My Time is Now

Navigating the world of the daily chaos of life overwhelms me sometimes.  There are days I hit snooze on the alarm. Again. And again. And again.  Until I either drag myself out of bed to get the day going because I'm the adult. . .or?  Rule follower that I am, there really isn't another option.  Breakfast to make, outfits to approve, devotions to be read, prayers to be prayed, teeth to brush, hair to try to untangle and that is all before eight o'clock.  Second shift starts the minute the school bell rings and I spring into action with my pre-schooler.  She moves slower in the mornings.  She has to be coaxed.  She has to do it her way and sometimes with that comes running behind.

And the floors never stay clean longer than an hour.  The bathroom mirrors always seem to be streaked. Beds are never made to my standard but there has been an attempt.  Loads of laundry to fold.  Dishes to wash.  Meals to prep.

They come home from school in different shifts.  Homework to check.  Snacks to eat.  Shoes emptied of sand. . .on the floor.  Oops.Deep breaths sucked in as I try to remain patient.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't and I unleash unnecessary criticism or anger that I feel bad about the second it's out of my mouth. Supervising outside play, an outing to the park and then dinner time.

Making their plates takes the longest. Prayers are said aloud,  Kids laugh.  Adults ask questions and kids thoughtfully respond. . .and sometimes they don't. Milk might be spilled.  Nessa might ask to be excused quickly and then ask to eat again right before bedtime.  You just never know with her.  Kids clear table and a walk might be taken then bath time followed by books.  Sometimes I read aloud to the big kids. Sometimes I don't.  Teeth are brushed, prayers are said and then our individual nightly rituals begin.  I try to be present but sometimes I'm thinking of all that still needs to be done before I can put my feet up and call it a night.

The night wears on and alarm rings again.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

And after this week all I will have to claim and call my job is the above fore mentioned repetitive cycle of my life.  And that's enough for me now.  Finally, it's enough.  I could choose to make more money or more memories.  I'm blessed to have a choice.  To be able to stay home full time is not a luxury some people can afford.  Others might not want.  But for me, for once, I feel like this is the life I was born to live.

In between the repetitious cycle of our days, there are countless adventures, flowers picked, tears dried, booboos bandaged, jokes laughed at, Barbies played, plants watered, playdates after school, conversations had, field trips chaperoned, weekly classroom helper visits, library visits, art projects, baking days and everything else and anything else we can squeeze in. I am the first face they see at the end of their school day. . .

My life has been in the process of preparing for this change for the last six years.
This is it.
My time is now.
I can not believe this opportunity is finally mine.
I am a stay at home mom.
It's enough for me; the opinions of others are silenced by the swelling love and pride I have for this new profession in my heart.

My Lene Bean. . . World Changer

Dearest Oldest Daughter,

I have to write this to you today because I just can not reiterate it enough:  God is SO faithful!  He sees you. He knows your heart and He knows you take your job seriously each day you armor up and head out the front door to the public school wielding His love and word as your main weapons.  He speaks to you in the whispers of the words printed in your Jesus Calling Devotional.  He embraces you in prayer as we pray aloud for the intentions of the day and then He uses me to bless your forehead with a simple request as you head out the door--to shine His light.

Once upon a time, I held your little hand in mine as we crossed the street to get you to where you needed to be safely.  Now, I stand at our front door and watch as you carefully look to the left, then to the right and pause before stepping out into the street that separates us for seven hours of our day.  Seven hours!  Bean, talk about a leap of faith and putting all my worries into God's hands!  Sending you to school is a test of my faith... Every. Single. Day.  There is so much that works on your little heart--gossip, meanies, growing up too quickly, talk you might not be ready for. . . and yet still we send you off  BUT with God daily.

Bean, there have been so many more good days than bad days in your six years at our little neighborhood school.  I look forward to our weekly lunch dates and cooking a hot meal and sharing it with you on Thursdays.  I can not believe that in a matter of months this chapter will be closed.  It breaks my heart a little more each day.  But at the same time, God is gifting me this beautiful daughter who I am learning from and growing with!  I do not take this gift lightly, love.

I hope you realize what an incredible honor it was to be chosen as one of the recipients of the Manny Hernandez Kindness Award.  Different times when you've cried because you were passed up for a Good Citizenship award at assemblies--but were kind anyways.  God saw.  When you walked away from the drama and found new girls to play with,  God saw.  When you introduced yourself to the new kid at school, God saw.  When you were polite to teachers and school personnel, God saw.  God SEES everything Bean.  So handle today with love, love, and more love.  I wish I had recorded all that was said about you last night.  My mama heart was so incredibly proud BUT it soared and actually stopped hearing anything else except, the student who wrote, "She has a heart for God and it shows."

Last night's award was more confirmation that God uses normal people to change the world.  You are an ambassador for Christ and He is writing your story.  As Ruth Schwenk said at the Mom Heart Conference a few weeks back, "Our mission and calling as moms is to raise and release children who, like everyone else in God's story are called to glorify the creator."  Who you are in relation to other people is so much more important that what you accomplish.  I would much prefer raising disciples for Christ than having a smart kid who doesn't see the world as his or her mission field.  I am so blessed by your vision for your life--I'm blessed that you desire to shine God's light, be it on a stage, in the classroom, at recess or lunch--wherever you travel.  Your heart is pure.  I love you.

Imprint this award on your heart.  Be kind, even when it's hard.  Love freely, even when you might not want to.  Forgive easily, it's as much a gift for you as the offender.  Be thankful, count your blessings even on the bad days.  Create joy out of any and every circumstance.  You are headed in the right direction, fully armored with Christ's love and scripture.  Be brave in your battle as you continue to be a disciple for the One who loves you most.


From around the universe a million times and back,

Mama

⁶ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.--Deuteronomy 6:6-9