My Mess Remains

Sometimes baking doesn't go as planned.  Sometimes even when it does, what it looks like might be very different from what it tastes like.  Such was the case with these fun things.  They were a very simple beautiful mess to make. My head likes that; however, my poor dyed hands and nail beds do not.

When I look at these hands of mine the memory from Tuesday is still so fresh and the evidence is still there to put a smile on my face at the thought of this time together with my little one.  I didn't hesitate to dig in and knead cookie dough: green, pink, yellow, purple, blue.  I did it so she would follow my example and do it too.  And she did.

Once the color was infused we still had to roll little balls and place them on the cookie sheet.  Then we had to flatten them and bake them. Next we had to wait for them to cool so they could be frosted and loaded with sprinkles and such to create a very specific piece of art. And each one was very pretty indeed.  Bright colors of the rainbow spread out into perfect circles met our eyes when they were pulled from the oven.

But my mess remained.  The colors stained deep into the lines of my hands under my nails and around the bed of these nails.  Hand washing did nothing.  Scrubbing did nothing.  The bright stain was a part of me physically for who knows how long.  But boy oh boy, those cookies sure looked good.  And boy, oh boy, that daughter dearest of mine sure had fun!  And that memory of us side by side in the kitchen with all the colors of the rainbow around us sure won't fade fast.

The stain on my hands simply serves as a reminder of the good that comes out of the yuck.  The stain on my hands symbolizes beauty in ugliness.  The stain on my hand signifies a day spent well living abundantly and full the life He has called me to.  The stain on my hands sings a most beautiful love song of these years with my kids which are going so fast.

And the cookies?  They were gone before dinner.  They might have been dinner.  I'll never tell. 

I want a Do-Over

Every once in awhile I want a re-do.  I want to start the morning differently, do the day differently, or end the night on a different note.  And then there are the days that are going pretty smoothly, no big fiascoes , attitudes, problems. . .it's all going smoothly, until it isn't. It's not me that needs the do over.  It's one of my own.  It happens without me seeing it coming.  It just happens and then?

How I react to the problem or situation or child becomes part of the equation.  I have the power to choose calm or continue the craziness.  I can try to figure out the real heart issue at hand or focus on the emotions that this "situation" arises in me.  I know my child's academic performance is not a reflection of who I am as a mother; however, I'm still navigating the waters of when they don't act in a pleasing, loving way--that feels like a direct reflection of who I am as their mom.

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish the difference. 

I'm stuck in that distinguishing place right now.

 I hate being stuck.

I also hate that grudge-holding girl I can be.

I want to be a grace-giver.

But it's hard.  Really hard.

This is the Lord's work I am doing--raising kids, fighting for their hearts, inspiring them, "To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

It's the work He has called me to do.  The best work I will ever do. 
His work.  His children.  His plans for them.

All Him. . .less of me.  Maybe that's the key?

August 28, 2012

"Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God.'"--Matthew 22:29
Because I'm always looking for ways to infuse scripture in our homes, and on their hearts, a friend sent me a link for these and I loved them! I printed them on photo paper so they will last longer. I even got Bubba in on the action since he hasn't had homework and we have a whole forty-five minutes together while big sister is still at school.

After I cut them, I had him alphabetize them for me before I hole punched them. I haven't figured out how to use them, but they are out, front and center on the coffee table, next to my Child Training Bible. For now, they will at least have access to them to read.
I also found 31 Prayers For Our Children. I am a big fan of Stormie Omartien's, Power of a Praying Parent so it seems rather natural for me to love these portable cards. I loved these most, because they can come with me everywhere, and I am reminded to pray for a specific need daily for my kids.  I printed them on cardstock and had Bubs put them in order for me before I hole punched.

Then, this little helper woke up from her nap and decided to "help" out.

Her help didn't last long, but she did manage to mess up his system so he looked a little confused for a minute.  Luckily, he was able to muddle through it and hand me a stack of cards in the right order.  Again, I love having His words around our home.  I love the gentle reminders He seems to whisper in those moments of need, and I love the idea that my kids and I can learn scripture together.  It is all part of our journey.  His word. . .on our hearts.

August 25, 2012

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed;
 her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”--Proverbs 31:27-29

We are working on a devotional together, first thing in the morning. While it got done, the table wasn't cleared as we had to rush out the door.

It has been a busy week at home, at school, getting the kids back in the rhythm of daily school
life. . .finding my  rhythm.  For five years I have missed out on the daily wake up calls, doing hair, making breakfasts, and walking the kids to school.  This week, as of Wednesday, I was thrust into that role. Finding our rhythm is new for us.

Some children in this house may or may not have insisted on chocolate milk and pancakes every. single. day.  "But that's what grandma would make us, " they insisted.  "Well, I'm not grandma," was my usual reply.  And truth be told--I didn't have the time to bust out with the full course breakfast menu.  One of these days, I will.  But not this week.  And I'm totally okay with that.  There's a lot of things a lot of people do, that for one reason or another, I can't, or I don't.  That's life.  And I am already hard enough on myself, I can't let the thought of living up to the expectations of other great women mar my joy in the present moment.  I just can't.

After completing my Proverbs 31 study  this summer, I feel like I've grown a lot as a wife and mom.  But I still have so much to learn and work on.  It was during this study that I realized what a process becoming a Proverbs 31 women really  is.  She did not do all these labor of loves every single day.  She did grow weary, but she pushed through the weariness and found the joy in serving her husband and children.  That's where I am.  I'm looking at serving with love; Clothing myself in patience, love, joy, and peace so that the daily irritants do not set the tone for the day.  This is a bit of a stretch, as my type-A personality sometimes gets the best of me.  This week alone, someone overslept, someone else forgot to fill out their reading log, another child spilled milk, someone(s) complained about what they had to eat for breakfast, someone(s) specifically asked for certain lunch items, a bed or two was not made, and towels were left on the floor.  All this and the television was never even on.

Yes, we are in for a different kind of season,  This I can be assured.  And as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him, "in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."--Proverbs 3:6
Totally trusting Him on this one.  It's in His hands.  Our rhythm will come. It just takes time.

May 9, 2013

There is a little girl that joins us for dinner sometimes on Friday nights.  She has been over multiple times this year and when we pray at dinner--she always holds hands--that's how they pray at her house.  I'm so thrilled they pray and we all follow suit willingly.

Talk about being reminded that they (the kids) soak it all in and model what they see...Nessa has taken to raising her hands and saying, "pray."  She expects that we join hands as we pray aloud now be it at home or at a restaurant.  She wants that close contact--hand in hers and she knows what blessing the food is all about.  She is two.

She tries her best to utter the prayer aloud.  She says amen and attempts the sign of the cross.  Ninety percent of the time she gets it correct.

I am so glad she is observing our prayerful state and is now an active participant.  But this shift from folding our own hands to holding each other's hands has made me think about what I am modeling exactly in those everyday moments where frustration or irritation or impatience has seeped in.  I heard my almost nine year old in church this weekend, "loud whisper" to her brother when I asked her to walk him to the restroom since the baby was asleep in my arms. . ."If you make me miss the blessing of the bread and wine," as she shook her head and walked ahead of him in frustration and impatience.  She sounded just like me.

Not good.  This little display of irritation was after a scolding on the way in because she was loudly complaining about how long church would be--as if we don't go often.  She knows how long it is.  She was just mad that this was the second mass we were attending that day--celebrating a communion and confirmation.  Great way for us to go into church.  Her mad at me.  Me mad at her.  And, her bad attitude continued to be evident as I asked her to help out with her brother.  To do it over again. . .what would I have done differently?  Maybe not stayed as long at the party before church so that they were better rested.?  I don't know. . .attitudes seem to creep in sometimes no matter what I do.  No matter what I don't do.

And then yesterday as we are arguing on the way to drop off my seven-year-old to his last CCD class of the year--who is behind me but the pastor of our parish.  Then I feel shame.  Why do I allow her to push these buttons?  What are we showing the baby?  How can we do it differently day in and day out?  I wish I knew. But I don't so I lean further into Him and pray.  I've been on my knees praying a lot lately.  We are in a busy work season so no one has seen dad much this week with seven late nights and early mornings.  It has taken a toll.

But no matter what, when we gather around that table for dinner, as we do every night, the baby is connecting us with our hands which will symbolize the connected-ness of our hearts.  

April 6, 2012

Ernie,

It is hard to believe that twelve years have passed since we met.  I was the counselor intern; you were campus safety.  My, oh my. . .the summer that changed both our lives immensely for the best!
I had always heard when "you know. . .you know."  I paid that little to no attention at all because I had also heard that same sentiment when referring to the end of a relationship. . .and I was hard headed about that, as you and I are both aware.

Having come out of a five year long tumultuous college relationship, that was the last thing on my mind as we sat down to a three hour meal at Claim Jumpers.  Telling you my story and hearing myself for the first time...full of truth because there was no judgement on your part-- was life changing and I knew that I was through.  I knew I deserved more and I knew I was definitely interested in you!  And so it began--a rather quick courtship (three months) to my dad's chagrin. . .but when you know, you know.  Right?  We both knew and went for it and have never looked back--only forward.

The engagement was a little longer than either of us planned, but happily that gave everyone time to digest the realness of our love and people approved. And if they didn't, we no longer cared.  And we built our little house together--as Little pointed out on the way to your dad and mom's one weekend, remember?  The brown horse and the white.  I giggle now as I type that.  We laugh each time we pass that landmark together. . .still.  He was so young and such a part of you! Although divorced, or having a child were never on my list:  God knew you two were just what I needed! Together we would grow that once in a life time kind of love.

Married ten years ago today, April 6, 2002. Ten years have come and gone. . .career changes, cancer, babies, mental illness,  co-parenting, house renovations, living apart due to a short work stint up North, dreams realized, dreams crushed, faith seeking, church seeking, jokes and tears, laughter and chaos. . .but we are still here:  Stronger than ever!  I have said it before and I will say it again--our marriage would not be what it is today had you and I not traveled the roads we traveled before God brought us together.  You make me want to be my best self daily.  You sacrifice and work hard so that my dreams can be realized, and none of that goes without great appreciation.  I love you.

I love you more today than I did yesterday. How is that even possible?  But it is! I will love you more tomorrow than I do today. Your wit, your laughter, your teasing and cuddles, how you treat our kids, your willingness to help others, your work ethic, your knowledge, how you choose to love me, even on my worst days. . .
God has blessed us and I will be forever grateful!
 My dad wrote me a song when I was a little girl. . .heck, he even sang it to me at our wedding. . .
this line echoes through my heart and soul,
"May dreams come true, for you. "
They already have thanks to you.
Every. Single. One. 
I love you.

Happy Anniversary!

November 7, 2011

A couple weeks ago in the Twitterverse ,

Stephanie O'Dea asked if anyone would like to review her latest, 

Totally Together: Shortcuts to an Organized Life.

She had me at Totally Together. 

I love me some alliteration.

Actually, "organized life" sounded pretty enticing too because I knew I was headed back to the workplace and I needed things to stay in order.

Throw in the fact that I love what Stephanie did with her slow cooker over the course of a year. . .so I was ecstatic when she sent me out my own copy to review.

Stephanie breaks down overwhelming tasks into small, manageable pieces and explains how to tackle them.

She gives you some key, critical tips on how to clean less, so you can play more.

Her Daily 7 has seriously helped me re-do how I do things over here and I feel so accomplished at the end of the day!

This book is more than page after page of tips embedded in long paragraphs that I needed to read with a highlighter.

I mean, if it was--I honestly wouldn't have had time for it.

This book is an actual action plan.

A book that is perfect for me!

(and my mom friends who work or stay home--Great gift idea with the holidays rapidly approaching)

The Daily 7 are printed for your checking off pleasure.

There a a few weekly chores you can mark off as they are accomplished: mop, dust, vacuum, etc..

And there are some bigger projects that she reminds us to get on top of so we don't crash and burn when company is coming or before the holiday season.

There's even a weekly reminder for the WoMom (the woman behind the mom)--how to take care of you so that you can continue giving to your loved ones.

It is small enough to fit in your purse so you can take it wherever you go.

And to top it all off--it also can serve as your day to day planner!!

I hope you check it out!

It really is a great tool for the overwhelming busy-ness of day to day life.

Simple short-cuts for you and the family.

She knows what she is talking about!

All views expressed are entirely my own. I am happily using the product in my extraordinary every day life and have not been disappointed.

6.  I am thankful for the growth Bubba made on the football field this season.
7.  I am thankful for Little and the pictures he took of his little brother on the field.

November 4, 2011

Mists-Friday

My week re-cap at a glance.

This is the first year school was in session on Halloween.

Teachers let students arrive in costume and walk in a parade.

This picture was meant to capture the craziness that occurs in our neighborhood on Halloween night.  My neighbor made 1100 goody bags.

She was out before eight o'clock.

There were lines!

It was incredible.

I was thankful to be a guest and my kids adored handing out the candy to the masses.

Mail Time: Thanks Alissa!

Morning message for my love.

Back to the morning grind with work for me--he prayed over me and sent me the most awesome text that could only have been inspired by the holy spirit!

Flu shot time--their first ever.

With auto-immune issues this is another defense against infection, Drs. say.

Anybody else get them?

I cooked up a storm.  My friend had a baby boy yesterday.

I'll be taking her a meal this weekend.

Mel at Larson Lingo  posted a picture of the important dates in her life
and I commented how much I loved it. . .
so she offered to make one for me!
Minutes later she was telling me to check my e-mail and there it was!
I was overwhelmed by such a random act of generosity.
So thoughtful.
Now I just need the frame.
She made my week!
Thanks again, Mel!

4.  I am thankful for the weekend and the rest it will provide.

October 24, 2011

The highlight of my weekend was some one on one time with my man.
Because he had school Saturday, he got the weekend off and that has not happened in awhile.
The grandparents offered to watch the kids so we could go to dinner and a movie.
I have been dying to see Courageous since one of my mom friends from school told me about it.
My husband in his easy going nature was eager to go along even though he had never heard of it before.
We were not disappointed.
It takes courage to be a father--
The kind of father  the bible speaks of anyways.
There were tears throughout, but he best part was how the entire theater applauded loudly at the new.
That noise inspired me.
It encouraged me.
It left me with a different type of hope than even the movie did.
IT WAS PHENOMENAL!

It seems that lately we have been drawn to films and television that have some significance.
We have come across media that screams a different message than the worldly ones we so commonly hear day in and day out on and off the big screen.
It is almost as if we have not found these movies, but they have found us.
It all began with Facing the Giants.
Being the football family we are this drew us all in on a Friday family fun night compliments of a great choice from the public library.
I loved that this was a movie the whole family could enjoy-
loved that there were pieces of God woven throughout-
loved how it was the story of all things being possible with Christ.Flywheel was next.
The acting was not the best but again the story line was inspiring.
The Grace Card was only enjoyed by my husband and me.
The language and drama was too much for kids (my opinion), but the movie was phenomenal with a message so deep and touching both of us were in tears.
Soul Surfer and A dolphin Tale are other choices where references to God are normal. Expected. Appreciated.
I wish ALL media was that way.

But it is not.
So if you can recommend any other television series or movies that we might enjoy.
Please do tell.