White Space

We're finding our rhythm of the new year.  The cold that bogged me down seems to be gone.  Classes are in full swing.  Basketball and volleyball games are weekly occurrences.  Homeschool is this inexplicable joy and sadness all at the same time as I realize we are halfway through the year.  I am choosing to enjoy every. Single. Second.  Because this is it.  I won't get this time back. Never.

Speaking of time, the second week of the month is always jam packed.  As I looked at our calendar, I knew something had to give.  Four nights out of five, one or both of us would be gone.  There is good stuff going on.  Stuff we enjoy and look forward to, but we cherish our home time more--we had to make the call to skip something this week.  So, we didn't attend our marriage ministry last night.  We had dinner together and then E and I snuck away for a walk.  Just the two of us, out in nature, enjoying the cool, crisp air.  It wasn't at the church with our group, but it was intentional, and it happened on our time line, and allowed us to be where we wanted to be.

Sometimes even the good stuff can be too much.  There is too much writing in the boxes of our calendared lives and it gets messy to cross things off or say no.  But if we don't intentionally create that white space, then the spaces in our soul will be stifled and barren.  I don't know about you, but I don't want that.

I've had to look at the margins of my life lately and I'm seeing a need for some change.  My book club that I've had for the last two years is two meetings away from finishing our book, and it's time to pass the torch. It has been good.  But it's time has come for me.  In order for me to pour into our church MOMS group, I need some room on my plate and unlike the past, I'm giving myself permission to let go.  It has been a really good thing for me.  But sometimes even the good things need to shift in order to create more white space.

White space.  Calm. Peace. Freedom.  Joy.  Ultimately, we decide what takes up our time.  Choose wisely.

So Much Goodness

The weeks leading up to Christmas were slower and more deliberate than usual; however, they still passed way too quickly but were filled with too much goodness not to share.  I always get giddy with excitement at the end of the year as the fruits of my labor here on to blog will soon take shape into our pretty hard bound book full of captured moments and memories from our year.  Hard to believe it is time for that already!

Lene and I headed out for some girl time at Cocoa and Cupcakes, a Christmas celebration that takes place at our friend's church.  As excited as I was originally to go, it happened to be raining and getting there proved more challenging than I thought.  In addition, if I'm being real, Lene and I got into an argument as I was disappointed with her lack of effort into getting ready for our night out together.  It is such a catch 22--I know I am blessed that she is not overly interested in fashion and fitting in with her middle school peers, but sometimes I wish she would take more initiative and not fight me on dressing up from time to time, letting her beautiful curls down, and dare I say, ""be more girly?"  That comment may come back to haunt me int the future, I'm sure, but this particular night was hard.  And then we got there and were so blessed by the speaker, by the message--by the reminder of Christ coming to earth for us.  It turned out to be a great night and I'm glad I didn't let the devil steal my joy.

This little one loved hearing the ringing bells of the Salvation Army and enjoyed putting spare change in their bucket.  Once outside Sam's she was even able to ring the bell herself.

 My book club celebrated Christmas with a potluck brunch and a few of our favorite things. So much fun! And so many cute favorite things!

My Mom's group at church had a beautiful book club discussion followed by a gift exchange, feast, and a beautiful chorus of Happy Birthday to Jesus!  Such a blessing to be a part of!

One Tuesday morning, we followed the third graders across the street down to the church on the corner. They have an annual tradition of making candy canes, and they didn't mind us tagging along and calling it a field trip. It fit right in with our book about the Legend of the Candy Cane!  Nessa was able to see her friend and I was able to reconnect with a mom who moved out of state four years ago, but who is now back/.  I love how the Lord led her back and we were able to catch up.  I look forward to more conversation with her in the future.

Another day, we were able to go to a friend's house for a play date and lunch.  Our visit was long overdue and such soul food for me.  It was the kind of catch up session where there were no lulls or silences because it had been so long and so much goodness is happening between our families.  A joy to be a part of and to see Nessa running around playing and having such a good time.  It was a very special blessing this holiday season for me.

In between all this goodness, we still did school and I just felt completely in love with every detail of my life. All of it.

And one Saturday morning we headed to our church to help pass out Christmas baskets and toys for families going through a difficult time.  We went through the line three times.  I can not believe we had never helped out in this way before.  It was love in action and it gave each of the kids a job to do to bless someone else. Their energy and enthusiasm was contagious and I was so grateful that they really seemed to get it. . .how blessed we are and how it's our job to help others.  I do believe this is something we will definitely be a part of again.

And no year is complete without our annual visit to the Living Nativity.  There were some changes to it this year and we dressed warmly, hot cocoa in hands as we walked through and watched each scene unfold. No matter how many times we've heard it, it never seems to lose it's awe factor.  I love that the kid's feel like this is what the Frank family does. It is part of what makes Christmas...Christmas.

We hadn't been to the candy store to watch them make candy canes for a long time, but we thought Anthony might enjoy it so we went.  And it was packed, so we walked down a main street and checked out the nativity scene too.  Then we headed out to dinner.  It was fun!

The night concluded with us driving around town looking for houses that displayed the nativity scenes in their yards.  The kids had carefully colored a dozen different nativity scenes and had written, "Thank you for remembering Jesus is the reason for the season."  They took turns running their pictures up to the doors and leaving them under mats.  We had Christmas music playing and it was so enjoyable to watch them and to hear them plan aloud that next year they need to color even more!

When I look at all of these activities, it feels like we did a lot, but the reality is it was all very focused on Christ's birth and we tried to keep bringing it back to Jesus,  And it felt like they really get it and that just might be the biggest gift to me.

Christmas Happenings

There has been all kinds of Christmas prep around here.

The fun kind.  The kind that doesn't feel like work.

The kind you can kick your feet up at the end of the day and exhale peace.

The girls and I celebrated Christmas with the cousins ugly sweater style.

This was after I had already had the joy and privilege of escorting my handsome husband to an ugly sweater party of his own.

He kept walking around saying, "Bringing the power to the party." He'd flip the switch and make the lights come on.  It was funny since he does work for an electric company.  Thanks grandma for the fabulously decorated sweaters.  I thought they were ugly enough--but you had a vision and brought it to life!

We almost didn't make the Living Nativity this year--but the kids couldn't remember never not going.  So we went.  And stood in line for over an hour.  But Little and Kendra joined us so it really felt like "the gangs all here." And I might have gotten teary-eyed.

The next day I worked then raced home to go caroling at a local retirement center with our church.  Our home church. The one I may have strayed away from for lack of community--only to find--I am just as responsible for making that community come to life.  

So I go to the monthly mom's group and I refused to be intimidated by the fact that my kids seem to be the only ones not going to Catholic school--and participated in the caroling opportunity anyways.  We all have a heart for service we just choose to educate in a different setting.  

They don't mind.  So why should I?

The kids passed out cards they had made at home.  I liked watching them.  I liked watching the older people's faces.  I might have gotten teary-eyed here too.

Tis the season!

The choir Christmas Concert was held within walking distance of our home at a church and was beautiful!  The kids sounded so amazing.  I can't believe they were able to accomplish that with only an hour of practice a week since October.  Bravo!

Jonathan's third grade classes visited that same church the next day to make candy canes.

This is a tradition they have been doing for years and I just think it was the coolest to watch.  I couldn't stay the whole time because back at our house the girls were arriving for our last book club meeting of the year.  

We had a potluck and did a gift exchange that was really amazing.  The girls brought a gift that represented a lesson God was working on their hearts or a lesson He had taught them this year--it was fun to hear the significance behind the gifts.  It was even better to hear their hearts.  We even had three of the husband's pop in and one spoke from his heart about what good we were doing meeting the way we are.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  God was so present--it truly was the best gift.

This little one has made such progress in her performance skills.  For the second year in a row she wore a dress her big sister wore when she was her age.  I didn't save much but what I did?  I love to reminisce.  This year Nessa Bessa remained standing through the performance.  I was a proud mama.  Who wouldn't be?

 That night we got together with friends and had pizza and gingerbread house decorating.  I would share the finished result except this was the first year that it didn't remain standing!  I think the parents leaving it in the hands of the kids wasn't the best of ideas but they had fun and, "Presence over presents" is my motto this year.  Whatever works: )

 The very next day we ended up in Urgent Care.  This poor girl just goes from 0 to 60 in seconds.  With pneumonia and bronchitis in her not so far past, I just wanted to make sure we could get her to some semblance of normal by Christmas Eve.  She is still miserable. "I don't like being sick.  Sick is boring," she exclaims in the most pathetic little voice she can muster.  Poor baby.

Which is why today will look like this. E is working, today but soon he will join me for a few days off to relax and bask in the glow of family, friends, and the real reason for the season.

  All presents are wrapped and ready.  All that remains is some baking to do for fun.  

No pressure.  

No problem. 

There has been all kinds of Christmas prep around here.

The fun kind.  The kind that doesn't feel like work.

The kind you can kick your feet up at the end of the day and exhale peace.

Woman of Faith. . .I Am

This weekend, I was blessed by the generosity of a stranger and attended the Women of Faith conference in Anaheim.  It's not everyday that tickets are just passed out and uncles and parents are able to watch kids all day and night, so one can attend.  But that happened this weekend and I was so blessed by it.

It was on such a large level, being held at the Honda Center, that I was unsure of what to expect.  The line up of speakers made me know I would not be disappointed.  Lysa Terkeurst, Ann Voskamp, Anita Renfroe, Rick Warren, and Mercy Me. . .to name a few that I knew of.  A car ride with a sweet sister who has dealt with multiple problems that could have crumpled her, but she holds on to faith started the weekend off.  A suite to put our feet up and enjoy the speakers with ample leg room and televisions to see and a great sound system were ours for the weekend.  It was such a blessing.

I always remember loving the act of going on retreats.  Our local Catholic church had an incredible Teen Group that I was a part of growing up.  It's funny one voice in my head hears, "Save it for down the mountain." And another says, "Hold on to that feeling, that high as long as you can."  Both voices  meaningful and so true.  I feel like I've been on the mountain this weekend.  I went away to worship and be filled up with inspiration and joy and was hit in the head a few time with statements that nourished my soul..

Lysa Terkeurst, sweet lover of all things Jesus and Chick-fil-a, reminded me to, "Always keep your eyes on the Master."  We know this.  We do.  But the mundane gets to us.  In our foolishness or tiredness or whatever. . .we take our eyes off the prize Himself.  And when we lose that focus, we lose our lives to all the things of this world.  I've been wanting to lead her Unglued study. But then, for some reason, I felt like I'm not the right one for the job.  I didn't want other sisters in Christ looking to me for answers I didn't have.  So I sat on it.  Until this weekend when His voice couldn't have been any clearer to, "Do this!  Do this now!"  So I sent out an email and we will meet Friday to iron out the details of our six week study.  I see, when I really keep my eyes on the Master--he does reveal himself.  And within minutes of that email being sent--a sweet friend, who orchestrated this whole Women of Faith experience texts:

And I'm humbled.  I'm grateful--she took the time and filled me with God's word.  Friends like that are a gift.  I so wish she could do the study too, but her mama hands are busy building His kingdom with her family of soon to be five littles, and homeschooling one of them.  Her walk grows me.  She is such a blessing to me.

Ann Voskamp, whose study we finished this Spring was. . .amazing!  Her voice and words are like poetry lifted to glorify His name.  I'm not a huge fan of all the elements of poetry.  I always hated teaching that chapter because it feels intimidating to the novice to be able to pick apart prose and rhythm and literary devices.  I choose to look at poetry like a gift from the holy spirit.  You write what he inspires you to write, and seriously Ann Voskamp sounds like she could be the Holy Spirit herself--every word is such a gift.  I loved this mantra:  "The hard gifts will be for good; the good gifts will be forever; the best gifts will be forthcoming. "

I think it's not by chance  these tickets were given to me.  God sees me.  He knows my heart.  He knows my struggles. And He also knows how to reach us. . .when we call out to Him, when we place it all at His feet, when we trust His timing and ways of doing things.  He knew I needed refreshment.  He also knew as much as I enjoy meeting with my girls, sometimes I don't feel like we're holy enough, focused enough, or a cross between the two.  I struggle because like all that I do, I want to do it right.  This weekend reminded me that the true effort is enough.  His mercies are new every morning--and I don't need to aspire to be like anyone other than myself.

Finally, the tears flowed when Mercy Me performed this song because all we are doing here can not compare to our final resting place.  That thought fills me with JOY and ANTICIPATION and utter EXCITEMENT that this lifetime is only a vehicle to get me there.  I have one long life of losses to live--but only gains when it comes to Him.  I  love being a Jesus girl!!!!!

And if you have a minute,  Check this out because you might need to hear this message loudest today: You're Beautiful
 

Blubber: A Book Club for Our Girls

A couple of the moms who participated in Book Club this Spring decided to try our hand at hosting a club for our girls.  We read Blubber by Judy Blume. I had forgotten the language that was used in the book and how mean the girls were to Linda.  I don't remember having that same thought reading it when I was younger; however as an adult it was appalling.  I think my mama instincts were working overtime as I imagined my kid being harassed in this way.  Some of what the girls got away with would be completely not tolerated in today's schools.

As much as I'd love to say the discussion with the girls was fascinating. . .truth is, they are still kids.  They seemed anxious to get through the book discussion so they could play.  And you know what?  I was okay with that.  The idea of a book club did what I had hoped it would do for me and my daughter--open up dialogue on a sensitive subject: bullying.  The rest was icing on the cake.

Researching what our next read can be. . .and looking forward to sharing the memory with my oldest girl who keeps getting older.  I love her.  I love her heart. I love being her mama.

Get it Before it's Gone

The decisions we make, make the life we live. . .the decisions we make, make the life we live. . .that sentence has been bombarding my mind since I read it over a week ago.  I found it amidst a devotional that was delivered to my inbox from Lysa Terkurst, an author who is so real and sweet I dragged my mom down to San Diego one night just so we could listen to her speak at a Focus on the Family event.  We spent more time in the car than we did at the event. . .on a school night.  It 's definitely love!

I think the reason it sticks with me is because lately in book club we have discussed how busy we are, and all the demands we interpret as part of our days.  In some ways I have scaled back in an attempt to reclaim our family time in the evenings.  I declined continuing a book club because, no matter how much I like the girls, another weekly, night-time commitment takes time away from the sacred time I want to have with my most loved ones.  We almost said no with Lene doing another play.  We had to physically sit down with the director and express our concerns with the time commitment that was involved in the last show.  We had to set boundaries from the beginning if another show was to be in our family's future, because the reality is this:  her involvement effects our involvement.  This week, we decided not to rush through Holy week like crazy people so we declined a free golf clinic that I had signed up for months ago.  Everyone who knows me knows free is hard to pass up. . .so it was kind of a big deal.  The aha moment for me?  When I cared more about getting there on time Monday than the kids.  Deal was sealed.  We said no.

I have commented on being much busier now that I am primarily a stay-at-home mom.  That is for sure.  But the truth of the matter is, I do have more time in my day to pour into events, organizations, or the kid's classrooms, and truth be told: I enjoy it immensely.

That is not the problem.  The problem rears its ugly head when those commitments effect my family at home.  The problem is seen when I have too much to do on the computer, with meetings, or whatever, that I am not paying attention to my kids and husbands need because I am so centered on the project at hand.  Because let's face it, once upon a time I thought my career defined who I was.  I poured time, energy, and countless hours perfecting my craft of teaching.  It felt good to receive accolades and praise from administrators and colleagues and best of all: students.

 And then I had children of my own. . .

And my world was forever changed...for the better.
I may not ever again be "Teacher of the Year," but I treasure the job title gifted me by God more: Mom.

"The decisions we make, make the life we live." Live well.

“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”. Ferris - Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 1986

Moms in Prayer Meet Desperate

Last week our Moms in Prayer group/book club had the privilege of a SKYPE date with one of the authors of our book, Desperate.  After having met her and listening to her at the Mom Heart conference, I knew the group was in for a treat.  We came prepared to the computer screen (thanks, St. Alan) with a question on our minds or on paper minutes after we had discussed chapter nine and ten.  Sarah Mae greeted us enthusiastically with a little one on her lap who wasn't feeling well.  The conversation flowed naturally.  Who she is in the pages of the book is who she really is.  We all could see that and it was comforting because we had all come to like her; she was so relate-able.

She answered our questions truthfully and honestly.  She didn't pretend to be an expert.  She didn't even pretend to be really good at it--this whole mothering and wife role.  She was candid in her answers, and seemed to be getting through it one moment at a time, messing up plenty (just like the rest of us).  She focused on grace.  She focused on finding our strengths. She focused on trial and error and at the end of the conversation I was grateful for the opportunity to bring life to the book--to our club.  First meeting her at the conference and now this. . .it was only God's doing.  Only God.

Our group of women have been meeting regularly and readily admit it is only by the grace of God that we get through some of the messy mothering moments.  It is humbling to share your weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and fear to a group of women who you didn't know well until the reading of this book began only a month or so ago.  The pages of this book are bringing some women closer to God, more intentional with their kids, gracious with husbands.  This book has served as a springboard for examination of self, which may or may not lead to changes for the good of our kids, our marriages, our homes, our families.

While I realize not every author will commit to a SKYPE interview, I am so thankful that Sarah Mae did for the sake of our group. I was reminded not to  hero worship  as we are all in the same battle for our kids' hearts and minds.  In a culture that screams loudly for attention elsewhere, I was reminded by Sarah Mae's candidness and her opinions, to be okay with who I am and to listen to who God is calling me to be. I was reminded that I. Can. Not. Do. It. All.  I must accept that and move on.

Along those lines, it's okay to let my husband off the hook if he's not leading the way I think it should be done.  He is present.  That is enough.  My prayers are all I can offer, and besides--if I want it done then I should just do it. Don't blame him for not being where I want him to be. I needed to hear that. Such great advice!

I needed the SKYPE date, not because Sarah Mae is famous but because she is real.  All I can do is put my best foot forward and some days even that isn't going to look to promising.  That's my life.  And that's okay.