Focus. My word. My ambition. My hope for our future in 2014. But so much is hard to see! We have been living a life that is blurred through and through with question marks imprinted upon exposures and I feel like we take two steps forward only to take two steps backwards. I'm sure you have danced this dance before. If you haven't, you are extremely lucky!
An aging parent is difficult to deal with. Add an aging parent who is still in the throes of raising a teenager and you get a messy equation. There is no clear cut solution; many changing variables and no matter how many attempts we make to solve it, we are inevitably erasing constantly. Each family member has their own way of problem solving and sometimes the answers overlap and sometimes they don't. I feel like I'm looking at a multiple choice test where no matter how many times I do the math problem--my answer is not one of the choices. I suck at math that way. Sigh.
But yet every day, we all get up and keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. What else can we do? In the last six weeks, our regular family life has been cracked open to encompass another member to care for. A teenager as of yesterday. And I'm not sure who the adjustment has been hardest on. Him or us? I'm not sure that matters. What does matter is that yesterday he celebrated his birthday and we wanted to make sure it was one he would always remember.
The kids decorated. We bought his favorite foods. We bought him his first ice cream cake and invited family over to celebrate him. The kids, being kids, went swimming long into the night. The adults gathered. Not just any adults, but family that mean a lot to E and it meant so much more to him that they showed up to celebrate his little brother.
A cool part of the evening was when we prayed over the birthday boy and his future. It's not that often that people gather to pray specifically and exclusively for you. What a blessing to enter into the teen years with!
The night concluded with cake and some thoughtful gifts which included some money for books (which he loves), clothes (which he needs), and a St. Christopher medal and cross. He was touched by the kindness of family and new friends.
So much so, that when asked to stand up and give a speech, he agreed! This boy who six weeks ago would barely look at you when speaking, only spoke with one and two word answers, and whose self-confidence seemed to be lacking, actually stood up and graciously thanked and acknowledged people for coming and for their generosity. He expressed what he liked and appreciated about the party and it was a special day that I think he will always remember, no matter where the roads lead him.
Complicated or not, when given the opportunity to do for someone less fortunate in finances, friends, or spirit. . .love does. He commands us to love one another as He has loved us, so we must rise up and take action. Say yes, even if it's out of your comfort zone or seemingly impossible. With God all things are possible and sometimes that simple knowledge will carry you far in the interruption of what used to be your life and color it all kinds of pretty that you never would have expected.
Thirteen years and blessing us as much as we have blessed him. . .
This weekend, I was blessed by the generosity of a stranger and attended the Women of Faith conference in Anaheim. It's not everyday that tickets are just passed out and uncles and parents are able to watch kids all day and night, so one can attend. But that happened this weekend and I was so blessed by it.
It was on such a large level, being held at the Honda Center, that I was unsure of what to expect. The line up of speakers made me know I would not be disappointed. Lysa Terkeurst, Ann Voskamp, Anita Renfroe, Rick Warren, and Mercy Me. . .to name a few that I knew of. A car ride with a sweet sister who has dealt with multiple problems that could have crumpled her, but she holds on to faith started the weekend off. A suite to put our feet up and enjoy the speakers with ample leg room and televisions to see and a great sound system were ours for the weekend. It was such a blessing.
I always remember loving the act of going on retreats. Our local Catholic church had an incredible Teen Group that I was a part of growing up. It's funny one voice in my head hears, "Save it for down the mountain." And another says, "Hold on to that feeling, that high as long as you can." Both voices meaningful and so true. I feel like I've been on the mountain this weekend. I went away to worship and be filled up with inspiration and joy and was hit in the head a few time with statements that nourished my soul..
Lysa Terkeurst, sweet lover of all things Jesus and Chick-fil-a, reminded me to, "Always keep your eyes on the Master." We know this. We do. But the mundane gets to us. In our foolishness or tiredness or whatever. . .we take our eyes off the prize Himself. And when we lose that focus, we lose our lives to all the things of this world. I've been wanting to lead her Unglued study. But then, for some reason, I felt like I'm not the right one for the job. I didn't want other sisters in Christ looking to me for answers I didn't have. So I sat on it. Until this weekend when His voice couldn't have been any clearer to, "Do this! Do this now!" So I sent out an email and we will meet Friday to iron out the details of our six week study. I see, when I really keep my eyes on the Master--he does reveal himself. And within minutes of that email being sent--a sweet friend, who orchestrated this whole Women of Faith experience texts:
And I'm humbled. I'm grateful--she took the time and filled me with God's word. Friends like that are a gift. I so wish she could do the study too, but her mama hands are busy building His kingdom with her family of soon to be five littles, and homeschooling one of them. Her walk grows me. She is such a blessing to me.
Ann Voskamp, whose study we finished this Spring was. . .amazing! Her voice and words are like poetry lifted to glorify His name. I'm not a huge fan of all the elements of poetry. I always hated teaching that chapter because it feels intimidating to the novice to be able to pick apart prose and rhythm and literary devices. I choose to look at poetry like a gift from the holy spirit. You write what he inspires you to write, and seriously Ann Voskamp sounds like she could be the Holy Spirit herself--every word is such a gift. I loved this mantra: "The hard gifts will be for good; the good gifts will be forever; the best gifts will be forthcoming. "
I think it's not by chance these tickets were given to me. God sees me. He knows my heart. He knows my struggles. And He also knows how to reach us. . .when we call out to Him, when we place it all at His feet, when we trust His timing and ways of doing things. He knew I needed refreshment. He also knew as much as I enjoy meeting with my girls, sometimes I don't feel like we're holy enough, focused enough, or a cross between the two. I struggle because like all that I do, I want to do it right. This weekend reminded me that the true effort is enough. His mercies are new every morning--and I don't need to aspire to be like anyone other than myself.
Finally, the tears flowed when Mercy Me performed this song because all we are doing here can not compare to our final resting place. That thought fills me with JOY and ANTICIPATION and utter EXCITEMENT that this lifetime is only a vehicle to get me there. I have one long life of losses to live--but only gains when it comes to Him. I love being a Jesus girl!!!!!
And if you have a minute, Check this out because you might need to hear this message loudest today:You're Beautiful
A couple of the moms who participated in Book Club this Spring decided to try our hand at hosting a club for our girls. We read Blubber by Judy Blume. I had forgotten the language that was used in the book and how mean the girls were to Linda. I don't remember having that same thought reading it when I was younger; however as an adult it was appalling. I think my mama instincts were working overtime as I imagined my kid being harassed in this way. Some of what the girls got away with would be completely not tolerated in today's schools.
As much as I'd love to say the discussion with the girls was fascinating. . .truth is, they are still kids. They seemed anxious to get through the book discussion so they could play. And you know what? I was okay with that. The idea of a book club did what I had hoped it would do for me and my daughter--open up dialogue on a sensitive subject: bullying. The rest was icing on the cake.
Researching what our next read can be. . .and looking forward to sharing the memory with my oldest girl who keeps getting older. I love her. I love her heart. I love being her mama.
