October 8, 2011

As far as birthdays go, I must admit I've had better ones.

That being said, this particular birthday turned out to be one of great enlightenment.
Let me tell you, there were tears--a lot of them.
BUT

I realized that my people pleasing tendencies put me back in my classroom before I was ready.

In my desire not to disappoint others, ultimately I felt very disappointed in myself.

After all these years, I realized I still care what people think...how I might be perceived to need help, to not be ready to teach, to take some time to settle the fear and uncertainty.
 What people would think fueled my desire to get right back in the saddle.

But guess what?

My profession does not define me.
I am a wife and mother first and foremost.
I know I've said that before, but I'm actually kind of believing it now.
I need to be in a happy, healthy place for my family and for myself,
because I matter.

They matter.
His plan matters to me.
If given some time, I believe this situation's purpose will be revealed to me and a greater good will occur.
I have faith.
I am hopeful.
And that my friends, is a far cry from where I was yesterday.
Happy Birthday to Me...
from me.
for me.