My Time is Now

Navigating the world of the daily chaos of life overwhelms me sometimes.  There are days I hit snooze on the alarm. Again. And again. And again.  Until I either drag myself out of bed to get the day going because I'm the adult. . .or?  Rule follower that I am, there really isn't another option.  Breakfast to make, outfits to approve, devotions to be read, prayers to be prayed, teeth to brush, hair to try to untangle and that is all before eight o'clock.  Second shift starts the minute the school bell rings and I spring into action with my pre-schooler.  She moves slower in the mornings.  She has to be coaxed.  She has to do it her way and sometimes with that comes running behind.

And the floors never stay clean longer than an hour.  The bathroom mirrors always seem to be streaked. Beds are never made to my standard but there has been an attempt.  Loads of laundry to fold.  Dishes to wash.  Meals to prep.

They come home from school in different shifts.  Homework to check.  Snacks to eat.  Shoes emptied of sand. . .on the floor.  Oops.Deep breaths sucked in as I try to remain patient.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't and I unleash unnecessary criticism or anger that I feel bad about the second it's out of my mouth. Supervising outside play, an outing to the park and then dinner time.

Making their plates takes the longest. Prayers are said aloud,  Kids laugh.  Adults ask questions and kids thoughtfully respond. . .and sometimes they don't. Milk might be spilled.  Nessa might ask to be excused quickly and then ask to eat again right before bedtime.  You just never know with her.  Kids clear table and a walk might be taken then bath time followed by books.  Sometimes I read aloud to the big kids. Sometimes I don't.  Teeth are brushed, prayers are said and then our individual nightly rituals begin.  I try to be present but sometimes I'm thinking of all that still needs to be done before I can put my feet up and call it a night.

The night wears on and alarm rings again.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

And after this week all I will have to claim and call my job is the above fore mentioned repetitive cycle of my life.  And that's enough for me now.  Finally, it's enough.  I could choose to make more money or more memories.  I'm blessed to have a choice.  To be able to stay home full time is not a luxury some people can afford.  Others might not want.  But for me, for once, I feel like this is the life I was born to live.

In between the repetitious cycle of our days, there are countless adventures, flowers picked, tears dried, booboos bandaged, jokes laughed at, Barbies played, plants watered, playdates after school, conversations had, field trips chaperoned, weekly classroom helper visits, library visits, art projects, baking days and everything else and anything else we can squeeze in. I am the first face they see at the end of their school day. . .

My life has been in the process of preparing for this change for the last six years.
This is it.
My time is now.
I can not believe this opportunity is finally mine.
I am a stay at home mom.
It's enough for me; the opinions of others are silenced by the swelling love and pride I have for this new profession in my heart.

Ready. . .Set. . . FOCUS!!!!!

We are already seven days into 2014 and I feel like I haven't sat down long enough to really reflect on my plan or purpose for this new year.  A new year. . .a new year of memories to chronicle. 
A new year. . .a new word.  This year I'm feeling called to FOCUS.  Over the past several years I've been refining and simplifying and leaning into God's word and His plan for my life.  But this year, I didn't find this word.  It found me.

I've incorporated all kinds of practices that have enabled me to build my relationship with Christ which has benefitted my marriage and family greatly, but now I must focus on these relationships-- that they are God-centered and nourished by His word.  Some of what I try to do isn't always from the heart--I want it to be, I really do. . .but sometimes it's just checking something off my list of things to do and I really want that to change.


2 Focus your minds on the things above, not on things here on earth.--Colossians 3:2

"fixing our eyes on Jesus(FOCUS), the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."--Hebrews 12:2

I want to seek the joy in all that I experience day in and day out.  Life is such a gift. . .we know this and yet we still squander some of our days away.  Why??? For me, I know that I am easily distracted.  In my pursuit of holiness, knowledge, or raising kingdom kids. . .I am always seeking information; better ways of doing what we do; shortcuts, tips, ideas.  You name it, I can google it.   My phone is far too readily available to check out what's going on else where, to research information that may or may not be useful in that moment, or the many moments that follow.  But still I seek. I waste real present moments in an attempt to make things better, but the truth is I am missing out on God's best right in front of me.

Notice the blurriness of this picture?  It wasn't on purpose.  Even in reaching for my phone to capture a moment of Nessa Bessa exhibiting balance on the step--I missed the details by looking at it from behind the lens.  I didn't see the way she bit her lip until her teacher pointed it out to me.  I missed the way the curls fell around her face; how her toes dug into the soft mat, the way she raised her eyes to meet mine to make sure I was watching.  I saw some of that the second time around, but I am sure it wasn't the same as the first.  I just know it.  I don't want to miss out on the present because I'm too busy thinking ahead to the future or hanging on to the past behind the camera.. .I want to be in the moment, of the moment, at the moment. I want to truly experience every single thing the moment has to offer. 

I need to focus on who I am with, when I am with them. Be it my kids, my husband, my friends. . .I need to focus and be intentional with the sincerity of my time.  I need to keep my focus on Him so He can use me for all of them.  It's a simple concept really.  Focus on Him and the rest will fall into place.  This year I don't want to be bombarded by the blurry.  I want to keep my eyes focused on Him to appreciate all that every single day has to offer.   I just know that this will be a year of growth, restoration and peace if I focus on Him. Happy 2014, can't wait to see what He has in store for us!