Dreams Delayed and Revised

Last night, E and I tried to have a little date night in the backyard under the twinkle lights with some take out Thai food.  It had been a day of doing all things I do together, as he hadn't gone to work.  I teased him that he should have checked the calendar for a day I needed him more, but kidding aside it was nice to just be together.  The three of us: Janessa, he, and I.  Which is kind of how our date turned out too, but that's okay. The intention was there.

In between Janessa's antics and eating from our plates (even though she had already eaten) we talked about all kinds of things pertaining to our life.  We talked about a bathroom remodel, jacuzzi tub, and homeschooling my sidekick.  At some point in the conversation, entangled in little arms, wet kisses, and proclamations of love, I couldn't help but exclaim, "And to think I almost didn't have this opportunity. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Three kids into the marriage, a dream was born into my heart.  I had a deep desire to be with my kids.  I loved what I did with my high schoolers, but I wanted to be the first face my kids saw after school.  For one full year, I talked to anyone who would listen: principal, vice principal, Human Resources. . .EVERYONE! And my days were filled with some false promises until the day before the last day of school, when the reality was revealed: there were only full time positions at the high school.  That night I cried with the realization that as much as I was trying to tune into God's calling on my life. . .maybe this high school teaching thing was it.  I mean: obviously!  He wasn't opening any doors. . .and so I surrendered and tried to do so with a somewhat happy heart.

Low and behold, an opportunity presented itself to move to the junior high and work a three hour day teaching a subject I loved: English.  And I went.  I praised God for this gift and I made it home every single day to pick up my daughter from kindergarten.  I was the first face she saw.  My dream had come true! And for a time, two years to be exact, that dream was enough.  But then.  Until I had Janessa and my world shifted again and a new dream grew inside my heart. . .which led to a one day a week work schedule for the next two years.  But last night's uttering, "And to think I almost didn't have this opportunity. . ." awakened a fierce gratefulness inside me.  I am here. I am living my dream.  I am ministering to the hearts of my children and it is such an incredibly blessed opportunity I have been gifted.

Thankful, the Lord had my plans written all along.  Janessa  was an afterthought for us, but God knew.  He knew the shift she would bring to our lives.  He knew the lives she would change.  He knew she would be the one who would bring me closer to Him as I drew to Him for direction, wisdom, patience. . .pretty much for everything as I said good-bye to a profession that had always defined me prior, and honed in on my home and family for the long haul.  To think, I didn't have these daily opportunities for the first three kids, but I'm grateful that the dream wasn't born yet and  He answered the dream I had then: to work part time.  God is so good.  It took a few years but we are here. We have arrived and I'm living my dream!