October 4, 2012

I've been spending a lot of time with the little one lately. . .It has only taken six weeks for the great awakening, groove getting into and all the jazz that accompanies my staying home.  The past couple days have been filled with sudden change, missing parts, and a lot of activity in an effort to see what life looks like without a nap.  Bounce houses equal not bored.  The park equals not bored.  A box in the backyard equal not bored.  Bed equals exhaustion by seven o'clock.  I'm not sure if this is our new rhythm; not sure what it will look like on the weekend but feeling a big exhale as I head on up to bed by  nine o'clock. Day two of no nap, nor huge meltdown either--maybe we're heading into the down slide of the terrible two's.  Maybe?  A girl can hope. . .Here's hoping to another great day tomorrow.  imoms awaits us and we both enjoy that!

October 3, 2012

Today I want to remember this eager face who wakes and asks if she's going to school to see her friends.  Wednesdays have become our Parent Participation Pre-school days, and we are exactly one month in.  She loves going.  She loves choosing her own shoes.  Today's selection?  Her Disney princess light up boots--without socks.

Today, I must document the fact that there was not one minute I glanced at the clock or door eager to leave because of my angel girl's bad behavior.  Bad behavior, mostly involves, not wanting to stop "free play" to do carpet time.  This loathing of carpet time has for the last three weeks meant a grudging attitude, a desire to be picked up and held instead of participating, or hiding her face on the rug as an act of defiance. . .you can not make me do this.  Those moments have made me mostly embarrassed.  I know all moms struggle, but when it's me with my child--in public--it just feels...wrong.  I want so badly to do it right. . .and I fail again, and again, and again.

Today was filled with glimpses of pure light in what has felt like some dark days.  September was the first time, in Janessa's two year old life that I was left alone, completely alone with her as the big kids are off at school.  I have said it before, and I will say it again...staying home to raise my children is a lot more difficult than I ever imagined.  I have a newfound respect for those that have always done it, for those who can't do it, for those that want to do it.  There is nothing easy about being home with them, just as there is nothing easy about working and being away from them.  Either way, motherhood is just hard.  Plain and simple.

But today, she picked out her boots, she participated in rug time AND I deliberately didn't put her down for a nap, and she was asleep easily by 7:40.  All three beautiful gifts to this tired mama.

Sidenote:  I just read my post from yesterday.  God's goodness never ceases to amaze me. 

May 16, 2012

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to catch up with a couple girlfriends as we attended a 40th birthday party. We all chatted aimlessly, which turned to breathlessly confessing our failings at mothering that week.  As we shared our struggle,  our frustration, and our embarrassment over certain mothering moments, I was moved by the compassion and empathy that poured out among the group. As we each boldly proclaimed our failings out loud, there was such a release. That mask of, "it's hard but I've got this," was lifted and we all relaxed into the familiar companion of friendship.  We commiserated, laughed, and encouraged each other.  It didn't matter if we worked full time, or part time, or not at all. We all spoke the same mothering language...and more days than not--it's hard no matter what your situation.

I was struck by something one of the girls said as she talked about her three year plan to go from working full time to part time.  When she was asked what she would do, she said maybe be an instructional aide or the lunch lady--but whatever she did, she would be the best!  And I could see that.  She would be the best and do her best with whatever job she chooses to do.  That is her personality.  She has a strong work ethic. . .much like all the women I am honored to call friends.

This simple reflection, following the conversation about our mishaps with motherhood made me think:   Am I always doing the best job I can with my kids? Do outward appearances sometimes matter more to me than how I've made them feel in the process?  When I'm in the classroom I give it my best, why should my home life be any different?  It shouldn't.

April 10, 2012

Our 40+ days of Lent might be over, but I think my card sending ways will continue.  It felt so nice to send cards to people we were specifically praying for during this Lenten season.  Several years ago, on my mom's birthday, she lost two of her cousins (brothers) in a tragic boating accident.  They were my Aunt Katie's only children. . .and although I did not know them, it was very sad.  

To be honest, when my Aunt was on my heart and in my mind--I didn't recall about the day her sons died--as time has passed, I simply. . .forgot.  However, I just so happened to send her a card around that significant date and she was so grateful.  That is God working through me to lift someone else up. 

For St. Patrick's day we sent a card to a teacher we used to work with.  She has been living with pancreatic cancer for two years.  It was a funny card--it had Obama on the front.  She and my husband had a very good, always joking relationship.  I am sure she had a good laugh.  Her funeral is tomorrow.  

So I want to be more attuned to His voice.  I want to buy cards that encourage and use His words to bless others as His words have blessed me. . .so Lent may be over, but my card sending days are not.

January 27, 2012