Restore & Refresh

In addition to putting down my iphone and staying away from Instagram, I also signed myself up for an online workshop during the Lenten season.  "Restore Workshop is a six week online course geared towards adult women who have struggled or are struggling with or want to avoid burnout. It is for any woman who wants to nurture joy within her life and the lives of those around her."  For some odd reason, after a year of book club, and four years of leading a Good Morning Girls group, teaching part time, and mothering around the clock on top of being a God-loving wife. . .I found myself on the brink of burn out.  I was doing, but without the passion and drive that had once fueled me.  My tank was empty and I felt ready to crash and burn.  Unfortunately, those who would suffer most would be my family.

Thank God, I recognized the road I was headed down.  I knew I was distracted.  I knew I was tired of leading.  I knew I was comparing and I also knew that comparison was the thief of joy.  I completed my last session of Good Morning Girls and am on an official hiatus.  Letting go of that responsibility alone made me look forward to my morning quiet  time where I could now FOCUS on the workshop and its daily reflections that were beginning to restore my enthusiasm for my role as wife, mom, and daughter of the King. All the things I was doing in His name,  meant nothing if my heart wasn't in it and I wasn't seeking Him first in my own daily relationship.  Doing something out of habit without the heart, wasn't filling up my tank. Lesson learned. But I will probably need a reminder down the road. Just keeping it real!

Spring break came along at just the right moment and Sunday we spent some family time outside bike riding. I am realizing that I need to keep stepping out of my comfort zones when it comes to fully doing life with my kids.  Dad is the active one, the adventurer, the explorer. . .and some of their best memories I'm not a part of because I've stayed behind or opted to grocery shop or clean.  Really?!!!! These kids are growing up right before my eyes and I better ride bikes with them while they still want me to! So what if the hills around the lake make me nervous!  Get over it, J!

Monday, we had a friend over and the girls got away for some girl time.  Usually Lene Bean is treated to a mani/pedi at her birthday only--it's a ritual my aunt started with her when she was about five.  But Little's girlfriend had offered to take her. . .and she really wanted to go, so I jumped right in and said we would all meet her there.  Even Nessa had her nails painted and adorned with polka-dots. Sometimes it's a nice surprise to do the thing you don't usually splurge on!

Lunch concluded our girl time out together.  The rest of the afternoon was spent with the kids singing, dancing, collecting worms, playing house, playing tennis, and just a jovial time of kids being kids!

Today I knew I wanted to cease another free day, but what to do, what to do?  Val's sister-in-law recommended the arboretum.  I can't even remember the last time I was there, so off we went.

Ten kids and SO much to see. . .it felt refreshing and rejuvenating to be outside enjoying God's beautiful earth.  I loved watching the kids explore. I loved exploring beside them: turtles, waterfalls, peacocks, the scent of orange blossoms. . .add someone else's kid sinking in the mud into the mix and you have the complete trip!  It's not an adventure unless something unexpected takes place!

Sometimes some cousin time is just what the doctor ordered!  Add to that the realization that true friends really do become family: love and friendship are blessings we should not take for granted.  I love that this bench shot serves as that reminder.

I'm always taking the pictures, but today I wanted to reflect and remember this day trip that refreshed my soul.  I felt so happy to be with my kiddos today. 

After, we went out to eat and then headed home to tell daddy all about our adventures. While Lene worked on some research for a school project, Nessa requested some homework so we did a little shared writing activity.  I think we make a great team!

And as if the day could have been any better. . .my biggest littles began writing stories about a concept that they had discussed with their grandpa over a month ago: Mrs. Pimplebottom.  It was awesome to see them working side by side, totally engaged in the adventures they were creating.  Neither wanted to go to bed--they were THAT into their stories.

I have come to expect this creativity from Anjalene. . .but Bubba?  Tonight was new for him. He may have lifted a few ideas from listening to his sister's read aloud to me, but all in all, he was really into it and excited about his creation. I love their imaginations! 

Tonight's takeaway:  We all have stories to tell.  Just as we all have a life to live.  It can only  be our best life if we avoid comparisons with others and try to stay true to who God is calling us to be.  I love that when I stop listening to outside influences and the goings on of others, I feel most able to hear God's voice in my own life.  Let's just say, I've been hearing a lot lately. . .but I'll save that for another post. Two days into Spring Break and my soul is definitely being restored!

Counter-Culture Rambling

Time keeps racing on but I am in no hurry to keep up.  I find myself, this week, being easier on myself, using my time to enjoy simple moments, and finding great joy in that.  Ernie is off work and what a gift to have him woven back into the daily fiber of our lives.  Devotions and goodbyes in the morning include him.  Walking and talking all the way to pre-school drop off with my best friend is such an unexpected blessing this week with gorgeous weather to top it off!

Many conversations have taken place this week in which he has reminded me to,  "let it go."  (Actually that song has practically been on repeat over here.  The whole Frozen soundtrack is fun and I love to hear Janessa scream it at the top of her lungs.) We have so many decisions to make about next year--to go to transitional kinder or not; to send Lene to Catholic School or not; for me to quit teaching for good for a season or not. .  and although I don't feel anxious about any of them, I kind of want E to make the final decision--it feels like too much for me to handle on my own and I'm desperately afraid to be wrong. Besides, I just want to know there is a plan. What's wrong with that?

But E's gentle reminder to let it go brings me back to the FOCUS of what we are trying to accomplish in this house:  To trust God's plan on the calling in our lives.  I'm not sure why all of a sudden I'm thinking any more about giving up teaching than I was two years ago when I was gifted the opportunity to work less.  I don't know why I'm not certain that God's plan will be revealed in His time and I can't just go with that--praying and living life for Him in the meantime.  I feel like He's saying, "How many times Janene do I have to show you. . .I've got this?"  I know it deep, deep down.  I just need to not let the future thoughts weigh me down and enjoy the simple gifts of today.

This week those gifts have been too many to count; although I am trying.  I began journaling my thousand gifts again.  Ann Voskamp's reminders are alive and well in my heart and I'm trying to live in a deep state of gratitude daily. The simple idea to look for a gift in everything has resonated with me this month as we already start the year less three people we knew in our life, with three funerals this weekend.

Book club has started again and we are reading Mission to Motherhood.
This is my third time reading the book and I am amazed how new parts are speaking to my heart. God's timing is always so perfect.  There are parts in here that remind me to question my motive behind working--for me, job security should not equal working more for money we do not need.  Granted, more money is nice--but we currently live a modest life that can be sustained on one income.  And what about my retirement?  Were my granpdarents and great grandparents motivated by working for their retirement?  I don't think so.  Actually I don't think my grandma ever worked outside her home--but they did fine.  The reason I think this is, is because they lived through the depression.  They knew the difference between needs and wants.  They stayed in the houses they bought and paid them off.  They didn't drive up credit cards and lived within their means.  I think we live like that.  We choose to live like that.  We aren't buying culture's lies that we have to keep up with the Jones'.  We are certain that home is where your heart is--it doesn't have to be big where we have to work for the mortgage.  Culture calls out lies and messages that are so loud and deafening we get overwhelmed with the noise. But our headphones are on and we refuse to listen!


This post got E and I discussing our own degree of affluenza and how we could combat it in our kids.  Sometimes it is so much easier to give into the demands of culture--to disqualify our own inner voice for the sake of not wanting our kids to be left out or considered different.  But if we don't discern culture's voice for our children, who will? Not sure that this relates but, oh well--I noticed it so I'm writing it. Last night we went out to pizza after volleyball practice with the team.  We were all responsible for our own orders.  I ordered three kids drinks and two regulars.  In my head, I knew I was allowing the kids to have a soda on a school night--that's generous in my book, so it wasn't going to be a big one.  Besides, last time I checked they were all kids.  Anjalene made a slight face when I handed her the cup.  Her eyes said, "Really Mom?"  I explained my rationale and she walked off to fill up her cup.  When I looked at the team's table--sure enough, my kid was the only one with the smaller version of a cup.  Know what?  Nobody really cared.  I could have traded her my big cup for hers so she would fit in--but why?  Culture dictates enough and causes too much stress already in our hectic lives--why let it have a hold in our house?

Date nights have been abundant this week.  E took the girls out and they got all dressed up.  Bubba and I spent some quality time together researching penny boards over dinner out.  The kids served us while Ea and I enjoyed a fire in the backyard after we put Nessa down.  It was so generous of them to serve and they told us we should do that every week. We just might take them up on that. 

My phone hasn't been out as much these days.  I'm slowly reading Hands Free Mama.  Oh man, has it struck a chord.  I am guilty of living a distracted life with my phone in quick reach.  Even in my attempt to capture moments to document our life--I've missed out on some simple gestures and expressions.  It's hard to keep reading when I'm convicted page after page.  If it's not checking emails, or Instagram. . .it's responding to text messages.  there is always something to distract.  I'm striking back and taking control of my bad habit so my kids can grow up to be hands free too. Tell me I'm not the only one struggling in this area, please! 

I'm trying to learn scripture this year.  Did I mention that?  This month's verse--pitiful, I know--but weekly has just never worked for me, so instead of giving up I'm giving myself grace and allowing more time to soak it in and memorize it.  More info on the plan here

"In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God."--John 1:1

Sponteneity is not my Strong Suit

I should start and end with that statement.  I was nothing but nerves getting ready for this trip and executing it.  A forty foot RV pulling a Bayliner for the first time is not my idea of a relaxing vacation.  The funny thing is, I do nothing to get us where we need to go, but I still stress the entire way.  For reals.  However, I must admit that this was probably one of the best family trips we had taken for two reasons: it reminded me of my youth.  Every summer we spent a week here with a large group of family and friends.  Second, we were all together, even Little and Uncle-Nino were able to join us for the full five days!

 Lake Nacimiento, up near Paso Robles is huge!  This trip we brought our boat as did the boys.  We were able to get a spot right on a bluff so the boats were kept there every day and we were able to walk down to our day camp.  The camp sites are first come first serve--so I was a little nervous about that too.  Back in the day my family camped in tents.  We didn't have to navigate the big rv thru the camp site looking for spots.  Come to think about if, I didn't have to navigate it this time either.  Thank God for Ernie!

Grandma and Grandpa made a day trip.  I think they had fun and thought it was worth it.  Hanging out in a cove, blaring the Beatles and Lene Bean singing, "All You Need is Love" is pretty fantastic!  That picture of me on the tube?  That was me showing the kids I know how to have fun too.  I'm not always just stressed out and worried about what-ifs.  I think my fun face needs a little work.  Just saying. 

For the record, camping is a lot of work.  I was the lone adult female with kids and guys.  I realize I have it waaaay easier than my mom did.  Can you say air conditioner and microwave?  But it is not the kind of trip where there is nothing but exploring to do.  Kids have to be fed. Right?  But it is alo the kind of trip they will always remember. Long, lazy days on the lake.  Inner tubing. Floating on rafts. Building forts in the sand.  Camp fires and dirt galore. 

I can't forget to mention how much ALL of our kids enjoyed the boat.  Another worry factor was the fact Nessa had never been boating.  I need not have worried at all.  She LOVED it!  I was almost in tears one afternoon just overwhelmed by the joy on all their faces as we played in the water and cruised the lake.  It hit me at some point, my word for the year fearless was being played out in the lives of my children therefore I was joining with them in the adventure. 

Adventure after adventure it was.  I am so glad three male minds conferred in our back yard and decided to just go for it. . .worried woman and all.  It just so happened to be the week the people I grew up with were going with their families.  There are a lot of them that have continued the trek annually, and it was nice touching base with them for a campfire one night.  Who knows, maybe next time we will plan in conjunction with them.  Or not. I realized my focus on my family is evident when we are out together like this.  My kids enjoy playing together and exploring together and they like being with us.  We had a blast.  No one was ready to leave (almost no one). . .and I know that they are all at ages now that this memory will last.  We will have to do it again.  They will ask to do it again.  And I'm totally okay with it and will start praying about the anxiety now--so God has a whole year to work it out of me.

Putting out Fires and Forgiveness

We had quite the dining experience on Sunday night.  We won dinner at a fire house in a silent auction a few months back at a school fundraiser.  We had such a memorable experience. . .leading them in prayer, eating a great meal along side them--which would not have been complete without a spill, taking a ride on the engine to Uncle's house, getting a grand tour, plus heading to the police station to hear the dispatcher answer some 911 calls.  The highlight of the evening came when they got a call during dinner and they sprang in to action!  The chief and another fireman stayed behind to visit with us, where we stayed for desert and waited until the crew came back.

In all my 37-years, I've never been inside a fire house.  It was such fun to see the engines up close and personal and to ask questions about their daily lives and routines.  I think I had as much fun as the kids!  We pass by the fire station now and all the kids have a very special and specific memory.  Pretty neat of those guys to open their fire house that way and invite us in.

It was neat to listen to them talk with Ernie about line work.  My old car used to have a sticker that said, "Even Firemen Need Heroes," and apparently it's true.  When it comes to electricity they call in the linemen.  All I know is that we all appreciated the time they took with us, but even more importantly, the job they do day in and day out in saving lives.

Last night I ventured to a meeting at church to provide us with information about Bubba's upcoming Reconciliation.  There's something so comforting to be sitting in a church I've grown up in, surrounded by a former third and fifth grade teacher, and a pastor who I could listen to for days.  It seems the Catholic church that I grew up in has changed and is continuing to do so.  I remember clearly my first confession--boy, was I scared.  So scared in fact that my dad went up on the altar, explained my fears, sat me close so I could see and proceeded to say his own confession since I was too petrified to do mine.  Eventually I did go and when it was done I felt relieved. I don't think that's the adjective to be striving for.

Last night listening to the Pastor I was overcome with emotion that he never tries to guilt us into the church's beliefs. For once, I didn't feel guilty that I don't believe exactly what the church tells me to believe about reconciliation.  My stance on the sacrament now?  I can go to God first and foremost to have my sins forgiven.  I don't "need" the priest to tell me I'm forgiven.  He doesn't make it happen; however, the healing and joy that confession can bring to me or anyone seeking it--is a gift. Sometimes the simple conversation that the priest may exchange with you during the confession is worth the effort to go to confession if you want to.

 Last night Father called  our homes "domestic churches." The place in which I model love--and explain how sin hurts our relationships with each other.  It's the place where I model forgiveness and we share in the bread together nightly.  We read His word, we share our hearts, we pray aloud, and ask ourselves and each other if something was done in love or if it lacked love. What does love look like?  Show it.  Say it.  Do it. 

The line that stood out to me above all else, "We're all great pretenders."  Aren't we though?  Maybe it's at work.  Maybe it's on the field.  Maybe it's at home or in marriage. But for me, it struck a chord because I pretend I know what I'm doing, when really I haven't a clue.  There is no guide on how to do this parenting thing.  I fall short day in and day out and I sin repeatedly.  Often, the same selfish sins.  The only one who really knows me, who loves me despite my million and one flaws, is Him.  There is no need to pretend.  I never have to be more than He made me to be.  He loves me anyways.  That thought filled me with grace last night.  That thought stuck with me through today as I try to love with that same abandon, to serve without expectation, to love unselfishly.  "The days are long, but the years are short."--I don't want them to slip away. 

October 28, 2012

 Pumpkin Patch 2012

For the record:  the girl had three Halloween shirts and I couldn't find a single one.  Dirty clothes, perhaps?  Oh well, she still had fun!  Her friend Sarah was there too--they are about three weeks apart and have been having so much fun together!  I have to ask her mom for permission to post pictures of our weekly adventures...

Cousin Joshua joined us and my favorite memory will be how I asked them to count the smashed pumpkins and they started off walking up a hill as I was snapping pictures. . . and trying to move the stroller--next thing I know, they are at the top of a hill and I am yelling to stop and wait for me.  They continued (shocker, I know) and then I couldn't see them at all any more.  I had to pick up the stroller and run, calling out to them.  They had come to the edge of the patch and were standing at the fence watching cars drive by.  Those two. . .I tell you. . .trouble in the making. 

For the record:  Yes, big kids we went while you were in school.  With all this talent show stuff ,  homework and conferences. . .it just worked to take Janessa.  We bought you each pumpkins that you can carve and I hope you aren't too heartbroken. . .but mama had to do what mama could do!

August 6, 2012

The fun keeps continuing. . .truly what summer is all about, in my opinion! There has been painting, by the kids, myself included!  I gave all our frames a face lift with some heirloom white spray paint and roughed up the edges because I am fancy like that--my hallway is all of the same hue now.  It's the simple things, I tell you!

Meet Skittles.  After much research, deliberation, and approval this hamster joined our family thanks to Nino and Nina.  The transition was seamless until we upgraded to the fancy cage and this thing began taking food up there and dropping it so it fell through the spinning wheel--creating a cacophony of noise in the middle of the night.  No bueno. Soon right after this was published, Skittles, the escape artist was M.I.A.  An hour and a half into our drive towards our last vacation getaway, Grandma called frantic because she came by the house for something and realized the cage was open and Skittles was gone.  In true grandma fashion, she saved the day--and even though we turned around because we had to do something...we didn't have to go all the way home.  I even called Grandpa for back up.  He just pulled up when he heard the good news! Thank God for Grandparents, Bubba said!We agree.

Breakfast is served.  At least I had the summer to break me into this one slowly.  With my reduced contract, breakfast will now be part of my morning duty.  Bring it!

We made mosaics with beans, lentils, and rice.  The whole neighborhood seemed to join us and when the masterpieces were complete, a food fight ensued.  Fun times!

The same day we made the mosaics, we rushed out to bring them in as the afternoon was filled with a humid rain. . .Perfect for dancing in!

Lego building is a constant in this place.  We even attended a Lego Club put on by my Godson.  Those kids could seriously build for Legoland tomorrow.  They are that into it.  Cool, constructive use of time!

My HP tablet has been getting a lot of use.  It amazes me what this little one has picked up from watching her brother and sister!

Excuse the quality of these next pictures.  My pony express phone is lagging in more than just speed.  Picture quality doesn't light a candle next to its opponents.  We headed to the beach.  Crystal Cove, to be exact.  It was secluded, had tide pools, and was a nice way to spend a Saturday!  The kids boogie boarded and it felt great to be back near the water.  Avila beach was a year ago already...

Me and my beach buddy when he would get cold.  Poor guy, his allergy tests came back and he needs to see an allergist soon.  He is severely allergic to grass, several specific types, and peanut butter...so he needs to stay away from it until further testing is done.  Here's the thing: the boy loves peanut butter and honey sandwiches.  He ate them almost daily during school--so I don't get the whole allergy thing.  Research and appointments to follow. . .for now, I will take him snug as a bug on the beach next to me-allergies and all!

And at the end of the day, we knock out and start again bright and early! Summer has meant many things--most of them great!

And if you're still with me, a friend sent  this to read.  The timing couldn't be better, you know since we aren't in escrow and all.  Our little house is filled with a lot of things--love being one of them.  I feel truly blessed!