So We Don't Forget. . .

Back in August (where, oh where did the time go?) Lene Bean had an opportunity to be in a film with the son of Sally Clarkson.  This woman changed it all for me.  I went to my first Mom Heart conference nearly three years ago and I have not been the same since.  I would have NEVER imagined wanting to stay home with my kids.  They were not part of the plan I dreamed for myself years and years ago!  I mean, having kids was part of the plan I hoped for, but my dreams were for me, about me, ALL me.  I was going to be a class act teacher and then effective counselor, working hard, being a name that was recognized locally and then who knew what opportunities would come my way--perhaps a job consulting or as a college instructor.  And that's the track I was on, until I felt a pull to work part time and an opportunity fell into my lap. . .and then I attended a conference and the rest is history!

It was at last years Mom Heart Conference where I first heard of Nathan Clarkson's film venture, Confessions of a Prodigal Son.  He felt called to work in Hollywood as an actor, but was somewhat disappointed with the culture that came with it.  He wrote a film and then went on a mission to get it funded through kickstart.org
We happily backed the project and with it came an opportunity for Lene Bean to have a line in the film.  We didn't know at the time, we would all be cast as extras in the film too.  Truth be told, Nessa was not the happiest of campers in the diner scene as we re shot our scene over and over and over again.  But that is SO real life, people!!!

Everything about it was an adventure.  What an experience to be a part of something with a good, solid group of people.  What a memory for all of us to tuck away in the recesses of our heart and recall from time to time.  And what an opportunity for Lene Bean to see this type of theater in action.  She has always wondered about television and film after so much work on the stage. . .and now she knows.

It's funny, sometimes with her starting sixth grade next year (homeschool?), and me not working, I sometimes think maybe we can pursue it a little. . .but the truth is, if it's God's plan for her, I really believe the doors will open and I don't want to be that pushy, cranky mom fighting the LA traffic for an opportunity that just doesn't fit with how we want to experience life.  But this experience was a grand one for all of us!  I have no idea about the finished project. . .but in time, it will come out and our local peeps can come over for a viewing party.  Wouldn't that be fun?!

Finally, one other event I wanted to always remember was the year our bible study group got our kids together to celebrate Jesus' birthday.  Lene Bean wrote and directed the play, texting the moms the day before to see if the kid's could come up with some sort of a costume.  These kids put on an amazing show, at the park for all of us to see and they really got it.  They KNOW the true meaning of Christmas and they get it.  Made this mama heart proud!

They had pizza and cake.  They made the cutest cupcake ornaments and played games.  It was a glorious day to celebrate the King's birth and I was so proud that they honored Him in that way!

The last picture there filled with pink is to always remember the time Anjalene left the hamster's food open in her closet and we experienced a pantry moth invasion. Super gross.  Super unwanted.  Super work involved in cleaning every nook and cranny of the room and closet, washing every article of clothing included.  Plus the bug bomb for good measure. . .because mama couldn't believe this madness!

And because this becomes a book for the shelves to remember 2013.  The last memory (besides me being yuck sick) is the strength our ten year old showed as she stood up at the front of the church yesterday to say good-bye to her Uncle Dennis.  She even gave him a little stuffed animal--and we who know her well, know how much she still loves her animals.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  And I was reminded of my word for the year: FEARLESS: (from my archives)
Am I ready to see what 2013 has in store for me personally?  Absolutely! Am I praying about what direction our life will head as we venture into the new year and await Ernie's release back into the work force?  Absolutely!  Am I worried at all about what is in store?  Nope.  Not this time.  My 2013 word for the year is: fear{less}.

Not as in no fear ever. . .but as in fear less and proceed through whatever it is knowing this is part of His plan for me.  I have spent many years fearing things: roller coasters, the flu, money crisis, job changes, Ernie's jobs, my children's health, my mom's cancer, displeasing others, disappointing others, and failure (to name a few). But since Ernie's accident, I have been gifted a peace beyond all understanding.  Philipians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."



It blows me away that while I journeyed down the fear{less} path. . .my big girl would be journeying beside me.  I learn from her.  She learns from me.  God's life lessons are so incredibly beautiful that way! 2013, you will be missed but not forgotten!

Too Much Too Soon

This guy is my sensitive soul.  This moment was captured just tonight when I was loading the dishwasher while the kids ate a little dessert. . .thank you my sweet friend, the baker extraordinaire! I was talking to Lene about the book she is reading, Bridge to Terabithia.  Last night we read the part where Leslie dies and it was sad. . .I remember reading it when I was in the fifth grade, and I was devastated.  I wanted Lene to experience that part with me, so she wouldn't be alone. We were talking about poor Jess, the friend she left behind when out of nowhere. . .Jonathan tears up.  He is trying hard not to cry and runs from the room.  Both Lene and I go to him and he is hiding in the corner.  I know what we are talking about is sad. . .but he hasn't read the book so I don't get where this emotion is coming from.

We talk and I find out it has made him think about a movie he saw a part of while at a friend's house this summer.  It was never a movie I would have allowed, and the parent apologized profusely that he had witnessed any part at all--but no small consolation when months later, my son is in tears because he is thinking about the execution scene from The Green Mile.  Yes, that is what he has indexed and what has recalled in this moment where we speak of death.  Tragedy to be exact.

I hug him and let him cry.  I tear up too.  I tear up because I can not believe my seven year old has this horrid memory to recall.  This sweet, sweet boy of mine. . .it breaks my heart that I wasn't there to steer him out of the room. . .that it was watched while he was there at all.  I think back to the text I received acknowledging him viewing some of the film was an "accident."  And now I'm mad that I didn't pursue the conversation, which part exactly did he view?  I'm even more mad that he and I did not have the conversation about what he saw until now...all these months later.  Sigh.

We go back to the kitchen and I rub his back and hug him some more as we finally talk about what part he saw.  And I explain again, why it's so important for Daddy and I to preview some of the movies he wants to see.  We need to protect him from feeling this way.  We need to shield him from some stuff too soon.  We want him to be a kid: carefree.  This son of mine is so compassionate, so caring.. . and we want him to stay that way as long as is possible. 

Tuesday his teacher tells me how kind he was to offer to sit next to a new student to show her around and make her more comfortable.  Last night at our Faith Formation class we were in the middle of a video when a student walked in late.  There were no chairs, so she stood there.  I started walking to another table to get one down and I notice he had offered her his.  Sweetest thing ever.  I compliment him on the way home, and he tells me, "Thanks for noticing mom, but it was nothing."   The thing is: he means it.  So today there was some money found, and no one around us was claiming it.  One of the teachers told him, "I guess it's your lucky day!"  We go and run some quick errands. On the way home I receive a text from a friend who missed book club.  Poor thing has been sick with the flu.  Bubs reads her text aloud and says, "Let's do something good with the money I found and buy Miss S some drinks."  So we stop at the dairy and he picks out what he wants to buy her.

The kid is amazing.  He is so sweet and so sincere.  I tear up thinking about the heart this kid has for Jesus.  He takes shining His light and being His hands and feet to new levels--and he is only seven!  He has such an endearing love for people.  I am so blessed to call him my son. I am reminded tonight why we make the choices we do for our kids.  I am reminded of the value in shielding our kids hearts and minds from too much too soon.  That is our job and it is one we take seriously. It is perfectly acceptable not to accept someone else's standards for what is appropriate for my children.  I'm the mom.  That matters most.

Just a minute ago, he comes in:  "Mom, do you ever feel sad and alone?"
Me: "Yes, son.  But We're never really alone."
Him:  "I know God's with me, but I just wish someone would sleep in my room tonight."
Me:  "Go climb into our bed.  We will keep you company."

This won't start a new habit.  It's for a night. . .a night his wounds were exposed and the memories of something tragic are too sad to bare alone.  Moms were made for moments like these.

Remembering Grandma Arlene on her birthday tonight. . .or did we find out it was actually on the 27th? Unimportant.