Wise Words Wednesday

There's always this.

Wise Words Wednesday

 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.--1 Thessalonians 5:18

Always remember, God's got this.

Let Him handle it.

Grief Changes

"Grief changes shape, but it never ends." --Keanu Reeves

This quote stopped me.  Flashbacks of all the losses of my life played through my mind.  I thought of people I once loved who have passed on and others I've lost touch with or chosen to walk away from.  Memories of times when my heart was full with people I loved drifted through my thoughts.

I grieved all of my losses.

Let me correct that, I grieve all of my losses, still.

In some shape or another, the grief is still there, it just looks different from what it did before.

And that's okay.

"Grief changes shape, but it never ends."

October 4, 2012

I've been spending a lot of time with the little one lately. . .It has only taken six weeks for the great awakening, groove getting into and all the jazz that accompanies my staying home.  The past couple days have been filled with sudden change, missing parts, and a lot of activity in an effort to see what life looks like without a nap.  Bounce houses equal not bored.  The park equals not bored.  A box in the backyard equal not bored.  Bed equals exhaustion by seven o'clock.  I'm not sure if this is our new rhythm; not sure what it will look like on the weekend but feeling a big exhale as I head on up to bed by  nine o'clock. Day two of no nap, nor huge meltdown either--maybe we're heading into the down slide of the terrible two's.  Maybe?  A girl can hope. . .Here's hoping to another great day tomorrow.  imoms awaits us and we both enjoy that!

August 25, 2012

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed;
 her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”--Proverbs 31:27-29

We are working on a devotional together, first thing in the morning. While it got done, the table wasn't cleared as we had to rush out the door.

It has been a busy week at home, at school, getting the kids back in the rhythm of daily school
life. . .finding my  rhythm.  For five years I have missed out on the daily wake up calls, doing hair, making breakfasts, and walking the kids to school.  This week, as of Wednesday, I was thrust into that role. Finding our rhythm is new for us.

Some children in this house may or may not have insisted on chocolate milk and pancakes every. single. day.  "But that's what grandma would make us, " they insisted.  "Well, I'm not grandma," was my usual reply.  And truth be told--I didn't have the time to bust out with the full course breakfast menu.  One of these days, I will.  But not this week.  And I'm totally okay with that.  There's a lot of things a lot of people do, that for one reason or another, I can't, or I don't.  That's life.  And I am already hard enough on myself, I can't let the thought of living up to the expectations of other great women mar my joy in the present moment.  I just can't.

After completing my Proverbs 31 study  this summer, I feel like I've grown a lot as a wife and mom.  But I still have so much to learn and work on.  It was during this study that I realized what a process becoming a Proverbs 31 women really  is.  She did not do all these labor of loves every single day.  She did grow weary, but she pushed through the weariness and found the joy in serving her husband and children.  That's where I am.  I'm looking at serving with love; Clothing myself in patience, love, joy, and peace so that the daily irritants do not set the tone for the day.  This is a bit of a stretch, as my type-A personality sometimes gets the best of me.  This week alone, someone overslept, someone else forgot to fill out their reading log, another child spilled milk, someone(s) complained about what they had to eat for breakfast, someone(s) specifically asked for certain lunch items, a bed or two was not made, and towels were left on the floor.  All this and the television was never even on.

Yes, we are in for a different kind of season,  This I can be assured.  And as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him, "in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."--Proverbs 3:6
Totally trusting Him on this one.  It's in His hands.  Our rhythm will come. It just takes time.

July 23, 2012

I must say, this past weekend was just what I needed to drop kick that slump I was in to the curb and get back my positive thinking.  We headed out to the beach on Saturday and had a blast.  I forgot my camera, but I was actively engaged in imprinting those moments on my heart.  I needed the fresh ocean air, the bright sun, and the laughter and playfulness that God's beautiful creation offers.  This house we live in has been stifling me.  It was hard enough to entertain the idea of moving, and yet it is hard now to grasp that we could be staying.  I've just been feasting on truths about God's plan and promises, and the fact that our current house in this neighborhood has been our own mini mission field.  And I am fine with that.  It's just this waiting has been killing me. . .

Sunday after church, I worked inside freshening up a few things, and bringing back those little touches that make our home what it is to us.  And it felt good.  It felt necessary.  It felt freeing.  We might still be waiting on an answer, but you would never know.  Weekend happenings uplifted us.  We got an added bonus: E got the day off of work today.  We are off for some more fun adventure.  Together.  Because this is what summer is all about!

July 16, 2012

Last week was a long one.  Not because of the back to back birthdays or swimming, or sleepovers, or art activities.  It was a week of waiting. . .waiting to see what is going on with the house.  Things were moving along rather swimmingly, until the house appraised for $31,000 less than our sale price.  That's a bit of a problem for us because we can't justify spending that much more for something that is not worth it.  First we waited for the appraiser's rebuttal, and now we continue to wait on the bank.  If we don't hear anything by Wednesday we will have to file another extension...which just pushes our move in date back, I suppose.  Nothing like having it all planned out and then nothing goes according to plan, right?

I guess the good in all of this, because there can always be a silver lining--is that I pulled out my handy dandy Child Training Bible and looked up impatience.  Just that act alone made me very aware of the impatient thoughts and feelings I was having and reminded me all I can control or rely on is prayer.  So, I have been meditating on this soul food:

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"--Psalm 37:7

"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit."--Ecclesiastes 7:8

"Ah, Lord God!  It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm!  Nothing is too hard for you!"--Jeremiah 32:17

And my personal favorite for this season:

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 Philippians 4:6-8

I will be feasting on these verses in this time of waiting.  Like I tell my kids, 

"there's always a lesson. . ." Learning and leaning more today that I was yesterday, and more tomorrow than I am today.

 Of course, this favorite church song echoes across my mind as if on repeat. . ."wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord. . ." Can you relate?

July 2, 2012

With life changing, our surroundings will be different. . .how does one go about negotiating even more change as it effects our children?  I have a fourth grader and a second grader.  They will no longer be living right across the street from their school, and I'm not sure what to do about it.  We are moving to a neighborhood that is a little older in population.  Many of the neighbors were there when I was growing up, and now their kids are all grown as well.  Going to school in our neighborhood would mean an opportunity to meet other kids who live closer and develop new relationships.

That being said, neither child is thrilled with the idea of changing schools.  I can't blame them.  The one time I did in my junior year of high school was a disaster.  I met a small group of girls who took me in and were wonderful, but the overall transition to such a huge place was scary and if I had to do it all over again:  I wouldn't.  So, I pray for direction.  I pray that I know where the right place will be.  I pray for peace of mind for all of us as decisions are being made and put into place.

Change is good.  But it can be scary.  And that is why I am unsure where to go from here.  I love these little guys so much and I want the best for them, which mom doesn't?  A lot to think about.  A lot to consider.  A decision to be made.

June 25, 2012

It's early and I just couldn't sleep.  I feel like a little kid just waiting for the "big" event, which in our world is moving day.  I browsed one of my favorite blogs looking for inspiration in the home decorating world: Lemonade Makin Mama.  As I kept going back in time on her posts, I was reminded of my word for the year: GO.  Re-reading it six months later and I think, in that stillness when I really listen to His voice and allow myself to hear Him--He speaks.  He only speaks truth.  Always.

Half a year later and I walked away from my sixty percent contract, only to be led to a partnership where I will work twenty percent.  It is at my same site, but at a different grade level and subject. I am going.

Half a year later and we are going to move.  We are going to be closer to my parents and I think that proximity will be good in the raising of my children.  I have always said it takes a village and I believe this statement to be true.  I am grateful for the village: my family.  We will be closer to hear the stories of my 87-year-old papa who lives with my parents.  My kids can have servant hearts and learn ways to ensure his comfort and happiness only a couple doors down.  We are going.

Half a year later and the minute I worry about what to do with our current house.  God answers.  The same day.  The neighbor behind us is interested, she tells my husband.  Very interested, she tells me the next day.  She reiterates, "I want this to happen.  I will take great care of this place."  Moving to the corner will mean a larger lot, a larger space for her. . .where it has become almost bursting at the seams for us, it will be her definition of perfect. 

God is so good.  God's timing is impeccable.  God's plan and direction beyond anything I could ever have imagined!

Even when the voices are loud: insecurity, fear, indecisiveness, anger, children screaming. . .His voice is clear. Always.

June 22, 2012

This post just couldn't wait until Monday.  We are officially in ESCROW on a home that found us when we weren't even looking.  You see, fifteen years ago, my twenty-one year old self, at the urging of my parents bought this home.

It was a few blocks away from my University where I was finishing up my credential, and in a great little neighborhood where I felt safe, which was extremely important to a young girl moving out on her own.  The other deal sealer:  I could afford it. . .on my own.  I didn't need a room mate; I didn't need a co-signer.  I could truly call this baby mine.

There was a lot of growing up in this house. A long term relationship that came to a crushing end; friendships destroyed and mended in large part due to said relationship... and meeting the man God had intended for me to share my life with all along.  And together we built this.

Through hard work, sweat and tears we conspired to take what the little house offered and make it enough to fit what are now our four children.  Each of the three youngest were brought home here, and  I miscarried our first born love here--in this space.  What the home may have lacked in space we made up with love.  Plenty of entertaining has gone on in this home, celebrating life and family and all things precious to us.

 Two years ago, we happened upon a house that had more space, RV parking, and an attached three car garage.  It was on a quiet street and all of a sudden we could visualize our children growing up there.  God had other plans, so we stayed put and decided there was great contentment in what we had created and we worked earnestly to upgrade hardwood floors throughout, granite countertops, and fresh paint.  And all was good with our little world again.  Our perfect space.

About two months ago, while picking up the baby from Grandma's I saw people moving from a house.  This was a house I played in often with two of my best buddies growing up.  It was a house I knew extremely well.  And I just knew it was part of God's plan for us.  It had only been a little while ago that I realized my parent's home was not going to be an option for us.  I grew up wanting one day to raise my kids in that house, in that neighborhood, except their house didn't have the four bedrooms, nor the RV parking. . .so it was no longer a viable option. But then God gifted us this.

 A couple houses down.  Same cul-de-sac.  Gated pool.  Large lot.  I never thought this would happen when we weren't even looking.  Obviously, God had other plans.  We are in escrow, my friends. Escrow.  Summer threw us a curve ball and it is still sinking in.  We are moving. Next stop:  my old stomping grounds.  Kids in tow. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.--Jeremiah 29:11

Now comes the tough part.  Do we sell the home we have made home for the past fifteen years or do we rent it out.  I'm all for selling, but my husband has a different idea. Thoughts?  Ideas? Suggestions?

June 21, 2012

The past four days have been filled with non stop excitement.  On Monday, after pleading with big brother and uncles to take the kids to play laser tag,  I ended up there.  Alone.  To fend for myself.  Sitting out was not an option.  The kids wanted me on a team, so there I went, into the dark with backpack on--listening earnestly for the rules of warfare.  Believe it or not. . .but I had NEVER played before!!  This kid was ready for battle. . .more so than I can say for myself.  However, I had SO. MUCH. FUN!  Seriously, talk about a work out!  I even tripped over a partial wall that couldn't be seen in the dark and have bruising on both my legs.  Bad bruising, but it was so worth it.

I laughed. We ran. We attacked.  We took breaks and then started again. 7 games of pure fun!  Might I add, I was the high scorer for our team in the final game?!

Tuesday the fun continued with a trip to a local water park with my BFF and her two daughters.  We bought passes so we can visit often. . .even though I stayed with the littles and didn't do any of the fast slides (thank God for my BFF), the morning was SO enjoyable and the lunch after at an old classic was delicious!

Wednesday we headed out early to the dollar movies where we watched Happy Feet 2.  It was super cute and again I was reminded how simple and fun something can be if I really focus my attention on enjoying the moment and being truly present.  After that we had a picnic in the park with some old friends.

We visited the nature Center where the kids were able to get a lesson on red tail hawks--up close and personal, really.  We saw some owls, deer, and snakes.  It doesn't matter how many times we visit, they never grow tired.  It amazes me that they always see things with fresh, new eyes and I realize...I too must try to live this way.

Later, we met up with the grandparents and cousins and headed out to dinner.  A nice ending to another full day.  But here's the thing:  although the days have been full, they haven't been hectic.  I really am letting the kids lead and not committing to more than one activity a day.  Take today for instance, we will do our "schoolwork" and pick up since they did such an amazing job cleaning on Monday. . .then we will head to the library across the street and then maybe the Farmer's Market tonight--they have plenty of times where we are "on" and plenty of time to simply "be. "

Maybe that is the lesson I have learned over the past year in being more selective with how we choose to involve ourselves in outside activities.  As important as I believe nurturing their interests or passion is, I don't believe in carting them around from class to class/activity to activity. My time with them is precious.  I want to be their first role model and when I'm dividing our time with too much "stuff" in the outside world--it isn't beneficial to any of us.  Lesson learned.  And I truly am a happier mama for it.  This summer feels different, because it is different.  Living a simpler life based on more relationship building than class competing has changed us all. For. The. Better.

June 4, 2012

I got up and read my bible this morning and prayed pretty constantly about a situation that has unfolded that everyone is avoiding like the plague. I sat down to write, but my words were just covering up, good, old-fashioned anger.  So I took a break and headed to my inbox where my postcard from the cosmos was waiting:

Greetings,

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are always the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha  

And I laughed. Right clicked, saved and erased my post to post this instead.

I will still pray there is some sort of resolution, but I won't waste my time being so angry about it, nor will I immerse myself in it this summer.  Bottom line? I do not own this situation.

As much as I try to practice my faith--I'm one heck of a grudge holder! And although, my practice is usually to avoid, if given the chance I will address what needs to be addressed.  I will do so without accusation or placing blame--I have concerns; I have a voice. I have a choice.  Today I choose not to let it wast my energy with negativity.  I give it to God--He can handle it.  He's good at giving me permission to let things go and giving it to Him.  Blessed.  Always blessed.

May 18, 2012

Ever since Bubba's health scare, we have been watching what we consume.  A little more than a month ago, a co-worker told me about Farm Fresh to You so I decided to try it out.  All of their produce is grown locally and is organic certified.  There are several options to choose from.  I started with twice a month service but loved it so much I now receive the goods delivered right to my door every Friday.  It's perfect because I can select all the items we especially like or are willing to try, but I can also customize my order to deny those veggies and fruits I might not have heard of or love.  Each box comes equipped with a newsletter and possible recipes to try.So far we have loved what we have received!

If anyone is interested in trying out the delivery service, I can offer you a discount code if you let me know in the comments or email me. 

Healthier eating is costing a bit ore, but I have seen a definite improvement in Jonathan's overall health.  His blood count has been consistent at his draws every three months.  No decrease which is a great thing!  Most importantly, he has gone from missing twenty something days last year to five this year!  I definitely believe a healthier diet is part of the equation.

May 9, 2013

There is a little girl that joins us for dinner sometimes on Friday nights.  She has been over multiple times this year and when we pray at dinner--she always holds hands--that's how they pray at her house.  I'm so thrilled they pray and we all follow suit willingly.

Talk about being reminded that they (the kids) soak it all in and model what they see...Nessa has taken to raising her hands and saying, "pray."  She expects that we join hands as we pray aloud now be it at home or at a restaurant.  She wants that close contact--hand in hers and she knows what blessing the food is all about.  She is two.

She tries her best to utter the prayer aloud.  She says amen and attempts the sign of the cross.  Ninety percent of the time she gets it correct.

I am so glad she is observing our prayerful state and is now an active participant.  But this shift from folding our own hands to holding each other's hands has made me think about what I am modeling exactly in those everyday moments where frustration or irritation or impatience has seeped in.  I heard my almost nine year old in church this weekend, "loud whisper" to her brother when I asked her to walk him to the restroom since the baby was asleep in my arms. . ."If you make me miss the blessing of the bread and wine," as she shook her head and walked ahead of him in frustration and impatience.  She sounded just like me.

Not good.  This little display of irritation was after a scolding on the way in because she was loudly complaining about how long church would be--as if we don't go often.  She knows how long it is.  She was just mad that this was the second mass we were attending that day--celebrating a communion and confirmation.  Great way for us to go into church.  Her mad at me.  Me mad at her.  And, her bad attitude continued to be evident as I asked her to help out with her brother.  To do it over again. . .what would I have done differently?  Maybe not stayed as long at the party before church so that they were better rested.?  I don't know. . .attitudes seem to creep in sometimes no matter what I do.  No matter what I don't do.

And then yesterday as we are arguing on the way to drop off my seven-year-old to his last CCD class of the year--who is behind me but the pastor of our parish.  Then I feel shame.  Why do I allow her to push these buttons?  What are we showing the baby?  How can we do it differently day in and day out?  I wish I knew. But I don't so I lean further into Him and pray.  I've been on my knees praying a lot lately.  We are in a busy work season so no one has seen dad much this week with seven late nights and early mornings.  It has taken a toll.

But no matter what, when we gather around that table for dinner, as we do every night, the baby is connecting us with our hands which will symbolize the connected-ness of our hearts.  

March 30, 2012