November 8, 2012

This week included the election, which was spent in front of the television at our house.  The kids stayed up until nine o'clock tracking the number of electoral votes each man received.  The next morning they were surprised and excited to hear the winner.  Explaining the election process to them, meant a little research and reviewing for me.  Government class seems a lifetime ago.
In other news. . .
This week also marked a new beginning for the baby.  I'm thinking it may not be a good idea to call her that any more since she started her first day of preschool today.

Yesterday I went to put her on the waiting list since she will be three this month, and there was no line so she could start immediately...like today.  I may have shed a tear or two or twenty yesterday as the realization hit me that she is NOT a baby any more.  As sure as I am that this is the best place to tame her little wild spirit and help her learn and grow with other kids her age, it didn't make the letting go any easier.

It is not about the academics for me.  It is about the structure she needs and it is the answer to her daily plea, "Mama, I have Miss Donna's today?"  Ever since we began the Mommy and Me one day a week program in September she has asked for more.  As difficult as the first month in that class was for me due to her lack of wanting to transition from play time to rug time, I have seen such tremendous growth.  She loves learning.  She loves being with other kids her age; She loves having something to call her own.  So, we decided to take the plunge. 

Today she went in eager to discover.  She left me with a kiss and never looked back. . .

When I returned she was happy to see me, told me she missed me and then I asked her teachers how her day went.  They didn't tell me anything I wasn't expecting.  She knows how to turn it on and off--not with tears, but with arms crossed, shaking her head, and saying no.  She wants to do what she wants to do--and she is fiercely independent. FIERCEly.  The thing this young thing will soon realize, is that her teacher Ms. J is no pushover.  She taught  our other two.  Her consistency, nurturing, and firm but gentle discipline is what brought us back here yet again.  So, we shall see.  After class we drove thru to pickup a cheeseburger, small fry, and milk.  She talked non stop.  I asked her if she wants to go back, "Yes!"

I think the hardest part about letting her go is admitting to myself that I don't have everything she needs--I can't be what she needs by myself at home.  I can teach her, no doubt but she is a social beauty of a beast who desires company and activity and likes to be on the go.  It shouldn't surprise me since she is the only one of my kids that has only had grandma as a babysitter.  Those two were always busy!!  She likes to be on the move, she is interested in what's going on around her. Her eyes light up when then are more than two kids gathered similar in age to her.  She's ready. 

Maybe the reality of the situation is: it's still hard for me to accept my children's flaws, attitudes, or bad character trait moments and not somehow view them as a reflection of me. That age old caring what someone else thinks--how I am perceived as a parent, as an educator, or whatever the title may be. . .still cripples me.  As hard as I strive not to care, the reality is I struggle.  It is there. I don't want to work full time so I can be with my kids, but how does that fit into this equation?

I don't know.  But I do know, He knows.  I've been seeking Him and He is revealing himself to me, showing me the way, guiding me down this path.  It might change.  It might not.  For now we are all right where we need to be: Jeremiah 6:16 
 This is what the Lord says:

“Stand at the crossroads and look;
    ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
    and you will find rest for your souls.