October 3, 2012

Today I want to remember this eager face who wakes and asks if she's going to school to see her friends.  Wednesdays have become our Parent Participation Pre-school days, and we are exactly one month in.  She loves going.  She loves choosing her own shoes.  Today's selection?  Her Disney princess light up boots--without socks.

Today, I must document the fact that there was not one minute I glanced at the clock or door eager to leave because of my angel girl's bad behavior.  Bad behavior, mostly involves, not wanting to stop "free play" to do carpet time.  This loathing of carpet time has for the last three weeks meant a grudging attitude, a desire to be picked up and held instead of participating, or hiding her face on the rug as an act of defiance. . .you can not make me do this.  Those moments have made me mostly embarrassed.  I know all moms struggle, but when it's me with my child--in public--it just feels...wrong.  I want so badly to do it right. . .and I fail again, and again, and again.

Today was filled with glimpses of pure light in what has felt like some dark days.  September was the first time, in Janessa's two year old life that I was left alone, completely alone with her as the big kids are off at school.  I have said it before, and I will say it again...staying home to raise my children is a lot more difficult than I ever imagined.  I have a newfound respect for those that have always done it, for those who can't do it, for those that want to do it.  There is nothing easy about being home with them, just as there is nothing easy about working and being away from them.  Either way, motherhood is just hard.  Plain and simple.

But today, she picked out her boots, she participated in rug time AND I deliberately didn't put her down for a nap, and she was asleep easily by 7:40.  All three beautiful gifts to this tired mama.

Sidenote:  I just read my post from yesterday.  God's goodness never ceases to amaze me.