration, and authenticity embraced me in every direction.
I was able to connect with women whom I feel like I know simply through the power of their words.
First I met Laura, aka Sugarmama.
The day before Blog Sugar we met up and somehow what she wanted was just what I needed:
beautiful beach therapy!
By Blog Sugar time I was breathing easier and ready to be inspired and moved.
Let's just say, I was not disappointed!

My sweet friend, Hannah shared so much of her heart and soul, just as she does to our blogging community.

I also got the chance to know the sweet Chelsea.

I've been following Genn (on the left--blurry is all I have--sorry!) for awhile now.

Elizabeth and I met at dinner the night before and I still can't get over her craftiness!
In addition to her, I had the pleasure of hanging out with the large group of girls shown below as well.
(Jacqui is missing in the photo though.)
Lo and behold I was the oldest one at the table...random fact that I found interesting so I thought I'd share.
None of us really knows how the dinner came to be... Lucky for us, social media!!
Anyone else meet via twitter?

Elizabeth, myself, Carrie, Alissa, Kate, Laura, Chelsea, and Meagan
This conference gave me many things to think about.
As the end of the year approaches--
(Christmas is only 3 months away; not to freak you out or anything. Just saying.)
I have so much to consider as far as maintaining a blog goes:
what direction my blog will go.
It doesn't matter if I have five followers or five hundred.
I can use this as a platform to do good,
to create community, to share my story.
My story is unique.
He has given it to me to share.


I have been gifted this community so what am I going to do with it?
What does He want me to do with it?
What is He calling you to do with yours?