Summer Mourning

Our new favorite quiet time activity.

Life in between our four walls is seemingly good, quiet bursts of busy followed by gaps of rest.  It feels like summer at its finest.  There are little glimmers of the brokenness that surrounds us with outside influences and forces, but life for the most part is well.  I am such a feeler.  I feel all the emotions all the time and this summer has been no exception.  My littlest one is growing up right before my very eyes and there have been so many lasts already: last first tooth, last time needing her floaties, last time learning to ride a bike. . .it has been quite the adventure!

And yet, sometimes in the quiet I mourn what our extended family used to look like.  I mourn the loss of E's parents, although here physically, their minds are broken.  I mourn the relationships I've watched wither and die.  I mourn those I know living lives that are unauthentic and lack joy.  I mourn these things yet I have so much hope for our future.  How could that possibly be?  My hope in God erases all the brokenness.  It reminds me that one day all my tears will be turned into dancing.  He has taught me not to sacrifice my confidence on the altar of comparison.  He has made me believe that He is all I need.  And I do.

Our gallery wall grew with handmade creations this summer: brave and hope.

Sometimes I have no words to write because I am so caught up in the emotions this summer.  I'm all in for the first time in a long time.  There has been no preoccupied mind needing to make summer workshops, or teacher planning meetings, or set up a classroom.  Those days of teaching are done and I am one hundred percent fully okay with that.  I found my passion: my family.  They give me purpose and that is enough.  No, I'm not going back to work full time just because I have a kindergartener.  I teach around my kitchen table. Seven children whom I have grown to love.  I get excited on my teaching day.  The hour flies by and I am filled with joy because I get to do this: to stay home with my littles and work just enough to practice what I know I am good at.  Life is beautiful.  Like I said before, what happens in between these four walls is pretty amazing.