Many conversations have taken place this week in which he has reminded me to, "let it go." (Actually that song has practically been on repeat over here. The whole Frozen soundtrack is fun and I love to hear Janessa scream it at the top of her lungs.) We have so many decisions to make about next year--to go to transitional kinder or not; to send Lene to Catholic School or not; for me to quit teaching for good for a season or not. . and although I don't feel anxious about any of them, I kind of want E to make the final decision--it feels like too much for me to handle on my own and I'm desperately afraid to be wrong. Besides, I just want to know there is a plan. What's wrong with that?
But E's gentle reminder to let it go brings me back to the FOCUS of what we are trying to accomplish in this house: To trust God's plan on the calling in our lives. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I'm thinking any more about giving up teaching than I was two years ago when I was gifted the opportunity to work less. I don't know why I'm not certain that God's plan will be revealed in His time and I can't just go with that--praying and living life for Him in the meantime. I feel like He's saying, "How many times Janene do I have to show you. . .I've got this?" I know it deep, deep down. I just need to not let the future thoughts weigh me down and enjoy the simple gifts of today.
This week those gifts have been too many to count; although I am trying. I began journaling my thousand gifts again. Ann Voskamp's reminders are alive and well in my heart and I'm trying to live in a deep state of gratitude daily. The simple idea to look for a gift in everything has resonated with me this month as we already start the year less three people we knew in our life, with three funerals this weekend.
Book club has started again and we are reading Mission to Motherhood.
This is my third time reading the book and I am amazed how new parts are speaking to my heart. God's timing is always so perfect. There are parts in here that remind me to question my motive behind working--for me, job security should not equal working more for money we do not need. Granted, more money is nice--but we currently live a modest life that can be sustained on one income. And what about my retirement? Were my granpdarents and great grandparents motivated by working for their retirement? I don't think so. Actually I don't think my grandma ever worked outside her home--but they did fine. The reason I think this is, is because they lived through the depression. They knew the difference between needs and wants. They stayed in the houses they bought and paid them off. They didn't drive up credit cards and lived within their means. I think we live like that. We choose to live like that. We aren't buying culture's lies that we have to keep up with the Jones'. We are certain that home is where your heart is--it doesn't have to be big where we have to work for the mortgage. Culture calls out lies and messages that are so loud and deafening we get overwhelmed with the noise. But our headphones are on and we refuse to listen!
This post got E and I discussing our own degree of affluenza and how we could combat it in our kids. Sometimes it is so much easier to give into the demands of culture--to disqualify our own inner voice for the sake of not wanting our kids to be left out or considered different. But if we don't discern culture's voice for our children, who will? Not sure that this relates but, oh well--I noticed it so I'm writing it. Last night we went out to pizza after volleyball practice with the team. We were all responsible for our own orders. I ordered three kids drinks and two regulars. In my head, I knew I was allowing the kids to have a soda on a school night--that's generous in my book, so it wasn't going to be a big one. Besides, last time I checked they were all kids. Anjalene made a slight face when I handed her the cup. Her eyes said, "Really Mom?" I explained my rationale and she walked off to fill up her cup. When I looked at the team's table--sure enough, my kid was the only one with the smaller version of a cup. Know what? Nobody really cared. I could have traded her my big cup for hers so she would fit in--but why? Culture dictates enough and causes too much stress already in our hectic lives--why let it have a hold in our house?
My phone hasn't been out as much these days. I'm slowly reading Hands Free Mama. Oh man, has it struck a chord. I am guilty of living a distracted life with my phone in quick reach. Even in my attempt to capture moments to document our life--I've missed out on some simple gestures and expressions. It's hard to keep reading when I'm convicted page after page. If it's not checking emails, or Instagram. . .it's responding to text messages. there is always something to distract. I'm striking back and taking control of my bad habit so my kids can grow up to be hands free too. Tell me I'm not the only one struggling in this area, please!
I'm trying to learn scripture this year. Did I mention that? This month's verse--pitiful, I know--but weekly has just never worked for me, so instead of giving up I'm giving myself grace and allowing more time to soak it in and memorize it. More info on the plan here
"In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God."--John 1:1
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