October 1, 2012

This was the weekend for relaxation and togetherness! The house was clean, and some projects we've been wanting to do we just let sit. We just enjoyed being home together.  We watched a couple movies that were phenomenal: October Baby  and The Fifth Quarter.  Both had us in tears. . .puddles.  Both with such beautiful stories of redemption, forgiveness, and motivation driven from tragedy--both families faithful in their walks with the Lord.  We loved watching every minute and felt a real connection with The Fifth Quarter, having lost my cousin Scott to a traumatic brain injury.  The Donate Life group that was mentioned in the film was the same organization that was used to harvest many of his organs to bless others in need.  If you like football and a beautiful family story of overcoming. . .you should see this!  we only left the house long enough to attend church. . .it was that kind of beautiful day!

This guy had a double header on Sunday. Two hours of back to back football games and it was HOT!  This little Cougar scored a touchdown out of nowhere.  The boy is fast!  Their team won both games which makes them 4-0 this season!

We've been back to our business of attending our Catholic church for mass and going to a Presbyterian church for their awesome Homebuilders class they have.  After we checked the kids out of their classes this morning, the nine year old said, "Mom, Holy Name has to have more classes to let us learn about the bible.  That's what is missing there."  Sigh. . .  We really are doing our best, and just when I feel comfortable and committed to the journey we are on, the wisdom of a little girl makes me question, are we messing them up? Should we just choose one?

The good news is, Ernie and I are both on the same page so I'm not going to question it too much. . .for now.  We feel like we are in a good place of teaching the kids about the faith they were baptized in and we are being nurtured in the community in which we seek to not be alone in our imperfect parenting journey.  There is something so uplifting to hear that even families who have raised their kids completely in the church and poured over them with prayer, still have real, every day problems to contend with.  That feels real.  That openness makes me feel not alone.  That is real community.  I am feeling very blessed and rejuvenated as we roll into a new week. . .

September 4, 2012

“…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” --Matthew 11:28-29 

I had grand plans this weekend: days and nights together as a family with no outside obligations, painting the bed in our room, picking out the flooring for the kitchen, and a trip to the grocery store, maybe. None of that happened as I was laid up in bed with some allergy/sinus/achiness thing going on.  So I had to rest.

Rest I did.  But here's the thing: rest is not easy to come by these days.  In a world that is rushing, bobbing, and weaving with activities, anxiety, and altercation--rest does not come easily for most.  Even as I felt my body giving in to the sickness earlier in the week, it was hard for me to stop and just be.  I did so on one afternoon, lying in my bed. I watched the tree waving in the wind, but my mind wandered to my to do list and I could not rest easily.

As much as I love the Fall season, it always comes with a to-do list that seems to be a mile long.  For some reason, my smart self felt compelled to take on a little more since I'm only working one day a week.  I may only be working outside of the home one day a week now, but the job is new and my dedication the same.  I have new material to learn, lessons to create, and a routine that I have to get under my belt so my job partnership works.  Then there's the class I volunteered to teach at the church one day a week because I can't complain about a lack of community when I'm not reaching and stretching to find my place in this place: my home church for most of my life. And then there's some PTA stuff at the kid's school I  signed up for, mommy and me starts next Wednesday, imoms on Friday. . .and football season--Bubba's schedule is still an unknown.  There are allergists, orthodontists and orthopedists appointments, and the list goes on and on and on.

As much as we have simplified so that each child is only in one activity one day a week, we do have three children living at home. Sigh. Just writing it all out here, I can see why God slowed me down this weekend.  I can rest in the knowledge that He, in His infinite wisdom knows just what I need--even when I am to busy to notice.  So, this weekend didn't turn out to be what I thought it would. But it refueled me for the weeks ahead, it slowed me down enough to remember who I serve, it reminded that the Sabbath day is supposed to be a day of rest.  Maybe this little family needs to re-examine how we do that.  Do it a little bit better.  Perhaps.

Until then, grateful for a husband that was able to pick up all the slack this weekend!  Grateful for a God who paints masterpieces like this for us to enjoy!

May 22, 2012

The days around here have been long without my husband.  As his work load has increased, I am thankful and exhausted all in the same breath.  There was a time and may be again in the future, where the work slows down and a lay off is in store.  What I used to get so stressed about, has been a true blessing each time it has occurred. . .so I keep that in the back of my mind as I struggle with the daily demands of motherhood.  And I let myself bathe in the blessings of an abundance of work, long hours that mean bigger paychecks that will pad the bank account for the months to come.  My decreased contract might not hurt the pocketbook as much as it might have.

These long days remind me the reason I am choosing to stay home more next year.  It is impossible to do both jobs well: teaching and mothering.  It is impossible for me to function at the same caliber of excellence in my classroom, when I'm swimming around in my mind with thoughts of whether Lene knows her lines, if Bubba's project will get finished in time--and Dear God, please let Janessa take a nap AND sleep through the night! When I am home, I am thinking about the tasks my students must accomplish for the next day.  I am trying to choose whether my students can afford me being out of the classroom "just" so I can attend a craft workshop in my daughter's class for Father's day gifts. . .and I hate this struggle between two forces that never lets up.  Never.

For those who tell me it is possible to have it all, be it all, and do it all with careful planning and fierce determination. . .It is not for me.  Not anymore.  I could argue: but is it worth it?  Is it worth me not feeling that I'm great in any area--neither mothering, nor teaching?  The end of the year with eighth grade activities, in conjunction with my own children's end of year activities, topped with a husband's hectic schedule, compounded by a daughter asking to be a part of the competitive dance team again (I will save that for another post), is drowning me.

Rest is on the horizon.  But, oh how I need it today! Gulping in His peace and comfort because I know only He can sustain me when my world feels hectic and out of control.

Looking forward to tomorrow where a personal necessity day is mandatory since my husband is taking the day off so he doesn't miss Open House.  I will rest up then. I will rest with him and dream about the joys of summer which will be here in three very short weeks.  Thank God!