Suddenly September

How has the summer already come and gone? How is it that 2018 is more than half way done? Is it really the older we get, the faster time flies? It sure as heck feels that way to me!
If I were to write all the craziness that has occurred during the past several months, you would tire easily of all the ups and downs. I tire easily just thinking about them. But while everything around me has changed, the one thing that remains the same is simply my conviction in the importance of family and focusing on life within your own four walls.

There were many times this year we stumbled. Words were said, crisis averted, marriages destroyed, scholarly stress getting the best of us, self doubt creeped in, past hurts revisited, new life bursting forth, and so much more. We entered the world of the foster care system. We journey to court regularly and participate in our legal system. We meet with social worker after social worker after social worker, and then attorneys, and investigators, and then outside agencies all to keep our family intact, as it has been for the past four years.

In the middle of that tsunami, my personal life felt like it was falling apart. Hell, I practically was falling apart. And for what? What did one ounce of that worry, anxiety, or saddness gain me? Nothing! It never does. All I can think of right now, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Each of our days surely had enough trouble of its own. And even while the storm seems to have settled for the most part, there is still plenty of clean up from the storm to do. There's still some ugly weather forecast for the future by way of. . .nothing will ever be perfect. There is always something. Always. So, what do I choose to do in the meantime?  

Pray for the needs of others, but don't get buried in the burden of the petition. I can pray. God can fix. Also,  I work out. This has become a consatnt in the last two years. I feel better, because I've put my health first and I still have some goals to crush. I try to contemplate the cross when I am overcome with anxiety, or saddness or just the aftermath of a chaotic life. Three teenagers. Three. Sigh. With driving being a part of nearly all coversations, college apps, senior projects, AP courses, soccer paractices, my three very part time jobs, but jobs nonetheless. . .equals a tired mama on most days. But God. He sees, He knows, and He is there every step of the way so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on a grateful heart for this life I am priviliged to live.

Good

There have been multiple times this week that I have rejected the floor that needed to be swept, the dishes that needed to be done, and the laundry that piles up.  There were friends in crisis who took precedence over all other things.  I was reminded yet again of how God can use our struggles for good. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a]have been called according to his purpose.--Romans 8:28.

I remember how years ago I struggled through my first and only miscarriage.  I was so frightened and very sad.  I felt like I was the only one who had ever suffered such a loss.  In my circle, I was the first. . .but I would not be the last. Four very close friends would go on to suffer through their own loss and I was able to empathize and comfort because I had already been through it. I felt their pain, I knew what the aftermath of such loss looked like and felt like. Good came from my grief.  And now, all of us know our babies are waiting for us on the other side and it is such a beautiful picture to think of them all up in heaven together until we meet again.

Most recently, God is using my struggle with anxiety to walk another friend through a particularly dark time.  I act surprised by God using me in this way...but as I've been exploring in bible study this last month, why NOT me? His ways are so much bigger and better than mine.