Too Much Too Soon

This guy is my sensitive soul.  This moment was captured just tonight when I was loading the dishwasher while the kids ate a little dessert. . .thank you my sweet friend, the baker extraordinaire! I was talking to Lene about the book she is reading, Bridge to Terabithia.  Last night we read the part where Leslie dies and it was sad. . .I remember reading it when I was in the fifth grade, and I was devastated.  I wanted Lene to experience that part with me, so she wouldn't be alone. We were talking about poor Jess, the friend she left behind when out of nowhere. . .Jonathan tears up.  He is trying hard not to cry and runs from the room.  Both Lene and I go to him and he is hiding in the corner.  I know what we are talking about is sad. . .but he hasn't read the book so I don't get where this emotion is coming from.

We talk and I find out it has made him think about a movie he saw a part of while at a friend's house this summer.  It was never a movie I would have allowed, and the parent apologized profusely that he had witnessed any part at all--but no small consolation when months later, my son is in tears because he is thinking about the execution scene from The Green Mile.  Yes, that is what he has indexed and what has recalled in this moment where we speak of death.  Tragedy to be exact.

I hug him and let him cry.  I tear up too.  I tear up because I can not believe my seven year old has this horrid memory to recall.  This sweet, sweet boy of mine. . .it breaks my heart that I wasn't there to steer him out of the room. . .that it was watched while he was there at all.  I think back to the text I received acknowledging him viewing some of the film was an "accident."  And now I'm mad that I didn't pursue the conversation, which part exactly did he view?  I'm even more mad that he and I did not have the conversation about what he saw until now...all these months later.  Sigh.

We go back to the kitchen and I rub his back and hug him some more as we finally talk about what part he saw.  And I explain again, why it's so important for Daddy and I to preview some of the movies he wants to see.  We need to protect him from feeling this way.  We need to shield him from some stuff too soon.  We want him to be a kid: carefree.  This son of mine is so compassionate, so caring.. . and we want him to stay that way as long as is possible. 

Tuesday his teacher tells me how kind he was to offer to sit next to a new student to show her around and make her more comfortable.  Last night at our Faith Formation class we were in the middle of a video when a student walked in late.  There were no chairs, so she stood there.  I started walking to another table to get one down and I notice he had offered her his.  Sweetest thing ever.  I compliment him on the way home, and he tells me, "Thanks for noticing mom, but it was nothing."   The thing is: he means it.  So today there was some money found, and no one around us was claiming it.  One of the teachers told him, "I guess it's your lucky day!"  We go and run some quick errands. On the way home I receive a text from a friend who missed book club.  Poor thing has been sick with the flu.  Bubs reads her text aloud and says, "Let's do something good with the money I found and buy Miss S some drinks."  So we stop at the dairy and he picks out what he wants to buy her.

The kid is amazing.  He is so sweet and so sincere.  I tear up thinking about the heart this kid has for Jesus.  He takes shining His light and being His hands and feet to new levels--and he is only seven!  He has such an endearing love for people.  I am so blessed to call him my son. I am reminded tonight why we make the choices we do for our kids.  I am reminded of the value in shielding our kids hearts and minds from too much too soon.  That is our job and it is one we take seriously. It is perfectly acceptable not to accept someone else's standards for what is appropriate for my children.  I'm the mom.  That matters most.

Just a minute ago, he comes in:  "Mom, do you ever feel sad and alone?"
Me: "Yes, son.  But We're never really alone."
Him:  "I know God's with me, but I just wish someone would sleep in my room tonight."
Me:  "Go climb into our bed.  We will keep you company."

This won't start a new habit.  It's for a night. . .a night his wounds were exposed and the memories of something tragic are too sad to bare alone.  Moms were made for moments like these.

Remembering Grandma Arlene on her birthday tonight. . .or did we find out it was actually on the 27th? Unimportant.