Death's Door

I remember one particularly trying year, hearing something about things coming in threes.  It was a season where funerals were one after another.  That was a long time ago, but recently three women I know of have succumbed to some kind of cancer or complications from the devastating disease.  Two of these younger than me.  Talk about pausing you in your tracks; taking stock of your life; and just plain questioning why bad things happen to good people!  It hurts my heart that each woman has left behind two kids.  Young kids.  Some of whom aren't even old enough to talk.  That breaks my heart because every child should know their mama's love. It should be tangible.  It should be readily available.  It should be on earth until they are old enough to know how to grieve, shouldn't it?

Exhale.  Recently my little health scare was enough to shake me up to really take stock of this life that I am blessed to be living.  I'm a bit of a pessimist, I must admit because in my head I thought to myself, why not me?  I've been privileged enough to live the life of my dreams, married to my best friend, with kids who are just amazing. . .so maybe my time here will be brief.  God has given me the best, spared my mom, and I will be the one we say good bye to early.  Not exactly joyful thoughts one should spend time dwelling on, so luckily I've moved on to more positive ones and counting my joys.  Thirty-three a day to be exact, which means by the end of this month, I will have a thousand.  A thousand gifts to reflect on His goodness in my life.  A thousand gifts to symbolize so much ordinary activity that is extraordinary only because of the way I choose to live it.

And that right there is what living is all about.  We all are living to die. And in dying because we believe, we know the story doesn't end in our death.  We believe in life after death with our Father who loves us most BUT it's how we live in the meantime that matters most.  It's the choices for how to live we make today that influence our tomorrows.  And while life here on earth with our families is what matters most, we sure don't always show it in our actions or through our words.  Let me say it again, how we live today is a choice that influences our tomorrows.  We don't want to live in regret, having wasted too long carrying burdens that weighted us down. We don't want to live with  anxiety breathing down our necks, or fear clouding our views.  We want to live today, while we still  have the chance.

Run if you can, don't just walk.  Feel the wind through your hair, the sun kissing your skin.  Breathe in deep gulps of gratitude, fresh, crisp November air because your lungs work, and it's lung cancer awareness month-and Jennifer can't anymore.  Notice the rise and fall of your chest.  The natural rhythm of what He created.  Stretch arms and eyes wide to the sky, paying attention to the leaves of trees changing colors in that moment.  When your little one talks, get down to their level, look deeply into their eyes so you can really get to see their heart.  Hug longer.  Linger over the ordinary moments and make them extraordinary--whatever that means to you because life is fragile.  And this is the only one you're given here on this earth, so live it.  Run the race of each day strong and finish well because only God knows when your race is over.  So, better to be ready, to love well  and well lived.  The choice is yours.

Ten Days Until Christmas Eve

How in the world is it already December 14th? I don't get how the time flies so fast! We've been moving at warp speed over here with another birthday celebration, a bad back on my end, and super long hours at work for E. Yet through it all, I feel more peace about the holiday season than I have in years! I'm not sure what about it has changed, but the simplicity of the season that I've allowed myself to undertake is right on the brim of perfection. Last week I celebrated with the moms from my church. We talked about the JOY this season brings and it has helped to keep my mind focused on the fact that JOY is a choice. I choose JOY even on the hard days.
Last week I made it to a couple days of an Advent retreat that the church offered, and I think because I kept the mindset I would go if I could. . .it took the stress out of making it happen. I'm finding this approach opens me up to enJOYing the experience at hand much more than when I force things to work out just so.

 Somewhere in all that I woke up to the worst back pain I've had in a long time. It was so bad I opened the house for my book club friends and then took myself to the doctors, crying the entire way. I hadn't been in that much physical pain in a long time. I love that the doctor was so thorough ordering blood work, xrays, and ultrasounds due to my past kidney issues. And I loved that I had to just pause and work the appointments out for the good of my health. Everything else: shopping, wrapping, festivities. . .was second to figuring out what ailed me. God slowed me down to really savor the smallest things this season. Things like: tamale making, gingerbread cookie making, awards assemblies, lego building sessions, sewing with the help of E for my girl, birthday dinners, Christmas Celebrations with friends, and early morning masses where I always seem to run into someone I know. So much goodness packed right into my regular daily routine. . .bad back or not. There is just too much beauty NOT to notice.

 And then as is usual with the holidays. . .thoughts drift to loved ones lost, friends fighting for life, and the harmony of these two realizations that bring me to choose JOY. . .in ALL circumstances.

Because really, is there any other way to live?

Comparison Traps Get You Nowhere

I think we just might have some sort of normal here in this house these days.  It's finally feeling like Fall and our routine is down (for the most parts) and life is moving at warp speed in the best possible of ways.  I've been left with smiles many time this week as I've noticed an awakening in Janessa our almost four-year-old.  She has made our family complete and is finally old enough where I feel like she is getting the routine we've tried to have in place for years but before she couldn't sit still long enough. 

Just the other night, E called a family meeting at the dinner table.  I'd love to tell you these are a part of our weekly rituals, but they're not.  We have them from time to time because there is a need to discuss something--and the title "meeting" seems to make the kids pay attention.  On this particular Sunday, E had missed the second football game of the season.  And church.  He has worked continuously for the past three weeks because there is so much work to be done.  He attempted to explain to the kids that he is working so hard right now because we need to prepare for the fact that I may not work at all next year.  Financially he has a number that needs to happen in order for me to walk away.  I get it.  Completely.  The reality is, once I resign another job is not likely to come along until I'm ready to resume full time status which I know for sure will not be for at least three years.

Anyways, questions were flying.  Statements were being made.  Real life hungry discussion was taking place and it was good. So good. . .but Janessa had enough and she started pulling the book we're currently reading at the dinner table.  She was pounding her little fist saying, "Read this.  Read this."  She didn't care who read it.  She just wanted it read now.  And I couldn't help but be filled with such happiness because for the first time--I realized she knew our family routine.  She was a part of the words being read and looked forward to the grace lessons that were doled out through poems and short stories at the end of each meal.  For a really long time I fought a storm raging inside my own heart.  I craved my man to lead us, to be our spiritual leader and I had a ton of ideas as to what this would look like.

But then a friend sent me this and seriously everything changed.  I began to be thankful for a husband who worked hard for my stay at home mom dream to come true.  I noticed the random times he called a family meeting and how he facilitated it.  I laughed out loud as he read silly poems from our after dinner book.  I noticed that although he didn't spout off bible verses, he usually read bible stories at bed with the younger two.  I discovered he listened to 99.5, a local Christian radio station on his commutes.  I acknowledged the way he willingly let me do what I thought was best in terms of teaching our kids about their faith.  And I stopped comparing him to other dads.  And loved him for who he is to us.

That has made ALL the difference!

Final Birthday Post. Promise.

 Ten is pretty special.  Doble digits have entered our life now.  So far, I love it.  Ask me in a couple years and I may have a slightly different opinion.

 Traditional birthday breakfast. I skimped on the sprinkle pancakes and opted for donuts instead.

 She got a text from someone who is really far away.  She was beaming because she had asked days before if I thought she would remember.  I'm happy it made her so happy. 

 My BFF had her daughter a day after I had Lene.  They aren't just friends, they are family so we had to celebrate.

 Lest we forget, this guy had a birthday too.  So we went to sushi and came back to the house to open gifts.  I love that he doesn't mind sharing the day.

These guys relaxed in the back yard after the party was over and planned a camping trip for us.  One in which we would leave a day later.  I might not have been over the moon about this.  But the trip happened and this birthday meeting of the minds in the mastermind behind it.  Awesome.

Life: Beautiful

Sometimes there are days that seem insignificant.  Sometimes there are days that seem extraordinary.  Many times the day blends a beautiful combination of both.

Sometimes the simplest of gestures can have a lasting impact.

Sometimes watching from the sidelines IS just as fascinating and exhilarating as jumping right in.

Sometimes pausing and saying yes to a cuddle on a lap is exactly the right answer, no matter how important you think what you are doing is.

Sometimes your kid surprises you.  He goes from goofy to sentimental in one quick swoop and all you can do is praise God for the heart he has and pray that it follows him all the days of his life.

Yesterday was the perfect blend of insignificant and extraordinary. Still praying my Anything prayer and being very observant and still to hear His reply.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."--Mathew 7:7

November 27, 2012

Nessa Bessa,

Happy birthday!  Three-years-old today!!  You are so different from your brothers and sister!  You are a cuddle bug, but a spit fire.  You are sensitive, but you are fiercely stubborn.  You can make me laugh and turn around and make me cry. . .the last few months together--just you and I have been an adventure.  You have made me look within and taught me how not to be so selfish with my time.  Without your brother and sister at home during the school day, you need me.  You want me to play with you.  Dress up, house, putting puzzles together, coloring, little pet shops.  You have an imagination that needs to be fed.

The best day of the week is our Parent Participation Pre-school.  I love following you from toy to toy and being invited to play in your world.  I love singing "Skiddle-ma-rinky-rink" with you, rocking the boat and Little Red Caboose around the carpet.  I like how you've taught me to give you your creative license to do what the heck you want with your projects.  My way is usually not the way you want to get anything done, but I'm learning to let go of that.  I'm learning to allow you to be who God has made you to be, and to not worry that you will be disobedient or opinionated forever.  you might be, but sweetie, I am on my knees in prayer daily for the job I'm doing in helping to raise you!

You are such a daddy's girl.  You snuggle up with him and watch movies on the i-pad or television.  You take his hand and walk with him, you look up to him and for as long as I live I will forever hear your voice echoing, "daddy hurt. . ." as we ran to the car after getting the call that daddy was at the hospital. I will always remember how that one nurse took pity and with such loving kindness opened that door to let you see your daddy before he was transferred to the burn center.  You ran down the way to him and it was just precious.  A sight I will always cherish, because your daddy was safe and he was there comforting and protecting you in spite of his injuries.  He made you believe he was going to be fine--and thank God, he is.  Daddy is home for your birthday, baby.  We are so blessed!

You have ventured into the preschool world and you seem to be loving it.  You enjoy your time at our i-moms meeting twice a month and oh, how you adore your friends Sarah and Jaycee.  And let us not forget your cousin Joshie. . .you could have playdates with these three all day, every day.  You are so full of energy and life and more energy. . .just the way God made you to be!

Love bug, I pray that your fierce independence will see you through tough times, but I also pray that you open your heart to let God lead you first and foremost.  Remember how each night we bless your eyes so you always see Him, your ears so you hear His voice, your heart so you write His words upon them, your handso so you always do His work, and your feet so you always walk in His path.  We also bless your nose because. . .well, just because you ask me to.  I love our bedtime ritual.  I love our mealtime prayers--how you grab the hands of the person sitting next to you. . .and how you bless yourself and say, "arm pits."  You crack me up!!

Janessa Raylene, you are such a blessing to this family.  Your energy, your heart, your light, your personality, your laughter, your crossed arms in anger, your messy, pretty curls!!! You are our daughter.  Our last born, our baby--and Friday we will go and re-check those hips of yours and I pray that they are continuing to heal so that no further work needs to be done--but I know--no matter what, you will be fine.  God has this.  he holds you in the palm of His hands and He is in the miracle making business because He is that amazing, and awesome and wonderful.  You are loved by an almighty God, sweetie and He loves you just as you are now!!

May blessings abound baby girl.
Blessed to be your mommy,

Mom

Due to dad getting out of the hospital, we celebrated at home this year. Just us and Nino. . .and Nina called from South Africa.  You took donut holes and milk to celebrate with your friends at pre-school.  You had a great day!

November 21, 2012

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus--"

 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. . .and we are all together to celebrate it.  Ernie is home now.  Friday morning there will be another surgery and then the healing begins.  There was no nerve damage so at some point this lineman will be back to work and we are truly blessed! Doctors can not believe this is the extent of the damage with 7200 volts passing through him.. .
Have a wonderful time this holiday. . .hug on those loved ones because they are the real gifts in this lifetime. I know who my focus on:  God for blessing me with these: )

Twenty-one years ago today I lost my Nana.  I am very aware of how blessed I am to have Ernie still here with me and I consider her one of his angels.

For the friends and family, who have offered prayers, food, laughter, babysitting, grocery store trips, and joy. . .from the bottom of my heart, thank you!  For my eighteen-year-old son, who sat beside me during surgery--you are as wonderful a man as your father.  I am so proud of you--thank you for being my pillar of strength and for holding your dad up.

October 7, 2012

Today I am following the tradition of writing a letter to the birthday kid.  

Only today it is to myself.

Dear Janene,

Happy birthday!

How is it that another year has come and gone?  I know.  I remember, last year wasn't exactly one for the memory books. But here we are, another year older, another year wiser, another year under our belt and I feel like perhaps this year has been one of complete and utter despair sometimes.  I feel like for the first time EVER, EVER,  I tried to follow the path God set before me.  I put my complete and utter trust in Him and was led by His hand into this complete unknown world of dying more to myself so that I could give more to others.

This was the year of peace.  Peace in my heart, peace in my soul.  This was the year to put my judgements to the side, and more often than not keep my opinions to myself if it didn't involve me. Did I think things?  Yes, absolutely.  Did I always put it out there for everyone else to know?  Absolutely not.  Total improvement over here. In this year of peace, my relationship with you, Lord grew, I felt you leading me to worship at one place and enjoy fellowship at another.  I found peace with that decision for our little family. I found peace of mind when the whole house thing fell through. I was disappointed, of course--but realize your plan and mine are totally different sometimes.  That's just the way it is.  I can live with that,

When I finally gave myself permission to quit my teaching job to be home with the kids more...God, you gifted me an opportunity to ease out a little easier.  With a one day a week contract I still do what I enjoy, but without all the headaches associated with full time teaching these days.  Public education is not what it used to be. . .I miss the good old days when we weren't driven by test scores, and scores alone.  However, through this first hand experience with scores, God, you opened my eyes to really see my children for who they are:to accept them and their abilities.  With these new lenses you've crafted for me, I can take the responsibility I feel as a "teacher" to acknowledge and accept that my children's performance in school is not a direct reflection of who I am.  Thank you for that.  Homework hour is so much easier now.

Janene, it is only through this new found hunger and thirst for Him that your life has been filled with good, solid people of faith with whom you can share your heart. You have drawn near to those who lift you up and you have reached out and made connections that otherwise may have never been.  The Lord is doing big and beautiful things with you, friend.  Big and beautiful.  It may not be the amount on that teeny weenie little paycheck you received on the first, it may not ever be your own office as a counselor. . .but big in the sense that you are investing in the precious gift He has loaned you for a little while.  The days are long, but the years are short. . .Beautiful is the fact that tears fall from my eyes as I type this. . .you were all alone this week, friend.  No husband to look forward to at the end of a long day to reprieve you; restless nights because your soul mate wasn't there. . .but yet, God in all his mercies, poured favor upon favor of you this week because while it was hard and tiring--Janessa didn't have one fit.  Not. One. Tantrum.  You kept your cool and you did good, friend.  You did good because He lifted you up and carried you through the days with opportunities for fellowship with the wonderful women He has placed in my life.  Your family, your besties, your Good Morning Girls.  You are blessed.

And so this year has gone, Janene.  Blessing upon blessing.  You are actually living your dream--the one you had written on your heart but didn't dare speak aloud in case it never happened?  Yes, that one.  You are home with your babies.  You are lighting their hearts on fire for Christ--you are accepting them as they are and getting rid of your selfish expectation of who they should be.  You are filled with gratitude for a husband who works hard so that your dreams can continue to come true.  You are closer to the forties and there isn't a single thing to fear.  It is just a number that I look at proudly because I like the me I am so much more today than who I was at twenty-seven.  I am sure I will like who I am at forty-seven even more so. What a beautiful thought.

Janene.  For as many revelations as you have had, for as many times you have called out to God in complete frustration, for as much love as you have given and received. . .you are who He has meant you to be.  Love yourself.  Give yourself grace.  Forgive yourself and move on.  There is so much freedom in loving the you--you are today--just how you are: inside and out.  Happy birthday.  Enjoy everything about this day, especially that husband who traveled four hours just to be home for twenty-four.

With love & gratitude,
Your 36-year-old self

July 16, 2012

Last week was a long one.  Not because of the back to back birthdays or swimming, or sleepovers, or art activities.  It was a week of waiting. . .waiting to see what is going on with the house.  Things were moving along rather swimmingly, until the house appraised for $31,000 less than our sale price.  That's a bit of a problem for us because we can't justify spending that much more for something that is not worth it.  First we waited for the appraiser's rebuttal, and now we continue to wait on the bank.  If we don't hear anything by Wednesday we will have to file another extension...which just pushes our move in date back, I suppose.  Nothing like having it all planned out and then nothing goes according to plan, right?

I guess the good in all of this, because there can always be a silver lining--is that I pulled out my handy dandy Child Training Bible and looked up impatience.  Just that act alone made me very aware of the impatient thoughts and feelings I was having and reminded me all I can control or rely on is prayer.  So, I have been meditating on this soul food:

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"--Psalm 37:7

"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit."--Ecclesiastes 7:8

"Ah, Lord God!  It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm!  Nothing is too hard for you!"--Jeremiah 32:17

And my personal favorite for this season:

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 Philippians 4:6-8

I will be feasting on these verses in this time of waiting.  Like I tell my kids, 

"there's always a lesson. . ." Learning and leaning more today that I was yesterday, and more tomorrow than I am today.

 Of course, this favorite church song echoes across my mind as if on repeat. . ."wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord. . ." Can you relate?

July 13, 2012

Being that it is summer, I have had the pleasure of  hanging out with some of my dearest friends  these past couple weeks.  These friends and I began working together about fourteen years ago and there is something comforting about being with those friends who knew me before. . .before marriage and motherhood.  

And now our life has come full circle. . .we are wives and moms: striving to do our best in both roles, while teaching remains in the mix  (some of us larger percentages than others).  Some days we juggle the demands of our three worlds, dropping balls here and there, but we've learned how to get it together quickly and move on.  We've had our share of health concerns--either our own or with  our children, yet we still go forward.  We are in a season of mothering right now.  We are the ones who determine the pace of our family life.  We are the ones who have to quiet the voices of the world to listen to the one whose matters most.  His. He has joyfully brought us together to rain sanity, peace, and gratitude on sometimes frazzled, chaotic life.

And in the hours where conversation filled the air, time stood still.  I soaked it all up and I left the play dates breathing deep gulps of gratitude for the refreshment these visits offered.  Sometimes a little time is all you need to feel uplifted and full of gratitude for these gifts--our friends.  These treasures in what can be an otherwise rough world.  These souls who lift your spirits, lend an ear, and offer words of advice or clarity on situations that might seem unbearable or hard to handle.  Our friends, our front line of defense, our angels here on earth. . .I am so grateful for these precious gifts!  I pray my children will be blessed with the type of friends I have been.

June 8, 2012

The kids begin summer vacation today. . .but I wanted to share our end of the year gifts for their teachers.  I originally found this idea here and pinned it.  It was super easy and I know one of the teachers is a Starbucks connoisseur! I feel very blessed by the teachers our kids had this year.  I'm grateful for all their hard work and the love of learning they instilled in my kids. 

And now the countdown to my summer vacation and new job begins.  One week from today to be exact: )  I. Can. Not. Wait!!!

May 11, 2012

Mom, Dad. . .you're not going to believe this, but:

I am capable of yard work.

It may have taken thirty-six years to bubble to the surface, but I have officially mowed a lawn and gotten my hands dirty.

Yes, me.  Shocking, I know.

All those years I worked casually in the house with air on, and music playing. . .

I was simply trying to avoid working in that horrific back yard of ours.  I wouldn't have enjoyed it then and I didn't really enjoy it now--it was done out of necessity.  I had to put E's mind at ease after a seven day straight work week.  He hated knowing he was letting the yard go. . .

So, Sunday I stepped up to the plate to surprise him.

 I have the sunburn to prove it.

The beautiful part of this story was that the neighbor across the street came over to help me put gas in it and turn it on.  I thought I had to pull that string thing I used to see you guys do.  Apparently mine has a key.  Fancy that.

 

Anyways, because the grass was weighted down (it was so long and a little damp), there was a bit of starting and stopping. . .which my neighbor graciously came across the street to help when needed.  Eventually, I figured it out and was able to get it going and unclog  it on my own.  Halfway through the yard, another neighbor (on the opposite corner) came by in his truck.  He offered to help.  At first I declined, but then when he offered the second time I accepted the offer.

He edged and blew off the front for me.  What a blessing!!!  I probably wouldn't have even bothered with the edger myself.  One garden appliance for me was enough.  E was thrilled and thankful that these gentlemen stepped up to help me out.  He would have done the same for their wives.  I just know it.  It really made me appreciate the neighborhood we live in and the fact that people are still willing to do for others.  Both guys commented on the fact that E keeps our yard in good condition, so they figured he must be bogged down at work.  They are correct.

Nine days straight now with no immediate end in sight.  Poor guy.  I guess my little act of kindness for my man was a winner. . .except now he knows I know how to work that lawn mower.  Ugh.  Not good.  I don't really want to have to do this on any type of a regular basis.

I made it a point yesterday to bake these as a thank you for the guys and their families. (They  doubled as a thank you gift for teachers too--CCD ended). I really appreciated the help and E appreciated his yard looking good again! Apparently, it's a bit of a guy thing--to keep your yard in tip top shape. . .at least in my neighborhood it is, as these guys pointed out as they helped. What started out as a daunting task was replaced by sheer gratitude as people helped me to get it done.  God in action: people acting as His hands and feet.

May 4, 2012

In the quiet of the morning I am alone here. Bible read, prayers scribbled in journal, second cup of steaming hot coffee, missing my husband who I have probably seen an hour over the course of the week due to work, and all is still except for the constant happy chirping from the birds.  From my desk, I can look to the window on my right and see the nest that was built with such intentionality.  For weeks those two birds built their nest in the space above our back yard patio speaker.  I see clearly the outline of it now--I hear clearly the echoes of those birds who came to life there.

Last year, around this same time, the same nest building happened.  There was all this anticipation of the life that would burst forth right there in that spot on our patio.  Sadly, I missed it. . .or it never happened at all.  I don't know which, but both saddened me. 

This year I resolved not to miss out.  Every person who was a guest at our home we would drag to the back door to look out at the nest.  Kids would stand on a chair, screen door shut to get a glimpse of an egg(s) that may or may not have been there.  I quietly walked out of the back door each morning, with a passing gaze up to the nest.  A simple acknowledgement that it was here. In my yard. I noticed. This time.

Mama bird. Baby birds.  Feeding Times.  I noticed it all this time around.  I'm so glad I took the time to keep seeking the contents of that precious little nest.  Three baby birds born in our back yard.  And we were all a part of it somehow. Smiling.

And then it hits me.  This seeking of God, my Creator, is much like this nesting adventure I've encountered twice now over the past year.  Sometimes right there in front of me, so obvious and clear; but other times I might have missed Him.  But was I really looking hard enough anyway?  Was I intentional about the time I was investing in our relationship?  Was I filling myself with His word, attending mass, consuming His body and blood?  Probably not.

In the still of the morning, I recall the lines to a song played somewhere in the course of my school  years.  (Thank you Google for helping me find it).

And then I cry.  This keyboard is hard to see.  It's so strange, so beautiful when He speaks to me.  So blessed to hear Him so clearly today.  To seek and to find Him. . .in this very everyday extraordinary moment.  Thank you, Jesus for opening my eyes, my heart to this love song this morning.  Thank you for these gifts in our yard.  These reminders that you are who you say your are.

 "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."  Luke 11:9

April 18, 2012

My Dearest Bubba Boy,

How is that you are a big, strong, smart seven-year-old already?  Those bright, big eyes of yours still pull at my heart strings every time you look at me.  Some firsts this year: First grade, first time in CCD, and your first tooth fell out!  Remember how Grandma pulled it out and you were so upset?  So upset, in fact you let your next tooth hang on until it was just a thread!

You are so engaged in your books right now.  You started off the year a little slow to love reading, but now there is no stopping you.  The AR bug has bitten and you are a reading machine!  You played football again this year--your skills are improving and your speed gets you down the field fast!  It was so much fun to watch and cheer from the sidelines, Bubs--always remember I am your biggest fan!!

You are quite the tinkerer! You tinker with things, take things apart, and figure out new uses for those things all the time.  Your real play love right now is Legos.  You love to build and take apart and build something else.  Remember how Dad had to go away for work after Christmas and you wanted me to help you build that alien spaceship thing?  32 pages of directions!!!!!  32!!  That was a day I will always remember, sitting on your top bunk feeling quite frustrated with the whole thing, but you kept me going and together we were able to figure it out.

How about our favorite bible verse: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Remember saying that over and over, night after night as you took the stage as Tiny Tim?  The scene where you are taken away in the arms of the ghost of Christmas future brought tears to my eyes every time--as life without you, my bubs, is so unfathomable. Our verse also applied when we headed to City of Hope to figure out what was going on in that blood of yours. I was a mess inside during that week, son.  I just worried that I might just have to do all the things I think I'm no good at:  hospital visits, throw up, blood. . .and I knew I would do whatever had to be done to make you well--but God blessed us with a lighter diagnosis for now.  So as you head off to get that blood taken every three months (which was like six months because I couldn't take you when you were sick)--remember that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.  Yes, you can!  I know you don't like it, but it has to be done so we can make sure you stay healthy--and I promise to keep buying you a donut when you are through. Every. Single. Time.  Pinky promise.

You have such a gentle heart and sweet, sweet soul.  You are so sensitive and so concerned about those you love, especially your sisters.  I hope you always keep God's words tucked into your heart and that you always follow Him.  Remember you are His warrior and there is a battle being fought out in the world and you are a part of His first line of defense.  you can make a difference--and you will.  I just know it!

Happy birthday, little man!

I love you all the way to the moon and back and around the world for eternity.

Love,

Mom