June 6, 2012

We have entered a new phase in this two-year-old's life.

One guess.

Go!

May 31, 2012

There are those days I find myself with so much to do and not enough time; then there are those days with time and not a whole lot I have to do.  It's funny, given a couple hours alone with no children or husband--no demands that have to be done and I just get to be...but I don't feel like doing anything.

After a morning that was partially consumed with attending a funeral for a woman who worked in my district, I felt a loss at what to do with my free time.  First, I stopped by the cemetery where she was going to be buried and visited my Nana and Uncle Ted's plots.  After a few minutes of conversation with. . ..my thoughts--and a sun beating down on me, I left.

I wandered into Kohl's but soon realized I had nothing I wanted or needed to buy.  No desire to acquire more stuff just for something to do. So I headed to Starbucks and used a gift card for an iced tea treat.  With a cold drink in hand, I walked across the parking lot to get myself a manicure and pedicure.  It isn't often I engage in this pleasure, but since it was my Open House at work, and the baby was with grandparents enjoying the camping life with her cousins and the kids in school, I thought, why not?

Coincidentally, the chair I sat in faced the parking lot where I began to see some familiar faces walking into a neighboring restaurant.  Apparently this was where the reception was for the woman who had passed away.  She lived in the same city I did.  I did not know that.  I did not know her really.  I was often greeted by her mom's smiling face when I visit our district office, but I had never had the pleasure of meeting her daughter directly.  While she taught elementary, I spent most of my days at the high school.  However, she worked at the school I began.  She worked with some of my friends who are still near and dear to my heart. They feel her loss directly.

Sitting there, being pampered, I couldn't help but think about this woman, two years younger than myself.  The church was filled with people.  That is saying a lot if you know how big our Catholic churches are.  I stood in the back, only having a little bit of relief  time from a teacher at my site.  I saw countless faces of people who worked in our district.  I saw many faces of people who are close friends of our family--people who I would call my own family, in fact.  And I reflected on the life this woman lived despite her ongoing health battles.  I listened as a speaker declared her passionate about the things and persons she loved most.  My eyes filled with tears for the lives she was leaving behind, but in the same moment I was filled with gratitude for her ease from suffering.  I was reminded of our faith and the way we will dance with Him in heaven and our spirits will soar and never can our bodies fail us again. . .and there was such comfort in that thought.  Such peace.

The legacy I leave my children is such a deliberate act.  It is a conscious decision every. single. day.  I was reminded again, of my mom's health being restored from a stage three diagnosis. A miracle?  Perhaps.  But a gift, nonetheless.  A gift I sometimes forget in my day to day happenings and raising of  my beautiful children. I want to bask in the beauty of this life the Lord has given me. . .this doesn't mean I don't address situations with love and grace, or I avoid conflict at all costs.  It means I choose to do things differently.  I do it with Him in mind and I consciously rely on His hand in everything.

A friend emailed what she took away from the rosary and I wanted it somewhere to reflect on often:

1. Love the Lord with your whole heart (when you do this it shows in all you do)
2. Stop complaining (Even though she felt pain everyday, she never complained about it. She didn't take things for granted, such as walking, breathing, and seeing...)
3. Be positive (see the beauty in everything that God provides for us especially when it's difficult to do)
4. Serve others with a joyful heart (Do unto others as you want them to do unto you).

A life was lost, but her death served as a reminder to the rest of us in how we choose to live.
May she rest in peace.. .

May 9, 2013

There is a little girl that joins us for dinner sometimes on Friday nights.  She has been over multiple times this year and when we pray at dinner--she always holds hands--that's how they pray at her house.  I'm so thrilled they pray and we all follow suit willingly.

Talk about being reminded that they (the kids) soak it all in and model what they see...Nessa has taken to raising her hands and saying, "pray."  She expects that we join hands as we pray aloud now be it at home or at a restaurant.  She wants that close contact--hand in hers and she knows what blessing the food is all about.  She is two.

She tries her best to utter the prayer aloud.  She says amen and attempts the sign of the cross.  Ninety percent of the time she gets it correct.

I am so glad she is observing our prayerful state and is now an active participant.  But this shift from folding our own hands to holding each other's hands has made me think about what I am modeling exactly in those everyday moments where frustration or irritation or impatience has seeped in.  I heard my almost nine year old in church this weekend, "loud whisper" to her brother when I asked her to walk him to the restroom since the baby was asleep in my arms. . ."If you make me miss the blessing of the bread and wine," as she shook her head and walked ahead of him in frustration and impatience.  She sounded just like me.

Not good.  This little display of irritation was after a scolding on the way in because she was loudly complaining about how long church would be--as if we don't go often.  She knows how long it is.  She was just mad that this was the second mass we were attending that day--celebrating a communion and confirmation.  Great way for us to go into church.  Her mad at me.  Me mad at her.  And, her bad attitude continued to be evident as I asked her to help out with her brother.  To do it over again. . .what would I have done differently?  Maybe not stayed as long at the party before church so that they were better rested.?  I don't know. . .attitudes seem to creep in sometimes no matter what I do.  No matter what I don't do.

And then yesterday as we are arguing on the way to drop off my seven-year-old to his last CCD class of the year--who is behind me but the pastor of our parish.  Then I feel shame.  Why do I allow her to push these buttons?  What are we showing the baby?  How can we do it differently day in and day out?  I wish I knew. But I don't so I lean further into Him and pray.  I've been on my knees praying a lot lately.  We are in a busy work season so no one has seen dad much this week with seven late nights and early mornings.  It has taken a toll.

But no matter what, when we gather around that table for dinner, as we do every night, the baby is connecting us with our hands which will symbolize the connected-ness of our hearts.  

January 12, 2012

My little man came home in such a good mood yesterday and I'm not sure what happened but a half an hour in, he was angry and mad at the world.

It was a nice day so we were outside having some ice cream in the back yard just chatting away and BAM!

His attitude changed and he was mad about nothing. 

Then something. 

Until it was EVERYTHING!

So thanks to the Gentleness Challenge and a book I've been perusing, Playful Parenting. . .

I was able to not get lost in my own frustration, anger, or bad attitude

(with some deep breaths, quick thinking, and prayers for patience--not gonna lie)

Instead, I redirected his attention and we just had to read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

It was the perfect cure!

We giggled a lot, and I was pleasantly surprised with the result: 

a happier little man and a thankful mama!

 "Go on. Go to God." JF