Milestones and Memories

Yesterday was filled with math clinic, McDonalds, and a milestone for our daughter a week away from double digits.  She is going to an art camp today thanks to a friend offering to take her, stay, and pick her up since it's so far out of the area.  Our confirmation email said:

Greetings!

We can’t wait to get Art Camp started! Anjalene will enjoy making new friendships, creating art and discovering some sweet lessons about God and serving others. 

Sounds right up her alley!  And she was invited to spend the night--and I told her to talk to dad.  Spending the night and sleepovers hasn't been something we have wanted to open the door on.  She's had two friends stay here, and spent the night at a neighbors once. . .but we just didn't think she was ready. Or maybe it was us.  Not sure.

When daddy said yes, I was surprised. . .not because I don't trust this family immensely, but because it just seemed like not only is she turning ten but with that the admission that she is growing up.  And I watched her joy-filled eyes and loved the way she asked me to help her pack.  Her excitement was palpable. . .until I left for boot camp and my phone rang on the last leg of my mile.  I carried it for her that day. . .just in case.  She was in tears.  Of the three blue jays at grandma's  house, only one could be found.  She felt bad that she was unable to go and help grandma and Jonathan would have to go in her place.  

Backing up ;  Grandma and Grandpa had found two baby bluejays in their yard on Saturday.  On Sunday night our kids went over to see them and they actually found another one.  Bluejays have always been my symbol for my nana since she died when I was sixteen.  There has always seemed to be a blue bird presence in my parent's backyard so it made sense when I would refer to them as, "Nana."  My kids have grown up accustomed to this. . .so three on the ground--one for each of my babies left at home seemed significant to them.  To me.  As my parents researched these fledglings and fed them and watched as mama bird came around to check on them from time to time, we knew--within days they would take off and be on their own.  This is what bluejays do.  Google says so.

When we rushed to the house yesterday morning, we had the hardest time finding Mr. Fluffers (pictured above.  The one who climbed up on Bubba so he claimed him as his own).  So all three were safe and sound when we left but definitely on the move, getting around better.  So last night's phone call as number one was waiting to be picked up was hard.  She felt attached to the birds--she didn't want them to leave.  She cried and I came home quickly because now I felt bad her first sleepover and she was upset.

 She was waiting outside, bags packed and playing the ipod.  And she cried some more as Ernie kissed her good-bye and did what good dads do to go to grandma's to scour the yard with his son.  

She attempted a smile for me but her heart was a little heavy as she anxiously awaited word about the bird.  But maybe the tears weren't all about the bird.  Maybe there was a piece of her who was anxious, scared, nervous, excited, anticipation all rolled up in one--and tears was an easy release.  I'm not sure. 

Eventually she left, but not before she asked me to bless her, right in front of her friend.  No shyness about it at all.  "I bless your eyes, so they always see Him.  I bless your mouth so you always speak His truth.  I bless your heart so you write his words upon it.  I bless your hands so they always do His work.  I bless your feet that they always walk in His path."  A kiss and then she was gone.  Off into the night the car drove.

Eventually Ernie and Jonathan came home with no luck finding the other two birds.  I sat on the couch beside E and fiddled with my phone reading this.
 Then I cried and passed the article off to Ernie as it seemed I could relate to this woman whose daughter just turned ten.  And here I was at home suddenly missing my almost ten-year-old daughter who was growing up right before my very eyes and gone on this very night.  Intentionality and purposeful presence never made so much sense.  She is nearly ten.  And it happened so fast.  And like the mama bluejay, I need to push them out of the nest and let them experience life and put to practice all our values and lessons they've been taught.  They won't always be here under this roof.  They won't always want to share every little detail with me.  They have to be confident in who they are and what their life represents--whose light they were born to shine.  And right now while they are giving me gifts of pieces of their heart and daily life?  I have to slow down and realize the gift in that moment!

I made her take the phone we purchased to carry to theater every day.  I text her when it seemed E couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.  I didn't want him to miss the call. She immediately cheerfully called with good nights.

And I think it was after she called and said good night to daddy and prayed with me that the jitters set in.  She got nervous.  And then I did too but decided not to show it.  I encouraged her and loved on her a little more and then silence.  We both went to sleep.  A milestone and memory in the making.  And she never did get back around to asking about the bird. . .spreading their wings.  Spreading their wings.