November 25, 2012

I will give to the LORD the thanks due to His righteousness. ~Psalm 7:17 

I will give thanks to your name, O LORD, for it is good. ~Psalm 54:6 

I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify Your name forever. ~Psalm 86:12 

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever! ~Psalm 107:1

I give You thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart; ~Psalm 138:1

With Thanksgiving behind us, I can't help but relish in its meaning.  I feel stuck in a place of gratitude and I know there is a good reason for it!!  Through the course of this past week, I have not been able to grasp this miracle that is our God.  In the past two years, I have grown so much in my walk with Him and developed a relationship with Him that is deeply personal and our own, but now?  I feel like I just really know Him. Which just seems strange, as He has been there all along.  He carried me through my mom's bout with breast cancer, deaths, and births. . .but now?  It's like I feel his realness deep into my heart, my soul.

For the longest time, I've heard people give their testimonies and wondered what the heck mine was. I was born and raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, went on retreats, went to church sporadically, have always known my God is there for me.  So what is this testimony people stand up and talk about?  Why can't I place my finger on what mine is?

Testimony:  an open acknowledgment; b. a public profession of religious experience.

And today it hit me.  THIS is my testimony. Not the miracle of how my husband is still alive to love on longer. . .that is his.  Mine is that moment of peace as Janessa and I prayed on our way to the car.  The echoing in my head that, "  He is good, He is good, He is good. . ."  No matter what happens, He is good.  Although it sounds morbid to say aloud, morbid to write here in this familiar space, my brain went to that place what if he dies?  And in that moment I was filled with peace.   
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.--Philippians 4:7

THAT is my testimony.  And the more I share my experience aloud, the more I know this is it.  The more I am in awe of what  an awesome God He is.  The more I realize my walk with Him and the relationship we've developed was getting me ready for that moment.  That moment was my true awakening that He is all he says He is. And my heart continues to swell with gratitude. . .God has filled it so much, that there is no room for anything else. One day Ernie will return to work.  I am confident that God will continue to fill me up where there is no room for worry or anxiousness. He has this.  I know that now.  

Ernie's surgeries are over.  They had to do a skin graft with skin from his right thigh.  He said that was more painful than the burns to his hands.  He is still hospitalized until probably Tuesday--Janessa's third birthday: )  He is in good spirits.  He will talk to his employer tomorrow to recap what happened the day of the accident.  He was doing something he has done many times before, but he had taken off his gloves to pick up a tool which happened to be the conductor and the 7200 volts passed through him because electricity is always looking for the easiest place to ground.  Make sense?  Not really to me neither. . .One day, maybe he will share all the events leading up to that moment--His testimony, if you will.

Now we just work on getting his hands healed.  He can't work for at least a month, could be longer.  Time will tell. For now, I plan on looking at my one day a week work status as an extra blessing as we have time to spend together, doing things to prepare our hearts for Christmas, to revel in our miracle a little longer!

God is good.  All the time.