Sitting on my Heart

I've had this thought sitting on my heart since Back to School night a week ago.  Our big girl has science camp this year and it is rapidly approaching.  For years I've watched the kids and parents gather with sleeping bags, cameras, kisses and tears and watched the bus pull away from the curb with their precious cargo inside.  I think each year to myself, how am I ever going to be able to do that?  To send her away for three whole nights with no contact whatsoever?  I may have asked that question over the dinner table as we've prayed for the previous fifth graders who have gone.

And now--here we are.  Fifth grade is upon us and the camp is real.  Back to School Night I got the dates and the website to view their activities and I tried to come home with enthusiasm and say, "Camp is coming, bean!"  And then her eyes got wide and she kind of freaked out.  That night she asked how would she make it three nights when she had a hard time with her first real sleepover this summer.  Who would bless her? I put on my bravest face and we prayed together aloud that she could be brave and not miss out on this exciting opportunity...then I whispered, "If you really don't want to go, we won't make you."  She slept fine but I didn't.

I'm bothered because I admire kids who go away to college.  Most times I feel like their parents have given them wings to fly.  And they soar.  Then I look at my own history and wish I hadn't felt the need to keep peace and stay close to my home base. I think about the opportunities I might have had if I hadn't been so afraid of the great big world.  I don't regret it.  I just wonder. There is a difference.

I don't want to project my fears on my daughter.  I don't want to do that to any of my kids actually.  But unknowingly, or unwillingly I think sometimes I do.  And that's a hard pill to swallow.  My fears shouldn't be their fears...especially when I'm trying to teach them:
 ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.--Philipians 4:6

How is that for hypocrisy?  Yes, I am a work in progress.  So today we will pray for strength to walk out the door and face those fears head on.  We will pray that if she's supposed to be there, God will give her what it takes to be there.  These are the prayers we will pray aloud.  The ones in the silence of my own heart will be about letting go, trusting God, being fearless and unafraid.  That's a tall order for a mom that was pretty freaked out about this whole science camp thing. . .but I'm realizing those prayers are going to be more and more necessary as Lene continues to grow, to stretch, to reach, to blossom into the woman God is calling her to be.  Ten years old.  This whole growing up thing is really more a process of me learning to let go.

Pismo Pacifies

For the first time ever, we rented a beach house.  It was probably my second favorite family trip of ALL time!  I'm not sure if anything could ever beat this.  After being rained out last November, and then Ernie's accident, this trip was long overdue!

Since the boys have taken to riding, Pismo seemed like the ideal place to vacation.  The beach was in our backyard which meant the quads were easily accessible for all day riding adventure!  We partnered up with one of our favorite families. . .to hang out, relax, feast and for fellowship.

 I was a little nervous on the way up, towing the trailer with all the motorcycles is not something I am used to. We had our walkie-talkies to communicate with Little and my brother who followed behind in our truck.  The trek was made easier as we neared Santa Maria and the conversation from the backseat just melted our hearts.  "God's nature is just so beautiful, can you believe He made this just for us to enjoy?  Those kind of moments I linger on and tuck away in my heart for the times when ugly moments bombard me. These are the things I want to remember.

The mom we shared the home with is one who God has placed in my life for a reason.  Our littles keep us on our toes and I look up to her for her intentionality and fun-nature that exudes from her.  She has this calmness about her and I loved having time to talk and just be. She is also a great problem solver.  When you forget your keys, you figure out a way.

 I also love one of the little nuggets of wisdom she imparted with me: eat first.  My morning looked so different today when I had worked out and eaten before the onslaught of the kids in the kitchen.  Who knew?

Praying before meals, sharing motorcycles, chatting it up and enjoying God's gift of such beauty surrounding us filled me up!   Sunday the girls went on a a little horse riding adventure.  C planned it because I'm not the adventure type usually.  However in my attempt to be fearless this year, I though, why not?  Lene, my horse lover, made me laugh as she told me before the ride began, "Mom, they can sense your fear.  Don't be nervous."  So, I really tried not to be and I did all right except when Salce wanted to trot.  Trotting was not in my comfort zone, as opposed to my daughter who was in the back with a guide who was teaching her how to stop and then trot to catch up.  The laughter and gasps in glee were kind of contagious--in between my nervousness, that is. . .

And I would have had more pictures like the teenagers we rode with IF I wasn't using both hands to hold on for dear life!  But even I must admit there is something about the view from upon the horse's back--through water and sand, through the forest and by the Clam pile that the Chumash left behind--(the only evidence there is that they did indeed travel the coast). I loved Lene Bean calling out to me the connection between the clams and her Rancho Days that week.  I loved the stream we crossed as she called out, "Mom, it's just like Bridge to Terabithia!"  I love that I was able to take the time to be fully present and aware of her, what she loves, what makes her happy, how she relates to the world she is living in.  I worried in the beginning that she would feel left out by the teenage girls, as she is at such an in between place.  But none of that mattered.  Her heart was full and she was so grateful to be there with me that day, and so happy to spend a weekend away with all of us.

Life continues to roll by at an extremely fast pace.  It is March.  Easter will follow, then school will soon be out for Summer.  I am filled with gratitude for Ernie's new job which affords us the time to do these types of things.  His accident was a blessing in disguise.  God knew what we needed to slow down, to be still and to reconnect together.  Having the boys: Little and Alan there--an extension of who we are.  Such a blessing that they want to be a part of us, still as the young men they are becoming. I'm choosing to believe they were motivated by our love for us and NOT the motorcycles.  A girl can dream, right? And as for the quads?  I gave it a shot--never got out of second gear, nor rode it alone--but I tried.  I'm good with that. That's all that matters, really.

Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Matthew 6:8

October 30, 2012

A while back we got involved in the Tech committee at our children's school.  We wanted our kids to have the likes as far as technology goes as some other schools in the district.  We decided we could sit back and complain about it, or we could get involved.  We chose the latter.  It has been a whirlwind, but this weekend the school hosted our first, "Food Truck for Tech Bucks" event.  It consisted of about eight food trucks, a play yard, bake sale, vendors selling their crafts, small businesses promoting their services, and was rounded out with a fun dose of talent!  For close to three weeks now, kids have been meeting at least twice weekly to prepare to hit the stage for their performances.

This was the first year I was in full support of Lene trying out.  It seems now, I am able to sit back and watch her creativity soar.  When a friend called her up to ask about trying out together--she agreed. It was fun to watch their work come to fruition.

She and a friend both allowed their little brother and little sister to get in on the fun.  What started out as a dance routine, soon morphed into a full on karaoke singing and dancing performance!  They had fun and it showed!  So blessed by family and friends who came out to support them and their school! Also my daughter's  friend's mom was nice enough to do their hair--Lord knows, I can take some lessons in that department!!

 It was a long day from setting up to cleaning up--Ernie didn't come home until after eleven.  Neither of us complained:  we realize this is what we do because we love our kids, we want to support their teachers, and we can!!!!  I hope this event becomes an annual one. . .even if Nessa was worn out and a crying mess towards the later afternoon.  She had fun too--all of us did, together: )
Here it is, the moment you have all been waiting for:  I proudly present: the kids singing and dancing to "Party in the U.S.A."

 From the angle I watched, I didn't get any pictures of him twirling the Hollywood sign: (

 Almost showtime and not a bit nervous.  She and the stage are good friends like that.

Memories in the making. . .and the food was pretty fantastic too!!! Here's a clip from their performance.  I'm no expert on how to do this--it's not downloading the whole song. . Enjoy what you can!